Stef Woods

Giveaway – Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Want to win a copy of Victoria Levine's new book, "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing?"

This book will take you on a journey into the truth about deception, guiding you to an awareness that helps you cut through and understand the patterns of manipulation in dating and in life. Men and women of all ages will benefit by reading this book. It explains and points out how people without integrity, who have hidden agendas, will go to any extreme to achieve their desired result. 

About the Author:

Victoria Levine is an author, poet, artist and mother of three. Victoria has been an inspirational speaker throughout her life in all that she has done and experienced within mothering, teaching, business and as a giver of guidance to others in all aspects of life. Victoria Levine’s artwork and blog can be seen at http://www.vlevine.com/.

Reviews:

As a country music singer, I am utilizing Victoria Levine’s expertise in every day life of the entertainment world. Reading about the different player types has helped me to see the manipulation of the different personalites of business opportunists who use the entertainment arena as their playfield. ~ Becca Hennesy, age 35

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing showed me how to see the way boys would try to manipulate me.  ~ Darian Levine, age 15

This book has helped me to see what I do not want and now I am able to focus on what I do want and bring it to fruition. ~ Carolyn Cricca, age 48

Giveaway Rules:

One lucky reader will win a copy of Wolf in Sheep's Clothing in hard copy or e-book. Hard copies can only be shipped to residents in the United States. Comment to enter for a chance to win the book with your answer to the following question:

Which ex-boyfriend was the biggest wolf in sheep's clothing in City Girl's past and why?

Answers are subjective, and I've dated several wolves so all entries with a valid name and reason will be accepted. The winner will be chosen randomly on Saturday, February 18th at noon EST. Good luck!

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received in exchange for this post or giveaway.

April 25th

I’m cancer-free.

And, I’m so thankful for that.

But, that’s not the end of the story for me.

I haven’t wanted to celebrate because I knew what was likely on the horizon. I haven’t been able to fully exhale since I knew that mastectomies and reconstruction were looming. They’re like this large, nebulous cloud overhead (or maybe two large, nebulous clouds).

My mastectomies are scheduled for April 25th. This is real. This is happening.

I had planned to schedule the mastectomies for the summer, but I shifted around my schedule to allow the surgery to happen sooner. I'm much calmer since I no longer need to wait five months.

It’s an interesting part of the journey to observe people’s confusion and reactions at the fact that being cancer-free doesn’t mean being done with cancer. Kind and well-intentioned friends and acquaintances want me to be healthy; they want my life back to normal. I get that, and I want that, too. But, that doesn’t mean that it’s a simple road from here to there.

On the chance that you’re wondering why I’m getting mastectomies now, here are the reasons:

1. I’m 38 years old, and I’ve had 13 breast biopsies and four lumpectomies. My breasts are fibrocystic and dense with a lot of calcifications. That’s why I’ve had so many biopsies, and it’s expected that I’d continue to have biopsies every year if I did not have the surgeries;

2. I was unable to tolerate hormonal therapies, which have been shown to significantly reduce a woman’s risk of recurrence. (When my doctors recommended lumpectomies in 2010, they assumed that I would be able to tolerate this class of medications);

3. I was diagnosed at 37, which means that I have a higher rate of recurrence than older women;

4. Because of my health history, I’m ineligible to participate in any studies for new breast cancer drugs or vaccines; and

5. The thought is that my mom and I have a breast cancer gene that has yet to be discovered.

A few hours after I scheduled the surgeries, a friend sent me the following quote by Vaclav Havel:

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

I don’t believe that my breasts are killing me, and I could have the surgery and still get breast cancer again. But, I have a significantly higher chance of getting breast cancer again if I don’t get mastectomies. To me, this game of life is a numbers game. I’m playing my hand according to the probabilities.

Is Honesty Always The Best Policy?

Let’s tackle a reader’s question from Formspring!

Question: I have a best friend, Jenn, that’s been dating her boyfriend, Joe, for about six years. He’s in jail. It’s been one year, and Jenn has been waiting for him. She moved in with Joe’s parents. She told me a month ago that she slept with another guy. Jenn asked me what should she do — help!

Answer: Thanks for your question. This is definitely a tricky situation. I’m typically of the mindset that honesty is the best policy, even if negative repercussions ensue as a result of being honest. I’m also a huge advocate of open communication since that’s a key component to a healthy relationship.

I find myself wondering, though, if there’s a prison exception to these ideals. Joe is in jail, and that experience will have an enormous impact on his sexuality, his self-esteem and his relationship with Jenn. You didn’t mention how long Joe will be in prison so there’s also the issue of the growing emotional and physical distance between them

It sounds like Jenn needs a listening ear and support at this time. When Joe is released from prison, Jenn and Joe can figure out what the future holds for them and their relationship. I’m not one to advise lying by omission, but it might make sense for Jenn to wait and see what happens before adding further stress to an already difficult situation.

There’s a separate issue here relating to how friends interact with each other. If you feel strongly about whether or not Jenn should tell Joe what happened or stay with him in the long run, you need to broach those topics delicately. Let her know that you love her, appreciate what a tough situation this is, and will support her no matter what decision she makes. If you believe she should tell Joe or not wait for him to get out of prison, don’t phrase those things directly or bluntly. Express your concerns to her and indicate why you’re worried. Remind her that you’re telling her this as an over-protective friend, but that you will continue to stand by her as you always have.

The reason that I’m emphasizing what you say and how you say it is because friendships can be irreparably damaged when people are too direct with their thoughts about partners, parents or children. It's also rare that tough love between friends will change someone's actions. Jenn needs to make her own decisions and mistakes, as she takes comfort in knowing that friends like you will have her back.

Good luck to Jenn, Joe and you! Please keep me posted.

So, readers, did I miss anything? What boundaries do you set in terms of what advice you give your friends?
 

Safety First Giveaway with Lucky Bloke

Sex is exciting.

Walking into a store, and purchasing condoms, not so much.

And, running out of condoms isn’t just awkward – it can have some very unwelcome consequences.

There is simply no reason to be without condoms when you need them. That's where Lucky Bloke, the ultimate condom subscription service, comes in.

Discreet and affordable international delivery of top-selling condoms and lubricant.

We have carefully selected the top condoms in the world – including, Kimono, Glyde, Billy Boy, RFSU, Durex, and Trojan condoms. You can create your own personalized collection for monthly delivery.

Change it as often a you’d like. (That definitely will allow for exploring new products in absolute privacy, or sticking with tried and true favorites! Whatever you desire…)

A subscription to LuckyBloke.com offers discreet and reliable delivery of top-selling condoms at affordable prices. Sent via mail, your fresh, new condoms arrive – no matter where your global travels might take you.

    

A monthly subscription varies from 6-24 condoms depending on a person's activity. Each person creates his or her own subscription, based on taste and needs. Basically, the only "rule" is that condoms are sold in sets of six (or six packs) meaning that you choose in sets of six condoms of the same brand and style. (If you want 18 condoms, but of only one brand – you choose 3 – 6 packs.)

Your monthly subscription to LuckyBloke.com is something you can count on. You can place it on hold or cancel any time.

Your condoms are always available to you when need them.

Your custom selection is delivered in a confidential unmarked package to any valid address of your choosing. (Office, dorm, your lover's place? You name it).

Our favorite part?

10% of our sales are given to urgent humanitarian causes. And, you are able to choose the cause you would like your subscription to support! Currently choices include: charity: water, UNICEF, and It Gets Better Project.

You choose the adventure, we provide the gear – and together, we do our part to save the world.

Lucky Bloke is willing to give THREE readers a one-month subscription. Each winner can go on the site and choose whatever monthly package of condoms fits his or her needs and activity level. (Condoms are provided in packages of six and a monthly subscription ranges from six to 24 condoms.)

How will this giveaway work?

1. One winner will be chosen on each of the following days: Tuesday, January 31st, Wednesday, February 1st and Thursday, February 2nd.

2. Since the theme is "Safety First," the person who comments first with "Lucky Bloke," on each of those days starting at 2pm Eastern Standard Time (11am Pacific Standard Time) wins. If you win for one of those days, you may not enter again.

3. Lucky Bloke will contact each winner to collect on the subscriptions. The winners will not be automatically signed up for the service.

4. Lucky Bloke ships worldwide so wherever you live, you're eligible to enter!

5. There's a chance that Lucky Bloke might give an additional fourth subscription to the person with the best comment. So, if you can't make it to your computer or smart phone at 2pm EST, it's still worth commenting. Just make sure to include why you'd love to receive a month's subscription.

Giveaway starts on Tuesday, January 31st at 2pm EST so get your comments ready!

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received by City Girl Blogs for this post or to conduct this giveaway.

Book Giveaway – What Every Woman Wishes

It's Friday! Time for a giveaway!

Valentine's Day will be here in less than a month. If ever there were a time for men to learn more about what women want, this is it! Make Valentine's Day a day neither of you will ever forget with this reveal of what women actually want – yes, even the secrets women usually won't give up.

Synopsis

#1: We don't want to hold his underwear.

Inspired by her years of experience as a straightforward woman with predominantly male friends, Sylvia D. Lucas' What Every Woman Wishes Modern Men Knew About Women – whose message at its core is "We actually very much love men" – is a girl talking to a guy from her bar stool to his. No trickery, no cunning, no game playing – this is the dirt on women men wish they'd known for years (or that they'd always suspected was true – and now it's confirmed!).

Here's what men think they know:

They know the experts say men should do domestic things to turn a woman on. But why? Why do women like it? It's not for the break they get from doing it themselves.

Women like roses…(Wait. Or do they?)

Women like jewelry, ANY jewelry, as long as it sparkles. And as long as it's from him, she'll love it. (Wrong. So wrong.)

Women sometimes issue marriage ultimatums, and men would be wise to respect them. 1. What's behind that ultimatum, and is it really an ultimatum? 2. It's fine for a man to respect it (once he knows what it is), but caving to it? Stop!

Sometimes men wonder why they have no idea what a woman is thinking, why she acts like she's not interested but keeps saying "yes" when he asks her out. What the hell?

Humorous, conversational, and brutally frank, What Every Woman Wishes Modern Men Knew About Women addresses all of the above (and more) from a refreshingly honest and modern perspective.

Said one married (female) beta reader who is incredibly private and would rather remain anonymous, "This book seems like it's MORE than just 'what every man should know about women'….it's more about the modern-day woman, the independent, 'we don't need you for things, we need you for companionship and we want you to understand we are just like you' woman. It started some good conversations between me and my husband because he sometimes has a hard time figuring out what type I am. This helped me to explain to him what I want, need, or expect as a woman."

Reviews

"It is my opinion that this is perhaps one of the best books on this particular topic I have read. And I have read my fair share of relationship books. But unlike previous books I’ve read, which I found to be rather limiting in their messages, I found What Every Woman Wishes… to be more down to earth and realistic in its presentation. Sylvia D. Lucas is witty, clever, intelligent and logical as she makes many good points on topics ranging from marriage to myths surrounding gifts. This is a book I would highly recommend to all men – married, dating and single. It is that good (and important of a topic). I give it 5 out of 5 stars. Also, as a [recovering] germaphobe, the underwear story really freaked me out." – Joe Glasgow

"I read it in one sitting, straight through. Loved it! Talked my boyfriend's ear off about it for half a day so that he just smiled and nodded after a while. After reading WEWWMDNAW, I felt like I had just hung out with a girlfriend and shared our views on relationships between men and women. Quick, light read that delivers a valuable message." – Amazon.com review (4/5 stars)

About the Author

Sylvia D. Lucas is a former journalist and an award-winning writer with a passion for stomping stereotypes, promoting empathy, and wading through the BS to get to the truth.

Giveaway Rules

One lucky winner will receive a hard copy or e-version of What Every Woman Wishes Modern Men Knew About Women. Hard copies cannot be shipped outside of the US. The giveaway will run until noon EST on Friday, February 3, 2012. To enter, just comment with what you wish the modern man knew, what you're glad your modern man knows, or what you as a modern man know or want to know.

Good luck!

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, this post was provided by the author without compensation to City Girl Blogs in exchange for the issuance of one book to a winner chosen randomly.
 

Sexual Genogram

For my Sexuality and Social Media class, I assigned a Sexual Genogram.

"What's a Sexual Genogram?" you might be wondering.

Sex Therapy in Philadelphia writes, "[t]he experiences we have had in our lives inevitably shape us into the person that we become. We all go through experiences that help to develop our personality, temperament, and other important characteristics that make us unique. Additionally, our experiences can create our patterns of behavior—both good and bad."

Those defining experiences impact our sexual development and behavior. I first heard about the Sexual Genogram assignment from Dr. Janell Carroll, a professor and author of the college textbook, Sexuality Now. Janell is a wonderful friend, educator and mentor and allowed me to modify her assignment.

The assignment for my class is as follows:

Think about your sexual history. Connect your early life experiences with your current understanding of yourself and sexuality in general. How does it, or does it not, impact you today?

Throughout the paper, ask yourself, “How did my cultural, religious, socioeconomic, ethnic, and family affect my own development? How do these experiences impact my current attitudes about my sexuality? What role, if any, did social media play in influencing my development and sexuality?”

Assigning this short paper has me thinking about what influenced my sexual development. When did I learn about sex? What was I attracted to? When were my first experiences with exploring, masturbation, orgasms and sex? What roles did my background and my family play in my development? How would my sexuality be different if I had grown up in the social media age?

I think this is a valuable assignment and not just for my students. I’m going to write my Sexual Genogram in the next few weeks, and I’m encouraging interested readers to do the same. If you’d like to post yours, but don’t feel comfortable doing so on your blog or don’t have your own site, I’m happy to post your Genogram here. No names or links required. xoxo

Ask (the Lelo) Siri

When I saw, “Ask Siri About Sex,” on my Twitter stream, I initially thought it was a typographical error. I was bothered that Suri was growing up so quickly. Her love of high heels is one thing, but publicly talking about sex?!?

I clicked on the link and laughed out loud, as I learned about the iPhone Siri. Once I realized that there was a new technology application called Siri, the attorney in me wondered what Lelo, the award-winning adult toy company, thought about it.

See, Lelo had come out with an incredibly powerful intimate massager named Siri in 2010 — long before Apple introduced its own version of Siri. As Lelo describes in the company’s open letter to Apple:

Siri will become a term that defines the best of both worlds – Apple representing business and Lelo representing pleasure.

I finally got my hands on a Siri, and readers, you’ll be asking this toy for so much more than you’ll ask the Siri app.

Most small sex toys are designed for those who occasionally use sex toys and don’t require a lot of power and vibration. They’re made with cheap (and often potentially toxic) materials and don’t last very long. And, their shapes and colors don’t lend themselves to being brought into the bedroom with a partner.

"I want you so much, baby. Now let me go grab my lipstick vibrator. Or, do you want the dolphin or Hello Kitty this time?"

As a seasoned *cough* toy user and reviewer, I look for certain elements in an adult product:

Is it free of potentially toxic phthalates and body safe?

Could the toy work for both a woman battling illness or very sensitive to clitoral stimulation, as well as a woman who prefers very powerful vibrations?

Is the product quiet enough so that neighbors, roommates or family members won’t hear?

Would a woman be embarrassed if airport security, her mother or her child found it? (AKA Does it look like a sex toy?)

Can the product be used in the bedroom with your partner?

Will this toy last and not break after a dozen uses?

Lelo’s Siri fits the bill for all of these and more!

As with all Lelo products, Siri is body friendly and ergonomically friendly. Press the “+” sign to turn it on. Keep pressing that button to increase intensity. Press the “-“ sign to decrease vibrations or hold that button for several seconds to turn it off. The arrows can change the pulse or speed of the vibrations for different sensations.

On the lowest level, the product is perfect for those women who are hypersensitive or who are recovering from illness. On the highest level (six), the toy will satisfy the more discriminating consumer.

Siri is quiet, fits in the palm of your hand, and doesn’t look like a sex toy. It’s actually designed as a personal massager so it can work all over your body. Siri isn’t meant for internal use, though, so stick to external stimulation.

Use Siri on your clit, the outside of your pussy, your nipples or the outside of your anus. Try the Siri at different angles since you might prefer the side of the toy more or less than the large tip (where the color is).

The Siri can also be used with your partner. Hold it against your clit while you’re on top of your partner or he’s behind you. Place Siri on the bottom side of your man’s shaft or rub it against his perineum (the spot between his balls and anus) during a hand job or oral sex. Or, hold the toy on light vibrations against his balls while you’re having sex.

After a two-hour charge, you can use the toy for at least four hours. You won’t have to worry about the Siri dying just as you are revving up!

The Siri comes with a one-year warranty and retails for $99. I haven’t given a toy a full Five Squeals out of Five* in a while, but this one deserves it.

The only thing you need to ask is how soon can it be shipped to you!

Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Siri free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

*City Girl's Squeals of Approval Chart:

One Squeal: Bad. This toy is not worth your money. Do not pass go! Do not pay $2, let alone $200.
Two Squeals: Slightly Sub-Par. You won't hate this toy, but you won't necessarily like it either.
Three Squeals: Average/Good. This toy might not be the most innovative or satisfying, but it serves its purpose.
Four Squeals: Very good. A strong sex toy with minimal negatives that will be part of your regular line-up.
Five Squeals: Great. No toy does it better!

The ‘C’ Cup Clarification

I realized that I threw a lot of information at you in my post earlier this week about mastectomies and reconstruction. For a year and a half, my world has revolved around breast cancer. That thankfully isn't the case for 99% of you.

To clarify, I do not have a choice about whether or not I have immediate reconstruction after getting mastectomies. The doctor – who specializes in breast reconstruction – does not recommend that I get immediate reconstruction because of: 1) the increased risk of infection; 2) the concern that I would lose blood flow to one side of my right breast because of the scars from my previous four surgeries; and 3) the fact that most women who decide on immediate reconstruction still require a second surgery.

So what choices do I have?

1. Do I get the surgeries at all? Can I do nothing? I guess so. But, there are legitimate reasons why my oncologists and breast surgeons would advise against the wait and see approach.

I wasn’t able to tolerate hormonal therapy for five days, let alone five years. That therapy would have cut my risk of recurrence in half.

I’ve had seven breast biopsies since June 2010 alone. My breasts are fibrocystic and dense with a lot of calcifications. There’s no crystal ball to tell me whether or not my cancer will return, but there’s no doubt that I will need more biopsies.

I have a 30% risk of recurrence within the next four years and a higher risk than the average person after that. My health has rarely fallen within what’s typical. If I’m meant to get cancer again, I will, but I don’t want to question whether or not I could have done more to prevent a recurrence.

The only reason I won’t get the surgeries is if my internist and neurosurgeon are both in agreement that doing so would significantly increase the chance of complications with respect to my other health conditions. My doctors are great about working together as a team so I’ll let them figure this out next month.

2. When do I get the surgeries? I could get the surgeries as soon as possible and miss several weeks of class. But, I love teaching, and I want to do more of it. It doesn’t seem wise for me to take an extended leave for a surgery that I don’t have to get right away. (That’s a huge benefit to being cancer-free.)

Several readers’ comments about cup size got me thinking about the following hypothetical:

If the surgeon had said that I was a candidate for immediate reconstruction, would I have gone through with that surgery and come out with a ‘C’ cup?

I think I would have with the understanding that I would go in for a second surgery several months later to get larger implants.

I would have viewed ‘C’ cup implants much the way that I do my short hair. I would have tolerated them. I would have looked in the mirror and reminded myself that it’s most important that I’m reducing my risk of recurrence. But, I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with my reflection. This isn’t about whether long hair is better than short hair, bigger boobs are better than smaller, or society’s views of femininity and sexuality. This is about my personal comfort and the norm for my body. It’s been 25 years since I’ve had hair this short or boobs smaller than a ‘C’ cup. We all deserve to feel our best, and long hair and boobs of a certain size make me feel better about myself.

I’ve had enough changes in my life since my diagnosis. I don’t care to add more permanent changes into the mix. I will do what I can to ensure that my risk of recurrence is as low as possible. But, I hope to look back on all of this a year from now and feel stronger on the inside and more content with the outside.

What can you do to stay on top of your health more in 2012?

Mark your calendars now for when you should schedule your annual physical with your doctor and any other medical appointments (pap smear, mammogram, dentist, eye doctor, etc.). If you aren't in the habit of getting an annual physical, make a note to call the doctor on the first day of your birthday month. That way you'll never forget!
 

Want to Date More in 2012?

Interested in dating more in 2012?

Here are my top five tips, as shared earlier this month on The Tommy Show on 94.7 Fresh FM:

1. Don't feel embarrassed about letting someone know that you might be interested in him or her. Send an email to an intriguing online prospect, say hello to that cute guy at the gym, or ask the girl with the beautiful smile if you can sit down next to her at the coffee shop.

2. Ask friends you trust to introduce you to their single friends. Do something in a group so there's not the added pressure of a blind date.

3. What do you enjoy doing or what have you wanted to try? It's easier to meet people when you're involved in an activity (at the gym, taking a class, volunteering, etc.).

4. Use online social networking to improve your offline social life. Set up an online dating account or revise a current profile. Sign up for speed dating, Professionals in the City or The Grace List and attend an event for singles. Go to your first Tweetup or Yelp event. Pick one thing that sounds fun to you and do it! You might meet a future friend, partner or business contact! If you find yourself nervous, seek out a friend to help you set up or edit your online profile or accompany you to an event.

5. Put a positive spin on the act of dating. In a city like DC, you meet and start up conversations with new people all the time. Talking to a potential date is no different! Just be yourself and be confident about who you are and what you have to offer now.

What tips do you have for those who want to date more in 2012?

For those of you who aren’t in metropolitan areas, how have you met new people?