Up On The Roof

After meeting Mr. Agency at the Masquerade Party, we became friends on Facebook.  That led to an email exchange, and then we began texting each other. 

Mr. Agency: Will you be heading to the event at the rooftop on Wednesday?

I hadn’t planned to go.  But, I knew that two of my friends would be there and definitely wanted to see Mr. Agency.  So, I decided to purchase a ticket and let him know that I would be attending.

That afternoon, I found myself smiling, as I looked at the photo of us that was taken only a few minutes after we met.  In perusing one of Mr. Agency’s albums, I noticed two pictures of him with a good friend of mine, T. 

Since I didn’t know Mr. Agency well, I decided to do a bit of reconnaissance.  (With surgery less than a week away and treatment on the horizon, I didn’t need to date my usual narcissistic and controlling types.)  As it turned out, T has known Mr. Agency for almost a decade and had nothing but great things to say about him.  My friend, Misty, also concurred with T’s assessment.  I felt comforted by the fact that the seemingly warm and genuine guy that I had met at the party was just that! 

On Wednesday night, I arrived at the event and tried to look as sexy as I could in the 94-degree heat.  I said hello to some acquaintances before greeting Mr. Agency at the back bar.  He approached me with a huge smile, a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He was with a colleague so we exchanged pleasantries about sports and politics.  Our conversation was easy, and I found myself smiling – a lot.

Mr. Agency and I thankfully managed to have a fair amount of one-on-one time at the event.  The topic turned to summer vacations, and he asked if I was heading out of DC at all.

Me: Well, not this summer.  I’m not sure if you saw on Facebook that I have breast cancer.

Mr. Agency: I did.  Will you be okay?

Me: Yes.  Everything was caught early, but I need a little surgery next week and then I’ll start treatment.

We talked for another minute or two about it, and that was it.  There had been a part of me that was hesitant to share what was going on with a man I didn’t know well, but I realized that it didn’t need to be a big deal. 

As the moon illuminated the rooftop and the drinks kept flowing, Mr. Agency and I talked and laughed with a few friends.  One of them brought up my blog and how she hadn’t expected it to be so racy.

Me [laughing]: I’ve heard that before.  Misty and I were at L2 one time, and these people were like, ‘How racy is it?’  Misty looked at them without blinking an eye and said, ‘I've learned a lot about anal from City Girl.’  They were speechless!

Mr. Agency laughed with the group, but it was far from the right time to ask him if he enjoyed anal as much as I did ;).  I wasn’t sure if he had looked at my blog before this evening, but I had to assume that he would check it out now.  And, although I hoped that he didn’t rush home to read about every past sexcapade, I was fine with him knowing about my site.

T and I decided to head out to get some food.  Before we left, Mr. Agency came up to me and said:

It was great seeing you tonight, but I hope that we can hang out alone next time.  Are you around this weekend?

Me [smiling]: Yes, I am.  I’d like that.

Mr. Agency: Good.  I’ll call you.

As T and I drove to Marvin, I received a text from Mr. Exec’s best friend, Best Boy.  (We had been texting each other earlier since he had been considering coming to the rooftop event.)

Best Boy: You still at the event?

Me: Just left.  Going to Marvin.  Where are you?

Best Boy: Ceiba.  [A restaurant that’s not far from Marvin.]

Me: Come by :).

Best Boy: Okay. Finishing my drink.

This night was far from over.

To be continued…

Very Smart Balls

While I was at the AASECT conference last weekend, I was thrilled to see that Fun Factory had a representative in the exhibition hall.

"What's Fun Factory?" you might be asking.

Fun Factory is a German sex toy company known for its aesthetically pleasing and top performing products! If you purchase a Fun Factory toy, you can also take comfort in the fact that the item is high quality, and free of toxic ingredients and allergens.

The Fun Factory representative provided me with the Smart Balls Teneo Duo. I looked at the two weighted balls and envisioned a lot of anal pleasure to be had. So, imagine my dismay, when the representative indicated that the balls are only for vaginal use. (Where's the fun in that?)

When I got up to my hotel room, I opened the box containing the Smart Balls. The two soft silicone balls are attached by a small piece of material. The end of the toy has a cord to assist with removal. The balls are ridged, and the two balls together feel about as heavy as a single golf ball. The weighted balls inside the silicone shell allow for some vibration, but you have to listen carefully to hear any noise emanating from the toy.

The box indicates that the toy helps strengthen vaginal muscles. Midwives recommend Smart Balls to women after pregnancy, and they are also used as a substitute or conduit for Kegel exercises. The goal here is to tighten the pelvic floor muscles, which in turn, increases pleasure during sex.

As I read about the toy in my hotel room, I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the market for a toy to tighten my pussy. I figured that the Smart Balls would get used once for the sake of the review and then tossed in the back of the toy drawer. Boy, was I mistaken!

The Smart Balls can significantly enhance oral and anal sex, if you leave them in during those sexcapades. Significantly.

The fact that the toy is ridged and weighted led me to believe that the cord would need to be pulled to move the balls and cause the vibrations. However, that's not the case. The toy works phenomenally well if it's just inside you. Or, you can get a lot of enjoyment from subtle movements of the cord.

Imagine that you are just teasing the cord and tap it gently from one side to the other. Or guide it slowly up and down. You don't need repeated movements here since the vibrations respond to light, sporadic touches. And, no pulling or tugging of the string is required.

If you need to use a lubricant to insert the Smart Balls, use a water-based lubricant, rather than a silicone-based product. Since the Smart Balls are silicone, silicone lube might cause the product to melt. (Maybe that won't happen, but why risk it?) The Smart Balls can be cleaned with mild soap and water or a Toy Cleaner.

Once the Smart Balls are comfortably inside you, have your partner focus on your clitoris with his tongue and occasionally touch the cord of the toy. During anal sex, the thrusting motion will allow the Smart Balls to vibrate enough to provide added G-spot stimulation. The vibrations are subtle, effective and not distracting at all. Oral and anal can be much more intense and orgasmic with the toy than without it.

The Smart Balls allow for heightened G-Spot sensitivity and awareness. For those of you who are still trying to harness the power of your G-spot or clitoral legs, you might find this toy to be very useful.

Smart Balls can be used without stimulation to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and help with Kegel exercises. The toy is highly recommended for postpartum women, although you should check with your doctor before inserting a toy into your vagina after delivery.

For straight women looking to bring something new into the bedroom, your man shouldn't find anything intimidating about the Smart Balls. There's also the advantage that the toy requires very little effort. No batteries, charging, or operation required. You can insert the Smart Balls inside and neither you nor your man need to do much else.

The Smart Balls will be a great addition to your normal sexual mix. Bullets or small sex toys rarely stay in place. And, traditional vibrators are often too big to feel comfortable – let alone erotic – when inside your pussy during anal sex. The Smart Balls are just right.

Some sex toy websites indicate that the balls can be used anally. Please don't do that, though! Shanna Katz, a Sex Educator, explains why the balls aren't medically safe for anal use here.

Smart Balls retail for $29.90. Given how versatile the toy is, I found that price to be reasonable. This toy will be a regular part of your sexual routine. Thanks Fun Factory!

Note: Pursuant to FTC regulations, I received this product free of charge in exchange for my participation in a survey at the AASECT conference.

I’m a Sex Blogger

Last night, I attended the DC Twestival. It was a gathering of the DC community on Twitter to benefit Miriam's Kitchen, an organization that provides meals and comprehensive case management services to DC's homeless residents. The Twestival was a huge success, raising enough funds in three hours to purchase 1/5 of the meals for Miriam's Kitchen in an entire calendar year. Twitter + activism + a $20 donation + the hard work of the organizers and sponsors = proof that social media can make a difference!

I joined Twitter a couple of months ago, after reading a post on that a Twitter account would lead to more hits on my blog. Sure enough, within a week of registering, I started to receive 30-40 more hits a day. I also like that Twitter provides another outlet for communicating with my friends and readers. I'm far from a Tweet-aholic, but I enjoy the site more than I thought I would.

My Twitter account — much like my blog — is done anonymously. I am City Girl with the same photo of the back of my head. I'm still hesitant about revealing my true identity, though. The legal community in DC is by and large very conservative. I don't care to let government officials or other attorneys know what happens when I take off my Tahari suit since that would negatively impact their opinion of me professionally.

So, last night's event was a first for me. I introduced myself to quite a few people using both my real first name and my blog link. When people asked what I blogged about, I said:

Relationships and Sex.

The response was overwhelmingly positive, and comments like the following made me smile:

Angie Goff: Oh! Like Sarah Jessica Parker. [Angie is a media personality with WUSA9, and a beautiful and sweet woman who gives much of her time to charities.]

Ike: Wow! You're a sex blogger. Usually people who write about sex aren't that attractive so you are a rarity. [Ike, you made me blush.]

Blogger Extraordinaire: I'm not surprised that you've been getting a good amount of traffic. Women who blog about sex will get a following. But, you can tell through your writing that your posts are real. That's not always the case. [Thanks! You are the blogging master, though. I'm like Daniel to your Mr. Miyagi.]

I left the event with a smile on my face, as well as the realization that I'm a sex blogger. If you've been reading my posts for a while, you probably are looking at your computer screen with a "Duh!" expression on your face. You might be thinking:

C'mon, City Girl, you've written online instruction manuals for a variety of sexual activities. You've talked about having sex in explicit detail with your ex-boyfriends. Of course you are a sex blogger!

Okay, I get it. The Twestival was just a unique experience for me since I was in a room with people, giving them my cards with my blog information. I wasn't Attorney City Girl or Perpetual Student City Girl anymore. I was Sex Blogger City Girl. That's new for me.

I'm also trying to figure out the dating scene if people know about my blog. I started blogging after I broke up with Lawyer Boy late last year. I also took some time away from guys to get over that relationship before getting back into the dating game. In the past several months, I've gone out on dates with a few guys, but haven't shared my blog link with any of them.

Last night, though, was different. I met someone with whom I instantly felt a spark. I know enough about him to know that I want to know more – whether as friends or more than that. When I first introduced myself to him, I gave him my card. So, he has a dossier of my relationship past at his fingertips. That's a bit scary to me for several reasons:

I'm 36. I clearly have a past. Anyone I'm going to date will have one, too. But, to see it all there in black and white on the computer might be too much for a new (or potentially new) guy in my life. I don't want to know the intimate details about anyone I date either. But, if it was available to me at the click of a button, curiosity would get the best of me and I would click away.

There is also still a double standard with respect to sex and the sexes. Men might want their women to be sexy and have a naughty side, but how naughty is too naughty? Will I be judged by a guy for even having a blog with these types of posts? If he's okay with it, will I have to keep my link to myself when we're out or will he ask me not to blog about him at all?

I am reminded of that line from Usher's song, "Yeah," that says how he "wants a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed." I'd like to think that I'm a lady on the street, but does the mere existence of my blog and my penchant for double entendres change that?

I was an avid Sex and the City fan (not too shocking, I know). But, Carrie Bradshaw could just tell guys she met that she had a column in the newspaper or was a sexual anthropologist, and the men accepted those facts. There was never an issue or storyline about a guy's discomfort with what she did or his concern over whether she would write about him. I think that works for a fictional television show, but will that work in the real world?

I have a feeling Dr. Ruth never had to deal with this. What's a sex blogger to do?

My Sex Sabbatical

Their mouths open, as they try not to have their jaws drop right in front of me. I see their eyes getting wider. There are long, awkward pauses in the conversation. And, then, inevitably my friends will say, "Really? Seriously?" Yes, I tell them. I am on a sex sabbatical. And, I couldn't be happier.

I've alluded to taking a break from serious and sexual relationships in an earlier post. When I ended things with Lawyer Boy last November, I didn't want to repeat my usual pattern of rushing into a relationship or getting back with an ex-boyfriend. Both responses were classic, albeit temporary, ways of trying to make myself feel better at the time. And, in the end, my feelings and the need to process moving on from someone I loved couldn't be ignored.

In November, I told myself that I wouldn't have sex for three months. When February hit, I thought it would be "Go Time," and that I could just get back on that proverbial horse. But, spending time with my ex, Philly Matt, on The Skip Trip with my friends showed me that I wasn't ready for that yet…even when the sex would have been as nice, easy and comfortable as slipping on a pair of Cole Haan loafers.

So, three months turned to six. Shortly, after that, I learned that Lawyer Boy and his wife, Darby, were expecting. Darby's pregnancy isn't about me (obviously), but I did need a few weeks to process my feelings about it. Once I knew her due date, I told myself that it was time to exhale and move on…for good. Of course, there are things I miss about Lawyer Boy, but their rocky marriage is just that…theirs!

In the spring, I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. There's a quote from page 149 that resonated with me that I'd like to share with you all:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go…[his] purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so a new light could get in, make you so desperate, and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over.


When I was in a relationship with Lawyer Boy, I wouldn't say that I was desperate or out of control. I also don't think that he was my soul mate, but we had an extremely intense connection. I've learned more about myself from being with him and then moving on and really taking the time to grieve the loss than I have from any other relationship. (In that sense, the quote from Gilbert's book really spoke to me.) And, now, I find myself happier than I've ever been! I admit that I'm surprised about that, but it makes me smile.

So, how does this all relate to my sex sabbatical? Well, I've been looking at how I've used sex or guys over the years. I've had a hell of a lot of fun and wouldn't change my past if I could. And, I don't want to change the fact that I'm a very sexual person. That's innately part of my make-up. But, I'm at a point where I'm so content with my life that I don't want to add a serious and/or sexual relationship to the mix if it's not worth it. Correction, really worth it.

I've started dating someone recently. We're still getting to know each other, but I like him enough that I don't want to jinx anything by blogging about him. Some of my close friends have asked me how the sex is with him and are shocked that I haven't slept with him yet…and don't plan on doing so anytime soon.

When I have sex next, it's going to mean something. If I just want to get off, I can do that myself. I don't need a man for anything in my life (see: my Single and Proud of It post), and I'm not bringing a guy into my world unless there's added value.

I saw a blurb on TV about Steve Harvey and his relationship book. He described sex as "the prize" for the man and thought that a woman should wait at least 90 days before having sex with a guy. He reasoned that if it takes you 90 days to get health insurance at a new job, then should there be any less of a probationary period for sex?

Three months seems a bit extreme, but I get Harvey's point. When I'm ready to have sex again, I will. And, I won't be blogging about it after it happens — well, at least not for a while ;). As I told my favorite sportscaster last night on the phone, "City Girl is growing up."