Stef Woods

I’ve Got a Secret!

Back when I wrote about my dating adventures, I was the Queen of the "To Be Continued" posts. My past relationships were drama filled and provided perfect fodder for a blog. And, since I didn't write in real time, I had the ability to stop telling the story at the most inopportune moment for the reader.

After finishing treatment for breast cancer and starting to teach at a local university, my interest in writing about my own dating life waned. I didn't want my work as an advocate or educator to be clouded by my relationship antics. More importantly, by that point, I no longer had the tolerance for drama or antics in my personal life. I don't care for my life to be measured by cliff hangers anymore.

My blog has evolved with me, and I appreciate those of you who've stuck around to read my posts when they're no longer as scintillating.

My life and blog appear to be evolving yet again! I'm headed on a new adventure, and I hope that you'll join me for this next phase. I can't wait to share with you all what it is, as it's the biggest news that I've posted on this site.

"Bigger than when you revealed that you had cancer?"

Bigger.

"Bigger than when 'Buckeyes' Boy broke up with you by blocking you on Twitter?"

Bigger.

I have a secret, but soon it will be a secret no more. All will be revealed by Tuesday, December 18th.

Tips if You’ve Found a Breast Lump

I regularly receive emails and texts from friends and readers who are concerned about breast lumps. It can be nerve racking if you or a loved one has found a breast lump!

What are my suggestions?

1. Try not to panic, if you can. Remind yourself not to let your emotions be controlled by that which you don’t know. You found something that may or may not be of concern. You’ll need more information before you know if this is something that warrants a lot of your emotional energy.

2. Take some comfort in the statistics. Only a small number of breast lumps turn out to be cancerous. In fact, if you’re in your early 20s-50s, there’s at least a 90% chance that the lump is non-cancerous (benign). For those of you in your mid-50s or older, 80% of lumps are benign. In the overwhelming majority of cases, breast lumps are found to be fibrocystic and normal.

3. Wait until after your next period to see if you can still feel the lump. Women’s breasts and breast tissue change throughout their cycle. If you’re unsure about how to perform a breast self-exam, this video from Georgetown University Hospital is informative.

4. If you still feel the lump after your next period, then schedule an appointment for a clinical breast exam. A clinical breast exam is a more thorough breast exam performed by a medical professional. Your primary care physician or gynecologist can perform a clinical breast exam, but you also can make an appointment with a breast surgeon. Men can see their internist or general practitioner to examine a new mass on their chest, and then get a referral, if needed. For those of you without insurance, all Planned Parenthood centers offer clinical breast exams. In the DC area, you can also go to Capital Breast Care Center by the Eastern Market Metro.

Following the clinical breast exam, the health care professional will decide how best to proceed. Options include:

  • Waiting six months to follow up with another clinical breast exam. That’s a common reaction to lumps found in younger women. I appreciate the statistics, but you also have the right to ask for a follow up in three months.
  • Ordering a sonogram (ultrasound) and/or a mammogram. I had my first benign breast lump removed at the age of 26. Over the next three years, I had three more lumps biopsied and/or removed. All of the information that my doctors needed was obtained from sonograms and biopsies. Medical professionals typically don’t order mammograms for women under the age of 35 since younger breasts have denser tissue that lead to false positives. Sonograms provide a better reading than mammograms for denser breasts. If you’re under the age of 35, ask your doctor whether a mammogram is right for you.
  • Ordering a breast biopsy, if the above methods didn’t yield a conclusive result. Breast biopsies are done on an outpatient basis and do not require you to be under anesthesia. For more information about the different types of breast biopsies, check out this link from Mayo Clinic. If you require a biopsy, try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. According to the University of Michigan, only 15% of biopsies performed turned out to be cancerous.

5. Reach out for support. Chances are that a female friend or relative has gone through this process before. Ask them for their advice.

6. Use online resources in a restrained manner. You can look online for information, but stick to reliable sites from medical institutions and cap how much time a day you spend searching about lumps and biopsies. Don’t let information overload increase your anxiety!

I’m not a doctor, but I do care. Since I was diagnosed, I’ve let it be known that I’m happy to serve as a resource for those with questions. Feel free to reach out anytime via citygirlblogs (at) gmail. And, please, regardless of gender identity, stay on top of your breast health! xoxo

The Lelo Truly Smart Wand

There’s a scene in Sex and the City in which Samantha goes to Sharper Image to return her vibrator. The sales clerk insists that the store sells neck massagers, not vibrators. Samantha then proceeds to give a tutorial to two women in the “neck massage” section about which toys are the most effective for reaching orgasm.

It's important to note that some toys actually excel both in terms of sexual pleasure and neck and back massage. Lelo’s Smart Wand is one of those rare few products! On the massage front, my friend saw the unused toy on my couch and asked about it. She had recently pulled a muscle from exercising in her upper back. Several mini massages over the next few days with the Lelo Smart Wand saved her from making an appointment with her massage therapist! Seeing her relief, I, too, began to use it on my neck and upper back and found it to be very soothing.

On the adult toy front, I was a bit hesitant to try the Smart Wand since I’ve been a fan of my Hitachi Magic Wand for years. However, Lelo’s Smart Wand boasts many great features that has caused my Hitachi Wand to have an especially cold winter thus far:

  • The toy utilizes Lelo’s patented SenseTouch technology. When the wand comes in contact with the body, the vibrations increase even more;
  • The Smart Wand is curved, which is more ergonomically friendly to a woman’s body;
  • The Smart Wand is rechargeable. A full charge provides at least two hours of pleasure and makes it much easier to use with your partner or on travel;
  • You can choose from eight levels of vibrations and eight pulsating patterns. This toy has light enough vibrations for a first-time toy user or highly-sensitive woman. On the most intense level, though, this is an extremely powerful toy. The versatility in terms of pulsations also allow you to have a variety of options, depending on your mood, body and preference;
  • The Smart Wand is very quiet for a wand toy;
  • It’s 100% waterproof so you can bring it with you in the shower or bath; and
  • As with all Lelo products, it’s made of body-friendly materials and comes with a one-year warranty.

The Smart Wand is available in medium or large sizes. The large Smart Wand is over a foot long, and the bulbous tip is approximately two inches in length. If you might be using the Smart Wand as a massager, I would purchase the large to allow you to easily reach more spots on your neck and back. If you’re only interested in the vibrating elements of the wand, the medium should work well for you.

This toy is for external use only so don’t be intimated by the size. You can use it on any body part, and men might enjoy the lighter vibrations on their perineum (the area below their balls and above their anus) or on the back of their penis.

The Lelo Smart Wand makes a great holiday gift or large stocking stuffer for that special someone. However, some might get a bit of sticker shock at the fact that the medium wand retails for $129 and the large wand for $189. Just remember that this is a gift that will keep on giving!

I never expected to part ways with my Hitachi Magic Wand, but the Lelo Smart Wand has won me over! It thus gets my full Five Squeals of Approval.

 

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Smart Wand from Lelo free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.
  

What If You Have The Breast Cancer Gene?

What happens if you test positive for the breast cancer gene?

If you carry the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene mutation, your doctor or genetic counselor will present you with several options:

  • Surveillance: You’ll need a clinical breast exam every six months, and a mammogram and breast MRI once a year. The hope with this approach is that if there’s subsequent evidence of breast cancer, it will be caught early.
  • Surgery: A second option is to obtain a preventative or prophylactic mastectomy to significantly reduce your risk of ever getting breast cancer. (On average, 60% of people testing positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Having a preventative mastectomy brings that number down to 10%.) Women may also elect to have their fallopian tubes and ovaries removed before or after menopause to drop their risk of ovarian cancer to 10%. Those surgeries also reduce a pre-menopausal woman’s chance of getting breast cancer in half.
  • Medicine: The birth control pill reduces a woman’s chance of developing ovarian cancer. However, that benefit will need to be weighed against an increased risk of getting breast cancer in those BRCA-positive women who take the pill for more than five years. The drug, tamoxifen, has also been shown to drop breast cancer rates in half for women with increased risk.

(The above options are described in greater detail on the Mayo Clinic website.)

Whichever path you choose, your doctor or genetic counselor will help you broach the subject with family members who might need to be tested. For those of you who test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 and are looking for more information or support, check out FORCE (Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered). In 2000, FORCE coined the term, “previvor."

If you are unsure if you have an increased risk of heredity cancer, you can take this short quiz. The questions can spur discussion with your relatives about family health history, and the answers are worth reviewing with your doctor.

It’s important to remember that testing negative for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 doesn’t mean that you won’t get breast or ovarian cancer. (I’m proof of that.) Whether or not you have breast cancer in your family, remember to perform monthly breast self exams, get a clinical breast exam once a year, and talk with your primary care physician or gynecologist about when you should start getting annual mammograms.

Breast Cancer Gene Testing

How much do you know about the breast cancer gene and genetic testing?

Are the following statements true or false?

1. There is only one breast cancer gene.

FALSE. At present, there are two known breast cancer genes, BRCA-1 and BRCA-2. Researchers continue to search for additional gene mutations that play a role in hereditary breast cancer.

2. Before getting tested for the breast cancer gene, you'll need to meet with a genetic counselor.

TRUE. It’s common practice to meet with a genetic counselor before breast cancer gene testing. The genetic counselor will review your family history with you and discuss the benefits and risks of getting tested. The counselor will also review your options if the results are positive.

3. Testing for the breast cancer gene consists of a mammogram and a blood test.

FALSE. A simple blood test can reveal whether or not you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2. It’s worth noting that one US laboratory handles BRCA testing, and thus, it can take several weeks to receive the results.

4. Men can get tested for the breast cancer gene.

TRUE. Men can get breast cancer and can also carry the breast cancer gene. If a man tests positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2, he has an increased risk of developing breast cancer, testicular cancer, prostate cancer and pancreatic cancer.

5. Insurance companies will cover breast cancer gene testing for all females.

FALSE. The cost of the test ranges from several hundred dollars to several thousand dollars. (My insurance company covered 90% of the cost of the test, and I still needed to pay $270.) The test is generally recommended for men and women over the age of 18 who have been diagnosed with breast cancer or who have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer.

6. If you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2, you will definitely develop breast cancer.

FALSE. Having the breast cancer gene does not mean that you will get breast cancer. However, testing positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 significantly increases the likelihood that you wil develop brest cancer in your lifetime. According to the National Cancer Institute, 12% of women in the general population will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime as compared to 60% of women with the breast cancer gene mutation.

Women who test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 also have a 15-40% chance of developing ovarian cancer. The average woman in the general population only has a 1.4% chance of being diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

7. The majority of breast cancer patients test positive for the gene mutations.

FALSE. The Mayo Clinic states that, “BRCA gene mutations are responsible for about 5% of breast cancers and about 15% of ovarian cancers.”

 

So, readers, how did you do?

Next Post: What are the options if you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2? What’s a previvor?
 

Fun Factory Stronic Contest

Want to win one of Fun Factory's Stronic toys before the product is released to the public? Read on to find out more about the contest and the product.

The Fun Factory Stronic is more than just a vibrator; it's a pulsator! The toy relies on patented technology that enables the product to thrust, rather than vibrate. The Stronic doesn't contain a motor, but instead utilizes a complex weighted device that moves silently back and forth. In a study of 1,350 people, 87% indicated that they prefer the pulsations of the Stronic over a traditional vibrator.

The Stronic is one of three waterproof, body-friendly pulsators that Fun Factory will be releasing in 2013. You can enter to win one of four Stronics by:

  • Watching one of the short videos about the Stronic;

 

  • Thinking about how you or someone else would look using the Stronic;
  • Taking a photograph of your face with that reaction; and
  • Sending that photograph to marketing (at) funfactory.com or citygirlblogs (at) gmail.com by December 7th.

  

Rules:

  • All photographs must be received by December 7, 2012;
  • No nudity;
  • Only facial photographs are eligible;
  • Only one face in each photograph; and
  • Fun Factory will contact all winners by December 17, 2012.

Good Luck!!!

Disclaimer: In accordance with FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received for this post.

Is It Too Soon for Long Distance?

It’s time for a reader’s question from Formspring.

Question: The guy I like is leaving to go to the Marines soon. We have been talking, but I really don’t know that much about him. We have agreed to write letters to get to know each other better, but I’m not very good at writing letters. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer: Let’s tackle this question in two parts. The first is the relationship piece. You and Mr. Marine like each other, which is a good start. But, you’re not in a relationship yet so his departure understandably makes it difficult for you to continue getting to know each other. Try to focus on what you do like about him so that the time apart is easier. Also enjoy the opportunity to communicate openly with him about anything and everything that feels right without pressure about where the relationship is heading. One of the reasons why online dating sites are so popular is that they allow couples to develop some level of interest and open communication before the parties meet in person. You have that interest and now have that opportunity to build trust and a relationship (either friendship or love).

If out of sight leads to out of mind, I hope that you’ll consider corresponding with him out of respect for the fact that he is serving our country. Being in basic training or stationed away from home is lonely, arduous, honorable and often life-threatening. Letters, photographs and care packages from home mean so much to people in the military, especially those without regular Internet or telephone access.

When it comes to writing letters, it’s okay to be short and sweet. I recommend loading up on some inexpensive cards with simple messages like “Hello” or “Thinking of You.” Then you can just ask a question or two of him and tell him something new with you. (A friend in the military says that he loves hearing about mundane activities that his loved ones in the States are doing because it gives his deployment purpose.)

If you feel comfortable writing a longer letter, great, but the gesture of the note itself means more than how many lines you write. You can also include a photograph, funny comic strip or article inside. If he’s able to receive care package, ask him what non-perishable snack or magazine from home he misses the most and send a few his way. Simple acts make a huge difference!

Best of luck to you and him!

Did I miss anything, readers?

As a PS – If you’d like to send holiday cards through the American Red Cross to people serving in the U.S. Military, you can do so through December 7th. More information on Holiday Mail for Heroes is available here.

Lelo Ina 2

A female friend recently asked me for my top sex toy picks. Which are the crème de la crème?

In no particular order, I give my highest Squeals of Approval to these body-friendly toys:

Lelo Siri: This small toy is designed for clitoral use, but can also be rubbed over nipples, the outside of the anus, and the labia. This toy has vibrations light enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery and strong enough for a woman who requires significant power.

Fun Factory SmartBalls: These two connected balls are recommended for solo use to strengthen the pelvic muscles, but are amazing for use with your partner during oral or anal sex.

Lelo Tor 2: This cock ring is a great addition to the bedroom mix for women in heterosexual relationships who aren’t able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The Tor 2 can also be used between male partners to heighten the sensations during sex. For those of you who are budget conscious or have multiple partners, you can try Trojan Vibrations’ disposable cock ring.

Hitachi Magic Wand: This external toy has been a go-to product for women for decades! The high-intensity vibrations aren’t for the faint of heart, but there’s no substitute for this level of power. (For those women in relationships, it’s worth noting that regular use of the wand can desensitize the clitoral nerves, thereby making it significantly more difficult to achieve orgasm during oral sex.)

A recent addition to this list would be the Lelo Ina 2. I love the idea of dual stimulation toys that can simultaneously pleasure the G-spot and the clitoris. The Ina 2 provides all of the benefits of a dual stimulation product without being loud or jarring (as is often the case with "Rabbit" toys). It’s rechargeable — four hours of fun for a two-hour charge — with a sleek, aesthetically pleasing design. The toy is pliant enough that you can use it:

  1. Solely for clitoral stimulation;
  2. Solely for internal G-spot stimulation; or
  3. To simultaneously please yourself clitorally and vaginally.

Unlike many dual stimulation toys, the Ina 2 has settings with light enough vibrations so that someone new to adult products won’t be overwhelmed. The settings should also be gentle enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery, but you should still talk to your doctor to determine if you’re able to use this or similar products.

Although this toy has lighter settings, Lelo’s redesign of Ina boasts a very powerful motor that is sure to satisfy a woman who requires very intense vibrations. Press the ‘+’ sign button on the right to increase the vibrations up to six levels. The ‘-’ sign button on the left decreases vibrations, and you can hold it to turn the toy off.

In addition to the varying vibration levels, you can press the top and bottom arrows on the Ina 2 to change the pulsations. Eight different settings truly maximize your options and allow you to find just the right setting for your body.

Lelo’s original Ina was a bestselling toy, but the redesign offers the stronger motor and much more. The shaft portion of the toy is slightly longer and wider to allow for a fuller experience. The Ina 2 is also fully waterproof and makes a perfect companion in the shower or bath.

The toy retails for $159, but I promise that it won’t be collecting dust in a drawer somewhere. The Lelo Ina 2 is a high-quality, versatile product that you’ll be coming back to again and again.

 

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Ina 2 free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product contained therein.

The Healing Nature of Pets

On Friday, I had the pleasure of going on News Channel 8's talk show, Let's Talk Live, with my friend and veterinarian, Dr. Katy Nelson. We talked about the healing nature of pets. Specifically, I shared the story of my rescue dog, Flake, and how I believe that she sensed my cancer before I was diagnosed. (Did you know that many dogs have the ability to smell cancer?) I also spoke about what a comfort Flake has been to me and how she instinctively knows how much I can handle on a given day and can adjust her energy accordingly.

It was a bit ironic that I was on air talking about this topic on Friday since I was feeling very poorly that day. I arrived at the studio and had to excuse myself to get sick. Once the segment was over, I had to excuse myself again. Flake was calm throughout and sat on my lap without moving a paw during the entire interview. Once we made it home, she snuggled close to me while I rested. I'm so thankful to have adopted her!

 

Are you a pet owner? How has your pet changed your life for the better?

50 Shades of GrAU

Over the summer, I was interviewed for an article on YourTango regarding stereotypes and misperceptions about female sexuality in light of the 50 Shades phenomenon. As I began talking and writing more about the trilogy, I started thinking about how to frame the books in an academic light. Could the 50 Shades series be used as a case study in a college class? Could the issues that the trilogy raises be examined in a critical and intellectual way?

Ever the optimist, I decided that the books could serve as an effective case study. I thus drafted the following course description:

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is a publishing phenomenon that has dramatically impacted American culture and sexual health. Using the series as a case study, this course examines the interplay of sexuality, health, public relations and marketing. Topics covered include feminism, addiction, social media marketing, sexual expression versus sexual repression, targeting the mom demographic, domestic violence, literary criticism, and relationship and identity forming. The course also relies on academic texts, online resources, lectures, and guest speakers.

I'm happy to report that The 50 Shades Trilogy class is on the books for the spring semester at American University!

AU student, Chloe Johnson, recently wrote an article about the class for the campus newspaper. In compiling information for the article, she asked me several questions related to the substantive nature of the course. Those questions and answers are posted below for those who are interested in more details about the class.

1. Why do you think the 50 Shades trilogy has become such a cultural phenomenon?

The 50 Shades trilogy was strategically marketed to a target demographic of women. These women, predominately in their 40s and 50s, responded to the fantasy world that the book presented. As word-of-mouth spread, the audience for the book did, too. The trilogy has impacted the fields of public relations, social media marketing, health, publishing and sexuality. It has also opened up dialogue about previously uncomfortable topics.

2. What sort of connections do you wish to make with the text in class? What do you think students will learn from using this specific text, as opposed to other contemporary works concerning sexuality?

There are many connections that I hope to make with the text in class. To name a few:

a. Double standards abound with respect to female sexuality. Does referring to the book as "mommy porn" further belittle women's sexuality? Are men's publications subjected to the same judgments about sexuality?

b. A common criticism of the book is its poor writing style and editing. What are our expectations when it comes to reading fiction? Do we expect less from online writings? Would E.L. James's writing have been judged to the same extent, if she wasn't a female writing an erotic trilogy? How would you revise an earlier chapter of the first book to sustain a more discriminating reader's attention?

c. Evaluate the relationship in the book in light of our readings on domestic violence. Are the leads in the trilogy in a healthy or abusive relationship? Why or why not?

d. Why is the trilogy a public relations success story? Would sales have been as high if e-readers didn't exist? Given the studies we looked at regarding the buying power of the mom demographic, do you think the book series would have been as successful if the mom demographic hadn't been targeted?

e. What was the role of social media in perpetuating the trilogy's success? If you were in charge of marketing the upcoming movies, how would you utilize social media?

20 million copies of the 50 Shades trilogy were sold in less than four months. No other contemporary text on sexuality has transformed American culture the way that this series has. It never crossed my mind to use another book for a case study.

3. How was the curriculum designed?

I'm still developing the curriculum, but I'll be incorporating historical texts regarding female sexuality, journal articles, marketing studies regarding the mom demographic, and health textbook chapters. Students will be required to write a sexual genogram and three papers, totaling 25 pages.

I'm excited for the spring semester already, and I look forward to seeing how the curriculum and class discussions evolve. I promise to keep you posted every step of the way!