Six Weeks and Six Days

Wednesday, October 17, 2012 – Thursday, October 18, 2012

I woke up the morning after finding out that I was pregnant to call my gynecologist. When the receptionist answered, I introduced myself and asked if she could relay a message to my doctor.

“What’s the message?” the receptionist inquired.

“Would you mind telling her that ‘I’m no longer in chemo menopause because I’m pregnant?’”

The receptionist was silent for several seconds so I interjected before it became uncomfortable.

“I bet you’ve never typed that message down before!”

We both laughed awkwardly before she replied, “No…I haven’t.”

When my gynecologist returned the call 30 minutes later, she expressed her shock and then said, “To be honest, no doctor is going to be able to tell you that you can or can’t carry safely to term. There’s not enough research about pregnancy and one of your health conditions, let alone any research that looks at pregnancy and all of your conditions.”

“I know. No one unfortunately has a crystal ball,” I responded.

“If you decide you’ll try to carry, you need to stop your migraine medicine immediately. That drug is highly toxic to a fetus.”

I knew that, but it was easier said than done. I’ve suffered from migraines since I was a teenager. The medicine I’ve taken since 2003 has been the only medicine that has worked and kept my migraines at a manageable two a week.

The rest of the day was spent preparing for my Health Activism and Social Media class that evening. The topic for the two-and-a-half hour class? Abortion.

I broke down several times as I worked on my Power Point for the lecture. During the class itself, I had to fight back the urge to tear up. There was a video that I showed from an anti-choice organization that included a sonogram photograph of an embryo at six weeks and six days. I was exactly six weeks and six days pregnant.

The following day, I headed to my gynecologist’s office for an ultrasound. I knew the technician because I had gone there the previous month for a sonogram because of menopausal pelvic pain. (Oh, the irony!)

As one would hope, the technician was extremely compassionate during the ultrasound. At that stage of development, the embryo just looked like a tadpole on the monitor. I exhaled when she informed me that the size looked good so far, but I started sobbing when I heard a noise and she commented, “Strong heartbeat.”

I looked up toward the ceiling and silently prayed. I didn’t think there was a chance that my doctors would let me try to carry to term, but I wondered what message God was trying to tell me.

To be continued…

Taking the Test

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I left my friend at Starbucks with one thing on my mind:

Chicken Wings from TGI Friday’s.

I couldn’t remember the last time I ate chicken wings or went to Friday's. As I walked to 2000 Pennsylvania Avenue, I realized that I had been craving a lot of different foods over the past few weeks. I couldn’t get enough tofu, egg salad and chickpeas, and yet, I was passing on the beef dishes that I normally loved.

I wondered for a moment if I could be pregnant and reviewed the miniscule chances of that in my head:

  • The average 39-year-old woman has approximately a 7% chance of getting pregnant in a given month.
  • I was in full chemotherapy menopause for over a year. Even though my periods had returned, I was still experiencing some menopausal symptoms.
  • Chemotherapy increases the risk of infertility and damages eggs, especially in women who are in their 30s and had high doses of chemotherapy.

I ordered my chicken wings from the carryout counter and went across the street to CVS.  It was easy enough to pick up a pregnancy test for the peace of mind.

Fifteen minutes later, I headed home with my chicken wing sampler and the test.

After eating two wings, I went into the bathroom. I began to count the requisite seconds and before I had even reached, "Five Mississippi," the test was positive.

I stared at the test and started to scream and sob hysterically.

“Noooooooo! Are you kidding me? What are you doing to me, Lord?!?” I looked up at the ceiling and yelled. “”Why are the odds of this? What kind of cruel lesson am I meant to learn here?”

Why, given my desire to be a mom, did I react this way?

Well, between my chronic migraines and highly toxic migraine medicine, the fact that I wasn’t even two years out of treatment for breast cancer, and my genetic health conditions, I couldn’t imagine that my doctors would give the green light for me to even try to carry to term.

As sad as I was, I did my best to dry my tears. I’d call my gynecologist first thing in the morning. I couldn’t do anything else at this late hour so I just tried to relax and get some sleep.

To be continued with a thankfully much happier tone…

Miracles

“With your luck, you might want to stay away from lightening storms,” a doctor told me after reviewing my health history.

Such a comment might offend some people, but I just chuckled in response. I’ve long since accepted the fact that my health is unique. Several doctors have called me a medical anomaly. Some have said that there might be a journal article written about me in the future, and others have used the term, “miracle,” to describe my health.

Anytime I’ve been a “medical miracle,” it’s involved me dealing with an incredibly difficult health situation. A few examples:

“You’re the first patient with Guillain Barre to come into the hospital not on a gurney!” a doctor explained as I was admitted with ascending paralysis.

“You have an aggressive strain of cancer, but thankfully, it was caught early,” my oncologist informed me.

“When I opened your head, the nerves, tissues and muscles were all in the wrong places, but you have the right amount of everything!” my neurosurgeon said with surprise.

Moving to the present day, I've been hearing my doctors use the term, "miracle," a lot lately to describe my health situation. But, for the first time, there's no downside to defying medical odds.

This wasn’t supposed to be possible, and yet, it happened.

I’m 15 weeks pregnant.

How am I feeling? What do my doctors say? What are my thoughts on being pregnant? Will I still adopt?

I promise to get to all that and more.

For now, just know that I’m believing in miracles and humbly praying every day that all continues to go well until my due date on June 6, 2013.

I’ve Got a Secret!

Back when I wrote about my dating adventures, I was the Queen of the "To Be Continued" posts. My past relationships were drama filled and provided perfect fodder for a blog. And, since I didn't write in real time, I had the ability to stop telling the story at the most inopportune moment for the reader.

After finishing treatment for breast cancer and starting to teach at a local university, my interest in writing about my own dating life waned. I didn't want my work as an advocate or educator to be clouded by my relationship antics. More importantly, by that point, I no longer had the tolerance for drama or antics in my personal life. I don't care for my life to be measured by cliff hangers anymore.

My blog has evolved with me, and I appreciate those of you who've stuck around to read my posts when they're no longer as scintillating.

My life and blog appear to be evolving yet again! I'm headed on a new adventure, and I hope that you'll join me for this next phase. I can't wait to share with you all what it is, as it's the biggest news that I've posted on this site.

"Bigger than when you revealed that you had cancer?"

Bigger.

"Bigger than when 'Buckeyes' Boy broke up with you by blocking you on Twitter?"

Bigger.

I have a secret, but soon it will be a secret no more. All will be revealed by Tuesday, December 18th.

Tips if You’ve Found a Breast Lump

I regularly receive emails and texts from friends and readers who are concerned about breast lumps. It can be nerve racking if you or a loved one has found a breast lump!

What are my suggestions?

1. Try not to panic, if you can. Remind yourself not to let your emotions be controlled by that which you don’t know. You found something that may or may not be of concern. You’ll need more information before you know if this is something that warrants a lot of your emotional energy.

2. Take some comfort in the statistics. Only a small number of breast lumps turn out to be cancerous. In fact, if you’re in your early 20s-50s, there’s at least a 90% chance that the lump is non-cancerous (benign). For those of you in your mid-50s or older, 80% of lumps are benign. In the overwhelming majority of cases, breast lumps are found to be fibrocystic and normal.

3. Wait until after your next period to see if you can still feel the lump. Women’s breasts and breast tissue change throughout their cycle. If you’re unsure about how to perform a breast self-exam, this video from Georgetown University Hospital is informative.

4. If you still feel the lump after your next period, then schedule an appointment for a clinical breast exam. A clinical breast exam is a more thorough breast exam performed by a medical professional. Your primary care physician or gynecologist can perform a clinical breast exam, but you also can make an appointment with a breast surgeon. Men can see their internist or general practitioner to examine a new mass on their chest, and then get a referral, if needed. For those of you without insurance, all Planned Parenthood centers offer clinical breast exams. In the DC area, you can also go to Capital Breast Care Center by the Eastern Market Metro.

Following the clinical breast exam, the health care professional will decide how best to proceed. Options include:

  • Waiting six months to follow up with another clinical breast exam. That’s a common reaction to lumps found in younger women. I appreciate the statistics, but you also have the right to ask for a follow up in three months.
  • Ordering a sonogram (ultrasound) and/or a mammogram. I had my first benign breast lump removed at the age of 26. Over the next three years, I had three more lumps biopsied and/or removed. All of the information that my doctors needed was obtained from sonograms and biopsies. Medical professionals typically don’t order mammograms for women under the age of 35 since younger breasts have denser tissue that lead to false positives. Sonograms provide a better reading than mammograms for denser breasts. If you’re under the age of 35, ask your doctor whether a mammogram is right for you.
  • Ordering a breast biopsy, if the above methods didn’t yield a conclusive result. Breast biopsies are done on an outpatient basis and do not require you to be under anesthesia. For more information about the different types of breast biopsies, check out this link from Mayo Clinic. If you require a biopsy, try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. According to the University of Michigan, only 15% of biopsies performed turned out to be cancerous.

5. Reach out for support. Chances are that a female friend or relative has gone through this process before. Ask them for their advice.

6. Use online resources in a restrained manner. You can look online for information, but stick to reliable sites from medical institutions and cap how much time a day you spend searching about lumps and biopsies. Don’t let information overload increase your anxiety!

I’m not a doctor, but I do care. Since I was diagnosed, I’ve let it be known that I’m happy to serve as a resource for those with questions. Feel free to reach out anytime via citygirlblogs (at) gmail. And, please, regardless of gender identity, stay on top of your breast health! xoxo

The Lelo Truly Smart Wand

There’s a scene in Sex and the City in which Samantha goes to Sharper Image to return her vibrator. The sales clerk insists that the store sells neck massagers, not vibrators. Samantha then proceeds to give a tutorial to two women in the “neck massage” section about which toys are the most effective for reaching orgasm.

It's important to note that some toys actually excel both in terms of sexual pleasure and neck and back massage. Lelo’s Smart Wand is one of those rare few products! On the massage front, my friend saw the unused toy on my couch and asked about it. She had recently pulled a muscle from exercising in her upper back. Several mini massages over the next few days with the Lelo Smart Wand saved her from making an appointment with her massage therapist! Seeing her relief, I, too, began to use it on my neck and upper back and found it to be very soothing.

On the adult toy front, I was a bit hesitant to try the Smart Wand since I’ve been a fan of my Hitachi Magic Wand for years. However, Lelo’s Smart Wand boasts many great features that has caused my Hitachi Wand to have an especially cold winter thus far:

  • The toy utilizes Lelo’s patented SenseTouch technology. When the wand comes in contact with the body, the vibrations increase even more;
  • The Smart Wand is curved, which is more ergonomically friendly to a woman’s body;
  • The Smart Wand is rechargeable. A full charge provides at least two hours of pleasure and makes it much easier to use with your partner or on travel;
  • You can choose from eight levels of vibrations and eight pulsating patterns. This toy has light enough vibrations for a first-time toy user or highly-sensitive woman. On the most intense level, though, this is an extremely powerful toy. The versatility in terms of pulsations also allow you to have a variety of options, depending on your mood, body and preference;
  • The Smart Wand is very quiet for a wand toy;
  • It’s 100% waterproof so you can bring it with you in the shower or bath; and
  • As with all Lelo products, it’s made of body-friendly materials and comes with a one-year warranty.

The Smart Wand is available in medium or large sizes. The large Smart Wand is over a foot long, and the bulbous tip is approximately two inches in length. If you might be using the Smart Wand as a massager, I would purchase the large to allow you to easily reach more spots on your neck and back. If you’re only interested in the vibrating elements of the wand, the medium should work well for you.

This toy is for external use only so don’t be intimated by the size. You can use it on any body part, and men might enjoy the lighter vibrations on their perineum (the area below their balls and above their anus) or on the back of their penis.

The Lelo Smart Wand makes a great holiday gift or large stocking stuffer for that special someone. However, some might get a bit of sticker shock at the fact that the medium wand retails for $129 and the large wand for $189. Just remember that this is a gift that will keep on giving!

I never expected to part ways with my Hitachi Magic Wand, but the Lelo Smart Wand has won me over! It thus gets my full Five Squeals of Approval.

 

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the Smart Wand from Lelo free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.
  

What If You Have The Breast Cancer Gene?

What happens if you test positive for the breast cancer gene?

If you carry the BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 gene mutation, your doctor or genetic counselor will present you with several options:

  • Surveillance: You’ll need a clinical breast exam every six months, and a mammogram and breast MRI once a year. The hope with this approach is that if there’s subsequent evidence of breast cancer, it will be caught early.
  • Surgery: A second option is to obtain a preventative or prophylactic mastectomy to significantly reduce your risk of ever getting breast cancer. (On average, 60% of people testing positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Having a preventative mastectomy brings that number down to 10%.) Women may also elect to have their fallopian tubes and ovaries removed before or after menopause to drop their risk of ovarian cancer to 10%. Those surgeries also reduce a pre-menopausal woman’s chance of getting breast cancer in half.
  • Medicine: The birth control pill reduces a woman’s chance of developing ovarian cancer. However, that benefit will need to be weighed against an increased risk of getting breast cancer in those BRCA-positive women who take the pill for more than five years. The drug, tamoxifen, has also been shown to drop breast cancer rates in half for women with increased risk.

(The above options are described in greater detail on the Mayo Clinic website.)

Whichever path you choose, your doctor or genetic counselor will help you broach the subject with family members who might need to be tested. For those of you who test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 and are looking for more information or support, check out FORCE (Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered). In 2000, FORCE coined the term, “previvor."

If you are unsure if you have an increased risk of heredity cancer, you can take this short quiz. The questions can spur discussion with your relatives about family health history, and the answers are worth reviewing with your doctor.

It’s important to remember that testing negative for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 doesn’t mean that you won’t get breast or ovarian cancer. (I’m proof of that.) Whether or not you have breast cancer in your family, remember to perform monthly breast self exams, get a clinical breast exam once a year, and talk with your primary care physician or gynecologist about when you should start getting annual mammograms.

Breast Cancer Gene Testing

How much do you know about the breast cancer gene and genetic testing?

Are the following statements true or false?

1. There is only one breast cancer gene.

FALSE. At present, there are two known breast cancer genes, BRCA-1 and BRCA-2. Researchers continue to search for additional gene mutations that play a role in hereditary breast cancer.

2. Before getting tested for the breast cancer gene, you'll need to meet with a genetic counselor.

TRUE. It’s common practice to meet with a genetic counselor before breast cancer gene testing. The genetic counselor will review your family history with you and discuss the benefits and risks of getting tested. The counselor will also review your options if the results are positive.

3. Testing for the breast cancer gene consists of a mammogram and a blood test.

FALSE. A simple blood test can reveal whether or not you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2. It’s worth noting that one US laboratory handles BRCA testing, and thus, it can take several weeks to receive the results.

4. Men can get tested for the breast cancer gene.

TRUE. Men can get breast cancer and can also carry the breast cancer gene. If a man tests positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2, he has an increased risk of developing breast cancer, testicular cancer, prostate cancer and pancreatic cancer.

5. Insurance companies will cover breast cancer gene testing for all females.

FALSE. The cost of the test ranges from several hundred dollars to several thousand dollars. (My insurance company covered 90% of the cost of the test, and I still needed to pay $270.) The test is generally recommended for men and women over the age of 18 who have been diagnosed with breast cancer or who have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer.

6. If you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2, you will definitely develop breast cancer.

FALSE. Having the breast cancer gene does not mean that you will get breast cancer. However, testing positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 significantly increases the likelihood that you wil develop brest cancer in your lifetime. According to the National Cancer Institute, 12% of women in the general population will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime as compared to 60% of women with the breast cancer gene mutation.

Women who test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2 also have a 15-40% chance of developing ovarian cancer. The average woman in the general population only has a 1.4% chance of being diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

7. The majority of breast cancer patients test positive for the gene mutations.

FALSE. The Mayo Clinic states that, “BRCA gene mutations are responsible for about 5% of breast cancers and about 15% of ovarian cancers.”

 

So, readers, how did you do?

Next Post: What are the options if you test positive for BRCA-1 or BRCA-2? What’s a previvor?
 

Fun Factory Stronic Contest

Want to win one of Fun Factory's Stronic toys before the product is released to the public? Read on to find out more about the contest and the product.

The Fun Factory Stronic is more than just a vibrator; it's a pulsator! The toy relies on patented technology that enables the product to thrust, rather than vibrate. The Stronic doesn't contain a motor, but instead utilizes a complex weighted device that moves silently back and forth. In a study of 1,350 people, 87% indicated that they prefer the pulsations of the Stronic over a traditional vibrator.

The Stronic is one of three waterproof, body-friendly pulsators that Fun Factory will be releasing in 2013. You can enter to win one of four Stronics by:

  • Watching one of the short videos about the Stronic;

 

  • Thinking about how you or someone else would look using the Stronic;
  • Taking a photograph of your face with that reaction; and
  • Sending that photograph to marketing (at) funfactory.com or citygirlblogs (at) gmail.com by December 7th.

  

Rules:

  • All photographs must be received by December 7, 2012;
  • No nudity;
  • Only facial photographs are eligible;
  • Only one face in each photograph; and
  • Fun Factory will contact all winners by December 17, 2012.

Good Luck!!!

Disclaimer: In accordance with FTC Guidelines, no compensation was received for this post.

Is It Too Soon for Long Distance?

It’s time for a reader’s question from Formspring.

Question: The guy I like is leaving to go to the Marines soon. We have been talking, but I really don’t know that much about him. We have agreed to write letters to get to know each other better, but I’m not very good at writing letters. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer: Let’s tackle this question in two parts. The first is the relationship piece. You and Mr. Marine like each other, which is a good start. But, you’re not in a relationship yet so his departure understandably makes it difficult for you to continue getting to know each other. Try to focus on what you do like about him so that the time apart is easier. Also enjoy the opportunity to communicate openly with him about anything and everything that feels right without pressure about where the relationship is heading. One of the reasons why online dating sites are so popular is that they allow couples to develop some level of interest and open communication before the parties meet in person. You have that interest and now have that opportunity to build trust and a relationship (either friendship or love).

If out of sight leads to out of mind, I hope that you’ll consider corresponding with him out of respect for the fact that he is serving our country. Being in basic training or stationed away from home is lonely, arduous, honorable and often life-threatening. Letters, photographs and care packages from home mean so much to people in the military, especially those without regular Internet or telephone access.

When it comes to writing letters, it’s okay to be short and sweet. I recommend loading up on some inexpensive cards with simple messages like “Hello” or “Thinking of You.” Then you can just ask a question or two of him and tell him something new with you. (A friend in the military says that he loves hearing about mundane activities that his loved ones in the States are doing because it gives his deployment purpose.)

If you feel comfortable writing a longer letter, great, but the gesture of the note itself means more than how many lines you write. You can also include a photograph, funny comic strip or article inside. If he’s able to receive care package, ask him what non-perishable snack or magazine from home he misses the most and send a few his way. Simple acts make a huge difference!

Best of luck to you and him!

Did I miss anything, readers?

As a PS – If you’d like to send holiday cards through the American Red Cross to people serving in the U.S. Military, you can do so through December 7th. More information on Holiday Mail for Heroes is available here.