Stef Woods

Roya’s February Parties and Lunches

The first week in February found Roya still fighting a bad virus. With our doctor’s permission, we still made it to B Too to surprise Auntie KRob for her birthday.

Rocking Nicole Miller skinny jeans and Esprit sparkly kicks even though she’s under the weather

Happy Birthday Auntie KRob!
Bonus points for finding Roya.

Since Roya couldn’t snuggle with her aunt at the party, we made up for it when she was feeling better.

Popping bottles

Uncle Moshe got in some quality time at the lunch at The Hamilton, too.

Roya also got invited to her first birthday party for children! We had fun watching LR celebrate her 7th birthday and decorate cupcakes at Sprinkles Georgetown!

It’s OK to put this baby in the corner.

Party Time at Sprinkles!

February was a busy month for Roya so tune in to Part II with more of my favorite pics!

PS This post was written by Stef Woods of City Girl Blogs™ of CityGirlBlogs.com. If you are reading this post in its entirety on another site, please know that said site is scraping my feed in violation of my copyright policy.

Am-boob-alent

I used to be the girl who was a little too comfortable parading around topless in the gym locker room.

Now, I’m the girl who changes in the shower stall as quickly as she can.

I used to be the girl who loved her real, full breasts.

Now I’m the girl who tries to not to look at her boobs.

How do I feel almost two years after double mastectomy? Ambivalent.

Or, would that be, “am-boob-alent?”

I’m thankful that I’m in remission (knocking on wood, while I type), but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t constant reminders of what was and how much my life has changed since my diagnosis. Since my reconstruction, my breasts are the same size as they were before the surgeries. But, they don’t feel or look like my old breasts because they’re not.

The media tends to focus on celebrities who had double mastectomies preventively like Angelina Jolie or who didn’t require chemotherapy and radiation like Giuliana Rancic. I appreciate that double mastectomies are not easy for any woman to go through. But, if the surgery is done preventively or the woman’s breasts don’t have other scars or burns on them, the surgery typically can be performed with smaller incisions and less obvious scars. How does that impact a woman’s thoughts about her breasts at a minimum or overall self-esteem and sexuality at a maximum?

Since I’ve had radiation, as well as biopsies and lumpectomies (12 in total over the years), I was not a candidate for any surgery involving smaller, less-noticeable incisions. As a result, my boobs have an equator-like scar around the entire width of both breasts. Given my connective tissue disorder and subsequent pregnancy, the skin around my breasts has stretched significantly. I need at least one and possibly two more surgeries to tighten the skin and add nipples. Several of my survivor sisters have found that getting nipples and completing reconstruction have made them feel more like themselves. I hope that’s the case, but that doesn’t change the fact that my old boobs are gone.

I might not like my post-reconstruction breasts or flaunt them, but I try not to let my “foobs” impede me from my day-to-day life and expressing myself and my sexuality. And, I do take comfort in the fact that having a double mastectomy significantly lowered my risk of recurrence. The reasons I had the surgery in 2012 are still valid today from a personal and a medical perspective. At the end of the day (again, knocking on wood), that’s what’s important.

How can you stay on top of your breast health?

Let (This) Mommy Sleep, Part 2

“There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is used as a torture mechanism,” said a friend who was experiencing sleep deprivation after the birth of her child.

My friend’s words have resonated with me of late. Prior to giving birth, my internist expressed his concern that caring for a newborn during the night would cause my autoimmune condition to worsen. Dr. Real Deal also indicated that she didn’t believe I would carry to term and that I should prepare for a difficult delivery.

In May, I began to research options for overnight care and heard of Let Mommy Sleep at a DC event for expectant mothers. Let Mommy Sleep (LMS) is the only dedicated team of baby nurses serving DC, Northern Virginia and Maryland. Denise Stern founded the company, after realizing the difference that a night nanny made in her life with newborn twins and a toddler. LMS provides:

Overnight care to newborns from 9pm-7am and education to the families one to two weeks after birth. Registered Nurses, LPNs and Postpartum Specialists assist with single babies, twins and triplets.

Denise and I discussed that I might require a Registered Nurse to assist with my daughter and me after I gave birth. I thought it was a great idea for LMS to offer a sleep registry. Newborns require very few tangible things after birth, but the moms who care for them need a lot – most especially, sleep!

When it appeared as though Roya would thankfully be born full term and that my daytime nanny would assist with occasional night care, I let Denise know that I didn’t think I would be needing her services. We continued to stay in touch via Twitter, and I would smile when she would ReTweet something I wrote about Roya. I felt her support from one mom to another.

Roya was a fairly good sleeper as a newborn so I never imagined that I would need to reach out to LMS. That all changed when The Man, Roya, our dog and I were displaced from our home and sleeping in one room for four months. Roya started waking up an average of three times a night! And, we couldn’t have any night care join us in the one room without being awkward at a minimum or inappropriate at a maximum.

We hoped that Roya would return to her good sleep patterns once we were able to move back home, but that wasn’t the case between colds, vaccines and teething. After six months of being up three times a night almost every night, I was horribly sleep deprived. I would find myself crying or raising my voice at the littlest thing. I had to make an effort to focus on a conversation or email. And, I almost fell asleep behind the wheel on more than one occasion.

Something needed to change, and I thankfully remembered that Let Mommy Sleep also offers sleep consultations. I emailed Denise to find out more information.

Let Mommy Sleep provides Sleep Coaching services for babies four months or older whose pediatricians agree that it’s appropriate for the babies to sleep longer stretches at night.

Parents are asked to fill out a Sleep Profile with questions about their baby’s health, daily routine, and sleep and feeding schedule. After that, LMS’ team of nurses and consultants sends out a custom in-depth, step-by-step written plan to get the baby on a developmentally appropriate schedule and sleeping through the night. The plan is supplemented with a one-hour phone consultation and two weeks of phone and email follow up.

“Sign me up!” I wrote Denise.

She sent me the Sleep Profile and also let me know that it’s normal for 8-10 month olds to have trouble sleep through the night. And, right off the bat, she gave me a few suggestions for helping to wean Roya off of night feedings.

The questions in the Sleep Profile were comprehensive, but it only took me 30 minutes to complete them. After emailing the profile back to Let Mommy Sleep, I sent a text to several of my closest girlfriends that I was cautiously optimistic that a good night’s sleep was in my future!

Did this mommy get some sleep?

To be continued…

Disclaimer: Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I, Stef Woods of CityGirlBlogs.com, received sleep coaching from Let Mommy Sleep in exchange for my honest assessment of LMS’ services. No monetary compensation was received for this or any other post.

Trusting a Cheater

Let’s tackle another reader’s question!

Question: I love my boyfriend and mostly trust him. But he’s had a history of cheating. He’s about to leave on an extended business trip, and I’m worried the distance will lead him back to his old ways. How can I get rid of these fears? Can you trust a man who has cheated?

Answer: Cheating is typically a symptom and not the problem. Are both of you interested in working on your relationship and getting to the root of the problem? Is your boyfriend willing to figure out what led him to cheat in the first place? If so, a licensed therapist would be in the best position to help as you process your relationship problems and try to restore trust and intimacy.

There are counselors who see one or both of the individuals and the couple, but I recommend having two separate therapists. I appreciate how that might pose logistical or economic difficulties, but the counselor should either be an advocate for one of the parties or the couple as a unit. One therapist for both the individual and the couple could cause a conflict of interest to arise.

With respect to your boyfriend’s business trip, the distance might help facilitate his cheating, but if he’s going to cheat, he can do that anywhere. I hope that he stops for your sake, but the fact that you only “mostly trust him” concerns me. Your fears are legitimate. What is your boyfriend doing to show you and assure you that this will never happen again? Can your boyfriend articulate why he did what he did, why it was wrong, and why he wants to change his behavior? Is he fully committed to regaining your trust? Are your head and your heart telling you the same thing?

I also wonder if his business trip is mandatory. If so, would it be possible for you to join him for part of it? Have you asked him how he feels about the distance piece of it? Could Skype, text or Facetime help you feel connected while he’s away? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best, as I’m sure that none of this is easy.

What advice would YOU give this reader?

Sex during Pregnancy

It’s time to answer a reader’s question!

Question: I’m three months pregnant and ever since I told my boyfriend, he won’t have sex with me. He says he feels weird knowing our baby is in there and doesn’t want to hurt me. How can I convince him it’s fine?

Answer: Assuming that you have a healthy pregnancy without medical complications, sex is not only okay, but it’s encouraged! Many women report that their sex drive increases significantly during the second trimester and that they are able to orgasm with greater ease and intensity.

How much have you and your boyfriend communicated about his specific concerns? What exactly does he feel weird about? If he hears from your doctor or another reliable source that having sex with you won’t hurt the baby, will that assuage his fears? I would ask him to join you at your next doctor’s appointment or sonogram so that a medical professional can inform him that having sex during a healthy pregnancy is completely fine.

Before the baby arrives, talk to him about what you both are feeling. Pregnancy obviously affects men and women differently, and having a child will dramatically change the dynamics of your relationship. (Your life will go from all about each other to all about the baby like that *snap*, as well it should.) How will you try to make time for each other and be affectionate toward each other? How can he best support you during the pregnancy? How will you both prioritize the other person after the baby comes?

Despite the fact that many couples have to deal with the issue of sex during pregnancy, it’s not a common topic of conversation. Rest assured that both you and your boyfriend have perfectly normal and legitimate concerns. At an AASECT conference, I spoke with renowned sex educator Lou Paget about her book, Hot Mamas. Lou wrote this book “for moms-to-be who want to nurture their sex lives along with their growing bellies,” in recognition of the fact that many women don’t know what to expect.

Arm yourself with information through books like Hot Mamas, respected online sources and DVDs on Sex & Pregnancy to supplement your conversation with the doctor. Get ideas for comfortable positions to try during different stages of your pregnancy. Use the months before the baby arrives to try something new (a toy, perhaps?) or plan a romantic getaway. Spend a lazy day in bed, enjoying each other and the ability to sleep as often as you like!

To the Hot Mamas out there and the partners who love them, what recommendations do you have for this reader?

Roya’s January

Once we returned from NYC, the remainder of January found Roya with back-to-back viruses. I’m grateful for our wonderful pediatricians for accommodating us into their schedules and always making us feel like a priority. Thankfully, the doctors ruled out ear infections and pneumonia, but that didn’t make the fevers any easier. Roya’s viruses also caused me to get a sinus infection and then bronchitis. As any caregiver knows, trying to take care of a sick child when you’re sick is especially exhausting!

When Roya is sick, snuggling near her puppy makes her feel a little better.

When Roya didn’t have a fever, our doctors encouraged us to take her out of the house. Even though she was fussier than normal, she was still a very good baby. Some of the highlights of the month included the following:

We made it to Bob Madigan‘s farewell party at Carmine’s to celebrate his 50 years in media and wish him well on his way to Maine.

With Dr. Katy Nelson (aka Dr. Pawz) at Bob Madigan’s Bon Voyage Party

Roya loves smooches from her Auntie KRob of Makin’ Whoopie DC!

The following week, we celebrated a dear friend’s birthday at Peacock Cafe. The Birthday Girl went above and beyond, even making sure that everyone had Dior party favors!

Roya likes the tissue paper best!

When Roya saw a woman at our table who was expecting, she immediately turned and gently put her hand on the woman’s belly. Lucky for us, the woman didn’t mind the touch and found it endearing!

Keep growing, Baby Girl-to-Be! Can’t wait to meet you!

A few more of my favorite pictures from January:

Scholarly storytime at Bourbon Steak

Lunch break with Auntie Ambo

These cheeks melt my heart!

Advice for Recently Diagnosed Breast Cancer Patients

In less than a month, three friends have contacted me because an immediate relative was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. With the disclaimer that I’m not a medical professional and every person’s case and experience are unique, here are my thoughts for these women:

Make sure that you surround yourself with a team of doctors that you support wholeheartedly. Your team will include your oncologist as your main point of contact, your breast surgeon, a radiation oncologist if radiation is needed, and various technicians and nurses. If you don’t feel an affinity for a person with whom you’ll need to regularly interact during this process, find a different doctor, tech or nurse! It is your prerogative as the patient to do so!

Make sure that you take notes or bring a loved one to take notes during your initial appointments. That will help you understand your diagnosis and the plan for surgery and treatment.

Ask your oncologist to give you a referral for a second opinion. Have his or her receptionist help you with the scheduling of that appointment. When there is the possibility of major surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, you want to give yourself some peace of mind that the plan of attack is the right one. If there’s a difference of opinion between two doctors, remember that you have the right to get a third opinion!

Realize that a lot will need to happen from the time you’re first diagnosed until you begin chemotherapy or have surgery. You’ll get a breast MRI. You may need more biopsies. You’ll need to make appointments to meet with an oncologist and breast surgeon. You might require gene or oncotype testing. Then, you’ll need to play the waiting game for results or scheduling for all of these.

In a conversation with six friends who have had double mastectomies and chemotherapy, the prospect of more surgery didn’t make them anxious. However, the thought of more chemotherapy and losing their hair again did. I didn’t appreciate that until I had my double mastectomy. The surgery surprisingly wasn’t that painful. The most bothersome and limiting part of the process is the need for drains under your armpits to remove excess fluid from your breasts. The drains – not the surgery itself — make it difficult to raise your arms or sleep comfortably. I took this video two weeks after my double mastectomy to show what the drains look like and how I was doing:

Quite a few friends and I also found the expansion process of stretching the thin skin to accommodate the implants to be more painful than the surgery. Expansion allows for the best end results, but for those women who need to go in for several expansion appointments, it’s very uncomfortable. For more of my tips on how to prepare yourself for a double mastectomy, check out this post.

If you test positive for a hormone-positive breast cancer, your cancer feeds on estrogen and progesterone. Your doctor may recommend hormonal therapy since that has been shown to significantly reduce your risk of recurrence. Giving a pre-menopausal woman daily medication to suppress the estrogen in her system throws her body into early menopause. On the surface, no periods might sound like a good thing. But, try to prepare yourself if you can for the possible side effects. These include hot flashes, vaginal dryness, sleep difficulties, and irritability. As if those weren’t enough, these symptoms don’t appear gradually or sporadically as though you were in natural menopause. They come on in full force rapidly, which adds insult to injury during the treatment process.

Try to line up as much help and support as you feel comfortable with in advance. You won’t just need rides to and from the hospital. You’ll also need to secure transportation to the follow up appointments and other places until you’re cleared to drive. Make sure you have help with your meals, laundry, children and pets. Figure out what, if anything, you can do from home. Let your employer know that you’ll need to take it easy even when you’re able to return to work.

I always end all of these calls and emails with two reminders:

There’s no right or wrong way to react to a cancer diagnosis. Go easy on yourself as you process the news and what lies ahead; and
I’m here if they – or their loved ones – need anything. And, thanks to the Internet and the #BCSM community, there’s so much support out there for someone who has been recently diagnosed. This community is a beacon of hope and camaraderie in the midst of a long, dark tunnel! Take advantage of it if you need to!

What advice would you add? What did you or a loved one find helpful?

Let (This) Mommy Sleep!

When I share with others how sleep deprived I am, I typically hear one of several comments:

“Nap when the baby naps!”

I like the sound of that in theory, but in practice, it’s tough for me. I’m a late night girl. Since we were displaced in September and Roya started waking three times a night again, I’ve tried to move my bedtime from 12:30am to 11pm. That’s helped a little. But, if I take more than a catnap in the afternoon, I can’t go to sleep before midnight.

“You and The Man should take turns feeding Roya.”

We do, but since I’m such a light sleeper (aren’t most moms?), I wake up from the slightest noise. If Roya needs to be fed, I have to wake The Man up so that he can feed her. That’s better than if I was doing it myself, but it still disrupts my sleep.

“You should give Roya more solids!”

We started Roya on solids at six months, as our pediatrician instructed. With the exception of sweet potatoes, she wasn’t a fan of the other starter baby foods. Then, only two weeks after we began feeding her solids, Roya ended up with more than a week of low-grade fevers following the flu shot. Her first cold and two viruses followed that with fevers ranging from 100-104.1 degrees. Our pediatrician was understandably concerned about Roya getting dehydrated so we were told to just feed her from the bottle. The lack of solids for almost two months made her even less inclined to eat a lot of baby food, once we resumed doing so.

“Roya is nine months old! She should be sleeping through the night by now.”

Some babies sleep through the night early, and some don’t. There’s typically another sleep regression due to brain development between eight and ten months. And, 20-30% of babies at this age aren’t sleeping through the night.

Even in my sleep-deprived state, I continued to remind myself that Roya will eventually sleep through the night. I wondered, though, if the situation could improve at all. I remembered a company that I had contacted about baby nurses while I was recouping from my C-section. The three words in the name of the company were music to my ears…

Let Mommy Sleep!

It was time for a call, and hopefully, a change!

To be continued…

For those of you with children or childcare experience, how have you handle sleep deprivation and your baby’s sleep issues?

Roya’s New York

Roya rang in 2014 in her crib, but upon waking, we headed off to New York City. Grandpa and Nana were hosting a New Year’s Day party, and all of the guests understandably wanted to meet Roya!

The following day, we met up with Auntie Ashley at our favorite restaurant in the City, Artisanal. (I’m a fan of any place that has its own fromagerie and serves fondue and truffle fries!) I love that Roya lasted for 3.5 hours there without crying, although I know that the days of leisurely lunches are numbered.

Artisanal with Auntie Ashley

January 3rd brought 8-10″ of snow into Manhattan. The city was a mess, but the weather couldn’t stop me from seeing my girlfriends! I trudged through the snow with Roya to meet up at Maison with one of my law school besties, her husband and her son, Ryan. Check out Roya flirting with him!

Lunch date with Ryan

(Note for those of you who might be stroller shopping: we brought our Chicco Key Fit and Caddy up to NYC. That stroller is light and easy to maneuver, as long as there isn’t inclement weather. Roya was thankfully unharmed when the Chicco Key Fit Caddy tipped over in a pile of wet snow, but that experience was very scary! I so regretted not having our more durable Uppa Baby Vista with us.)

For the remainder of the trip, Roya and I enjoyed coffee dates and brunches with several other friends who live in the area. On our last night in NYC, we met up with Roya’s godmother for dinner at Rare.

Fun with my godmother

We cut our trip short by a few days to make it back to DC before the next snowstorm. I look forward to bringing Roya back to NYC once spring is here! xoxo

Lelo Ora Giveaway

In celebration of International Women’s Day on March 8th, Lelo is offering one lucky City Girl Blogs’ reader the chance to win an Ora, one of its premier adult products!

What’s an Ora, and how can you enter for a chance to win one?

The Ora is a new addition to Lelo’s award-winning Insignia line of toys. It provides external (clitoral) stimulation and has been called “The World’s Most Sophisticated Oral Sex Simulator.” The Ora features 10(!) different vibrating modes to allow each user to find her perfect level of intensity. Are you a fan of fast flicks, long swirls, pulses, waves or a combination? The Ora allows you to customize the massage experience to your liking. The product is sleek with an easy, three-button interface. One button enables you to increase the strength of the vibrations by 35% — instantly! The Ora is also waterproof and completely rechargeable. As with all Lelo toys, it is made of FDA-approved materials and comes with a one-year warranty. You can learn more about the toy and watch a promotional video about it here.

Lelo Ora

The Ora clitoral vibrator retails for $169, but you have a chance to win one here!

Enter to win with a comment that includes the following words: “The Lelo Ora!”

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The Lelo Ora, Hulu Beads and Ida

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Good luck!