No Pity Parties. Only Titty Parties.

I've blogged a fair amount about my tits.

But, today, I'm shifting the focus from tits to breast health.

"Why should I care about breast health?" you might be asking if you are a guy.

"I'm 24. Breast health isn't really an issue at my age," you might be saying.

Ladies, it's never too early to be thinking about breast health. And, guys, if you love boobs, the women who have them or both, you should care about these issues, too!

Why do I care?

1. I know far too many friends who have lost loved ones to breast cancer;

2. My Mom died of cancer of unknown primary origin so she might have had breast cancer; and

3. Since 2000, I've had three benign breast lumps removed and three breast biopsies.

***
I had written the above in the hopes that I would submit it for Femme Writes in May. I wasn't sure what direction I wanted the post to go and so I just saved it as a draft. I now realize that there was a reason for that.

In early May, I found a lump in my right breast. I was due for my annual mammogram anyway so I scheduled that. (Most women do not require yearly mammograms before the age of 40, but given my health history and my Mom's, I started getting screened at 35.)

Earlier this month, I went for my mammogram. The breast radiologist at Sibley Hospital reviewed my films and performed an ultrasound. She then recommended taking small samples of the lump that I found and abnormal calcifications that the mammogram showed via biopsy. I don't particularly like biopsies — who does, right? — but I knew what to expect and scheduled them for the last Friday.

On Tuesday, I was sitting in the chair at the hair salon when my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and recognized it as Sibley's main line. I answered the phone and the radiologist informed me that the lump I had found was a fibroid (aka nothing to worry about). But, the calcifications showed Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.

DCIS.

Early Stage Breast Cancer.

I sat in the back room of the hair salon as tears filled my eyes. I asked the doctor to repeat it since she didn't say the ‘c' word the first time. It was surreal, and I knew that for the rest of my life, I would always remember that moment. After I hung up with her, I called my best friends and my man to inform them. I also rescheduled my plans for the evening.

A few hours later, I realized that there was no need to change my plans. I deal with health stuff every day, and breast cancer is just one blip on my radar. So, I put on some makeup, my favorite Burberry mini, high black open-toe heels and a smile, and I went out to the bar.

When my man and I came home at the end of the evening, we talked about the next steps. I shed some more tears. And, then it was business time. (It's me. Did you really expect anything less?)

I also began to count my blessings. I'm thankful that my health conditions helped get this diagnosed early. If you have to have breast cancer, this is the best kind to have. I WILL survive this. (If I hadn't had my first mammogram until the age of 40, that might not have been the case.) I'm fortunate that I have great medical insurance, doctors and friends. And, I'm saying prayers for the many women out there with far more severe cases and far less options and resources.

If you're reading this and wondering what you can do to help me, it's easy! Help yourself and help others!

* Conduct breast self-exams.

* Have a health care provider regularly conduct a clinical breast exam.

* Get annual mammograms.

* For men and women, make sure your loved ones are doing all of this!

* Donate toward finding a cure here! I chose to set up a fundraising page through The Breast Cancer Research Foundation because BCRF is the ONLY breast cancer organization that received an A+ rating from the American Institute of Philanthropy. You can take comfort in the fact that any donation will be used to make a difference!

There's NO need for a pity party here. And, when I'm cancer free, I will be holding a titty party! (It's like a blog party, but so much better!) I have a lot to celebrate. xoxo

Very Smart Balls

While I was at the AASECT conference last weekend, I was thrilled to see that Fun Factory had a representative in the exhibition hall.

"What's Fun Factory?" you might be asking.

Fun Factory is a German sex toy company known for its aesthetically pleasing and top performing products! If you purchase a Fun Factory toy, you can also take comfort in the fact that the item is high quality, and free of toxic ingredients and allergens.

The Fun Factory representative provided me with the Smart Balls Teneo Duo. I looked at the two weighted balls and envisioned a lot of anal pleasure to be had. So, imagine my dismay, when the representative indicated that the balls are only for vaginal use. (Where's the fun in that?)

When I got up to my hotel room, I opened the box containing the Smart Balls. The two soft silicone balls are attached by a small piece of material. The end of the toy has a cord to assist with removal. The balls are ridged, and the two balls together feel about as heavy as a single golf ball. The weighted balls inside the silicone shell allow for some vibration, but you have to listen carefully to hear any noise emanating from the toy.

The box indicates that the toy helps strengthen vaginal muscles. Midwives recommend Smart Balls to women after pregnancy, and they are also used as a substitute or conduit for Kegel exercises. The goal here is to tighten the pelvic floor muscles, which in turn, increases pleasure during sex.

As I read about the toy in my hotel room, I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the market for a toy to tighten my pussy. I figured that the Smart Balls would get used once for the sake of the review and then tossed in the back of the toy drawer. Boy, was I mistaken!

The Smart Balls can significantly enhance oral and anal sex, if you leave them in during those sexcapades. Significantly.

The fact that the toy is ridged and weighted led me to believe that the cord would need to be pulled to move the balls and cause the vibrations. However, that's not the case. The toy works phenomenally well if it's just inside you. Or, you can get a lot of enjoyment from subtle movements of the cord.

Imagine that you are just teasing the cord and tap it gently from one side to the other. Or guide it slowly up and down. You don't need repeated movements here since the vibrations respond to light, sporadic touches. And, no pulling or tugging of the string is required.

If you need to use a lubricant to insert the Smart Balls, use a water-based lubricant, rather than a silicone-based product. Since the Smart Balls are silicone, silicone lube might cause the product to melt. (Maybe that won't happen, but why risk it?) The Smart Balls can be cleaned with mild soap and water or a Toy Cleaner.

Once the Smart Balls are comfortably inside you, have your partner focus on your clitoris with his tongue and occasionally touch the cord of the toy. During anal sex, the thrusting motion will allow the Smart Balls to vibrate enough to provide added G-spot stimulation. The vibrations are subtle, effective and not distracting at all. Oral and anal can be much more intense and orgasmic with the toy than without it.

The Smart Balls allow for heightened G-Spot sensitivity and awareness. For those of you who are still trying to harness the power of your G-spot or clitoral legs, you might find this toy to be very useful.

Smart Balls can be used without stimulation to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and help with Kegel exercises. The toy is highly recommended for postpartum women, although you should check with your doctor before inserting a toy into your vagina after delivery.

For straight women looking to bring something new into the bedroom, your man shouldn't find anything intimidating about the Smart Balls. There's also the advantage that the toy requires very little effort. No batteries, charging, or operation required. You can insert the Smart Balls inside and neither you nor your man need to do much else.

The Smart Balls will be a great addition to your normal sexual mix. Bullets or small sex toys rarely stay in place. And, traditional vibrators are often too big to feel comfortable – let alone erotic – when inside your pussy during anal sex. The Smart Balls are just right.

Some sex toy websites indicate that the balls can be used anally. Please don't do that, though! Shanna Katz, a Sex Educator, explains why the balls aren't medically safe for anal use here.

Smart Balls retail for $29.90. Given how versatile the toy is, I found that price to be reasonable. This toy will be a regular part of your sexual routine. Thanks Fun Factory!

Note: Pursuant to FTC regulations, I received this product free of charge in exchange for my participation in a survey at the AASECT conference.

The G-spot

For many women, the G-spot or ability to achieve a vaginal orgasm is elusive. How elusive? Well, it's estimated that 75% of women cannot orgasm from vaginal intercourse without the use of toys, oral stimulation or manual stimulation. For others, the G-spot is a sexual Narnia of sorts through which much pleasure is obtained.

There's debate within the medical community regarding whether the G-spot is a cluster of nerves in the upper portion of the pussy or if it's actually part of the clitoris. A 1998 medical report found that the clitoris has legs that wrap around the urethra and the vagina and can be up to 3.5 inches long. To learn more about the report and see the anatomical drawing of the clitoral legs, click here.

So, does the G-spot exist, or to paraphrase Public Enemy, should you not believe the hype?

I believe that the G-spot does exist, but from a personal perspective, it doesn't matter to me whether the area is a cluster of nerves that is separate from or related to the clitoris. I just enjoy the difference in orgasms that I achieve from external stimulation versus internal stimulation.

The best post that I've read about G-spots was written by Analena Valdes Graham. Analena is a nurse and sex educator, and she is one of the owners of Lotus Blooms (formerly Dascha Boutique), a unique and high-end sex boutique designed to empower, educate and inspire women and couples. Since Lotus Blooms is no longer blogging, Analena was kind enough to let me repost her very informative piece about G-spots. Enjoy!

So what exactly is this G-spot and how do you find it?

Applauds and credit are due to German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg who first hypothesized its existence in 1950. The G-Spot is located inside the vagina about two inches inside from the entrance. The G-spot is a network of blood vessels, nerve endings and soft tissue. When stimulated, it can greatly enhance your orgasm and increase the possibility of female ejaculation. Female ejaculation…WHAT?!? Yes, another fascinating phenomenon about this wonderful little spot is that when stimulated, some women will actually ejaculate (also known as squirting). That's right. Many women will ejaculate noticeable amounts of clear fluid during orgasm.

The key factor in finding your G-spot is becoming intimately acquainted with your body. To assist you with this, there are several things that you (with or without your partner) can do to try to stimulate your G-spot:

Although many women don't believe they have G-spot, the truth is that they just don't know how to find it or stimulate it properly. When done the right way, G-spot stimulation can be mind blowing. A "G-spot orgasm" is slightly different from one achieved purely through clitoral stimulation, and can be more intense. Now, the G-spot is a quarter-sized area of spongy tissue located directly behind the pubic bone. Because it rests up against the bladder, many women will have an initial sensation of having to urinate. This is why it is key to go to the bathroom before attempting to find it, so that you aren't confused.

Now, lay on your bed or find that comfy couch. Relax and slowly start to stimulate your clitoris, labia, and mons. To begin the G-spot voyage, you should be fully aroused. The more aroused you are, the larger and more sensitive the G-spot becomes making it easier to find. Once you are aroused, slowly insert one or two fingers into your vagina. Your fingertips should be facing toward your bellybutton, and inserted to the spot directly under the pubic bone. Now, slowly press up against the pubic bone (away from yourself) and start to feel for a spongy area with a ridged texture. If you feel the sensation of having to urinate, you've got it!! Ladies, power through that sensation and try different pressing, tapping, and rubbing motions to see what is most pleasurable for you. Continue to do this until you can't take it anymore and achieve that orgasm!

Because the G-spot is embedded in the muscle of the vaginal wall, you may not initially find your G-spot. It may take a little patience and effort on your part. I encourage you not to give up! The reward will be well worth the journey!!!

The Lelo Gigi, Iris or Mona are great G-spot vibrators. These pleasure objects are specifically designed to help stimulate the G-spot. There's a wide variety to choose from depending on your mood for exploration and creativity! These vibrators come in a variety of colors, materials and prices.

Your partner can help you experience G-spot orgasms and ejaculation by inserting his index and middle fingers into your vagina and firmly pressing and stroking the inside front wall. Also, during intercourse, try placing a pillow underneath your hips. This slight incline may make it easier for your partner to stimulate your G-spot with his penis.

What toys, positions, or methods have worked for you to help you achieve a vaginal orgasm?

Trusting your partner

I’ve received quite a few questions via e-mail and Formspring about cheating. I thought that I would tackle one of them today.

Question: Do you think it’s ever safe to trust someone 100%?

Answer: I assume that you mean “someone” in the romantic partnership sense of the word. With that clarification, I do think it’s safe to trust someone 100%.

If you are in a partnership and are truly in love with someone, then I would hope that you would trust that person completely. I feel as though I can’t control whether or not a person is worthy of my trust, but I can control my ability to trust someone. When I fall in love, I’m all in. I will work to earn the person’s trust 100%, and I will believe in that person 100%.

If my partner does something to indicate that he’s not trustworthy, then I’ll respond accordingly. But, I can’t go into a serious relationship with my guard up too much; that’s not healthy for me as an individual or as a part of a couple.

I worked hard to move past my fears of commitment and allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable in my relationships with men. Have I gotten hurt at times? Sure. But, do I regret getting hurt? No. I’ve been able to look at my actions and know with 100% certainty that I truly loved and that I did my best to make that relationship work.

We all deserve to be all in when it comes to love. You’ll know you found the right person for you when you can trust him or her with your heart.

 

Playing hooky

It was a cold and rainy Tuesday in late March. I was lounging on the couch in my Old Navy sweats when my phone vibrated. It was a text from Mr. Exec:

Morning. What are your plans for today?

Me: A whole lotta nothing!

Mr. Exec: That sounds nice. Up for some company?

Me: Sure :)!

Mr. Exec: I might need your help with an article for a newsletter for [an organization that had a similar mission to a nonprofit for which I used to work]. Would that be okay?

Me: Of course!

Mr. Exec arrived at my place a couple of hours later. He has his nickname for a reason so I was surprised that he barely looked at his Blackberry all day. He fully committed to playing hooky with me and being a sloth. I hadn't expected him to be able to decompress from his job the way he did, and it was nice to see.

Even though Mr. Exec hadn't even kissed me at the end of our first date or even come upstairs, it felt like he had been over my place many a time. I poured him a glass of Chardonnay. We relaxed on the couch, watching Sportscenter. He put his arm around me and made sure that my blanket covered my feet. I hadn't thought about what this embryonic thing called "us" would turn into, but we interacted like we were a couple.

That afternoon, ESPN kept replaying Tiger Woods' interview.

Mr. Exec: If you were Elin, would you stay?

Me: Hell no.

Mr. Exec: What about for better or worse?

Me: That would go out the window if my husband put his cock inside one other woman — let alone 12.

Mr. Exec: Would you leave a person if he was an alcoholic?

Me: I was in a relationship with an addict and an alcoholic when I was in my early 20s. I became such an co-dependent enabler that I don't think I would knowingly become involved with an addict again unless he was in recovery.

Mr. Exec: Well, what if he didn't have a problem, but a tragic event like a family member's death sent him into a downward spiral? Wouldn't you want to help him?

Me: Of course.

Mr. Exec: Then, how is an alcohol addiction different from a sex addiction?

Me: I don't see what Tiger did as situational or a post-traumatic stress response. Cheating would involve a betrayal of our marriage vows so I see that as different from a substance problem. But, I get your point that if marriage is forever, that includes the worse.

We talked more about our views on cheating and sex addiction. I might not have agreed with all of Mr. Exec's points, but I respected them. I liked his energy and his wisdom. I hadn't dated anyone with whom I felt such physical and intellectual chemistry since Lawyer Boy.

Mr. Exec suggested that we take a nap, but I decided to crack the metaphorical whip and get the article done before we went to sleep. I felt flattered that he trusted me to help him with it, and we worked well together. I had a thought that if we continued dating, there would be a lot more of this. I smiled to myself in front of the laptop (much like I'm doing now). I had definitely missed being able to professionally connect with someone.

When we finished the article, we began talking about upcoming events in town. That made me think of his friend, Jenna, who I had met last year.

Me: How is she? She was so much fun.

He commented that he hadn't talked to her in a while, noting that he received a lot of flack for bringing her to the event in Georgetown.

Me [surprised since I thought that they were just friends]: Was she there as your date?

Mr. Exec: Well…we were hanging out.

Me: Wait a minute… you were flirting with me and asking me out right in front of her? And, she was there as your date?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: What kind of guy is on a date with one girl and asks another girl out right in front of her?

Mr. Exec: Well, Jenna and I weren't serious. We didn't have that much in common. She's nice, but I didn't see it progressing so I didn't view it as a big deal.

Me [laughing out loud]: Seriously? I actually wondered why I had never heard from her since we had gotten along so well. Now I know why. I would have walked out of the restaurant if you had done that with me.

I rolled my eyes and thought to myself:

What was I getting myself into?

Tea for two

As my date with Mr. Exec approached, I found myself a bit giddy. Mr. Exec was handsome, successful and intriguing, and I was looking forward to spending more time with him. I could tell just how excited I was by the fact that I told my friends about my plans.

JD: Where did you meet him again?

Me: At a charity event last year. He had asked me out back then, but I was still with "Buckeyes" Boy. I'll guess we'll see if our timing is better now.

JD: So, where is he taking you?

Me: Out for tea.

JD: Tea? [Laughing out loud.] He's taking you out for tea? What straight guy invites someone out for tea?

Me: Come on. That's his thing. He mentioned that to me last year. I don't drink coffee anyway so what does it matter?

JD: Is he black?

Me: Yeah. Light-skinned.

JD: British?

Me: No. Enough! It's not a big deal, k?

JD found the whole "tea" meet-up to be suspect, but I chose not to over-analyze our plans for the evening. Mr. Exec and I had also been texting about watching the Georgetown-Marquette game afterward. I liked the idea that the date could be tea and more.

I wanted to look cute without being overdressed. (This was just a casual date, after all.) And, as is often the case in March, it was raining outside. I chose a red sweater, my skinny black Twenty8Twelve jeans and my black Burberry jacket.

When I arrived at Teaism Dupont, Mr. Exec was out front. He gave me a kiss on the cheek to say hello. When we noticed what the other was wearing, we started to laugh out loud. Mr. Exec had a black Burberry jacket and jeans on. We looked like twins!

We went inside, ordered tea and headed upstairs to a table. It didn't take me more than a few seconds to remember what a smart guy he was and how easily our conversation flowed. Mr. Exec and I talked about the usual topics that a couple does on a first date: education; places we've lived; work and family. The more he spoke about how he was raised, the more I smiled. It was clear that Mr. Exec was a total Momma's Boy.

After an hour at Teaism, he said,

Shall we go to a bar to watch the rest of the game?

Me [smiling]: That would be great.

He suggested that we head down to South Dupont and watch the game at a bar with more of a sports vibe. While we were walking, we heard Bell Biv Devoe's "Poison" coming from a bar below Darlington House.

Me: Is it 1990? What's next? Someone will start doing the running man?

Neither of us said anything to each other, but there, in the middle of the sidewalk on Connecticut Avenue, we both broke out into the running man. I switched it up to the slide move that BBD was known for as Mr. Exec worked the Cabbage Patch.

When we finished our dance break, we laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes. Mr. Exec then commented,

We have to go into that bar now.

We walked inside and realized that was the perfect place to watch the game. We bellied up to the bar to order drinks and some appetizers.

Mr. Exec: So, I have to admit that I haven't looked at your blog.

Me: That's not necessarily a bad thing. (I don't care for a guy to read about the explicit details of my past relationships anymore than I care to read about theirs.)

Mr. Exec: Well, I wanted to go to your Blog Party to show you that I support you, but I didn't fully understand what happened with "Buckeyes" Boy. Are you comfortable talking about it?

Me: Sure. I didn't do anything wrong so I'm fine talking about him.

I condensed my relationship and the aftermath into a seven-minute conversation. I didn't want to belabor the situation or raise concern that I might not be over "Buckeyes" Boy. But, Mr. Exec had several questions about my relationship, and I wanted to answer them honestly.

Me: This is a small town. "Buckeyes" Boy has lied to numerous people in the Twitter community, a recruiter and people in his workplace. It's only a matter of time before he lies himself right out of this city.

Mr. Exec: Definitely. People don't realize how it all comes out eventually. DC is too small for it not to. For instance, Nikki [a friend of his who I had met] was telling me about this guy who kept asking her out last year. He said how much he liked her and that he wanted to take her to dinner. She considered it, but then she told me his name. I was like, 'There's no way you can go out with The Baron. He's a crook.'

Me: The Baron?

Mr. Exec: Yeah, do you know him?

Me: Umm…yeah…we went to law school together.

I figured that was easier than saying,

Oh, you mean the guy who I spent New Year's with?

Yeah. My world is way too small.

Wrapping it up

I recently received the following question on Formspring:

I have had unprotected sex a couple of times, and I know it's a bad idea for the future. How do you bring it up without ruining the mood? Also, who should carry the condoms: the man or the woman? (I don't know how to pick them out since each guy is different.)

To state the obvious, few people enjoy using condoms. But, there is a key difference between wanting to use a condom and needing to use a condom. Unless you and your boyfriend are in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested for HIV and STDs, he should be wearing a condom each and every time you have sex. (I'm sure I'm not telling you anything that you don't know, but it can't hurt to be reminded again.)

Since you have had unprotected sex, have you made an appointment to get tested yet? If not, I recommend doing so in the near future. Most major health insurance companies cover an HIV test as part of your annual physical, and you can be tested for STDs at your annual OB/GYN appointment. If you are attending college, confirm that you can get tested at your school's health center. If your school doesn't offer those services, then check online to find out where the nearest Planned Parenthood or women's center is.

Since you don't care to have unprotected sex in the future, how can you bring up the topic without ruining the mood? Well, that depends on the nature of the relationship:

1. A one-night stand or more casual relationship. You aren't seriously dating anyone and are meeting your girlfriends for drinks. You're open to wherever the evening takes you if you meet a fine guy or receive a text from Mr. Right Now.

Be prepared before you leave the house. Buy a cute condom compact and a box of condoms. Keep the box at your house and before you go out for the evening, place a few condoms in the compact. Throw the compact in your purse along with your keys, phone and lip gloss, and you're ready to go!

Prior to having sex, I imagine that the guy will reach for a condom. If he doesn't say or do anything, put your hands on his face and look into his eyes as you say:

I want you inside me. Do you have a condom?

(If you like to talk dirty, feel free to substitute the first line with any variation of "I want to fuck you.")

If he has a condom, then let him use whatever condom he prefers. If he doesn't have one, then you can reach over and grab a condom out of your purse. It doesn't need to ruin the mood since using a condom is a means to a hopefully enjoyable end! If the mention of the word, "condom," makes the guy less excited (as in, less hard), then take a few minutes to get him just how you want him before he puts on the condom.

Most guys in this day and age should realize that it's dangerous to have unprotected sex. But, there are still those guys who will break out a line to try to convince you otherwise. Be prepared with your responses. For example:

Guy: I'll just put the tip in.
Girl: We both know where that will lead.

Guy: I can't feel anything with a condom.
Girl: I bet you will. I'm very wet.

Guy: I don't want to use a condom.
Girl: We can just mess around without having sex, but wouldn't sex be more fun?

Guy: Aren't you on the pill?
Girl: That's not the point. We don't know each other well enough to go raw.

You can use whatever words you wish to get the point across. Just know your limits and stick to them.

With respect to ruining the mood, I would try to reframe your thoughts on that. Using a condom when you have sex should be viewed as Standard Operating Procedure, not a buzz kill. Unless you and the guy are in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested, then the risks of not using a condom FAR outweigh the 60 seconds it takes to bring it up and put one on. (Please realize how much of an understatement this is and that I could go on and on about how testing positive for HIV or dealing with an unplanned pregnancy could really ruin the mood.) Just view using a condom as a normal part of the routine of having sex.

What condoms should you buy? You could buy a Variety Pack from Durex or Trojan or pick a lubricated, latex condom that you like. Choose latex over lambskin since lambskin does not prevent again STDs.

If you want to cover all your bases, you can also pick up a box of Trojan Magnums for larger men and throw one of those condoms in the compact. Trojan's bestseller is the lubricated, ultra-thin ENZ condom, but the company recently came out with an ultra-ribbed Ecstasy condom. (The Ecstasy claims to let you feel all of the pleasure without feeling the condom. Has anyone tried one of these condoms? What was your experience? Please comment – anonymously if need be – and let us know.)

2. If you're in a relationship, then the topic of condoms becomes part of a larger discussion of past sexual history and birth control. I think it's easier to have those discussions out of the bedroom so that there's less pressure. But, if you prefer to have that conversation in the bedroom, that's fine, too. (It's more important that you talk about it than where you talk about it.)

If you care about this person, then it's worth communicating about the following things:

Are you using condoms for birth control and STD/HIV prevention or just the latter?

What condom does he like best? Will he be providing them or do you need to stock up, too?

Will you be using condoms in the early stage of your relationship with the intent to get tested later on?

Are you both monogamous?

Can you orgasm with condoms or will you need additional clitoral stimulation?

You might address all these issues in one fell swoop or discuss these matters over time. If you are in a relationship with someone, then it's appropriate and necessary to broach all of these topics. Just remember that communication and honesty are keys to a healthy relationship in all senses of the word!

Have fun and be safe! xoxo

How have you broached condom use with a partner? What's your brand of choice and why?

Teddy Ruxpin

Last Friday morning, I was trying to motivate out of my warm bed and into the shower when the telephone rang. I looked at the Caller ID and saw that it was Philly Matt. Given the timing of his call, I realized that he had just read my latest post about us.

When we spoke earlier in the week, Matt had told me about Tammy, a girl he recently met. His voice was giddy when he talked about her in a way that I hadn't heard since he and I had dated. I was excited for him on the phone, but when we hung up, I felt melancholy. What would happen to our friendship? How would our relationship change with a girlfriend in the picture?

I thought about texting or calling Philly Matt that evening, but instead, I just wrote a post about it. In retrospect, that was a passive-aggressive move on my part since I know that Philly Matt reads my blog regularly. But, I figured that the conversation would come soon enough, and it did.

Philly Matt [hearing the groggy tone in my voice]: Did I wake you? I'm sorry. You can go back to sleep and just call me later.

Me: No, I'm good. Just waiting for my migraine meds to kick in. What's up?

Philly Matt: So…I read your post.

Me [with a bit of nervousness in my voice]: Yeah, I figured.

Philly Matt: I read everyone's comments, too. I thought about writing one of my own as Philly Matt, but I decided that I should just call you.

Me: Okay. You know you can write one anytime you want, though, right? Even if I disagree with it, I'll still approve it.

Philly Matt: I know that, but it just made more sense to talk to you directly.

Me [exhaling]: K.

Philly Matt: I want you in my life until the day I take my last breath. You are a very important person to me and anyone I date will need to know that and be okay with that. If you call me in the middle of the night and need me, she's going to need to understand that I have to go. Staying friends with you is not negotiable.

I paused for a few seconds after he said that because I had tears in my eyes. (And, yes, being the sap that I am, I have tears in my eyes again as I'm writing about this.)

Me: Thanks. I figured that's what you would say, but it means a lot to me to hear that. I couldn't imagine my life without you.

Philly Matt: And you won't have to.

We talked for a while about how our relationship doesn't make sense to most people.

Philly Matt: Maybe they haven't found a way to make it work. Or didn't break up amicably.

Me: Well, it's not like we were friends right after we broke up so I understand. But, I feel closer to you now than I did when we were a couple. We've been through a lot over the past few years.

Philly Matt: Exactly. I know that no matter what, you're there for me. And, you know that the same is true with me. Anyone we date will need to understand that, too.

Me: Thanks. That makes me feel better. I still feel bad that I even considered not having you come on the ski trip with "Buckeyes" Boy.

Philly Matt: Well, you guys were in a serious relationship. You couldn't make him uncomfortable. I knew that you and I would stay friends no matter what, but I just felt bad that I wouldn't be able to go on the ski trip or see everyone else [in our group] anymore.

Me: Yeah, I know. I'm glad that didn't happen, and I've learned my lesson for next time. I don't want to lose you or isolate you from the group. The Crew wants you around, too. And I also realize that I'm acting pretty selfish to be whining about a girl that you haven't even really started dating when I've called you about several guys over the years and you've always rolled with it. I guess I just worried that I would lose you if you got serious with a girl…that she wouldn't understand.

Philly Matt: That's never going to happen with us. She's going to know about you. I feel closer to you now than I did even a few months ago after having met your Dad and Rhea [my Dad's girlfriend at my birthday party in April]. . . .And, you realize that I've barely spent any time with Tammy one-on-one. I don't even know if we'll start dating!

Me: Yeah, I know. It just caught me off guard to hear how you talked about her. Tammy's your first crush since me, and I guess I got a little jealous and a little confused, even though I'm happy for you. [Pause.] I'm okay with us never hooking up again, but losing your friendship would be too tough for me. You know me better than any guy I've ever known. [Pause.] But, I will miss snuggling with you. You are very snuggly.

Philly Matt: I'm a regular Teddy Ruxpin! [We start laughing hysterically.]

Me: You pulled out Teddy Ruxpin?!? Hahaha!

Our conversation shifted gears to work, friends, his kids and my latest guy adventures. When I hung up the phone 30 minutes later, I had a huge smile on my face and wiped a few more tears of joy from my eyes.

I wish I knew the secret to how Philly Matt and I have managed to make our friendship work. (Trust me, I would bottle that formula if I could.)

As I texted Philly Matt this weekend,

I love you, Teddy Ruxpin!

And, I do. With all my heart.

Did you try it out and then the friendship fizzled over time or when a new significant other came into the picture? Do you regret not maintaining a friendship with any of your exes?

In like a lion

Last October, I attended a charity event on the Hill. When I walked into the venue, I immediately noticed Mr. Exec, a very successful business consultant. He's 6'1" with an athletic build and light black complexion. His most striking feature: his blue-green eyes that sparkled like the water off of Seven Mile Beach. A close second: his impeccably tailored designer suit.

At the event, Mr. Exec took me under his wing. If I wanted a drink, he made sure that I had it in less than a minute. If there were A-listers in the vicinity, he introduced us and told them about my blog. If the photographer was nearby, he made sure that she took several pictures of me.

Mr. Exec: Are you going to the after-party?

Me: No, unfortunately, I have to go home.

Mr. Exec: Would you like to go out for tea sometime?

Me: Sure! That would be great!

Mr. Exec sent me an e-mail after the event. I indicated that I was open for grabbing tea, but he never threw out a specific day or time. I didn't pursue it since I was busy with my thesis and was living with my then-boyfriend, "Buckeyes" Boy.

A month later, the charity held another event in Georgetown. Mr. Exec and I texted each other beforehand to confirm that we both would be attending. Mr. Exec showed up at the event with his friend, Jenna, yet he still paid a lot of attention to me. He reiterated his offer to have tea together and also mentioned grabbing a meal at National Harbor.

Mr. Exec, Jenna and I spent much of the event talking to each other. For some of the conversation, Mr. Exec had his arm around my waist. But then, he moved it to my ass. That caught me off guard. I had always felt a friendly vibe between us, but my judgment might have been clouded by the fact that I was in a serious relationship. I waited for the next appropriate moment to mention that I had a boyfriend, hoping that would eliminate any further ass grabbing.

After that event, Mr. Exec texted me about getting together on Sunday. We were trying to coordinate plans, when he made a comment about wanting to give me kisses.

Me: Hugs – yes. Kisses – no.

Mr. Exec: Why not hugs and kisses?

Me: Because I'm living with my boyfriend and that wouldn't be right.

Mr. Exec: Oh, I didn't know that.

Me: Yeah, but I would love to go out for tea with you as friends :).

Mr. Exec suddenly became much less available for tea, but I couldn't blame him. I didn't hear from him again for over a month, when he texted me to wish me a Happy New Year.

We then began to text more regularly, but it was tough to find a time to get together. (I was in thesis mode in January, and DC was covered with snow for most of February.) When Mr. Exec heard about my Blog Party in March, he told me that he would love to come to support me. That made me smile.

In the same text conversation, he also asked me out for tea on the Friday after the party. I said yes without hesitation. As the week progressed, I got more and more excited. I wasn't able to be more than Mr. Exec's friend five months ago, but maybe our timing was better now?

When Mr. Exec walked into Black Finn for my party, a huge smile came over my face. I was able to look at him now and feel an attraction. We talked for a few minutes before I went to mingle.

When it came time for me to make a speech, I talked about why I started blogging and how my relationship with "Buckeyes" Boy ended. As I told the group, I was going to pursue my goal to adopt a child, but I also had a lot more dating — and more blogging — to do!

When I saw Mr. Exec later on in the night, I jokingly asked him:

So are we still on for Friday night?

Mr. Exec: Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be?

Me: I didn't know if I scared you off with anything I said.

Mr. Exec [smiling]: Not all all.

Me [smiling]: Good.

I was ready to date again and was looking forward to getting to know Mr. Exec better. March was definitely roaring in like a lion, and that was a good thing!

Somewhat Delightful

Are you looking for a toy for G-Spot stimulation that's a better quality product than the Rabbit? 

The women at Lotus Blooms recommend Lelo's Iris and Fun Factory's Delight because of the caliber of their products. I chose Fun Factory's Delight since that toy also provides clitoral stimulation. The Delight is made from 100% Medical Grade silicone so it's good for your skin and your body. (Phthalate-free is the only way to be!)

The Delight comes in a carrying case with an external charger. There are no batteries required, which is a huge plus! The case is so discreet that you'd expect to find a pair of sunglasses inside.

The Delight is available in black and white or pink. I chose pink since it seemed feminine. I also felt like the shape in black and white reminded me of a small whale, which just isn't sexy to me.

The toy is S-shaped so that you can easily insert it so it hits the G-Spot just so. It was made with ergonomics in mind so can grip the toy with your index finger and thumb. You then move your thumb on the top of the toy to operate the controls.

There is a positive sign and a negative sign where your thumb rests, and the control panel illuminates when touched. You may need to touch the positive sign up to four times in a row before the toy turns on. (For those of us who expect instant gratification, it helps to know that in advance to avoid getting frustrated. When I first used the toy and couldn't figure out how to turn it on, I was cursing at it for a few seconds. That's never fun!)

The Delight has eight (8) speeds. Press the positive sign to increase the intensity and the negative sign to decrease. Once the toy has been on for a few minutes, you can then continue to press the positive sign to change from constant vibrations to varying speeds.

It's most comfortable to use the toy if you are lying on your back or on sitting on a couch with your head and back upright and your legs out in front of you. Feel free to experiment on your own, but it was awkward to use the toy face down.

This toy features an added piece of silicone for clitoral stimulation. However, one size does not fit all! I had a hard time positioning the toy on my G-Spot and my clit simultaneously. I wondered if that was just how my body is shaped, but a friend who owns the Delight had the exact same problem. The product can give amazing G-Spot orgasms and is sleeker than most adult toys. But, I wouldn't pitch the Delight as dual-purpose since the clitoral stimulation is minimal at best.

The toy is very quiet and doesn't look like your typical, dildo-shaped vibrator. (That's a plus for those of you who don't want to wake up roommates, kids, parents or significant others.) The Delight is also aesthetically-pleasing and wouldn't be intimidating to pull into the bedroom for use with your partner.

There is one big negative to the product, though, and that's the price! The Delight retails for a pricey $109.99.

The Delight was the first toy that I paid more than three figures for so my expectations were higher. I wanted more bang since I shelled out so many bucks. And, I have to say that the Delight came up short. Fun Factory's Delight is a great toy for finding your G-Spot, but the toy has gathered a lot more dust than…

Have you tried the Delight or a similar high-end sex toy? What was your experience?