Lelo Ina 2

A female friend recently asked me for my top sex toy picks. Which are the crème de la crème?

In no particular order, I give my highest Squeals of Approval to these body-friendly toys:

Lelo Siri: This small toy is designed for clitoral use, but can also be rubbed over nipples, the outside of the anus, and the labia. This toy has vibrations light enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery and strong enough for a woman who requires significant power.

Fun Factory SmartBalls: These two connected balls are recommended for solo use to strengthen the pelvic muscles, but are amazing for use with your partner during oral or anal sex.

Lelo Tor 2: This cock ring is a great addition to the bedroom mix for women in heterosexual relationships who aren’t able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. The Tor 2 can also be used between male partners to heighten the sensations during sex. For those of you who are budget conscious or have multiple partners, you can try Trojan Vibrations’ disposable cock ring.

Hitachi Magic Wand: This external toy has been a go-to product for women for decades! The high-intensity vibrations aren’t for the faint of heart, but there’s no substitute for this level of power. (For those women in relationships, it’s worth noting that regular use of the wand can desensitize the clitoral nerves, thereby making it significantly more difficult to achieve orgasm during oral sex.)

A recent addition to this list would be the Lelo Ina 2. I love the idea of dual stimulation toys that can simultaneously pleasure the G-spot and the clitoris. The Ina 2 provides all of the benefits of a dual stimulation product without being loud or jarring (as is often the case with "Rabbit" toys). It’s rechargeable — four hours of fun for a two-hour charge — with a sleek, aesthetically pleasing design. The toy is pliant enough that you can use it:

  1. Solely for clitoral stimulation;
  2. Solely for internal G-spot stimulation; or
  3. To simultaneously please yourself clitorally and vaginally.

Unlike many dual stimulation toys, the Ina 2 has settings with light enough vibrations so that someone new to adult products won’t be overwhelmed. The settings should also be gentle enough for a woman in menopause or recovering from illness or surgery, but you should still talk to your doctor to determine if you’re able to use this or similar products.

Although this toy has lighter settings, Lelo’s redesign of Ina boasts a very powerful motor that is sure to satisfy a woman who requires very intense vibrations. Press the ‘+’ sign button on the right to increase the vibrations up to six levels. The ‘-’ sign button on the left decreases vibrations, and you can hold it to turn the toy off.

In addition to the varying vibration levels, you can press the top and bottom arrows on the Ina 2 to change the pulsations. Eight different settings truly maximize your options and allow you to find just the right setting for your body.

Lelo’s original Ina was a bestselling toy, but the redesign offers the stronger motor and much more. The shaft portion of the toy is slightly longer and wider to allow for a fuller experience. The Ina 2 is also fully waterproof and makes a perfect companion in the shower or bath.

The toy retails for $159, but I promise that it won’t be collecting dust in a drawer somewhere. The Lelo Ina 2 is a high-quality, versatile product that you’ll be coming back to again and again.

 

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Ina 2 free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product contained therein.

The Healing Nature of Pets

On Friday, I had the pleasure of going on News Channel 8's talk show, Let's Talk Live, with my friend and veterinarian, Dr. Katy Nelson. We talked about the healing nature of pets. Specifically, I shared the story of my rescue dog, Flake, and how I believe that she sensed my cancer before I was diagnosed. (Did you know that many dogs have the ability to smell cancer?) I also spoke about what a comfort Flake has been to me and how she instinctively knows how much I can handle on a given day and can adjust her energy accordingly.

It was a bit ironic that I was on air talking about this topic on Friday since I was feeling very poorly that day. I arrived at the studio and had to excuse myself to get sick. Once the segment was over, I had to excuse myself again. Flake was calm throughout and sat on my lap without moving a paw during the entire interview. Once we made it home, she snuggled close to me while I rested. I'm so thankful to have adopted her!

 

Are you a pet owner? How has your pet changed your life for the better?

50 Shades of GrAU

Over the summer, I was interviewed for an article on YourTango regarding stereotypes and misperceptions about female sexuality in light of the 50 Shades phenomenon. As I began talking and writing more about the trilogy, I started thinking about how to frame the books in an academic light. Could the 50 Shades series be used as a case study in a college class? Could the issues that the trilogy raises be examined in a critical and intellectual way?

Ever the optimist, I decided that the books could serve as an effective case study. I thus drafted the following course description:

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is a publishing phenomenon that has dramatically impacted American culture and sexual health. Using the series as a case study, this course examines the interplay of sexuality, health, public relations and marketing. Topics covered include feminism, addiction, social media marketing, sexual expression versus sexual repression, targeting the mom demographic, domestic violence, literary criticism, and relationship and identity forming. The course also relies on academic texts, online resources, lectures, and guest speakers.

I'm happy to report that The 50 Shades Trilogy class is on the books for the spring semester at American University!

AU student, Chloe Johnson, recently wrote an article about the class for the campus newspaper. In compiling information for the article, she asked me several questions related to the substantive nature of the course. Those questions and answers are posted below for those who are interested in more details about the class.

1. Why do you think the 50 Shades trilogy has become such a cultural phenomenon?

The 50 Shades trilogy was strategically marketed to a target demographic of women. These women, predominately in their 40s and 50s, responded to the fantasy world that the book presented. As word-of-mouth spread, the audience for the book did, too. The trilogy has impacted the fields of public relations, social media marketing, health, publishing and sexuality. It has also opened up dialogue about previously uncomfortable topics.

2. What sort of connections do you wish to make with the text in class? What do you think students will learn from using this specific text, as opposed to other contemporary works concerning sexuality?

There are many connections that I hope to make with the text in class. To name a few:

a. Double standards abound with respect to female sexuality. Does referring to the book as "mommy porn" further belittle women's sexuality? Are men's publications subjected to the same judgments about sexuality?

b. A common criticism of the book is its poor writing style and editing. What are our expectations when it comes to reading fiction? Do we expect less from online writings? Would E.L. James's writing have been judged to the same extent, if she wasn't a female writing an erotic trilogy? How would you revise an earlier chapter of the first book to sustain a more discriminating reader's attention?

c. Evaluate the relationship in the book in light of our readings on domestic violence. Are the leads in the trilogy in a healthy or abusive relationship? Why or why not?

d. Why is the trilogy a public relations success story? Would sales have been as high if e-readers didn't exist? Given the studies we looked at regarding the buying power of the mom demographic, do you think the book series would have been as successful if the mom demographic hadn't been targeted?

e. What was the role of social media in perpetuating the trilogy's success? If you were in charge of marketing the upcoming movies, how would you utilize social media?

20 million copies of the 50 Shades trilogy were sold in less than four months. No other contemporary text on sexuality has transformed American culture the way that this series has. It never crossed my mind to use another book for a case study.

3. How was the curriculum designed?

I'm still developing the curriculum, but I'll be incorporating historical texts regarding female sexuality, journal articles, marketing studies regarding the mom demographic, and health textbook chapters. Students will be required to write a sexual genogram and three papers, totaling 25 pages.

I'm excited for the spring semester already, and I look forward to seeing how the curriculum and class discussions evolve. I promise to keep you posted every step of the way!

One Foot In Front Of The Other

Four years ago, this blog didn’t exist. I was in a relationship with Lawyer Boy and thinking that I needed to end things for my own well being.

Three years ago, I was blogging regularly and getting the hang of Twitter. I was living with “Buckeyes” Boy, but I began to question his sincerity.

Two years ago, I was recovering from my second round of chemotherapy. The drugs caused me to hemorrhage and soon, I would be thrown into medical menopause. I was in need of companionship during treatment and was spending time with Mr. Agency and Best Boy.

One year ago, I was teaching my first semester at American University. I was dating on occasion, but my priorities had shifted. I had recently finished treatment and was busy with events and fundraisers for five different breast cancer charities.

In four years, my journey has taken a lot of twists and turns. I never imagined just how much undergoing chemotherapy would change my life. My blog isn’t as much of a priority now, and I’m far more selective about which charities I support. I seek stability from my relationships with friends and my significant other and have neither the time nor the inclination for drama. I find more joy out of teaching than I thought possible.

Professionally, it’s been a big month for me, as:

  • I was featured in the October 2012 issue of The Washingtonian about sex and cancer;
  • My Facebook status update, “It’s October 1st. We’re f*%&ing aware. To quote Redman, it’s time for some action,” inspired a post on Forbes.com; and
  • I was quoted in an article about healthy eating during chemotherapy on Today.com.

I’ve been trying to reconcile how I’ve tried to be public about my journey to help and educate others with the fact that I wish this wasn’t my journey at all. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I’m very appreciative of all the blessings that I have in my life. Nonetheless, not a day has passed in two years during which I haven’t been frustrated by some lingering chemotherapy side effect. I often wish that I could click my heels and go back to the way things were before cancer. I know that I’m doing what I am meant to do with my life, but that doesn’t mean the past two years have been easy. Is life ever really that simple?

I don't know where I'll be in a year, although I hope that my career and relationship continue on this same path. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where life takes me next.

Has your life taken a twist or turn that was simultaneously very difficult and very positive?

Please Think Before You Speak

I communicate regularly with other young women who have battled or are battling breast cancer. It continues to amaze and disappoint me to hear the comments that loved ones and acquaintances will say to a patient during their cancer journey.

Earlier this month, Blisstree posted an article on its site entitled: “Real Survivors Talk: 7 Things Not To Say To Someone With Breast Cancer.” Written by Hanna Brooks Olsen, I was honored that my thoughts were included in the piece. After I was diagnosed, I made a vow to do what I could to serve as a resource for other women fighting breast cancer. And, I’ll do my best to educate well-intentioned people who want to say the right thing, but don’t always know what that is. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, asking open-ended questions and listening go a long way!

Image Credit: Blisstree.com

The slideshow from Blisstree can be accessed via this link. I’ve been on the receiving end of all but two of these comments. What other zingers come to mind?

“You know you can wear a wig, right?”

“You look great, except for your hair.”

“You’ve gained weight!”

“I always wanted to get a boob job.”

“Now that you’re done with treatment, I hope that things are going to go back to normal.”

Any variation of how a patient is using cancer to get attention or shirk day-to-day responsibilities.

Which slide on Blisstree made you roll your eyes the most? Have you heard a comment that made you shake your head?

How Am I Feeling?

I try to focus on all that makes my glass half-full. I am blessed in a myriad of ways and grateful for those blessings. When it comes to my health, I had health problems before cancer and post-treatment side effects have only exacerbated my day-to-day issues. Nonetheless, I wake up every morning thankful for what I have and prepared to do whatever I can with the body that I was given.

I've received quite a few questions from kind friends and readers asking how I’m doing post-surgery. Here’s the latest:

The Foobs: I still have the odd reaction on my left boob. It looks like I got sunburned on only that area of my body. The left breast is still swollen and a bit painful, and the surgeon mentioned that she’d like to go in again to: a) see if anything is going on inside; and b) shift things around.

I’m not excited at the possibility of more surgery, but I also appreciate that the surgeon is thorough and conservative. The signs don’t point to an infection (thankfully!), but the reaction is definitely abnormal in a breast that was never radiated.

The surgeon also isn’t thrilled about how the scars are healing. (It’s possible that the swelling is putting pressure on the scars, thereby causing them to be more pronounced.) She recommended that I use silicone scar sheets in the hopes of improving the scars. If needed, I can receive laser treatments to minimize the scars in the future.

The Nipples: I have three options for nipple reconstruction:

  1. Minor surgery with a skin graft to make a raised nipple;
  2. Getting the nipples and areola tattooed; or
  3. Getting the surgery for the raised portion of the nipple and then getting a tattoo of the areola.

For those of you who have never seen a nipple tattoo, check out Little Vinnie’s Tattoos. Little Vinnie is renowned for his work, and his 3-D tattoos look like real nipples!

Post-cancer, I view my breasts with ambivalence so the thought of nipples doesn’t really excite me. If I didn’t need surgery on the left breast anyway, I would probably just get the nipples and areola tattooed. But, since one more surgery seems likely, the nipple graft won’t hopefully be that big a deal.

Neurological Issues: I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve gotten sick in the past two months. (And, no, I’m not pregnant.) I hit my head in early October, which has just exacerbated my symptoms. My neurologist suggested that I consider inpatient treatment at The Mayo Clinic in Minnesota to evaluate how my migraines, occipital neuralgia and how my past neurosurgeries compromised my depth perception. The stay at the clinic could be anywhere from a week to a month.

I’m on the fence about whether or not I should go. On the one hand, I try to stay open to treatments that might benefit me. On the other hand, heading to Minnesota to try experimental therapies to see if they might improve unexplained complications caused by experimental surgeries seems like too many unknowns for me. I also am all too familiar with how many neurologists just like to throw medications at a problem. I feel the best when I’m on the fewest medications possible. Do I want to disrupt that balance?

The combination of nausea, dizziness and swelling has definitely caused me to be online sporadically. I’m hoping that changes and that I’ll be less of a stranger on my own blog. I won’t let relatively minor health issues detract me from counting my blessings, but I pray that the rest of the year will be less eventful.

Let’s Trash Cancer!

Do you know what it means to “Trash Cancer?”

Trash Cancer is a movement started by Fran Drescher, cancer survivor and founder of the nonprofit, Cancer Schmancer. On September 29, 2012, 10,000 people across the United States gathered to learn about toxic chemicals in our homes, food and personal care products. I was honored to host a Trash Cancer Party at Peacock Café in Washington, DC, and am still shocked at some of the sobering statistics and facts.

  • In the US, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 2 men will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetimes.
  • 90% of cancers are environmental and lifestyle related.
  • There’s aluminum in many toothpastes, astringents and anti-perspirants.
  • Eating one extra sausage or three slices of bacon a day increases a person’s risk of pancreatic cancer by 19%.
  • Most lipsticks contain lead.
  • Consuming hot dogs put children at nine times the risk for childhood leukemia.
  • The US hasn’t banned the use of PVCs (containing chemical phthalates) in soft vinyl children’s toys, PFCs in non-stick cookware, and formaldehyde in baby shampoo.
  • “Wrinkle-free” products typically contain cancer-causing chemicals.

We can become better consumers, though, and choose products that don’t contain too many of the 80,000 chemicals that are potentially toxic and unregulated or underregulated by the federal government.

You can check out how your products rank on a 0-10 scale (with 10 being the best) on the Trash Cancer site. You’ll be surprised at what you discover! For instance,

  • I had switched to using natural fragrances, based on advice from many breast cancer organizations. In reality, the natural fragrances by Pacifica score the same as my preferred Hanae Mori perfume.
  • The OPI and Essie polishes that I love? An overwhelming majority of nail polishes contain numerous toxic chemicals and rate a ‘1’ on the Good Guide scale. (If anyone finds a good nail polish that gets a high ranking, please let me know!)
  • I expected brands like Burt's Bees, Bliss or Lavanilla to score high across the board. Some products in their lines did. Some didn't.

It might seem overwhelming to change many products at once. Cancer Schmancer recommends that we make one or two small steps toward change. After I was diagnosed with cancer and researched how many bath products contain parabens and phthalates, I began using soap, lotion and shower gels that are paraben and phthalate-free. (The skin is our largest organ, after all.) Now, I’ll tackle fragrance and at least some of my lipsticks.

Will you join me in becoming aware of what you’re putting in, on or around you?

CHECK the labels on the products you use (especially the first three ingredients) and visit TrashCancer.org to research your products.

CHOOSE options for change.

CHANGE by taking a small step toward a healthier lifestyle.

Does Shaving Your Head in Support Make a Difference?

Singer Kellie Pickler shaved her head earlier this month as a sign of solidarity with her best friend, Summer Miller. Summer has a family history of breast cancer and was diagnosed with the disease in June at the age of 35. In a segment for “Good Morning America,” Kellie and Summer discussed shaving their heads together, highlighted the need for early detection, and encouraged women not to wait until 40 to get a mammogram.

Coverage of the act was extremely positive. Kellie was referred to as a “celebrity activist,” and one article noted that it’s unknown just how many “cancer patients were moved by her gesture.”

Kellie’s act clearly meant a lot to her and Summer, and that in and of itself is worthy of praise. I don’t doubt that she is a loving best friend, and I’ll keep Summer in my thoughts and prayers.

As a breast cancer survivor and advocate, how did I feel about the video?

1. A close friend of mine offered to shave her head as a show of support when I was going through chemotherapy. (I think she felt as though she was too far away geographically to help with the day-to-day so she wanted to make a grand gesture.) I thanked her for the offer and her ongoing friendship and support, but told her that I was vehemently against her doing it.

By the point that my friend had reached out, I had already started chemotherapy. I was so sick that being bald was the last thing on my mind. I also didn’t believe that having a friend shave her head would have made me feel any better. In fact, having a friend make herself look different at a minimum or worse at a maximum would just have made me feel worse. I was completely bald for six months. Would my friend shave her head every week to stay bald as long as I did? Would she — or anyone who hadn't had chemotherapy — really understand the range and intensity of side effects I was experiencing?

2. Kellie is a celebrity with a genuine desire to help the cause. I thus wish that she had done any or all of the following:

  • Donated her hair to Locks of Love or Beautiful Lengths. (Locks of Love is a nonprofit that uses donated hair to make wigs for financially disadvantaged children and young adults who have lost their hair from a medical condition. Beautiful Lengths is a partnership between Pantene and the American Cancer Society to provide hairpieces made from donations to women battling cancer.) Through shaving her head and then donating her hair, Kellie could have educated women about these nonprofits and how a donation of as little as 8" of hair can make a difference;
  • Connected with a cancer organization like St. Baldrick’s Foundation and set up an online fundraising page for people to donate who were inspired by her act. (St. Baldrick’s shavees shave their heads in solidarity with kids battling cancer, while raising money from family and friends with the Foundation); and
  • Provided accurate and more specific information such as:
  • All adult females should be conducting breast self-exams every month and getting a clinical breast exam from a doctor every year.
  • If a woman has a history of breast cancer in her family, then she should begin getting mammograms annually at the age of 35. If she doesn't, then she should get a baseline mammogram at 35 and begin annual mammograms at 40. Annual mammograms before the age of 40 aren’t supported by research because younger women have denser breasts, thus leading to more false positives.
  • And, finally, many young women don’t know what to do when they’ve found a lump. They also don’t realize that the overwhelming majority of breast lumps are benign (non-cancerous).

When Kellie shaved her head in solidarity with Summer, it was a special moment between two best friends. Given Kellie's reach and visibility, I just hope that the efforts and education don’t stop there.

Readers, how do you feel about what Kellie did? Are you a patient or survivor who was moved by the video? Do you regard Kellie as a celebrity activist?

Woman on Top

“My husband really likes it when I’m on top, but I don’t find it that enjoyable. Do you have any tips for making it better?” my friend inquired.

Before exploring options in the cowgirl position, it’s worth defining what you mean by enjoyable. Are you able to have a vaginal orgasm in other positions and want to do so now when you’re on top? Is that a difficult position for you to stay in for an extended period of time because it’s uncomfortable or you don’t know what to do? Or, do you simply like other positions more?

75% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone, and 10-15% never orgasm. If you are able to orgasm from other positions, communicate with your husband. Make sure he knows from your words, expressions or movements when you’re reaching orgasm or if you’d like to switch positions.

If you haven’t reached orgasm on top, experiment with different angles. Rest your arms on the wall, or use a couch or headboard for leverage. Arch your back away from your husband during one session, and then put your chest on top of his for another. Sit on top of him and have him sit up, too. Straddle him with your knees on the bed and then switch to a squatting position in which your feet are on the bed. Or, try the reverse cowgirl position so your back is facing his chest.

With each different angle, you can vary your pace from slower to faster. You can also move your body up and down, and then switch so that you move your body forward and back. Finally, rotate your hips in a circle clockwise and then counter-clockwise.

Remember that there's no need to rush through all of these angles and paces as though you’re playing “Beat The Clock.” Take your time and experiment on numerous occasions to figure out what, if anything, you enjoy.

If you find the position uncomfortable to hold for an extended period of time, it helps to find something to lean on like the back of a couch or your headboard. You can also lie or sit on top of him and ask him to move his hips up and down.

If you are like the overwhelming majority of women who can’t orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone, being on top will allow you to easily touch your clit during sex. You can use your fingers, guide your man to use his fingers, or rely on the added stimulation of a body-safe cock ring. (Lelo’s Tor II and Trojan Vibrations are great picks!)

Not every woman will love every position. But, with some experimentation and communication, I hope that you’ll learn to enjoy being on top more!

So, readers, what tips do you have?

After treatment

A friend recently asked me a question about what happens after a cancer patient is done with treatment.

“My cousin finished radiation in the spring and is in remission, but she’s been having a tough time. Most of the family doesn’t want to talk about her cancer anymore; they’re just ready for things to go back to normal. Why do you think that 'The After' is so difficult?” she inquired.

 There are several reasons why it can be tough for patients once treatment is over.

1. Being diagnosed with cancer causes you to experience a range of emotions from numbness to denial to anger. Once surgery and treatment start, you will need to focus all of your physical and emotional energy on getting through the journey. There’s rarely the luxury of time or strength to process all that is happening. It’s difficult enough to handle your essential responsibilities – in and out of the hospital. Once treatment is done, there are less loved ones around, fewer medical appointments, and a lot of time with your thoughts. The intense emotional reflection thus tends to happen once you're in remission.

2. Doctors won’t always inform you that you might not feel better once you’re done with treatment. Chemotherapy and radiation take a toll on your blood counts in a cumulative manner. By the time you’re finished, your counts may be the lowest that they’ve been, thereby causing increased fatigue, iron deficiency and risk of infection.

3. There’s the misperception that life can just go back to normal once you're done with treatment and in remission. That’s rarely the case.  Physical side effects from treatment can linger for several years and make it difficult to return to your pre-cancer routine. There are constant reminders of what you endured. You have scars, your hair is gone, and you have the immune system of a newborn. Emotionally, you may feel confused, fearful of a recurrence, and depressed at how much your life, appearance and health have changed. You'll need time to adjust to several new normals in a short time period.

4. Your medical team will do its best to ensure that you cross the finish line into remission. But, once you’re cancer free and done with treatment, you'll go from having frequent contact with health care professionals and regular exams to sporadic visits and tests. You may feel as though you’ve lost your safety net when you’re told that you don’t need to see your doctor for months.

5. Following a cancer diagnosis, there’s an outpouring of support. The overwhelming majority of your loved ones will recognize that you will have to focus on yourself and your health. Likewise, those who are in a position to care for you will give of their own time and talents to do so. When you’re done with treatment, though, the people in your life will want everything to go back to normal. There will be the erroneous expectation that you’ll be able to handle all of your old responsibilities at the same pace and with the same stamina as before. Few will understand that you are still experiencing side effects that may include pain, sleep disturbances, digestive problems, menopause, chemo brain, fatigue, and nerve and muscle weakness. Well-intentioned comments, disinterest in hearing about your health, and unrealistic expectations might make you feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, weak or depressed.

6. There are many resources for patients during treatment, but there aren’t the same outlets for after treatment is done. Research reveals that 30% of breast cancer survivors experience depression after treatment and 20% experience body image issues. Talk to your doctor about options for counseling, medication, yoga, meditation, physical therapy and support groups before you finish treatment. Even if you don’t avail yourself of any of those resources, it’s worth having the referrals if and when you need them.

What are your thoughts on how to make post-treatment easier for survivors and loved ones?