Stef Woods

What’s in a Name?

Deciding on a baby name is one of the sweetest parts of the pregnancy process. Since we chose to keep the name a secret until Roya arrived, I had yet to share with you how we came up with the name. Until now…

Late in 2012, we had picked out several girls’ names. One of my friends recommended that I conduct a Google search on all the names we were considering. And, boy, am I glad she did! A search revealed that a woman with one of our favorite girls’ names, Devin, and the same last name had a very gifted career as an adult film star. (Although I respect Devin's professional choices, I feared the possibility that my minor daughter could someday be mistaken for an adult film actress.)

We thus went back to the drawing board to find a new name. While watching Homeland one Sunday evening, The Man suggested the name, Roya, after one of the characters in the show’s second season. On the show, Roya Hammad is a London-educated, beautiful, brilliant journalist. She aligned herself with Homeland's antagonist, Abu Nazir, but gave a sense of honor to her character’s actions.

Zuleikha Robinson (Roya Hammad)

After hearing his idea, I responded, “Oooh! I really like that name! I wonder what it means…”

While the episode continued to play, I searched on my phone for more information about the name. Roya is most common as a Persian girls' name, but it’s also Arabic and Turkish. Once I saw the name’s meaning, I went from liking the name to loving the name.

Roya means “a dream come true, a vision or premonition, or a fantasy.” 

The following day, we both found ourselves thinking about the name and how much we liked it. We had found the name for our little miracle! We didn't need any alternatives. She would be named Roya. Now that she's here, the name suits her even more than I thought it would!

As a post script for those who haven't heard the name before, the English pronunciation for the name is "Roy-a," as though you're adding an "ah" to the name, "Roy."

Prostate Pleasure Giveaway

How familiar are you with prostate massage?

For those of you who are men or involved with male partners, stimulation of the male prostate gland internally through the rectum or externally on the perineum can provide much pleasure. (If you need a refresher course in male anatomy, this image should clarify where those parts are located.)

If you're intrigued, check out the definitive guide to P-spot pleasure! Or, read on to find out how you can enter to win a copy!

The “discovery” of the G-spot opened up an era of sexual expansion for millions of women, and now it’s time for the P-spot to claim center stage in the realm of male sexuality. The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners empowers men who may not feel confident exploring anal play to claim the prostate as an erogenous zone ripe for exploration. Men who already enjoy prostate play will find much to learn from sex educators Charlie Glickman, Ph.D., and Aislinn Emirzian, whose wisdom and warmth will be both reassuring and inspirational to readers. This manual supports all men who want to explore this powerful source of sexual fulfillment.

Some things you will find in The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure:

  • ·       Inclusion of all sexual experiences and lifestyles
  • ·       How to maintain prostate health
  • ·       Tips and techniques about communication, massage, toys, positions, etc.

"A great addition to a largely underground history that is finally coming into the light. Everyone deserves the sex information that will make their desires consensually possible, safe, and full of pleasure."

 —from the Foreword by Dr. Carol Queen, Staff Sexologist and Historian at Good Vibrations

About the Authors:

Charlie Glickman Ph.D. is a sexuality educator, writer, blogger, workshop teacher, and university professor. He is certified as a sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and was a pioneering Program Educator for Good Vibrations for sixteen years. He lives in Oakland, CA.


 

Aislinn Emirzian became a sex educator as a student at Smith College, and later worked with sex positive adult toy stores like Oh My Sensuality Shop in Massachusetts and Good Vibrations in California. Over the years, she has taught workshops on a wide range of topics, but prostate pleasure is her favorite! Check out her website here.

How can you enter to win a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure?

Include the phrase, "P-spot," in your comment below for a chance to win a hard or electronic copy of the book. A hard copy can only be shipped within the continental United States. Please only comment once per person. This giveaway will run through Monday, June 17, 2013, at 11:59pm. The winner will be chosen randomly via Random.org. Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no financial or in kind compensation has been received in exchange for running this post and conducting this giveaway.

Good luck!

The T-Shirt That Made Me Cry

The Man describes me as a sentimental unsentimentalist. Or, maybe I’m an unsentimental sentimentalist? However you phrase it, he's right. When it comes to my personal relationships, I’m incredibly sappy. (Why, yes, I’m the girl who is tearing up in the card aisle at CVS after finding the perfect card for a loved one!) On the other hand, I view many things, including pregnancy, pragmatically. That is, until I put on a t-shirt.

“What t-shirt caused me to have tears streaming down my face?”

The Survivor T-Shirt for the Komen Global Race for the Cure.

Several of my friends and I have participated in the walk for the past several years. However, I haven’t raised money for Susan G. Komen since the Planned Parenthood debacle. My tolerance for linking the cause to all things pink has also waned. Nonetheless, I’ve felt it important to register and walk with my breast cancer sisters and other supporters of the cause.

This year’s walk was held on May 11th, which was a rainy day in Washington, DC. I deferred to one of my best friends who has lost far too much to this disease as to whether we would actually brave the walk or just meet for brunch after. She chose to bypass the rain and focus on brunch.

When I awoke on the morning of the 11th, I decided that I would walk my own 5K down to the National Mall for the closing ceremonies, then to brunch and then back home. I put on the survivor shirt that Komen sent me and went into the bathroom to finish getting ready. The walk happened to coincide with the week that my belly had finally grown past my boobs. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that the first three letters in survivor hugged against my baby bump.

I proceeded to cry…hard. I cried for all that had transpired in the less than three years since my diagnosis. I cried for what I had lost, but far more importantly, I cried for what I had gained. I cried for the fact that not only had I survived, but I was giving birth in less than three weeks! Despite all the odds, my body was doing something normal and healthy!

I dried my tears, finished applying my makeup and headed down to the Mall. I found myself beaming and actually embracing my growing belly with pride. I lost count of the number of smiles, looks of surprise and comments that I received. My smile got progressively bigger with each "Oh My God!" and "Wow!" that I heard!

At a recent conference for Young Survivors, attendees to a session on fertility were told to expect that they would never get pregnant. Maybe they won’t. But, it’s worth spreading the word about organizations such as Fertile Action devoted to helping women preserve their fertility before they start treatment. And, it’s worth believing in miracles since they do happen despite all odds! The fact that my daughter is asleep in my arms while I type is proof of that!

A Dream Come True

It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to my baby girl, Roya.

Our first photo

Roya means "a dream come true" in Persian. She is just that!

Born: May 31, 2013

Weight: 6 pounds and 13 ounces

Length: 19.5 inches

Can you tell that I'm in awe of her?

 We're both thankfully doing well!

Thank you as always for the love, support, good wishes and prayers! xoxo

The Home Stretch

I never imagined myself being pregnant, let alone being medically able to carry a baby to term. I never saw myself with a newborn. And, yet, here I am, preparing to give birth to Baby Girl on Friday! I’m grateful that a far greater power was at work here, and I know that this was meant to happen.

Quite a few friends and readers have kindly inquired as to how the last month has been for me. To answer the most commonly asked questions:

  • My nesting instinct hasn’t kicked in, but that might have something to do with the fact that I’ve had to focus on a lot of work commitments. (The spring semester ended in early May, and I’m preparing to teach an online class this summer and two classes in the fall.) Over the past week, though, our second bedroom has evolved from a storage room to a nursery. Just in time, right? The walls are now lilac, the baby furniture is white, and the bedding is from Pottery Barn Kids.

  • My migraines thankfully abated, and I haven’t been back to the ER again.  (And, yes, I’m knocking on wood while I type!)
  • I have yet to swell or experience any of the common third trimester side effects. These last weeks have thus been comfortable, and I can easily walk two-three miles a day.
  • I’m still vomiting on an almost daily basis, much like I do when I’m not pregnant. The doctors were slightly concerned about the fact that I hadn’t gained any weight in eight weeks, although the fetus’ weight was in the normal range. I was ordered to eat as much as I could so I’ve been inhaling foods like macaroni and cheese and ice cream that tend not to make me nauseous. I’ve finally started to gain some weight, and the doctors are pleased that I have a bit of a cushion going into my C-section. (I appreciate that this experience isn’t one with which most pregnant women can identify. I feel as though the Weight Gods are balancing everything out since I gained more from three months of steroids during chemotherapy than I have during my entire pregnancy.)
  • My belly has finally gone past my boobs so I clearly look pregnant now.  Several close friends who don’t live in the area have indicated how much they regret not being able to see me pregnant. I’m never sure how to respond to that since I view pregnancy as a means to an end. Please comment if you get the allure of the belly!
  • I’m fortunately sleeping well at night. (I’m sure it helps that I was used to getting up several times throughout the night before I was pregnant.) It’s an added bonus that I can also still sleep on my stomach.
  • Since February, I've felt Braxton Hicks (or false) contractions when I've vomited excessively. Aside from that, I haven’t had any contractions. The procedure is still scheduled for the 31st, but I'll let you know if anything changes!

Until my next post, please know how thankful I am for all the love, concern and support! xoxo

What’s Dildology?

A friend of mine recently relayed the following story to me:

I went to one of those Girls’ Pleasure Parties recently. When the consultant began describing her briefcase full of sex toys, I asked whether any of the products contained phthalates.

“What are phthalates?” the consultant inquired.

I then proceeded to tell the group about the lack of regulation in the adult toy industry and the fact that many products contain potentially toxic ingredients such as phthalates. I told them to check out your blog or search online for more information.

My friend and I talked a bit about how it's more lucrative for manufacturers to make products with cheaper materials that are linked to cancer, infertility, and liver and kidney problems. There's also little incentive for companies to educate their employees and the public.

Phthalates aren't the only problem, as Dangerous Lilly describes in this post. At sexuality conferences, many educators and bloggers have expressed concern about the following:

  • Companies can put “Phthalate Free” on the boxes of their products whether or not that’s actually the case. (Again, this is an unregulated industry!)
  • Some adult toy manufacturers claim their products are made of medical-grade silicone, when that’s not entirely true. More accurately, we as consumers need to figure out which products are 100% silicone and which are not.
  • Toys can be made with body-safe materials, but the pigmentation can be toxic. A Dutch study found that some yellow toys had cadmium levels so high that the EU would require a radioactive sticker!

This concerns me as a sex educator, a toy user, and a woman who has battled cancer. Without proper labeling and warnings, how do we know what we’re actually putting inside our bodies?

The lawyer in me wonders if we could lobby the FDA, but as Dangerous Lilly describes, that’s problematic because:

We can cry out for the industry to be regulated by our government, but really what will that get us? A higher priced dildo. A “luxury sex toy” that costs double what they do now, and their current costs are already prohibitive to many. Sex toys that take twice as long in development resulting in fewer, quality new sex toys being introduced to the market every year. When you bring the FDA to the party, you get mountains of paperwork, costly fees and annual 3-4 week-long audits to retain your FDA classifications. The better solution just might be to let the industry self-regulate, but with a little help from a neutral party.

So, what can be done?

Enter Dildology.org.

Dildology.org intends to provide material verification services and maintain a public database of the results, adding transparency and oversight to the industry while educating the public about the science behind pleasure products. We stand on our own, unaffiliated and uninfluenced, and we are dedicated to protecting the health and well-being of the dildo-loving population at large through education (and maybe a little entertainment).

The organization is operated as nonprofit, and its mission is based on integrity. An example of this is that they will not accept products directly from manufacturers.

Comprehensively testing the materials within toys costs between $200 and $400. That's a pricey endeavor without any financial backing!

When Dangerous Lilly asked if I would help promote Dildology.org's fundraising efforts, I was all too glad to participate. The industry needs this testing, and we as consumers deserve it!

If you're able to make a donation, any amount is appreciated. There are added incentives if you donate at least $15.

  • Donate $15 or more and you'll receive a coupon code for SheVibe.com or Lovehoney.co.uk.
  • Donate $25 or more and you'll receive the coupon code and a bumper sticker.
  • For $50 or more, you'll get the coupon code, bumper sticker and a t-shirt.
  • And, for $100 or more, you'll receive a complimentary one-hour private toy consultation with Dangerous Lilly herself!

Check out the site, learn more about the products that you’re using, promote this fundraiser on social media, and donate if you can!

Preferred Parking for Expectant Moms

As we drove up to the baby store, The Man noticed the parking spots for expectant mothers at the front of the lot and went to pull into one.

“No way!” I exclaimed with a chuckle. “I’m pregnant. I’m not an invalid. I’m cancer free. I’m not using one of those spaces.”

I’ve used similar lines to reason with loved ones about the fact that I can walk a few miles a day, lift boxes and drive wherever I need to. Despite my health concerns and the fact that my pregnancy is high risk, I’ve been fortunate (knock on wood) to have had an easy pregnancy.

The issue of parking spaces for expectant mothers has been on my mind of late, though. In a trip to a shopping mall on a busy Saturday night, my friend assumed that I would take one of the preferred parking spaces. I didn’t feel right doing so.

My thoughts inspired the following Facebook status update:

I shake my head and keep driving every time I see preferred parking spaces for expectant moms. Barring extreme complications, pregnancy is not a disability. Let's give preferred parking spots to people with health conditions that aren't a choice!

The online discussion that ensued was an interesting one. To highlight the major points:

  • If pregnant women need or want the spots, then why should anyone question their existence? 
  • I qualified for temporary disability due to a pregnancy-related condition, but didn't feel comfortable asking for a disability placard. I was thankful for those spots so I didn't have to use a handicapped space.
  • I’m pregnant, and I would never take advantage of these spots. 
  • I wish these spots existed when I was pregnant! 
  • Everyone’s situation is different so we shouldn’t judge. 
  • People will always take advantage of these types of things – pregnant or not. 
  • Wouldn’t it make more sense to have parking spaces for new moms? 

Offline comments included that these spaces are merely a marketing tool and how resentful several friends feel about these spots existing.

The discussion also prompted me to think about why these spots bother me. The answer is two-fold:

1. As someone who had cancer, I would have loved preferred parking spots for me back then! (Last month, I was in the ER twice, threw up almost daily and had bronchitis. That month was a walk in the park compared to how I felt post-chemotherapy!)

I wish there were preferred spaces for people who are having a really rough health day for whatever reason. I realize, though, that some people who aren't ill or limited in their mobility would unfortunately take advantage of these spots!

2. As a feminist and attorney, I worry that special treatment for all expectant mothers might have negative repercussions. Discrimination against women in the workplace is often insidious. Working females of a certain age are still placed on the “Mommy Track,” regardless of whether they have or desire to have children. There are laws in place to protect against pregnancy discrimination, and women who are experiencing difficult pregnancies are entitled to temporary disability protection. But, if there’s the perception that all pregnant women – not just women with pregnancy-related medical conditions – require special treatment like preferred parking, could that be a detriment to working women?

I don’t know the answer to that question. In the meantime, though, I’m going to keep driving around the parking garage in search of a spot, feeling thankful that I don't need the preferred parking and questioning whether these spaces are beneficial on a macro level.

What are your thoughts on preferred parking spaces for expectant moms?

Lovehoney.com Ben Wa Balls Giveaway

Are you familiar with Ben Wa balls?

These small, weighted balls can be inserted into the vagina to:

  • Tighten the pelvic muscle;
  • Strengthen the bladder;
  • Help a woman achieve a vaginal (G-spot) orgasm;
  • Heighten orgasm; and/or
  • Increase pleasure during clitoral or anal play.

A reader recently inquired why she didn't notice a difference after inserting the balls inside herself for the entire day. View these kegel exercizers much like you would a trip to the gym to work on a specific muscle group. You don't want to overwork your muscles, and a little bit each day will yield more sustainable results. (It's doubtful that you'll notice a difference immediately either, even with extended use.) There's no need to set a timer when you insert the Ben Wa balls, but if you're trying to strengthen your pelvic muscles, keep the balls inside of you for 10-30 minutes a day.

Lovehoney.com recently introduced a pair of Ben Wa balls as part of its Official Fifty Shades of Grey Collection. This collection is the only one to be approved by the trilogy's author, EL James. 

"This range is what I always imagined while I was writing Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm so excited that the toys I described in the books have come to life and can now be enjoyed around the world." ~EL James

Thanks to Lovehoney.com, one lucky reader will win a pair of Fifty Shades of Grey Delicious Pleasure Silicone Ben Wa Balls!

 

Relive Ana's pleasure and experience excellent pelvic toning with the official Fifty Shades of Grey silicone pleasure balls. Wear them as you go about your everyday tasks or as an accessory to foreplay for a build up to a breathtaking climax.

"I am going to put these inside you, and then I'm going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine." – Christian Grey

Discover why Ana Steele adores her silver balls with this smooth silicone kegel exerciser and revel in the sensual feeling of 2 weighted balls massaging your G-spot as they jiggle with the most subtle of movements. The action of flexing your muscles around the smooth balls also tones your pelvic floor muscles, leading to greater control during sex and more intense orgasms.

Experience Ana and Christian's pleasure by slipping the smooth ball inside your vagina before a sensual spanking session and stimulate your sweet spots as the weighted balls respond to the action of your play.

Enhance solo play by wearing the Delicious Pleasure balls during clitoral stimulation or wear them during foreplay for a heightened response to stimulation from your partner.

Perfectly sized for kegel ball beginners, the Delicious Pleasure silicone balls have a comfortable girth and light weight for a non-intimidating introduction to vaginal toning exercises. Each ball weighs 32g, giving a combined weight of 64g for an effective workout.

Comment below to enter with the following phrase for a chance to win these Ben Wa balls:

I want to win the Delicious Pleasure Silicone Ben Wa Balls from Lovehoney.com!

This giveaway will run through Friday, May 10, 2013. The winner must reside in the United States. Only one comment per person. The winner will be chosen randomly via Random.org. Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no compensation or goods have been received in exchange for this post.

Good luck!

The ‘S’ Word

Over the years, I’ve thrown quite a few baby showers for friends. Some have been simple, while others have been elaborate with budgets that would cause you to raise your eyebrows. Since I love party planning and babies, I've liked serving as a shower hostess.

When it came to celebrating Baby Girl’s arrival, though, I cringed every time someone mentioned the ‘S’ word.

“You HAVE to have a shower!” several friends implored. “That’s what people do!”

“When have you ever known me to do something because of others?” I replied.

“You’ll need so many things for the baby!” a few exclaimed.

“It seems presumptuous for me to have an event where there’s an expectation that people buy me gifts. I also don’t like the thought of having the friends who will help when she’s here spending all this money on throwing me a shower and getting me gifts,” I responded.

“Don’t you want to be celebrated?” two friends inquired.

“I know I’m open about a lot of things, but I don’t want to be the center of attention because I’m pregnant,” I commented.

As more and more friends approached me about a possible shower, I realized that some of this was about them…and that wasn’t a bad thing. Many of these friends had been through a lot with me over the past three years. Now, we had something – and someone – to celebrate!

So, while at Peacock Café for lunch, a few dear friends and I talked about an event to fete the upcoming arrival of Baby Girl.

“What about an evening cocktail reception?” one friend asked, as I nodded my head in agreement.

“Co-ed!” another friend exclaimed, as she knew that I’d want The Man and several close guy friends there.

I smiled and exhaled, thinking to myself that this sounded like fun! The hostesses also respected my wishes not to: 1) have games; 2) have decorations; or 3) open gifts in front of everyone. (I always feel like the latter is an awkward waste of time that could be better spent enjoying each other’s company!)

The reception was held last weekend, and I’m still smiling because of it! Picture forty good friends in a large private room with a bar, hor d’oeuvres, whoopie pies, and lounge music. When the crowd dwindled down, the lounge music was turned off, and the dance party began! Although the reception was supposed to end at 8pm, some of us didn’t leave until 10:45pm!

With the fabulous hostesses and dessert maker

They snuck a belly shot in!

Photo Credits: Kipp Burgoyne Photography

Thanks to the wonderful hostesses and all who attended for their love, support and generosity! The fact that I made it through a shower-esque event without playing baby games or having to wear a hat made of bows was icing on the cake ;).

What are your thoughts on baby showers?

Have you gone to one that you particularly enjoyed?

50 Shades Class in AmWord Magazine

Earlier in the semester, Alex Korba, a writer for the American University literary magazine, asked if she could interview me regarding my 50 Shades trilogy class. Alex's article is available in the latest issue of AmWord Magazine and reprinted with permission below. (Fellow bloggers might find the last paragraph to be especially relevant!) Hope you enjoy the piece as much as I did!

Fifty Shades Risque? American University's Newest Class

By Alex Korba

Professor and sex educator Stef Woods came up with the idea for the course based on her interest in the double standards regarding female sexuality.

When asked why she picked Fifty Shades as the subject for the course, Woods responded passionately.

“My background is as an attorney, so I started thinking about copyright issues with books on the computer and fan fiction,” she said. “I am also a sex educator; I do a lot of health advocacy and health education. I read it and I immediately thought, this is an abusive relationship.”

It is not uncommon for college courses to use polarizing books as a lens to study cultural facets.  For example, Twilight and The Wire have both been utilized in classes as case studies to examine issues that transcend the books themselves. In the case of Fifty Shades, the very real topics of abuse and mental instability are at play. Just behind the glossy love story these issues beg for attention and they deserve to receive more of it.

Though she believes fervently in the goals of the class, Woods has no delusions as to the literary merit of the book.

“You’re not reading them as you would read a Shakespearean sonnet,” Woods said with a laugh. “You don’t have to analyze every word, or even every chapter.” As an exercise in literary criticism, the class has to edit the first chapter of the book. Woods believes this to be good practice for future careers where employers will need documents proofread promptly.

When asked her opinion on whether the Fifty Shades books give American girls an unrealistically rosy image of BD/SM relationships, Woods replied that she believes this current generation knows better.

“My entire class agrees that there are glaring control issues. The author wrote it as her fantasy and it was targeted at women of that same demographic,” she said. “Their idea of a perfect man on paper is one who takes control of everything when at the end of the day they’re just looking for a man to take out the garbage.”

Because of the controversial subject of the class, opposition is inevitable. Since its publication, the series has been dubbed “mommy-porn” and received scathing reviews by many reporters. This didn’t stop hordes of women from flocking to the bookstores and firing up their Kindles. If anything, the taboo reputation served to increase the book’s popularity.  Like these women, Woods is not fazed by the book’s repute.

 “It’s not a book club,” Woods asserted, “There are 60 other resources. My syllabus is 11 pages single-spaced. I stand by my work product; I stand by this course idea. If you think it’s an easy A, that’s not my class.”

When asked whether she would consider teaching the class again next semester, Woods shrugged and responded, “It’s a short shelf-life class.” She continued on to say that she is very interested in teaching a course with the topic of blogging as a social force. In a world where technology is ever changing, Woods is a professor unafraid to adapt to the changes, even if it means embracing a subject that she could potentially catch flack for.

“Opposition? Ok, that’s fine,” she said dismissively. “For every compliment there’ll be a hundred criticisms, especially in an anonymous online world.”