Roya’s New York

Roya rang in 2014 in her crib, but upon waking, we headed off to New York City. Grandpa and Nana were hosting a New Year’s Day party, and all of the guests understandably wanted to meet Roya!

The following day, we met up with Auntie Ashley at our favorite restaurant in the City, Artisanal. (I’m a fan of any place that has its own fromagerie and serves fondue and truffle fries!) I love that Roya lasted for 3.5 hours there without crying, although I know that the days of leisurely lunches are numbered.

Artisanal with Auntie Ashley

January 3rd brought 8-10″ of snow into Manhattan. The city was a mess, but the weather couldn’t stop me from seeing my girlfriends! I trudged through the snow with Roya to meet up at Maison with one of my law school besties, her husband and her son, Ryan. Check out Roya flirting with him!

Lunch date with Ryan

Lunch date with Ryan

(Note for those of you who might be stroller shopping: we brought our Chicco Key Fit and Caddy up to NYC. That stroller is light and easy to maneuver, as long as there isn’t inclement weather. Roya was thankfully unharmed when the Chicco Key Fit Caddy tipped over in a pile of wet snow, but that experience was very scary! I so regretted not having our more durable Uppa Baby Vista with us.)

For the remainder of the trip, Roya and I enjoyed coffee dates and brunches with several other friends who live in the area. On our last night in NYC, we met up with Roya’s godmother for dinner at Rare.

Fun with my godmother

Fun with my godmother

We cut our trip short by a few days to make it back to DC before the next snowstorm. I look forward to bringing Roya back to NYC once spring is here! xoxo

Lelo Ora Giveaway

In celebration of International Women’s Day on March 8th, Lelo is offering one lucky City Girl Blogs’ reader the chance to win an Ora, one of its premier adult products!

What’s an Ora, and how can you enter for a chance to win one?

The Ora is a new addition to Lelo’s award-winning Insignia line of toys. It provides external (clitoral) stimulation and has been called “The World’s Most Sophisticated Oral Sex Simulator.” The Ora features 10(!) different vibrating modes to allow each user to find her perfect level of intensity. Are you a fan of fast flicks, long swirls, pulses, waves or a combination? The Ora allows you to customize the massage experience to your liking. The product is sleek with an easy, three-button interface. One button enables you to increase the strength of the vibrations by 35% — instantly! The Ora is also waterproof and completely rechargeable. As with all Lelo toys, it is made of FDA-approved materials and comes with a one-year warranty. You can learn more about the toy and watch a promotional video about it here.

Lelo Ora

Lelo Ora

The Ora clitoral vibrator retails for $169, but you have a chance to win one here!

Enter to win with a comment that includes the following words: “The Lelo Ora!”

This giveaway will run through Friday, March 14, 2014. The lucky winner can reside anywhere in the world. Please only one comment per person. The winner will be chosen randomly via Random.org.

Want to increase your chances to win? Enter Lelo’s own massive Women’s Day Giveaway!

If you’re a user of Pinterest, Twitter or Facebook (or all three), then you’ve got a great chance of winning an amazing new LELO for yourself! Each social media platform gives you a chance to win a different LELO, with every 100 entries seeing Lelo giving away another prize!

Pinterest: Pin one – or all three – of these images, and for every one hundred pins Lelo will give away one set of HULA Beads™, the rotating and vibrating pleasure beads. Simply place your cursor over the image you want and click ‘Pin it’, and keep it hashtagged #LELOVEWOMEN so Lelo can find your Pin!

Twitter: Enter to win the amazing new ORA™ personal massager by retweeting the following: RT to enter @LELO_Sweden’s Giveaway, & win personal massager ORA! http://goo.gl/c19uYH!

Facebook: Entries on Lelo’s Facebook page are eligible to win the revolutionary couples’ massager IDA™, which rotates and vibrates to make lovemaking even more fantastic for both him and her. Tell Lelo in the Facebook comments section: Who is the most inspiring woman that you look up to?

The Lelo Ora, Hulu Beads and Ida

The Lelo Ora, Hulu Beads and Ida

Can’t wait to win a new Lelo toy? Get 20% off now with the promo code: GIRL14!

Lelo Discount Code

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, no monetary or in-kind compensation was offered in exchange for sponsoring this giveaway or promoting Lelo’s giveaway.

Good luck!

#ExhaustedMommy

Once Roya turned nine weeks old, her second growth spurt and second round of vaccines were behind her. She settled into a nice mode at bedtime, and we stopped our occasional night care. Each evening, Roya would go down at around 9:00pm. I would feed her a bottle at midnight before going to sleep, and then she would be up again between 4-5:00am to eat. During the night feedings, Roya wouldn’t cry or stay up for long. All she wanted was a bottle, burp and change, and then she would go back to sleep. She woke up in the morning at around 8:00am. That lasted consistently for the month of August.

Several friends had commented over the summer that motherhood was a natural fit for me.

“You’re the same old Stef Woods…just now with a baby!” Roya’s godmother said.

That’s how I felt, yet all that unfortunately changed in September. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we ended up displaced from our apartment.

Thankfully, a neighbor was kind enough to let us stay in her unit. Every night, The Man, my dog, Roya and I slept together in a 12” x 16” room together. That remained the case for almost four months.

(And, yes, I recognize my privilege as I write that. I realize there are many families who can only wish for a room of their own.)

On average, Roya would wake three times a night while we were in the other apartment. I would cough, and she would wake up. Flake would roll over as dogs do, and she would wake up. The Man would snore, and she would wake up.  I’m a light sleeper, and at least during this arrangement, so was Roya!

When we gleefully returned to our own home in December, Roya received her first flu shot the following day. For seven out of the next eight days, low-grade fevers ensued. She felt better over Christmas, but then she contracted her first cold. The cold improved, but then early January-early February found her with two back-to-back viruses.

The combination of flu shot, cold and two viruses meant that neither Roya nor I were sleeping that well. The colds and viruses caused Roya to cough so much that she would wake herself up from throwing up. And, she was often too uncomfortable to drink much during the day so she would feed more at night. Again, there weren’t many nights in which she was up for long, but she definitely was up a lot!

Knock on wood, Roya has been feeling better over the past month. But, now her two bottom teeth are coming in! (As any parent knows, it’s always something with these little nuggets!)

I can count on one hand the number of nights that I’ve slept well in the past six months, and that was because of night care.  I’ve been up an average of three times a night with Roya for six months. I’m so sleep deprived that I’ve almost fallen asleep at the wheel on more than one occasion. I feel like an exhausted shell of my former self, and my doctors are understandably concerned about my health.

All of the usual things that help babies to sleep longer (weighing a certain amount, regular nap times, introducing solids, taking baby Advil for a fever, giving more formula in the evening hours, etc.) haven’t made a difference in Roya’s nighttime sleep.

In November, Roya’s godmother aptly said, “I’ve never seen you like this.” I’ve known for her for 13 years, and I agree!

I’m an exhausted shell of my former self. I have the most amazing daughter, and I’m incomprehensibly tired.

Something needs to change for all of our sakes.

To be continued…

Impatient Masturbation

The words, “A hot date with my vagina,” stood out to me like a beacon in my Facebook news feed. As I read more, I learned that a San Diego reporter had interviewed my friend, Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, about meditative or mindful masturbation.

For those who aren’t aware of the concept of mindfulness, Psychology Today defines it as:

A state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.

How does mindfulness relate to masturbation?

As Dr. Jenn explains on her website and in the interview, the goal of meditative masturbation is to treat yourself lovingly like your treat your partner. Women are encouraged to take their time and focus on pleasuring all five senses. The reporter, Alex Zaragoza, describes in the remainder of the article how she wined and dined herself – and her vagina – with the help of Dr. Jenn’s audio guide to meditative masturbation.

I had heard of mindfulness from another friend in California a few years ago. With respect to sex and masturbation, I think meditative masturbation is especially beneficial for those who are unaware of their bodies or view their sexuality in a negative light.

Since both of my friends who practice mindfulness live in California, I started to think about being present in terms of an East Coast/West Coast divide. (It’s like the hip-hop rivalry of the 90s, but with far less loss and great music.)

In DC, the pace is so fast that the majority of my circle is used to juggling several things at once effectively. Time is a commodity that many of us unfortunately don’t have. The recent Nerve.com study evidences that point. Research indicates that the average sex session in Washington, DC lasts slightly over two minutes.

The legal community measures an hour in six-minute increments. The news industry relays stories in a matter of seconds. A local sex boutique indicated that the small and quiet Lelo Nea was a popular pick for DC women in court and on the Hill. These women would use the toy during bathroom breaks to provide some stress relief to their twelve-hour days. If the typical DC woman knows her body so well that she can reach orgasm quickly, that shouldn’t be regarded as a bad thing!

One friend in media joked that DC women are focused on impatient masturbation, rather than meditative masturbation. We need to sleep, go back to work, head to an event, or tend to our children. The goal here is to maximize productivity in the allotted time, not engage in a lengthy sensory experience. Nonetheless, a woman must have a heightened sense of awareness about and comfort with her body to achieve this. Maybe mindfulness and a short masturbation session aren’t mutually exclusive?

Apparently, the need for time efficiency translates into other arenas beyond the masturbatory arts. In discussing the article with my hairdresser, he shared his experience from years at salons in both Orange County and DC. In DC, the average woman arrives at his salon after work and wants to be out with highlights, a cut and blow dry in less than two and a half hours. By contrast, his clients in Southern California made a day out of the experience and would let him know that he was rushing them if they were done in less than four hours. At the end of the visit, though, both the California woman and the DC woman are leaving his salons with what they want in the manner that they want it!

Assuming that a woman knows her body and how to please herself, there’s no right or wrong. Take your time. Get down to business. Or, find some balance between the two. The goal here is to explore and enjoy!

So, what are your thoughts on mindful masturbation? Have you knowingly or unknowingly tried it? How do you approach self-intimacy?

Roya’s December

Roya hit a few milestones in December.

At six months old, we introduced her to baby food. Rice cereal, carrots, apples and bananas weren’t to her liking, but sweet potatoes and oat cereal were thankfully winners!

Mmm...sweet potatoes!

Mmm…sweet potatoes!

Roya saw her first snow.

Prepared for the elements!

Prepared for the elements!

On the third Sunday of the month, our family lit the Advent candle at church. The minister commented that Roya is quite the flirt and clearly likes being the center of attention. Wonder where she gets that from?!?

Roya attended her first holiday soiree — the Ladies Holiday Luncheon at Peacock Cafe! Although she wasn’t feeling well following the flu shot, she still relished in all the snuggles from her aunties! (Special thanks to Auntie Andrea for the invite!)

Roya with several of her aunties at the holiday luncheon

At the holiday luncheon

Roya’s staple holiday outfit was a simple red corduroy dress from Baby Gap with matching bloomers and white tights. Nana also got Roya a pair of beautiful baby Stuart Weitzman shoes. (They ended up in Roya’s mouth rather quickly, though.)

Roya perfected the military crawl!

After such an eventful year, our first Christmas with Roya was nice and quiet.

Homage to Cindy Lou Who

Homage to Cindy Lou Who

2013 ended with Roya’s first cold. (I know it’s a parental rite of passage, but it’s still never easy to see your child feeling poorly.)

New Year’s Eve found us asleep long before the ball dropped!

How did you ring in the New Year?

 

On Cancer and Platitudes

My friend, Kai, was diagnosed with leukemia in 2007. The prognosis from the start wasn’t promising.

“She’s dying. I don’t know what I should say to her,” I shared with a friend.

“You don’t think she knows she’s dying? You don’t need to pretend otherwise. All you can do is continue to be you and be her friend. Just focus on that.”

My friend’s advice stuck with me and helped me be myself around Kai. I let how Kai was feeling be the guide as to what we would talk about. Most of the time, we laughed about my dating antics, our mutual friends and our dogs. When she wasn’t able to have visitors in the hospital, I sent her cards. With respect to her health, I wasn’t maudlin, but I also didn’t throw cliches around either. That approach is one that I’ve continued when communicating with people dealing with an illness or loss. Specifically, I think about the following:

  • How can I be authentic to our relationship?
  • How can I be supportive without being dishonest or saccharin?
  • If I offer to help, is this an offer that I’m prepared to follow through with?
  • If I say I’m praying for someone, do I make a point to do so regularly?
  • What would make the person in need of support feel better? (This experience was about them, after all.)

My approach can be seen as less than positive and too honest, though. Typically, the harsh realities of cancer, illness and loss are met with trite expressions. This penchant for platitudes was on my mind recently as I looked at my Facebook news feed. One of my friends was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, while another friend had passed away after her cancer had returned and metastasized.

There was an outpouring of support and positivity for the friend in treatment. I cringed as I looked at the well-intentioned comments on the Facebook wall of the friend undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

“You’re such a fighter!”

Umm…does she have any choice?

“Cancer doesn’t know who it messed with!”

It’s cancer. It’s a horrible, often insidious disease. This beast is bigger than all of us!

“You look great!” “You’ve never looked more beautiful!”

There is beauty and raw emotion in suffering. There are days in which people in treatment will present themselves in the best manner possible. And, there are those genetically-blessed people who just look beautiful no matter what. Nonetheless, when you mix beauty with chemotherapy, fatigue, and surgeries, even the most gorgeous person is going to look less so.

“God doesn’t give anyone more than they can bear!” “These things only happen to the strongest of people!”

Is God really responsible for cancer, illness, and devastating loss? That’s not how I regard a benevolent God. Moreover, as the example of my two friends indicates, both were strong and both fought hard. One is currently in remission, and one has passed. Beating cancer is more a case of luck than faith or strength.

I’ve written about how to show support to loved ones during a health crisis. The recent juxtaposition of unbridled positivity against the enormous despair of grief on my Facebook feed reminded me yet again of the need for genuine support. I understand why people respond to illness and death with well-intentioned platitudes. I just hope for the day when we can be more honest with each other. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I’m sorry. Cancer just sucks.” Period.

What are your thoughts? How do you respond in these situations? Are some comments inappropriate or is well intentioned enough?

Roya’s November

During my four-month blogging hiatus, Roya has grown significantly and developed quite the personality! To recap our November following her baptism:

Roya at the playground

1st trip to the playground
She was a big fan of the swings and going down the slide with me! Can’t wait for the weather to get warmer so we can go back for more!

Roya from the Block

Roya from the Block

Roya and I are ladies who lunch! Here she is with one of our favorite aunties at Bourbon Steak. I call this ensemble her “Roya from the Block” look since it reminds me of an outfit that JLo would have worn in her “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” video. The faux fur chocolate brown vest in this photo and the Missoni cardigan above were never worn hand-me downs from a dear friend. And, Roya rocks her Gap skinny jeans and Zutano booties better than anyone I know!

1st selfie at Farmers Fishers Bakers

1st selfie at Farmers Fishers Bakers

Fun in the swing!

Silliness in the swing!

Yao, the dog, tried to photo bomb Roya. She was fine at first, but then, she was not amused! One friend joked that if Roya could talk, she would have been asking for her agent!

Yao, the dog, tried to photo bomb Roya. She was fine at first, but after 30 seconds, she was not amused! One friend joked that if Roya could talk, she would have been asking for her agent!

All smiles with the nanny!

All smiles with the nanny!

(For those of you who notice her rosy-red cheeks, Roya started teething over Labor Day weekend. Fast forward to February 14 and she still doesn’t have any teeth!)

Six months old!

Six months old!

There isn’t a word in the dictionary that could aptly describe just how much I love Roya. On this day of hearts and flowers, hope you’re with your loved ones, too! Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! xoxo

 

Landing Mr. Right Giveaway

A New Study by Landing Mr. Right Shows Women’s Preferences for Men, Dating and Love

Move over Adam Levine; Jonah Hill has you beat this Valentine’s Day. According to a survey by Landing Mr. Right, a hilarious new board game for single women in pursuit of “the One:”

  • 52% of females said they’d prefer to go on a date with a Regular Guy over a Rock Star, Blue Blood, CEO, Triathlete or Techno-Geek.  
  • 72% said they’d still go on a second date with a bad kisser, even if the first kiss wasn’t what they imagined.
  • Feelings triumph Sex and Money.  80% said they’d prefer to be taken care of emotionally over sexually or financially.
  • Changing a Facebook status to “In a Relationship” doesn’t warrant an introduction to his parents. 63% said it’s most appropriate to meet his parents after he says, “I love you.”
  • Contrary to what men think, women are not always talking about them. 59% said they spend less than one hour per week gabbing about their love lives with their girlfriends.

Research Now conducted the survey, which polled 750 single women aged 23-55 who said they still haven’t found “Mr. Right.” The survey questions were inspired by the NEW board game, Landing Mr. Right, which has just launched in time for Valentine’s Day. Created by Alys Daly and Victoria Brewer (both single), Landing Mr. Right has been dubbed “Therapy in a Box” as it helps build confidence and friendship among women.

LANDING MR. RIGHT NEW BOARD GAME

Landing Mr. Right Board Game

“We came up with the idea for Landing Mr. Right after I went out on one of the worst dates of my life,” said Co-Founder Daly. “We realized what women were really looking for is a fun way to come together, share their stories and offer each other inspiration as they pursue ‘the One.’”

Landing Mr. Right leads women on a virtual dating journey to find their own “Mr. Right.” Along the way, they have the opportunity to date six stereotypical men including: Blue Blood, CEO, Rock Star, Regular Guy, Triathlete and Techno-GeekDate Cards take women on a worldwide adventure – from Paris to New York – while Your StoryCards tackle everything from online dating to meeting his family. Questions, such as “They’re making a Broadway show about your sex life. Is it a comedy, a romance or a one-woman show?” get women thinking, laughing and discovering new things about themselves, their girlfriends and the men they date.

“Landing Mr. Right gives women the opportunity to date outside their comfort zone,” says Co-Founder Brewer. “If they’ve always gone for romantic, yet unreliable Rock Stars, why not roll the die with a loyal and predictable Regular Guy?”

Landing Mr. Right retails for $34.95 and can be purchased on www.LandingMrRight.com and at select retailers.

***

Do you agree with the survey results? 

For those of you who have found Mr. Right, how did you land your man in this game called love?

E! Online just featured Landing Mr. Right in its Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, and Essence Magazine said that the game is the perfect way to celebrate!

Want to win the Landing Mr. Right board game for you or a friend?

Tweet the following to enter:

RT @citygirlblogs: Want to win the great board game for singles, @LandingMrRight? http://bit.ly/1lFTXuj #giveaway

Rules: Only one entry per person. The giveaway will run through Wednesday, February 19th at 11:59pm EST. The winner will be chosen randomly by Random.org and must reside in the United States.

Good luck in winning the game and Landing Mr. Right!

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC guidelines, there was no financial or in-kind compensation in exchange for this post or the hosting of this giveaway.

Roya’s Baptism

Roya’s baptism was held at Western Presbyterian Church on November 3rd.

DSCF2103 (1)

Western Presbyterian Church

Western has a special place in my heart. I first set foot on the church grounds when I volunteered at Miriam’s Kitchen in 1994. Western is also the place where I met my dear friend and Roya’s godmother, Amy, across a crowded pew.

thumb 3

Love how Roya is sucking her thumb here!

During the baptism, Roya clearly enjoyed being the center of attention. She didn’t make a peep during her part of the service, and even leaned her head back on her own as the baptism commenced. Not surprisingly, I teared up as the minister baptized Roya, thinking about what a miracle she is!

Once our portion of the service was over, the church apparently became too quiet for Roya’s liking. She thus decided that she needed to interject her own babbling commentary during the sermon.

foot

With Pastor Beverly as Roya literally puts her food in her mouth

Once the service was over, we headed to Ris for a delicious brunch.

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At brunch at Ris

I found Roya’s baptismal gown at Neiman Marcus. The dress had an antique feel (or enough of one that we were asked if it was a family heirloom) without being too long or frilly. Roya rolled around and napped in the dress after the service, and the material still looked fresh.

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At the end of a long, wonderful day!

We’re thankful for Western’s warmth in welcoming our daughter and sharing such a memorable day with our loved ones!

 

Welcome to My New Site!

When I first began blogging in December 2008, I had a basic WordPress platform. The pale mint green and grey template was neither busy nor fancy. Since I blogged anonymously back then, there were no images embedded in my posts. I appreciate that a strong blog is about the written word, but I also acknowledge that my posts were very text heavy.

In September 2010, I obtained my City Girl Blogs™ logo via crowdsourcing and had my site professionally redesigned. I loved the new look of my brand and my blog!

The same month that my site launched, I started chemotherapy. I honestly didn’t know where my blog – or my life – was headed. Getting through treatment was my main priority, and blogging about my relationships was a fun diversion.

Back in 2010, I thought that I would finish treatment and put the whole cancer journey behind me. In retrospect, that approach seems blissfully ignorant! I’m thankfully in remission, but the experience still impacts me on a daily basis in both positive and negative ways. I know that one of my life’s missions is to write, speak and advocate about cancer and cancer prevention.

My blog led me to teach at American University. Three years later, I feel blessed at how much joy my job continues to bring me.

The most significant change in my life is that I’m the mom of an eight-month-old miracle baby named Roya! Every decision is made with her in mind.

This new site reflects who I am now and the many hats I wear. In addition to my blog posts, the site also includes information about:

My blog will continue to feature content that’s as varied as my life. From Roya to health advocacy to sex advice to giveaways to cancer, you’ll never know what topic you’ll find when you click on the latest post! For those who’ve missed my Sex and the City-esque adventures, fear not! Quite a few of my old dating tales are still accessible.

I’ve genuinely missed writing and being a part of the blogging community.  It’s nice to get back to both.

I hope that you enjoy my new site as much as I do!

Many thanks and much appreciation to Earl Wyatt of Feedigital.com for all of his help with the site transfer, design and updates!

xoxo, Stef