Love

Is It Safe to Blow Air Deeply into the Vagina?

Are there any sexual restrictions during pregnancy?

Dr. OB posed that question to the expectant moms in attendance during the mandatory first trimester class.

The answer?

Pregnant women should feel comfortable having sex as much as they want during pregnancy. Sexual activity won’t hurt the baby-to-be since the uterine muscles and amniotic fluid protect the fetus. Sex and orgasms also do not increase contractions or the risk of premature labor.

It’s normal for parents-to-be to feel hesitant about having sex. In addition, women who are ill during pregnancy typically won't want to have sex. If your sex life has noticeably changed, make sure that you communicate with your partner, prioritize intimacy and seek out alternative ways to show affection.

Dr. OB continued by stating that,

Blowing very hard into the vagina may cause an embolism and possibly death so don’t do that during pregnancy. Normal breathing during oral sex is fine, though.

All of us in the class looked at each other with confusion, wondering what that entails or who actually does that.

Upon arriving home from the class, I wanted to know more. According to The Mayo Clinic and Cosmopolitan, blood vessels in the pelvic region are more pronounced during pregnancy and menstruation. Deeply blowing air into the vagina could cause air bubbles to form and those bubbles can block a blood vessel. If that blood vessel leads to the heart or the brain, serious complications, including death, can ensue.

Are there any additional restrictions?

As pregnancy progresses, women will be more limited in terms of how they can position themselves during sex. Communication and creativity will be critical to finding positions that are comfortable.

The Mayo Clinic doesn’t recommend anal sex during pregnancy, given the possible transfer of bacteria. Check with your doctor to find out more about that and other restrictions. If you're not comfortable talking to your doctor about sex, read my tips for doing so!

Your doctor may also add restrictions if there are health concerns during the pregnancy. For your sake and the sake of your baby-to-be, adhere to them! It’s also worth being as specific as possible with your questions so the doctor can provide you with specific guidelines.

So, dear readers, I’m curious. Has anyone tried the “Huff and Puff?” For those of you who have been or are pregnant, did your sex life change? 

Making a Plan

October 23-24, 2012

I awoke the morning of the 23rd and began reframing my thoughts around being pregnant. If my doctors were comfortable with me trying to carry, what steps could be taken to make this work?

I needed more information to be fully prepared for my consultation with the high-risk obstetrician. After an hour of research on reliable medical sites, I headed off to my appointment feeling both positive and pragmatic.

Dr. OB was compassionate, intelligent and appreciated the uniqueness of my case. Once we had reviewed my lengthy health history, Dr. OB asked about why my gynecologist had referred me to her.

“Well, when I made my initial appointment with you, I had assumed that I was going to be terminating my pregnancy. But, that was before my entire medical team gave me the okay to try to carry to term. Now, I want to hear if that's possible from your perspective. I have a plan that I feel comfortable with, but since you’re the OB, I'd love to get your thoughts,” I explained. “There’s a part of me that realizes how many odds had to be overcome for me to even get pregnant.”

“This is a miracle!” Dr. OB exclaimed.

“I agree. And, I’ve wrapped my head around the idea of having a child. But, I’m still only seven weeks into my pregnancy. It's so early! There’s a 30% of miscarrying at my age, right?”

“Yes,” the doctor responded.

“Enough of my friends have miscarried that I don’t take getting through the first trimester for granted. I also haven’t been without my migraine medicine in nine years! Back then, I was in and out of the hospital for chronic migraines, dehydration and vomiting. If I'm in and out of the hospitals with migraines over the next few weeks, then that would be a sign to me."

"Okay," the doctor stated.

"And, I was wondering if I could get Counsyl and CVS testing and results within the next month. [Counsyl is a blood test that screens for more than 100 genetic diseases that can be passed on in utero. CVS or chorionic villus sampling involves removing a tiny portion of the placenta to test for Down’s syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities. Unlike an amniocentesis, CVS testing can be performed in the first trimester.] If any of the test results came back with an abnormal result, I would view that as a sign that this wasn’t meant to be.”

Dr. OB nodded her head and said, “That sounds like a good plan.”

She looked down at her calendar as she continued, “We could schedule the CVS test anywhere between the 15th and the 21st of November. That should give us enough time to schedule the procedure if any of the results come back abnormally.”

She paused and smiled, “But, I think we can get you to term.”

I smiled, as I responded, “I hope so!”

And, I was. I found myself calm as a plan was in place with tangible checks and balances. Every day, I prayed:

“God, I believe this is your will…that this is a miracle. But, if that’s not the case, please send me a sign over the next month. Otherwise, please watch over me and Little Bit and let us both be okay. Amen.”

I had only known I was pregnant for eight days, but it had already been quite the journey! I hoped and prayed that it was only the beginning of the journey, but time would tell.

To be continued… 

Is It Too Soon for Long Distance?

It’s time for a reader’s question from Formspring.

Question: The guy I like is leaving to go to the Marines soon. We have been talking, but I really don’t know that much about him. We have agreed to write letters to get to know each other better, but I’m not very good at writing letters. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer: Let’s tackle this question in two parts. The first is the relationship piece. You and Mr. Marine like each other, which is a good start. But, you’re not in a relationship yet so his departure understandably makes it difficult for you to continue getting to know each other. Try to focus on what you do like about him so that the time apart is easier. Also enjoy the opportunity to communicate openly with him about anything and everything that feels right without pressure about where the relationship is heading. One of the reasons why online dating sites are so popular is that they allow couples to develop some level of interest and open communication before the parties meet in person. You have that interest and now have that opportunity to build trust and a relationship (either friendship or love).

If out of sight leads to out of mind, I hope that you’ll consider corresponding with him out of respect for the fact that he is serving our country. Being in basic training or stationed away from home is lonely, arduous, honorable and often life-threatening. Letters, photographs and care packages from home mean so much to people in the military, especially those without regular Internet or telephone access.

When it comes to writing letters, it’s okay to be short and sweet. I recommend loading up on some inexpensive cards with simple messages like “Hello” or “Thinking of You.” Then you can just ask a question or two of him and tell him something new with you. (A friend in the military says that he loves hearing about mundane activities that his loved ones in the States are doing because it gives his deployment purpose.)

If you feel comfortable writing a longer letter, great, but the gesture of the note itself means more than how many lines you write. You can also include a photograph, funny comic strip or article inside. If he’s able to receive care package, ask him what non-perishable snack or magazine from home he misses the most and send a few his way. Simple acts make a huge difference!

Best of luck to you and him!

Did I miss anything, readers?

As a PS – If you’d like to send holiday cards through the American Red Cross to people serving in the U.S. Military, you can do so through December 7th. More information on Holiday Mail for Heroes is available here.

Lelo Ina 2

A female friend recently asked me for my top sex toy picks. Which are the crème de la crème?

In no particular order, I give my highest Squeals of Approval to these body-friendly toys:

Lelo Siri: This small toy is designed for clitoral use, but can also be rubbed over nipples, the outside of the anus, and the labia. This toy has vibrations light enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery and strong enough for a woman who requires significant power.

Fun Factory SmartBalls: These two connected balls are recommended for solo use to strengthen the pelvic muscles, but are amazing for use with your partner during oral or anal sex.

Lelo Tor 2: This cock ring is a great addition to the bedroom mix for women in heterosexual relationships who aren’t able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The Tor 2 can also be used between male partners to heighten the sensations during sex. For those of you who are budget conscious or have multiple partners, you can try Trojan Vibrations’ disposable cock ring.

Hitachi Magic Wand: This external toy has been a go-to product for women for decades! The high-intensity vibrations aren’t for the faint of heart, but there’s no substitute for this level of power. (For those women in relationships, it’s worth noting that regular use of the wand can desensitize the clitoral nerves, thereby making it significantly more difficult to achieve orgasm during oral sex.)

A recent addition to this list would be the Lelo Ina 2. I love the idea of dual stimulation toys that can simultaneously pleasure the G-spot and the clitoris. The Ina 2 provides all of the benefits of a dual stimulation product without being loud or jarring (as is often the case with "Rabbit" toys). It’s rechargeable — four hours of fun for a two-hour charge — with a sleek, aesthetically pleasing design. The toy is pliant enough that you can use it:

  1. Solely for clitoral stimulation;
  2. Solely for internal G-spot stimulation; or
  3. To simultaneously please yourself clitorally and vaginally.

Unlike many dual stimulation toys, the Ina 2 has settings with light enough vibrations so that someone new to adult products won’t be overwhelmed. The settings should also be gentle enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery, but you should still talk to your doctor to determine if you’re able to use this or similar products.

Although this toy has lighter settings, Lelo’s redesign of Ina boasts a very powerful motor that is sure to satisfy a woman who requires very intense vibrations. Press the ‘+’ sign button on the right to increase the vibrations up to six levels. The ‘-’ sign button on the left decreases vibrations, and you can hold it to turn the toy off.

In addition to the varying vibration levels, you can press the top and bottom arrows on the Ina 2 to change the pulsations. Eight different settings truly maximize your options and allow you to find just the right setting for your body.

Lelo’s original Ina was a bestselling toy, but the redesign offers the stronger motor and much more. The shaft portion of the toy is slightly longer and wider to allow for a fuller experience. The Ina 2 is also fully waterproof and makes a perfect companion in the shower or bath.

The toy retails for $159, but I promise that it won’t be collecting dust in a drawer somewhere. The Lelo Ina 2 is a high-quality, versatile product that you’ll be coming back to again and again.

 

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Ina 2 free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product contained therein.

Let’s Trash Cancer!

Do you know what it means to “Trash Cancer?”

Trash Cancer is a movement started by Fran Drescher, cancer survivor and founder of the nonprofit, Cancer Schmancer. On September 29, 2012, 10,000 people across the United States gathered to learn about toxic chemicals in our homes, food and personal care products. I was honored to host a Trash Cancer Party at Peacock Café in Washington, DC, and am still shocked at some of the sobering statistics and facts.

  • In the US, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes.
  • 90% of cancers are environmental and lifestyle related.
  • There’s aluminum in many toothpastes, astringents and anti-perspirants.
  • Eating one extra sausage or three slices of bacon a day increases a person’s risk of pancreatic cancer by 19%.
  • Most lipsticks contain lead.
  • Consuming hot dogs put children at nine times the risk for childhood leukemia.
  • The US hasn’t banned the use of PVCs (containing chemical phthalates) in soft vinyl children’s toys, PFCs in non-stick cookware, and formaldehyde in baby shampoo.
  • “Wrinkle-free” products typically contain cancer-causing chemicals.

We can become better consumers, though, and choose products that don’t contain too many of the 80,000 chemicals that are potentially toxic and unregulated or underregulated by the federal government.

You can check out how your products rank on a 0-10 scale (with 10 being the best) on the Trash Cancer site. You’ll be surprised at what you discover! For instance,

  • I had switched to using natural fragrances, based on advice from many breast cancer organizations. In reality, the natural fragrances by Pacifica score the same as my preferred Hanae Mori perfume.
  • The OPI and Essie polishes that I love? An overwhelming majority of nail polishes contain numerous toxic chemicals and rate a ‘1’ on the Good Guide scale. (If anyone finds a good nail polish that gets a high ranking, please let me know!)
  • I expected brands like Burt's Bees, Bliss or Lavanilla to score high across the board. Some products in their lines did. Some didn't.

It might seem overwhelming to change many products at once. Cancer Schmancer recommends that we make one or two small steps toward change. After I was diagnosed with cancer and researched how many bath products contain parabens and phthalates, I began using soap, lotion and shower gels that are paraben and phthalate-free. (The skin is our largest organ, after all.) Now, I’ll tackle fragrance and at least some of my lipsticks.

Will you join me in becoming aware of what you’re putting in, on or around you?

CHECK the labels on the products you use (especially the first three ingredients) and visit TrashCancer.org to research your products.

CHOOSE options for change.

CHANGE by taking a small step toward a healthier lifestyle.

Does Shaving Your Head in Support Make a Difference?

Singer Kellie Pickler shaved her head earlier this month as a sign of solidarity with her best friend, Summer Miller. Summer has a family history of breast cancer and was diagnosed with the disease in June at the age of 35. In a segment for “Good Morning America,” Kellie and Summer discussed shaving their heads together, highlighted the need for early detection, and encouraged women not to wait until 40 to get a mammogram.

Coverage of the act was extremely positive. Kellie was referred to as a “celebrity activist,” and one article noted that it’s unknown just how many “cancer patients were moved by her gesture.”

Kellie’s act clearly meant a lot to her and Summer, and that in and of itself is worthy of praise. I don’t doubt that she is a loving best friend, and I’ll keep Summer in my thoughts and prayers.

As a breast cancer survivor and advocate, how did I feel about the video?

1. A close friend of mine offered to shave her head as a show of support when I was going through chemotherapy. (I think she felt as though she was too far away geographically to help with the day-to-day so she wanted to make a grand gesture.) I thanked her for the offer and her ongoing friendship and support, but told her that I was vehemently against her doing it.

By the point that my friend had reached out, I had already started chemotherapy. I was so sick that being bald was the last thing on my mind. I also didn’t believe that having a friend shave her head would have made me feel any better. In fact, having a friend make herself look different at a minimum or worse at a maximum would just have made me feel worse. I was completely bald for six months. Would my friend shave her head every week to stay bald as long as I did? Would she — or anyone who hadn't had chemotherapy — really understand the range and intensity of side effects I was experiencing?

2. Kellie is a celebrity with a genuine desire to help the cause. I thus wish that she had done any or all of the following:

  • Donated her hair to Locks of Love or Beautiful Lengths. (Locks of Love is a nonprofit that uses donated hair to make wigs for financially disadvantaged children and young adults who have lost their hair from a medical condition. Beautiful Lengths is a partnership between Pantene and the American Cancer Society to provide hairpieces made from donations to women battling cancer.) Through shaving her head and then donating her hair, Kellie could have educated women about these nonprofits and how a donation of as little as 8" of hair can make a difference;
  • Connected with a cancer organization like St. Baldrick’s Foundation and set up an online fundraising page for people to donate who were inspired by her act. (St. Baldrick’s shavees shave their heads in solidarity with kids battling cancer, while raising money from family and friends with the Foundation); and
  • Provided accurate and more specific information such as:
  • All adult females should be conducting breast self-exams every month and getting a clinical breast exam from a doctor every year.
  • If a woman has a history of breast cancer in her family, then she should begin getting mammograms annually at the age of 35. If she doesn't, then she should get a baseline mammogram at 35 and begin annual mammograms at 40. Annual mammograms before the age of 40 aren’t supported by research because younger women have denser breasts, thus leading to more false positives.
  • And, finally, many young women don’t know what to do when they’ve found a lump. They also don’t realize that the overwhelming majority of breast lumps are benign (non-cancerous).

When Kellie shaved her head in solidarity with Summer, it was a special moment between two best friends. Given Kellie's reach and visibility, I just hope that the efforts and education don’t stop there.

Readers, how do you feel about what Kellie did? Are you a patient or survivor who was moved by the video? Do you regard Kellie as a celebrity activist?

Woman on Top

“My husband really likes it when I’m on top, but I don’t find it that enjoyable. Do you have any tips for making it better?” my friend inquired.

Before exploring options in the cowgirl position, it’s worth defining what you mean by enjoyable. Are you able to have a vaginal orgasm in other positions and want to do so now when you’re on top? Is that a difficult position for you to stay in for an extended period of time because it’s uncomfortable or you don’t know what to do? Or, do you simply like other positions more?

75% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, and 10-15% never orgasm. If you are able to orgasm from other positions, communicate with your husband. Make sure he knows from your words, expressions or movements when you’re reaching orgasm or if you’d like to switch positions.

If you haven’t reached orgasm on top, experiment with different angles. Rest your arms on the wall, or use a couch or headboard for leverage. Arch your back away from your husband during one session, and then put your chest on top of his for another. Sit on top of him and have him sit up, too. Straddle him with your knees on the bed and then switch to a squatting position in which your feet are on the bed. Or, try the reverse cowgirl position so your back is facing his chest.

With each different angle, you can vary your pace from slower to faster. You can also move your body up and down, and then switch so that you move your body forward and back. Finally, rotate your hips in a circle clockwise and then counter-clockwise.

Remember that there's no need to rush through all of these angles and paces as though you’re playing “Beat The Clock.” Take your time and experiment on numerous occasions to figure out what, if anything, you enjoy.

If you find the position uncomfortable to hold for an extended period of time, it helps to find something to lean on like the back of a couch or your headboard. You can also lie or sit on top of him and ask him to move his hips up and down.

If you are like the overwhelming majority of women who can’t orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone, being on top will allow you to easily touch your clit during sex. You can use your fingers, guide your man to use his fingers, or rely on the added stimulation of a body-safe cock ring. (Lelo’s Tor II and Trojan Vibrations are great picks!)

Not every woman will love every position. But, with some experimentation and communication, I hope that you’ll learn to enjoy being on top more!

So, readers, what tips do you have?

CBCC Silk Scarf Giveaway

Capital Breast Care Center (CBCC) provides culturally appropriate breast cancer screening services and promotes health and wellness to women in the Washington, DC area, regardless of their ability to pay. Their services include clinical breast exams, mammograms, ultrasound-guided biopsies, Pap smears, and pelvic exams. CBCC performs mammograms on 2,000 DC area women annually. 100% of all private donations made to Capital Breast Care Center goes to the provision of services to women in need.

If you live in the DC area and have health insurance, you can make an appointment at CBCC for your annual clinical breast exam or mammogram. Your insurance company will be billed the customary fees for the service that you receive, and those dollars will help defer the cost of the same services to a woman without insurance. More information about the Gift of Life program is available here.

On a related tangent, over the past year, I’ve become far more selective about which products I purchase to support breast cancer organizations. Media and nonprofits have drawn attention to the downside of pinkwashing. Breast Cancer Action recommends asking the following questions before buying a pink product:

1. Does any money from this purchase go to support breast cancer programs? How much?

2. What organization will get the money? What will they do with the funds, and how do these programs turn the tide of the breast cancer epidemic?

3. Is there a "cap" on the amount the company will donate? Has this maximum already been met?

4. Does this purchase put you or someone you love at risk for exposure to toxins linked to breast cancer? What is the company doing to ensure that its products are not contributing to the breast cancer epidemic?

With those guidelines in mind, I purchased two of CBCC’s signature silk scarves for me and a lucky reader. Designed by Ibahna Creations, these scarves add sparkle to any wardrobe! Scarves are $45 (plus $2.00 shipping and handling) and can be purchased here. $25 of the purchase price goes to fund Capital Breast Care Center's services, such as screening mammograms and patient navigation. 

 

Would you like to win a CBCC signature silk scarf?

If so, comment with “Keep up the great work, CBCC!” by Friday, September 21, 2012, to enter. One winner will be chosen randomly via Random.org. The winner must reside in the United States or Canada.

Lelo Tiani 2

There are many things that are better in theory than in practice, and I would have to include remote-controlled adult toys on that list. I had hoped that I would enjoy the design edition of Lelo’s Tiani more than the original, but the second edition didn't grab my interest either.

I opened the sleek black box to find a Lelo Insignia pin inside. You might wish to proclaim that you use a certain line of adult products via a brooch, but I'm more of a minimalist when it comes to jewelry.

The waterproof Tiani features a vibrating rechargeable U-shaped insertable toy and a vibrating battery-operated remote control. Insert two AAA batteries into the remote, charge the insertable toy for several hours, and you’re ready to go!

The smaller end of the U-shaped toy goes inside your pussy and should be tilted toward the front to allow for internal stimulation. The more bulbous end of the toy rests outside on your clit. The U-shaped toy is designed to be worn by itself for solo use or during sex in the missionary position. The second attachment (not shown above) provides more options if you’d prefer to use the toy in other positions. You can use the Tiani 2 with or without the remote control. Shaking or tilting the remote control alters the strength and pace of the vibrations on the toy. You can increase the vibrations by pressing the “+” sign on the remote, or you can change the pulse and pattern of the vibrations by pressing the top of the U-shaped toy.

The Tiani 2 has more power and range than the original edition. You won’t have to worry about the toy completely turning off when a body part is blocking the connection. However, if the front of the remote control isn’t facing the top of the U-shaped toy, the power of the toy weakens considerably. And, even on its highest vibrations, the toy won’t satisfy a user who needs intensity.

As much as adult toy companies try to make products with mass appeal, it’s impossible to please everyone all of the time. The Tiani 2 wasn't strong enough for my liking and didn’t feel comfortable during solo use. I liked that the remote control had a better connection to the toy than the original edition did, but I still wasn't a fan of the remote. For use as a couple, that option didn’t work for more than a couple of minutes. To quote my friend after she tried the couples’ massager, “there wasn’t enough room for both the toy and [her husband]. The toy just kept booting him out.”

In a conversation with sexuality educator and author Dr. Ruth Neustifter, I also learned the following:

"All of the pretty chrome Lelo toys have a troubling valley where the chrome meets the silicone coated ABS plastic, and that area requires special cleaning attention lest crustiness build up. This is true on both the remote and [U-shaped] toy. Furthermore, in order to recharge the vibe on the [Tiani], it is unscrewed from the tail and plugged in. The place where these two parts screw together collects quite a bit of lube and people juices, and is not easy to clean without pulling it apart and flushing out the tail part thoroughly and pulling out the Q-tips and cleaner for the vibrating section."

I sent Dr. Ruthie’s post to my friends at Lelo headquarters in the hopes that the cleaning problem would be rectified. Unfortunately, though, that wasn’t the case.

Lelo, I love many of your products! The Siri, Elise and Tor are among my favorite adult toys on the market. Nonetheless, your Insignia line doesn’t get my badge of honor.

With that said, who might enjoy the Tiani 2?

  • Couples who are fascinated by gadgets. The Tiani 2 did win the 2012 Red Dot Award for innovative design;
  • Women who need or prefer light vibrations, including those just cleared to orgasm after illness or childbirth;
  • Couples looking to reconnect in a unique way;
  • Individuals or couples interested in a body-friendly, waterproof product;
  • Couples in which the male isn’t well endowed;
  • Individuals or couples interested in a bestselling toy from a respected company, irrespective of price point ($159); and
  • Couples who have enjoyed remote-controlled products in the past, but would benefit from the improved power, range and versatility of the design edition.

*Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Lelo Tiani 2 product free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment herein.

Recess

I hadn’t planned on joining Congress in taking a recess during August, but apparently, I, too, needed a break from blogging. Ironically, though, the past month has been anything but uneventful.

The Boobs (or “Foobs,” as some of us in the breast cancer community call them): The first week after my reconstructive surgery was rougher than I had previously indicated. See, the surgery had ended, but I surprisingly woke up while I was still in the Operating Room. That’s not supposed to happen under general anesthesia! I began screaming, “It’s too soon! It’s too soon!” As I was moved onto the gurney and wheeled into the Recovery Room, I felt very dizzy and got sick. Those symptoms continued for the next five days.

One week later, I noticed that my left breast looked sunburned. It was pink in color, swollen, slightly painful and warm to the touch. I wasn’t sure what was going on so I paged my doctor on the weekend. She recommended that I meet her at her office on a Sunday. (Yes, it helps to have doctors like this who go above and beyond!)

The thought was that I had developed an odd reaction or mild infection. She put me on more antibiotics. In total, I’ve been on antibiotics for all but five days out of a two-month period!

Two weeks later, the “sunburn” is slightly better. The left side is still swollen, though, and the surgeon thinks that my skin is having an abnormal reaction to everything that has transpired. The hope is that it will improve naturally over the next month or two.

Teaching: To say that I love teaching at American University would be an understatement! Nevertheless, it might not have been the best move to agree to teach a seven-week online class during my season of surgeries! (I'm sure I should have rested and relaxed a lot more than I did.) The summer class required me to be online so much that I just didn’t have the energy to be writing outside of that.

The Man: If I’ve had free time over the past month, I’ve spent it with my loved ones. The Man is definitely at the top of that list! Since surgery, he’s handled every ride, every dog walk, every grocery store run and every doctor’s appointment. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve someone as wonderful and caring as him in my life, but I feel grateful.

I hope that all of you had a relaxing and fun summer! How did you spend your holiday weekend?