Stef Woods

Doughnuts for Amy Giveaway

It's time for a book giveaway, and this is a sweet one!

Care to win a copy of the fictional novel, Doughnuts for Amy, by John Malik?

What's the book about?

Nick St. Germaine, Executive Chef at Woodmont, an upscale retirement community, is struggling emotionally as he approaches the second anniversary of the death of his wife, Robin. Plagued by nightmares and challenged by his son to move forward one day at a time, Nick is doing that, but just barely. He takes solace in early morning workouts at his gym, long runs and long hours in Woodmont’s kitchen.

An unexpected change in management brings a new Director, Amy Sommers, a divorced nurse with little knowledge of the Food and Beverage business. Nick is quick to show his disdain for Amy, so much so that she comes close to showing him the door her first day on the job. Emotionally distraught, brooding and temperamental yet Amy also sees in Nick a great cook and effective manager. Soon Amy finds the gentle, compassionate side of him and her affection for Nick grows.

As Amy manages the many facets of Woodmont, she soon realizes her biggest challenge lies in the broken heart of Nick St. Germaine. She bides her time as Nick has a disastrous relationship with a beautiful physician and then offers her hand in support and comfort as Nick’s memories of Robin threaten to cloud his ability to manage his team. To her surprise, Amy must also compete for his attention with a group of 80+ year-old widows. When Todd Stafford, son of a Woodmont resident, goes from being a troublemaker to a threat to Woodmont’s security, Amy is afraid Nick may lose control at the worst possible moment.

With a supporting cast of quirky cooks, cranky widows and endearing octogenarians, Doughnuts for Amy is a six-course tasting menu of romance and comedy that will have you asking, “What’s for dessert?”

About the Author:

Originally from New Orleans, author John Malik along with his wife Amy owned and operated 33 Liberty Restaurant in Greenville, SC from 2001 until 2008 and following that John was Executive Chef at two retirement communities in the Greenville area. John received a James Beard semi-finalist nomination for Best Chef in the Southeast in 2008. While 33 Liberty was open John’s online essays on BBQ, peaches, kids, airplanes, dogs, root canals, dining with Sara Moulton and trading shots with Tony Bourdain were a highlight of the Southern food scene. John has made numerous Guest Chef appearances and has been featured in Bon Appetit, Chile Pepper, Southern Living, the Food Network and numerous newspapers and online media. John began writing stories for his Mom when he was in 5th grade. He has a Bachelor’s degree in English from Southeastern Louisiana University. Doughnuts for Amy is his first novel.

Follow Doughnuts for Amy on Facebook and @chefjohnmalik on Twitter.

How can you win a copy of Doughnuts for Amy?

Just comment with your favorite type of doughnut below. One winner will be chosen randomly via Random.org on Friday, March 16th at 3:00pm EST. The winner will receive a paperback or e-copy of the book. Paperbacks can only be shipped within the continental United States. Good luck!

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received in exchange for this post or giveaway.

Video Vixens, Female Musicians…and Double Standards

When I was an awkward 13-year-old girl who couldn't get a boy to call her, I found myself wishing I looked like an extra in a music video. I wanted to shed my glasses, braces, permed bob and baggy clothes for long hair, curves and leather. I dreamed of leaving the Academic Team to do cartwheels on a Jaguar like Tawny Kitaen. She exuded such confident and sex appeal!

What message was I being sent by the media and music industry regarding standards of beauty? How much has changed 25 years later with respect to how the music industry sexualizes women and perpetuates gender stereotypes and double standards?

When I read the project proposal of one of my Sexuality and Social Media students, Joan Ronstadt, I smiled. There needs to be more people examining this issue. Joan's proposal is as follows:

“Eye Candy,” “Pop Tarts,” and a million other degrading and useless terms are thrown at musicians. Some say that it doesn’t matter how talented you are (whether you have talent or the lack there of) as long as you look the part. The “part” is usually some variation of “sexy.” Unless you are insanely talented to the point that no one cares what you look like (this is impossible), you will be judged not on dedication and performance ability but on how short your skirt is.

Both male and female musicians face this problem. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve heard young girls say, “he’s my favorite band member because he has the best abs!” What? How does that affect his ability to play guitar? Unfortunately, and not surprisingly, women have it a lot worse than men. Female musicians, or females entering the music business/world as a whole, are subjugated to unsolicited commentary about their sexuality. This unsolicited commentary comes in the form of experts*. Either they are admonished for being too sexual or not sexual enough. Not to mention women who are “extras” in videos (I’m referring not only to Hip-Hop videos, but to the infamous “White Snake” video). Why is it that women in music receive attention for their levels of sexuality and not talent (or lack there of)? This is what I plan to find out!

I’ll be looking up blogs about music, sexuality, women and any combination there of. I’ll also be researching if there is in fact any scholarly information about this subject. A lot of this will be opinion based, but seeing as I’m investigating why online communities feel the need to share their opinions about females in the music industry’s sexuality, I feel like it’s relevant. I’m also going to be scouring gossip sites. Not for their content, but comment sections (primary sources!). I’ll also be conducting at least one survey. I will also look at interviews by the women I’m referencing to and try to get some interviews of my own.

The main reason I’m doing this is because, well I’m a woman, and I am/want to be part of the music industry. Not as an artist (haha, yeah right) but as a journalist. I have my own music magazine (shameless plug) and thought it would be interesting to learn more about the world I’m getting myself into and why exactly it is that my gender tends to be over-sexualized and then berated for it by the media or online communities.

*By experts I mean, a group of people who have a higher sense of self, free time and access to a computer.

Check out Joan's blog, Video Killed The Radio Star, to read more.

What are your thoughts about the double standards that exist in the music industry? Do you have a problem with how women are represented in certain videos and lyrics?

Pop Quiz!

There’s a lot of misinformation about breast surgeons, mastectomies and reconstruction out there. Let’s separate some of the facts from fiction!

True or False:

  1. You can’t see a breast surgeon unless you have breast cancer.
  2. A majority of women only require one surgery for mastectomies and reconstruction.
  3. Women can get mastectomies without having breast cancer and insurance will cover it.
  4. If a woman gets mastectomies, her chance of developing breast cancer is less than 1%.
  5. After mastectomies, a woman will have no sensation in her breasts.

 

 

Answers:

  1. You can’t see a breast surgeon unless you have breast cancer.

FALSE. You can see a breast surgeon if you’ve found a lump, require a more thorough clinical breast exam than your gynecologist provides, or have a family history of breast cancer. I’ve been working with a breast surgeon since I was 26, even though I wasn’t diagnosed with cancer until the age of 37.

        2. A majority of women only require one surgery for mastectomies and reconstruction.

FALSE. Most require at least two surgeries. Doctors do not advise women who have had or will have radiation to obtain immediate reconstruction since radiation affects the strength of and blood flow through the skin and the tissue. Immediate reconstruction also increases the risk of infection and is more traumatic to the body. A majority of women who are eligible for immediate reconstruction end up getting a second surgery for aesthetics.

Women who are not eligible for immediate reconstruction can choose to stick with the results post-mastectomy or have tissue expanders placed on top of their chest wall. The expanders help gradually stretch the skin out to handle a subsequent surgery during which the expanders will be replaced with permanent implants.

        3. Woman can get mastectomies without having breast cancer and insurance will cover it.

TRUE. Women who test positive for BRCA-1 and BRCA-2 genes have a much higher risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer. These women can choose to be frequently monitored via mammograms and breast MRIs. Or, they can choose to obtain preventative mastectomies. Women who have also had breast cancer may choose to get mastectomies after they are cancer-free. Insurance covers mastectomies and reconstruction since companies know that these are not surgeries that women do precipitously.

        4. If a woman gets mastectomies, her chance of developing breast cancer is less than 1%.

FALSE. If a woman has never been diagnosed with cancer, mastectomies can bring her risk of developing breast cancer down to approximately 5%. If a breast cancer survivor gets mastectomies after she has completed treatment and is cancer-free, her risk of developing breast cancer again is between 10-15%.

        5. After mastectomies, a woman will lose sensation in her breasts.

TRUE. The nipples are removed during mastectomies, and with that, the nerves and sensation in that erogenous zone will also be gone. After a patient has recovered from the surgeries, she can elect to have nipples tattoed or reconstructed.

So, readers, how did you do on the quiz? Any questions?

* Lawyer-turned-Blogger Disclaimer: I am a breast cancer survivor and advocate, but I’m not a health care professional. I’m committed to conveying accurate health information, but please check with your doctor if you have any specific questions or health concerns.

Like sands through the hourglass

It's time for a reader's question, and this is a good one!

Question: My name is Ethan, and I thought you might be good to turn to for advice, so here goes. I met Jen, a very intelligent and attractive woman, at a museum exhibit opening a few weeks ago. She's a teacher in her early 30s. (I'm in my late 20s, so a little older than me.) We had been talking for about a half hour and really developed a great rapport. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

Then, things suddenly went downhill. There was a pause in the conversation and since she had classic curves (large bust, narrow waist, etc.), I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure.” My intent was to be complimentary and a little flirtatious, but instead she became deeply offended that I was talking about her figure. I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments, but the more I talked, the more I exacerbated things as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She told me I was being "inappropriate" and that she was "very disappointed," and then WHAP! She slapped my face and departed.

As I stood there alone rubbing my cheek, I was trying to figure out why she was so upset. Do you have any thoughts? Do you think I should email her an apology note?

Answer: Ethan, It sounds like that was a rough night for both you and Jen.

As a general rule, I recommend that guys steer clear of comments about a female’s weight or body type. Curves are a good thing to most men, but that doesn’t mean that a woman feels comfortable with having them. The use of the word, “hourglass,” might also be disconcerting to a woman, as it occurs when the hips and bust are of equal size.

To me, a Botticelli painting of women and their hourglass figures is sexy. Current standards of beauty unfortunately view those women as overweight, though. We don't know if Jen has been subjected to cruel comments about her figure or has body image issues. And, Jen didn't know you well enough to understand that you were being complimentary.

Botticelli Birth of Venus

I advise never talking about a woman’s appearance on a first meeting or date and never ever talking about her weight. Hold off on making complimentary comments about her curves until you are in bed with her. (That ensures that there’s a level of comfort between the parties and that the comments are of a positive nature.)

When there are awkward pauses in a conversation, bring up something innocuous like the weather, sports, a movie or one of the pieces at the exhibit. Or, you can ask the other person a question about his/her place of birth, last trip, job or favorite restaurant.

I think we’ve all been in those situations when we try to clarify a comment that was misinterpreted only to make things worse. I’m not sure what else was said, but it was completely inappropriate for her to slap you, even if she was offended.

The fact that you are still thinking about her and this evening several weeks later shows that:

1) You felt a definite rapport with her; and/or
2) You feel really bad about what transpired.

You don’t need to contact her, and I imagine that she’s not expecting you to do so. However, if you’d like to apologize to her again, then a short email would be fine. You could write something to the effect of:

I wanted to apologize again for offending you. I sincerely enjoyed meeting you and feel badly that the evening ended as it did.

Regards, Ethan

I wouldn’t include a question or comment that requires her to respond. I also wouldn’t mention seeing her again. If she wants to contact you, she will. Otherwise, you might have to chalk this experience up to a lesson learned.

So, readers, what are your thoughts? How have you reacted to comments about your appearance from a person you were interested in?

Oh My Tor II!

When it comes to adult toys for couples, cock rings offer versatility and pleasure. The ring tightens around the man's shaft to allow for a prolonged erection and more intense orgasm. Accoutrements and vibrations on the ring provide mild to moderate clitoral, vaginal, scrotal or anal stimulation.

For those who haven’t tried cock rings before, there are nice products on the market designed for one-time use. You can enjoy 20 minutes of vibrations for around $12, which may be a wise option if you’re engaging in sex with multiple partners.

What if $12 for 20 minutes of vibrations doesn't cut it, though? What if you're looking for a cock ring to be a permanent fixture in your boudoir?

Enter the Lelo Tor II or the Crème de la Crème of Cock Rings!

  

Noteworthy features of the Tor II:

  • Waterproof for fun in the shower, bath or Jacuzzi.
  • Discreet. This toy is unassuming so it’s perfect for travel.
  • Rechargeable. A two-hour charge will provide you with a two-hour charge.
  • Multiple speeds that provide mild to moderate vibrations. It's an added bonus that the vibrations are very quiet.
  • Body-friendly silicone. This is a Lelo product so you don’t have to worry about the use of any potentially-toxic materials.
  • Highly recommended for heterosexual couples. Approximately 1/4 of women can orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. The rest require clitoral stimulation and/or the use of a toy. The clit has thousands of nerve endings so the vibrations of the Tor II will be a welcome addition to a female's bedroom routine.

Just how enjoyable is the Tor II? A transcript of a recent evening with this product would read as follows:

Oh My God!
Ooh My God!!
Oooh My God!!!
Oooohh My God!!!!

This toy also might have played a pivotal role in me waking his neighbor up in the middle of the night. Allegedly.

At $119, the Tor II is a pricier product, but it will get the job done for years to come. Lelo even offers a 12-month warranty on the toy. To protect your investment, make sure you use water-based lubricant with the Tor II. (That will prevent the silicone from becoming tacky and a man from getting chaffed.)

A few minor criticisms about the Tor II:

  • Lelo claims that there are six powerful modes to this toy, but I only noticed four.
  • The streamlined design of the ring is aesthetically pleasing, but it can take a minute to turn the product on and off. That can be a bit uncomfortable for the man after he reaches orgasm.
  • If a man is very wide, the Tor II will likely be too constricting for him. The goal here is for the ring to be tight without being painful.

The significant pros to this toy far outweigh the small negatives, though. The Lelo Tor II is that rare couple's product that will never be in a drawer collecting dust. I thus give the Tor II a solid Four Squeals of Approval. (If I gave half squeals, I would do so here.) Those who get this toy won't regret it.

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Lelo Tor II from the manufacturer without compensation in exchange for my honest review of the product therein.

Relationships and Social Media

The growth of social media has expanded the definition of what constitutes cheating and provided new mediums for initiating and maintaining an affair. Internet infidelity, emotional affairs and inappropriate sexting with an ex weren’t an issue before the advent of laptops and smart phones. Navigating a relationship in the age of social media can thus seem trickier than climbing Mount Everest. There’s no guidebook or set path to follow.

What are five tips for avoiding some of the relationship pitfalls and dealing with what really matters in the age of social media?

1. Ground Rules: At a certain point in a relationship, patterns develop and rules are discussed. You know how often you’ll be seeing the person. You know who typically will be paying for a meal, doing most of the driving when you go out of town or picking up a bottle of wine for a dinner party. Once you move in with a person, there will be additional rules established for housework, bills and home maintenance.

Set ground rules for using social media. What photos do you feel comfortable sharing online? What accounts, information and pictures can be public? Can you be friends with people that you used to date? Does relationship status on Facebook matter to you? Could sharing too much about your relationship have negative professional ramifications or make you feel awkward around your family?

2. Established Norms: There are some rules that shouldn’t need to be discussed. However, it’s best to address everything before to avoid a potential fight later. Relationship issues or problems should not be discussed on any social network. There is absolutely no need for your friends, family and co-workers to know about your relationship problems. Period.

For those of you who blog, the same rules apply. Your significant other shouldn't be finding out your thoughts about the relationship for the first time by reading a post.

3. Friendships with Exes: As a general rule of thumb, it’s worth remembering that women traditionally care about any other woman that their significant other loved. Men, by contrast, care about any other man with whom their significant other had sex. That's important with respect to online communication since a huge benefit of social media is reconnecting with old friends. When those friends are exes, that’s not always a good thing for your current relationship.

Discuss this openly and make sure that you both are on the same page. One person in the couple may have more of a problem with friendships with exes online and off, and a compromise will be in order. You might need to weigh the costs of liking an ex’s status updates and photos against your current partner’s contentment. That should be an easy choice, but if there’s a reason why you want to stay in touch with a particular ex, communicate those reasons with your significant other.

4. Public Accounts: A healthy relationship requires trust, honesty and communication. Keep your accounts public to ensure that you think before you friend, follow, Tweet or comment. Don’t say anything via text, Gchat or email that you would have a problem with your partner seeing. It’s a slippery slope if you start to communicate with a member of the opposite sex in a secretive way. In this day and age, you don’t need to meet someone for a drink or have sex with another person for your significant other to feel as though you have been cheating.

5. Break Ups: For those of you who are over the age of 21, I would also address the fact that social media should not be used to end a relationship. (Breaking up via social media is tacky at any age, but there’s no excuse for it after college.) If you’re in an adult relationship, an in-person break up is warranted since there are emotions involved and possible logistics to discuss.

Communicating with your significant other offline is the key to successful online relationships.

What would you add to this list? How have you and your partner navigated social media pitfalls?

Third-Generation Birth Control

Have you heard of third-generation birth control?

The patch and the NuVa Ring fall into this category, while the Yaz family of birth control pills are classified as fourth-generation birth control.

I first learned of these terms, while reading an article that one of my students, Kelcie Pegher, wrote for a Colorado newspaper. The article is entitled, "When Being Safe Is Unsafe" and illuminated me as to some of the risks of these birth control methods.

Read more to find out about Kelcie Pegher's findings after her boss handed her the tragic obituary of a 24-year-old female.

For her final project in my class, Kelcie is exploring the following topic:

Generation Y is less prepared in communicating successfully in a romantic way with the opposite sex because their technological advances limit them. We live in a world with Facebook, Twitter, text messaging, talking on the phone and of course, real life. With my experiences and friends I find most people of my generation are uncomfortable with the basic idea of speaking with someone on the phone or when to friend someone they are interested in.

I would like to explore this by conducting interviews about the appropriate time and ways to talk to someone with romantic entanglements. I would also like to search articles and blog posts about the ways social media is changing our generation. I’m interested in this topic because I feel as though we’re emotionally stunting ourselves by having so much technology at our fingertips. I hope you’ll join me in my exploration and I will post my findings and research here.

Throughout the next two months, I'll be highlighting at least one post from each of my Sexuality and Social Media students' blogs. Given the limited amount of research on the intersection between the fields of new media and sexuality, my students are exploring cutting-edge topics, including:

  • The appeal of online dating;
  • Safe online spaces for queer youth;
  • Internet safety and dating violence;
  • Online sex education; and
  • How females are portrayed by the music industry.

I hope you'll find a topic that interests you. xoxo

Giveaway – Hands on Sexy Feet

It's time for a Friday Giveaway, and this is a great one!

Are you familiar with reflexology?

Reflexology is an ancient healing art of stimulating the feet that reduces stress and improves your physical well-being. Experts estimate that 80-90% of disease is stress related, and massage combats this stress by helping us relax. In each foot there are over 7,000 nerve endings – called reflexes – which correspond to every organ and system within your body. Simply pressing on those reflex points can elicit a response from the nervous system that helps to soothe and balance the entire body.

I've been a fan of reflexology since high school, when my mom began receiving treatments at a holistic health center. We had a book about reflexology at home and began giving our own foot massages with the goal of stimulating the correct pressure points.

I wish that wellness expert Michelle Ebbin's books had been available back then, but we're lucky that we can rely on her expertise now!

“My goal is to teach people about the benefits of massage therapy and how to incorporate it into your lifestyle for optimal health, enhanced relationships and overall well-being.” ~ Michelle Ebbin

Michelle is passionate about the healing benefits of touch. She founded Basic Knead in 1994 with the goal of creating unique massage products that everyone can use to bring the healing power of touch into their daily life. A graduate of Columbia University and the Institute of Psycho-Structural Balancing (I.P.S.B.) in Los Angeles, Michelle has authored best-selling books and created award-winning DVDs and massage products.

A few highlights from Michelle Ebbin's illustrious career include:

• #1 best-selling author on books about Reflexology & Baby Massage including:

– Hands on Sexy Feet
– Hands on Feet
– Hands on Baby Massage
– The Little Book of Reflexology

• Featured expert & host in the #1 massage DVD series in the World (Gaiam/Living Arts)

• Featured massage expert for iamplify.com

• Featured on Live with Regis and Kelly and The View and in Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire

• Partner in the development of a new touch therapy program for cancer patients with City of Hope, one of the leading NCI-designated Comprehensive Cancer Centers in the world

• Spokesperson for The Naturalizer brand shoe company’s N5 Comfort Shoe and their Wellness from the Ground Up campaign

Follow Michelle on Twitter and Facebook to find out more about her.

Michelle has generously offered to give one lucky reader a copy of her best-selling book about reflexology, Hands on Sexy Feet, with the Sexy Love Sox!
 

What's the book about?

The book is the follow-up to the bestselling Hands on Feet. This new book-plus package from Michelle K. Ebbin teaches you how to use reflexology to stimulate the body’s erogenous zones to improve sexual intimacy and performance, in addition to overall health and well-being. With the included pair of unisex, one-size-fits-all Sexy Love Sox™, descriptive graphics on the sole of each sock show exactly where to press to relax your partner and turn him or her on. The user-friendly book includes simple techniques and helpful information about reflexology, how it works, and how it can be used to boost your libido and naturally improve your sex life.

With the unique map of the body on the bottom of each sock, easy-to-follow instructions, and line illustrations throughout, Hands on Sexy Feet makes the benefits of sensual reflexology accessible to everyone—and a lot of fun to use.

Want to win a copy of Michelle Ebbin's book and the Love Sox? One winner will be chosen randomly on Friday, March 2, 2012 at noon EST. To enter, you must be a US resident and comment below with the words, "Hands on Sexy Feet!"  Good luck! xoxo

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received in exchange for this post or giveaway.

From Can’t to Can

I’m 5’9 ½. Over the years, my weight has varied from 123 pounds after college to 167 in 2004 after three years of steroids. By 2007, though, the steroids were out of my system.

From 2007 to 2010, my weight was stable. I weighed between 133 and 135 pounds. I ate when I was hungry, and I ate what I wanted. I didn’t think much about my body, weight or fitness regime.

Cancer totally shook my body and my body image up, though. I never expected to gain weight during chemotherapy, let alone 23 pounds in four months. My oncologist prescribed a lot of medications to alleviate the vomiting that I experienced in the first round. In so doing, he threw my digestion for a loop. With the disclaimer that everybody poops, I typically eliminated once every 10 days during the four months of chemotherapy. (I cringe when I think about how many drugs were stuck in my body during that time.)

Upon completing chemotherapy in January 2011, I lost 13 pounds by April. My scale seemed stuck after that, though. However, in the past month, I’ve moved from 10 pounds to seven pounds over my pre-cancer weight. To some, that might not seem like a big deal (slight pun intended). But, as a young, female cancer survivor, there are larger issues of body image and sexuality here. There’s also the reality that many of us face:

We’re done with treatment, but we don’t look in the mirror and recognize ourselves.
Our bodies have changed.
Our hair has changed.
For some of us, our breasts have changed.
And, our lives have changed.

It’s been an effort to look at myself in the mirror without detesting what I see. (And, yes, I used the word, “detest,” purposely.) I recently realized, though, that I couldn’t encourage my students and readers to love their bodies if I didn’t start doing the same. So, I’ve moved from a place of detesting to a place of tolerating.

I also started thinking about what I could do to change my routine. There’s a part of me that would love to lose those last seven pounds. More importantly, though, I need to do whatever I can to strengthen my body before my mastectomies on April 25th. The surgeons will be removing tissue and muscle from my back and my chest (all the way to my shoulders), and I already have weak muscle tone in those areas.

I have a lot of restrictions with respect to exercise:

  • I can’t do yoga because increasing flexibility isn’t a good thing for one of my conditions.
  • I can’t lift more than the lightest weights because of my limited muscle strength.
  • If I do more than 15 or 20 minutes of exercise, I end up exacerbating my fever disease.
  • I can't do exercises in which my head is below my heart. (My pressure is already low as it is.)
  • I can’t build up my endurance and stamina so that regular exercise will allow me to do more in a month or two. More than 15 or 20 minutes of exercise a day will increase my fevers, dizziness and muscle fatigue.

For the past five years, my doctors have allowed me to do 10-15 minutes of physical therapy with a resista-band at home and walk as much as I can. I love walking, and it’s the one thing that I can (almost) always do. And so, I’ve walked and walked. I try to walk at least two miles a day, and that hasn't impacted my health negatively. But, walking hasn’t changed my weight or my muscle tone either.

With Fashion for Paws and double mastectomies in April, I’ve been asking myself to focus less on what I can’t do and more on what I can do.

  • I can do five to seven minutes on an elliptical (at the lowest level). That small amount will help me build some muscle tone in my upper body.
  • I can do 15-20 minutes of a barre class, water aerobics or a recumbent bicycle.
  • Weight machines, even on the lowest resistance, offer me more than my resista-band or two-pound weights at home.
  • I can start physical therapy next month to allow me one month of preparation in advance of my surgeries.

I joined a gym last week. For some, that’s not newsworthy, but for me, it is. I’ve wrapped my head around the fact even 10 or 15 minutes of exercise can help. I’m also accepted that the membership fees are money well spent to make a commitment toward my overall physical health.

I’m working past what I can’t do and working toward what I can. I can’t do more than that, right?

What obstacles are you facing right now? What small changes can you make in your life to alleviate those problems? How can you replace a “can’t” with a “can?”

Dreams about the Same Sex

It’s Formspring time!

Question: I am a single woman in her 30s. I date men and enjoy all kinds of sexual activity with them. Recently, in my dry spell, I’ve been having very graphic sexual dreams involving other women. I’m concerned that my psyche is trying to tell me something. Help!

Answer: Thanks for your question. Dreams can have different meanings for different people, but it’s worth remembering that sexual dreams are completely normal. Many psychologists believe that dreams about kisses or sex with a member of the same sex represent compassion, self-acceptance and self-love. Those are great qualities to possess!

You mentioned that you’ve been in a dry spell lately so it’s also possible that your subconscious is doing its part of remedying that for you. If you're also having dreams about certain close female friends in your life, your dreams might just be a reflection of your strong connection to them.

It’s difficult to infer intonation or intent in a few sentences that were written by a person I don’t know in real life. I’m not sure if your use of the phrases, “enjoy all kinds of sexual activity” and “concerned that my psyche is trying to tell me something,” merely provide background and reflect your confusion about your dreams. I don't want to ignore the other possibility, though. Have you’ve found yourself wondering if you might be interested in exploring a relationship with a woman?

Having a dream about a woman doesn’t mean that you want to have sex with a woman, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t. There’s no wrong option here, as long as it feels right to you. If you might be interested in exploring a sexual relationship with a member of the same sex, I hope you feel comfortable doing so. If that’s not of interest to you, I imagine that your vivid dreams will subside when a new partner enters the picture.

Hope that’s helpful. Good luck! xoxo

Did I miss anything, readers?