Love

How nice is too nice?

For our first one-on-one date, Improv Boy suggested dinner in the city. That was perfect for me! I texted him to inquire if I should wear jeans or a skirt, and he responded: jeans. I typically date guys who wear more suits than casual clothes (and who would always want to see me in a skirt) so this was new for me. But, I reminded myself that dress doesn’t really matter and just put on a cute pair of jeans.

When Improv Boy picked me up at my place, he asked if I would like to take a cab or walk to Georgetown. I chose, as I often do, to walk. While walking, he reached over to hold my hand. That was sweet, and I tried to give him a chance. But, as I looked at him, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him physically and personality-wise. He was really white. (And, yes, I know that I’m white.) But, I don’t tend to date white guys.

Improv Boy and I walked up 31st Street. He stopped in front of a restaurant, Paper Moon, and said:

I love Italian food.

Me: Me too.

Improv Boy: I was torn between this place, Papa Razzi and Piccolo, but I thought that Piccolo would be best.

Me: Great!

Me [what I thought to myself]: Paper Moon – the place where I used to go salsa dancing as a college intern? And, Papa Razzi, where I went once in 1998 and my Armani pants got stuck to the table because there was a wad of gum underneath? [Yes, that really happened.]

Piccolo was definitely the best choice out of the three, but none of the restaurants were truly Italian. I tried not to be a food snob, though, or knock a gift horse in the mouth. After all, Improv Boy wanted to take me out on a date. “Buckeyes” Boy lived with me for three months and only bought me breadsticks.

The maitre d’ showed us to our table on the balcony. The restaurant has only three tables for two on the balcony so it’s quite romantic. The weather was also perfect for dining al fresco, as is often the case in late April.

As Improv Boy and I talked about life, work and past relationships, I realized how little we had in common beyond sports and the arts. I wasn’t bored, but I didn’t sense much of a connection. I felt more of a friendly vibe with him, rather than a romantic spark.

We got into a conversation about being friends with exes since that’s important to both of us. We both make an effort to try to be friends with our former significant others. However, Improv Boy has a lot of back-story: an ex-wife; a girlfriend that he lived with; and an ex-fiancée.

Improv Boy: Were you ever married before?

Me: No.

Improv Boy: Any kids?

Me: No, but I’ve started looking into the process to adopt a school-aged little girl.

I spoke for a couple of minutes about my plan. Normally, I wouldn’t bring this up with a guy so early on out of fear of scaring him off. But, I really didn’t see this date going anywhere. Improv Boy made a kind comment that I would be a natural as a Mom. He then told me that he did in fact have an older child.

Improv Boy: I’m sorry that I lied to you on our walk home from Clyde’s, but I wasn’t prepared to talk about it then.

He then briefly explained that he was estranged from his 18-year-old daughter. I could tell that the topic brought him much pain. I didn’t want to judge his situation since I didn’t know many details, and yet, I couldn’t help wondering why his teenage daughter didn’t want him in her life.

Improv Boy was a total gentleman during dinner, sharing his food with me, making sure I had everything I needed and paying for the check. He was a very nice date. As we walked home, though, I wondered: how nice was too nice? Could I really be attracted to a guy like Improv Boy? Were our backgrounds, goals and interests too different?

Once we arrived at my door, that should have been the end of the date. It didn’t seem as though we were a match. And, yet, the date was far from over.

To be continued…
 xoxo

The Elite Elise

When it comes to sex toys, Lelo products are the creme de la creme! The Swedish company was established in 2003 with one key objective: to create sex toys of better quality, function, and design than any others on the market. After trying out the Lelo Elise for the past two weeks, I say: Mission Accomplished!

Lotus Blooms is a certified LELO dealer in the DC metropolitan area. The Elise is Lelo's biggest toy, and at first glance, it's a bit intimidating. However, upon closer inspection, only 5" of this sleek 8" toy is insertable, and the width is a reasonable 1 ¼".

What's great about the Elise?

1. No batteries required! As is the norm for Lelo products, the Elise is rechargeable. A two-hour charge guarantees you four-hours of fun;

2. It's made of silky smooth, FDA-approved, body friendly silicone. (Just don't use silicone lubricant with the Elise or else it might get tacky in texture.);

3. There are two pleasure points in the vibrator. One is at the top of the toy, and the other is toward the base. There are also five levels of intensity and five speeds (consistent vibrations, just the tip, just the base, a pulsating vibration, and a whirring vibration). This toy has a lot of options so you can adjust based on your own needs and preferences;

4. This toy is very quiet, even at its highest vibrations. You won't have to worry about anyone knowing what you are up to;

5. It's intense. Correction, very intense. Whether on your clit or inside for G-Spot stimulation, the Elise will have you orgasming every single time. There's a reason why this is Lelo's premier product;

6. It's perfect for travel. The Hitachi Magic Wand is many women's favorite toy, but a plug-in product is not convenient to pack and might not work overseas. The Elise is almost as powerful and much more discrete and versatile. You can fully charge it before your trip and put the toy in lock mode so there's no need to worry about your luggage vibrating; and

7. The Elise also works with your partner. Want a toy to help finish the job after sex or to help increase the sensations during oral sex? Care to bring something out for a mutual masturbation session? This toy can do all that and more! It's very effective, quiet and easy to pull out and just use (no batteries, cords or attachments involved).

Can you use this toy anally?

The Elise isn't designed for anal use. Nonetheless, this toy is very popular with male customers at Lotus Blooms. Guys and girls, if you are trying the Elise in your ass, please keep a strong grip on the base of the toy so that it doesn't get lost inside you! Or, ask your partner to lend a hand ;).

As an anal toy, the Elise provides a very fulfilling experience, given its size and intensity. Since this toy is large and powerful, start at the lowest, constant vibration to make sure that you don't lose your grip or overwhelm yourself.

What didn't I love about the Elise?

1. I found the controls to be confusing. How confusing? I had to break out the instruction manual to actually figure out what the buttons meant.

The circle on the bottom of the Elise has four markings. If you're not a fan of instruction manuals, the + sign at 3 o'clock on the circle turns the vibrator on. You can press the + sign four times to keep increasing the intensity of the vibrations. To decrease the intensity of the vibrations, press the – sign at the 9 o'clock spot. To vary the consistency of the vibrations or how much of the toy is pulsating, press the upward arrow at the 12 o'clock position. The negative arrow at the 6 o'clock position decreases the changes in vibrations, and a firm press in the center of the circle turns the vibrator off; and

2. The Elise could also be called the Elite, given its hefty price tag of $169. I appreciate that's quite a chunk of change, but this is a top of the line, multi-functional toy. If you have the money to spare, I'm sure you'll find this product to be a worthwhile investment!

If you're a newbie to a toy of this length or intensity, start on the lowest vibration and work your way up. If you're a toy aficionado, you'll appreciate the Elise's size, versatility and intensity.

How many squeals does this toy warrant? I'd give it a full Five (5) Squeals for clitoral and G-Spot stimulation for both beginners and experienced toy users. But, for anal use and price, I would give Three (3) Squeals. I'll average it out for a four (4) Squeal ranking, but picture those four squeals as very solid and very loud!

In accordance with FTC Guidelines, I received the Lelo Elise free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

***
City Girl's Squeals of Approval Chart:

1 Squeal: Bad. This toy is not worth your money. Do not pass go! Do not pay $2, let alone $200.
2 Squeals: Slightly Sub-Par. You won't hate this toy, but you won't necessarily like it either.
3 Squeals: Average/Good. This toy might not be the most innovative or satisfying, but it serves its purpose.
4 Squeals: Very good. A strong sex toy with minimal negatives that will be part of your regular line-up.
5 Squeals: Great. No toy does it better!

Stage 1. Not so fun.

I've been thinking a lot about the different hats that I wear. I'm a relationship and sex blogger. I'm the in-house product reviewer for Dascha Boutique and a sexuality educator for Fascinations at Fun Love. I'm a non-practicing attorney who will still talk about the law ad nauseum and answer her former clients' calls at any hour of the day. I'm a sports fan, a dog lover, a cupcake and pizza fiend, a girly-girl, and an anal ambassador. And now, I'm a 37-year-old with breast cancer.

I don't want my cancer to define me, but for the past few weeks, cancer has dictated my schedule. I'm not looking for this blog to turn into a blog about cancer, but ignoring it is about as easy as ignoring "Buckeyes" Boy or any proverbial elephant in the room.

Since last I wrote about my diagnosis, I've had a few more tests, and the doctors have gathered some additional information. A second area of cancer was found so instead of DCIS non-invasive breast cancer, I now have Stage 1, invasive breast cancer.

This was still found early, and I know how lucky I am. But, the fact that there's now cancer in my breast tissue complicates things a bit. My surgery — originally scheduled for today — has been postponed. I need more biopsies this week and am waiting for results of the breast cancer gene test (BRCA) before I know the plan of attack.

I continue to feel my feelings as I need to without dwelling on them. And, I'm thankful for so many blessings, including my friends, great health care and early diagnosis. But, since I received the call from the doctor yesterday that the cancer is now in my breast tissue, I've wondered:

Will I lose my hair?

Even typing those words brings tears to my eyes. I admit it, I'm vain. I love my hair. What did "Buckeyes" Boy first notice about me? My hair! How did people on Twitter recognize me in real life even though I've never posted a picture of my face? By my hair! Why did the modeling agent think she could book me for work? Because I'm a tall redhead!

Is there a theme here?

Philly Matt told me this evening that he thinks I would be sexy if I was bald. And, I love him for that. But, it doesn't change the fact that seriously thinking about chemotherapy brings tears to my eyes. It's not a given that chemo will be the recommended course of treatment for me, but I don't like that it's even an option.

And, that's not the only thing that's on my mind:

A few weeks ago, I was on top of my man having sex and as he kissed my tits and sucked on my nipples, I thought to myself:

Will these be my breasts in a year?

I'm (thankfully) able to displace my emotions during sex, but later that night, I cried openly about that concern. My tits are a part of me and are inextricably linked to my sexuality. I don't want to lose them, and I'd much prefer to keep my big naturals than trade them in for a shiny, perky pair. Mastectomies might not be the recommended course of action for me, but again, I don't even like the option!

I didn't write this post to be Debbie Downer or make any of you worry. I realize that cancer won't keep me down for more than a few months. I know that I have dealt with far worse things in my life and come out the stronger for it. (If you've been reading my blog, you know that I've had much more toxic things inside me than this!)

I WILL beat this, and cancer will NOT win in the end! I see the future, and there's more more for me to do as a sexuality educator and a lawyer. And, although my goal to adopt a little girl is on hold, all of my doctors are aware of my plan to adopt. I've told them that I will do whatever they recommend to ensure that I'm around for decades to come!

For those of you who might be skeptical that I'm letting this get the best of me for too long, I'll leave you with this:

What DC relationship and sex blogger had anal sex when she got back home from her breast biopsies?

This one.

I might be a bit down, but I'm not out. Not even close. I'm not going to give up what I love to do if I can help it, even if that means that I have to be a little creative while doing it. (It's better to have sex with your bra on and ice packs inside your bra than not have sex at all!)

PS For those of you who have emailed, called, texted, commented or Tweeted, your support means more to me than you could possibly know. For my friends in real life who are my family, you are a huge part of what I'm fighting for! And, you know me well enough to know that I'm not going to miss out on any laughs, girl talk and gossip with you all. I love you with all of my heart. xoxo

Asking a Guy Out

Now, a reader’s question:

Question: Any advice for a woman who is considering asking a guy out. I know him socially but not personally.

Answer: I think that’s great! A lot of guys find it refreshing for a girl to make the first move, and it’s also flattering (read: sexy) for a guy to know that a girl is interested in him. A few tips:

Do a little reconnaissance to confirm that he’s single. You mentioned that you know him socially, but not personally. Do you have any friends in common? Are you following each other on Facebook or Twitter? Contact a friend or check out his profile page to make sure that he’s not in a relationship.

Once you know he’s single, send out a casual e-mail/text to invite him out for a drink. I prefer meeting for drinks since it keeps your options open. Meeting for drinks is by its nature less formal than dinner, but if drinks go well, one of you can suggest dinner afterward. Likewise, if the conversation over drinks isn’t flowing easily (beyond the usual first date jitters), then you can end the night after a drink or two.

There are people who think of coffee as an ideal first date activity, but I feel as though that’s too casual and trite. A coffee date could come across as though you aren’t genuinely interested in him. If you enjoy similar hobbies or a shared love of sports, then you can always pitch an activity or watching a game instead of drinks.

If your interaction with this guy tends to be more in person, then you can ask him out for a drink during normal conversation. Whether virtually or in real life, keep your tone light and use phrases that are comfortable for you. You can broach the topic in a general way, leaving it up to him to pick a time and place by saying:

What are you up to this weekend?; or

I never feel like we have enough time to talk/I’d love to talk with you more about [insert relevant subject here]. We should grab drinks sometime.

Or, you can be direct and pick a place and a day that works for you like this:

I’ve heard good things about this wine bar/brewery/lounge, and was thinking of checking it out on Thursday. Wanna join me?

What you say or how much of the asking you do depends on your style, preference and comfort level. I make sure a guy knows that I’m interested, but I ultimately let him decide when and where and do the asking.

In my opinion, if you pick the time and place to meet, then you should pay for drinks.

Readers, do you agree with me on this? What other suggestions do you have for this girl?

No Pity Parties. Only Titty Parties.

I've blogged a fair amount about my tits.

But, today, I'm shifting the focus from tits to breast health.

"Why should I care about breast health?" you might be asking if you are a guy.

"I'm 24. Breast health isn't really an issue at my age," you might be saying.

Ladies, it's never too early to be thinking about breast health. And, guys, if you love boobs, the women who have them or both, you should care about these issues, too!

Why do I care?

1. I know far too many friends who have lost loved ones to breast cancer;

2. My Mom died of cancer of unknown primary origin so she might have had breast cancer; and

3. Since 2000, I've had three benign breast lumps removed and three breast biopsies.

***
I had written the above in the hopes that I would submit it for Femme Writes in May. I wasn't sure what direction I wanted the post to go and so I just saved it as a draft. I now realize that there was a reason for that.

In early May, I found a lump in my right breast. I was due for my annual mammogram anyway so I scheduled that. (Most women do not require yearly mammograms before the age of 40, but given my health history and my Mom's, I started getting screened at 35.)

Earlier this month, I went for my mammogram. The breast radiologist at Sibley Hospital reviewed my films and performed an ultrasound. She then recommended taking small samples of the lump that I found and abnormal calcifications that the mammogram showed via biopsy. I don't particularly like biopsies — who does, right? — but I knew what to expect and scheduled them for the last Friday.

On Tuesday, I was sitting in the chair at the hair salon when my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and recognized it as Sibley's main line. I answered the phone and the radiologist informed me that the lump I had found was a fibroid (aka nothing to worry about). But, the calcifications showed Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.

DCIS.

Early Stage Breast Cancer.

I sat in the back room of the hair salon as tears filled my eyes. I asked the doctor to repeat it since she didn't say the ‘c' word the first time. It was surreal, and I knew that for the rest of my life, I would always remember that moment. After I hung up with her, I called my best friends and my man to inform them. I also rescheduled my plans for the evening.

A few hours later, I realized that there was no need to change my plans. I deal with health stuff every day, and breast cancer is just one blip on my radar. So, I put on some makeup, my favorite Burberry mini, high black open-toe heels and a smile, and I went out to the bar.

When my man and I came home at the end of the evening, we talked about the next steps. I shed some more tears. And, then it was business time. (It's me. Did you really expect anything less?)

I also began to count my blessings. I'm thankful that my health conditions helped get this diagnosed early. If you have to have breast cancer, this is the best kind to have. I WILL survive this. (If I hadn't had my first mammogram until the age of 40, that might not have been the case.) I'm fortunate that I have great medical insurance, doctors and friends. And, I'm saying prayers for the many women out there with far more severe cases and far less options and resources.

If you're reading this and wondering what you can do to help me, it's easy! Help yourself and help others!

* Conduct breast self-exams.

* Have a health care provider regularly conduct a clinical breast exam.

* Get annual mammograms.

* For men and women, make sure your loved ones are doing all of this!

* Donate toward finding a cure here! I chose to set up a fundraising page through The Breast Cancer Research Foundation because BCRF is the ONLY breast cancer organization that received an A+ rating from the American Institute of Philanthropy. You can take comfort in the fact that any donation will be used to make a difference!

There's NO need for a pity party here. And, when I'm cancer free, I will be holding a titty party! (It's like a blog party, but so much better!) I have a lot to celebrate. xoxo

Trusting your partner

I’ve received quite a few questions via e-mail and Formspring about cheating. I thought that I would tackle one of them today.

Question: Do you think it’s ever safe to trust someone 100%?

Answer: I assume that you mean “someone” in the romantic partnership sense of the word. With that clarification, I do think it’s safe to trust someone 100%.

If you are in a partnership and are truly in love with someone, then I would hope that you would trust that person completely. I feel as though I can’t control whether or not a person is worthy of my trust, but I can control my ability to trust someone. When I fall in love, I’m all in. I will work to earn the person’s trust 100%, and I will believe in that person 100%.

If my partner does something to indicate that he’s not trustworthy, then I’ll respond accordingly. But, I can’t go into a serious relationship with my guard up too much; that’s not healthy for me as an individual or as a part of a couple.

I worked hard to move past my fears of commitment and allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable in my relationships with men. Have I gotten hurt at times? Sure. But, do I regret getting hurt? No. I’ve been able to look at my actions and know with 100% certainty that I truly loved and that I did my best to make that relationship work.

We all deserve to be all in when it comes to love. You’ll know you found the right person for you when you can trust him or her with your heart.

 

Teddy Ruxpin

Last Friday morning, I was trying to motivate out of my warm bed and into the shower when the telephone rang. I looked at the Caller ID and saw that it was Philly Matt. Given the timing of his call, I realized that he had just read my latest post about us.

When we spoke earlier in the week, Matt had told me about Tammy, a girl he recently met. His voice was giddy when he talked about her in a way that I hadn't heard since he and I had dated. I was excited for him on the phone, but when we hung up, I felt melancholy. What would happen to our friendship? How would our relationship change with a girlfriend in the picture?

I thought about texting or calling Philly Matt that evening, but instead, I just wrote a post about it. In retrospect, that was a passive-aggressive move on my part since I know that Philly Matt reads my blog regularly. But, I figured that the conversation would come soon enough, and it did.

Philly Matt [hearing the groggy tone in my voice]: Did I wake you? I'm sorry. You can go back to sleep and just call me later.

Me: No, I'm good. Just waiting for my migraine meds to kick in. What's up?

Philly Matt: So…I read your post.

Me [with a bit of nervousness in my voice]: Yeah, I figured.

Philly Matt: I read everyone's comments, too. I thought about writing one of my own as Philly Matt, but I decided that I should just call you.

Me: Okay. You know you can write one anytime you want, though, right? Even if I disagree with it, I'll still approve it.

Philly Matt: I know that, but it just made more sense to talk to you directly.

Me [exhaling]: K.

Philly Matt: I want you in my life until the day I take my last breath. You are a very important person to me and anyone I date will need to know that and be okay with that. If you call me in the middle of the night and need me, she's going to need to understand that I have to go. Staying friends with you is not negotiable.

I paused for a few seconds after he said that because I had tears in my eyes. (And, yes, being the sap that I am, I have tears in my eyes again as I'm writing about this.)

Me: Thanks. I figured that's what you would say, but it means a lot to me to hear that. I couldn't imagine my life without you.

Philly Matt: And you won't have to.

We talked for a while about how our relationship doesn't make sense to most people.

Philly Matt: Maybe they haven't found a way to make it work. Or didn't break up amicably.

Me: Well, it's not like we were friends right after we broke up so I understand. But, I feel closer to you now than I did when we were a couple. We've been through a lot over the past few years.

Philly Matt: Exactly. I know that no matter what, you're there for me. And, you know that the same is true with me. Anyone we date will need to understand that, too.

Me: Thanks. That makes me feel better. I still feel bad that I even considered not having you come on the ski trip with "Buckeyes" Boy.

Philly Matt: Well, you guys were in a serious relationship. You couldn't make him uncomfortable. I knew that you and I would stay friends no matter what, but I just felt bad that I wouldn't be able to go on the ski trip or see everyone else [in our group] anymore.

Me: Yeah, I know. I'm glad that didn't happen, and I've learned my lesson for next time. I don't want to lose you or isolate you from the group. The Crew wants you around, too. And I also realize that I'm acting pretty selfish to be whining about a girl that you haven't even really started dating when I've called you about several guys over the years and you've always rolled with it. I guess I just worried that I would lose you if you got serious with a girl…that she wouldn't understand.

Philly Matt: That's never going to happen with us. She's going to know about you. I feel closer to you now than I did even a few months ago after having met your Dad and Rhea [my Dad's girlfriend at my birthday party in April]. . . .And, you realize that I've barely spent any time with Tammy one-on-one. I don't even know if we'll start dating!

Me: Yeah, I know. It just caught me off guard to hear how you talked about her. Tammy's your first crush since me, and I guess I got a little jealous and a little confused, even though I'm happy for you. [Pause.] I'm okay with us never hooking up again, but losing your friendship would be too tough for me. You know me better than any guy I've ever known. [Pause.] But, I will miss snuggling with you. You are very snuggly.

Philly Matt: I'm a regular Teddy Ruxpin! [We start laughing hysterically.]

Me: You pulled out Teddy Ruxpin?!? Hahaha!

Our conversation shifted gears to work, friends, his kids and my latest guy adventures. When I hung up the phone 30 minutes later, I had a huge smile on my face and wiped a few more tears of joy from my eyes.

I wish I knew the secret to how Philly Matt and I have managed to make our friendship work. (Trust me, I would bottle that formula if I could.)

As I texted Philly Matt this weekend,

I love you, Teddy Ruxpin!

And, I do. With all my heart.

Did you try it out and then the friendship fizzled over time or when a new significant other came into the picture? Do you regret not maintaining a friendship with any of your exes?

In like a lion

Last October, I attended a charity event on the Hill. When I walked into the venue, I immediately noticed Mr. Exec, a very successful business consultant. He's 6'1" with an athletic build and light black complexion. His most striking feature: his blue-green eyes that sparkled like the water off of Seven Mile Beach. A close second: his impeccably tailored designer suit.

At the event, Mr. Exec took me under his wing. If I wanted a drink, he made sure that I had it in less than a minute. If there were A-listers in the vicinity, he introduced us and told them about my blog. If the photographer was nearby, he made sure that she took several pictures of me.

Mr. Exec: Are you going to the after-party?

Me: No, unfortunately, I have to go home.

Mr. Exec: Would you like to go out for tea sometime?

Me: Sure! That would be great!

Mr. Exec sent me an e-mail after the event. I indicated that I was open for grabbing tea, but he never threw out a specific day or time. I didn't pursue it since I was busy with my thesis and was living with my then-boyfriend, "Buckeyes" Boy.

A month later, the charity held another event in Georgetown. Mr. Exec and I texted each other beforehand to confirm that we both would be attending. Mr. Exec showed up at the event with his friend, Jenna, yet he still paid a lot of attention to me. He reiterated his offer to have tea together and also mentioned grabbing a meal at National Harbor.

Mr. Exec, Jenna and I spent much of the event talking to each other. For some of the conversation, Mr. Exec had his arm around my waist. But then, he moved it to my ass. That caught me off guard. I had always felt a friendly vibe between us, but my judgment might have been clouded by the fact that I was in a serious relationship. I waited for the next appropriate moment to mention that I had a boyfriend, hoping that would eliminate any further ass grabbing.

After that event, Mr. Exec texted me about getting together on Sunday. We were trying to coordinate plans, when he made a comment about wanting to give me kisses.

Me: Hugs – yes. Kisses – no.

Mr. Exec: Why not hugs and kisses?

Me: Because I'm living with my boyfriend and that wouldn't be right.

Mr. Exec: Oh, I didn't know that.

Me: Yeah, but I would love to go out for tea with you as friends :).

Mr. Exec suddenly became much less available for tea, but I couldn't blame him. I didn't hear from him again for over a month, when he texted me to wish me a Happy New Year.

We then began to text more regularly, but it was tough to find a time to get together. (I was in thesis mode in January, and DC was covered with snow for most of February.) When Mr. Exec heard about my Blog Party in March, he told me that he would love to come to support me. That made me smile.

In the same text conversation, he also asked me out for tea on the Friday after the party. I said yes without hesitation. As the week progressed, I got more and more excited. I wasn't able to be more than Mr. Exec's friend five months ago, but maybe our timing was better now?

When Mr. Exec walked into Black Finn for my party, a huge smile came over my face. I was able to look at him now and feel an attraction. We talked for a few minutes before I went to mingle.

When it came time for me to make a speech, I talked about why I started blogging and how my relationship with "Buckeyes" Boy ended. As I told the group, I was going to pursue my goal to adopt a child, but I also had a lot more dating — and more blogging — to do!

When I saw Mr. Exec later on in the night, I jokingly asked him:

So are we still on for Friday night?

Mr. Exec: Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be?

Me: I didn't know if I scared you off with anything I said.

Mr. Exec [smiling]: Not all all.

Me [smiling]: Good.

I was ready to date again and was looking forward to getting to know Mr. Exec better. March was definitely roaring in like a lion, and that was a good thing!

My thoughts on Boobquake

In 1953, a young woman evaluated her options for going to college. She was an Honor Roll student and wanted to apply for a scholarship to the state university. Her guidance counselor told her:

You shouldn't apply since you're just going to get married after high school anyway.

She refused to be undeterred, working at the local YMCA to save money for night school. After college, she secured a job, managing an advertising agency in Manhattan. Her managerial style was no-nonsense, but effective. Her co-workers called her, "Dragon Lady," and rather than run from that title, she embraced it.

In the late 1960s, she was one of the charter members of a local NOW (National Organization for Women) chapter. And, she didn't follow the path that her guidance counselor predicted. She married at age 34 and had her only child, me, two years later.

My Mom raised me to believe that I could do anything and be anything. She hoped that I could be respected for being a strong and educated person. She taught me about equal rights and feminism when I was in elementary school.

The world in many senses was my oyster. Nonetheless, as far as women's rights had come, I learned at an early age that being a girl wasn't the same as being a boy. (And, no, I'm not talking about biology or anatomy here.) Two examples:

In fourth grade, I was the Teacher's Pet. (If you knew me then or know me now, that shouldn't be hard to picture.) When I finished my work, I would grade everyone else's papers in class. I knew that I had the elementary school equivalent of straight As, and that one boy in class had one B and the rest As.

However, when report cards were issued, he had all As, and I received one B. My parents asked about that in their conference with my teacher and were informed:

Boys need encouragement, and girls shouldn't have things handed to them too easily.

In high school, I went out one night with a guy, Golf Boy. He proceeded to tell the entire school what we did and even lied about having a videotape of our evening. I tried my best to ignore him after that. But in History, he came over to my desk, got on the floor in front of me, and put his hands up my poof skirt to touch my underwear.

Several other people in the class laughed, and I yelled a few expletives at him. The female teacher saw what had happened, and made me put 75 cents in the curse jar for saying three bad words. She didn't punish him at all.

When it came time to select a college, I chose a woman's college. My school allowed all of us to shine in one way or another, and I grew without having to worry about sexism holding me back.

I took several classes on women and the law. Sexual harassment in the workplace was brought up in the curriculum on more than one occasion. We were taught that harassment wasn't to be tolerated in any circumstance.

Those lessons and the relevant case law were in the back of my head when I began my first job out of college. As a legal assistant, I worked long hours and would often go to a club afterward.

Since sexual harassment was wrong, I thought that meant that I could dress however I wanted to at work. If my dress was a little short or my blouse was a little too tight around my chest, then who had the right to care? I should be judged solely on my work performance. And, besides, I really didn't want to go home at 11pm to change.

I started to notice something, though. As smart as I was and as strong as my work product was, the partners in the law firm felt like they were justified in making inappropriate comments about my dress or me.

"Your guy couldn't hold onto his balls this weekend," one attorney said after my then-boyfriend fumbled in Sunday's NFL game.

"You're a sexual harassment law suit waiting to happen," another partner told me in my first job after law school.

"The things I could do to you," my boss informed me.

I realized that there was a correlation between how I dressed and how seriously I was taken professionally. I'm not saying that was right. (In fact, I think the comments that were made to me were incredibly inappropriate.) But, the adage, "boys will be boys," has been around for such a long time for a reason.

With the first two examples, I was offended, yet I never filed a complaint. By the third, I was confident enough in my work abilities to call my superior out on his behavior directly:

"You wish you could handle this, but we both know you can't. Can we get back to the case now?" I told him with a firm attitude and a big smile.

He never made a comment about my appearance again.

I also reevaluated what I could do to be taken more seriously in the workplace. I left my mini-skirts and tight sweaters at home and invested in a lot of Ann Taylor and Tahari suits. I noticed how people responded to me differently. My opinion and my accomplishments were more respected. I liked that.

Why am I writing about all of this on a relationship and sex blog? I love my sexuality and my curves. But, I also love being taken seriously as an attorney. If we lived in a society that didn't view women as sex objects, then I could be both a lawyer and a sex blogger. But, that's not the reality. Double standards may not be as overt as they once were, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

I, thus, didn't feel comfortable participating in Boobquake today. (For those of you who are unaware about what Boobquake is, read here.)

I'm thankful that women in the United States have countless freedoms that women in so many other countries do not. I admire the idealism and social media savvy of the college senior, Jennifer McCreight, who came up with the idea to for women to wear low-cut tops. The goal of Boobquake: to test (mock?) Iranian Prayer Leader Sedighi's theory that dressing immodestly causes earthquakes. I vehemently disagree with religions, cultures and regimes that try to suppress women educationally, economically, politically and personally. But, I've learned that I can be a better advocate for those women and myself, if I keep my revealing attire out of the workplace.

I support those of you women who wore low-cut tops today in protest of Sedighi's misogynistic and misinformed statements. But, I hope that you'll also support me. I'm the woman in the black Ann Taylor pants suit with sensible heels to your left. Yeah, that's me. I'm Dragon Lady's daughter and proud of it.

Did you celebrate Boobquake? Was it just a college joke, in spite of the media coverage and massive on line support? With an estimated 200,000 participants, how can this event turn into something more to advance women's issues?

How soon is too soon to have sex with a new guy?

When I was in NYC recently, I had lunch with an old friend. In less than a month, her long-term boyfriend had broken up with her, and she met a great new guy. We started discussing her current relationship, and she asked me:

How soon is too soon to have sex with the new guy?

I'll gladly tackle the question with the disclaimer that there's no right or wrong answer here. I know couples that have had sex the first night they met and are happily married years later. There are also women out there who have waited to have sex with a guy, thinking that he was "The One," only to have sex with him and find out that he wasn't.

With that in mind, what factors should you consider before jumping in bed with a guy?

1. What are you looking for?

Sex: More than a few young women are raised to feel like it's wrong to view sex or want to hook up like men do. There are many double standards when it comes to relationships and sex, but that doesn't mean that those standards are right. What's wrong with using a man for sex like a man might do to you, provided that you can emotionally handle a connection that's purely physical? If what a girl wants is a one-night stand or casual sex, then there's no need to wait. Practice safe sex every time, find a place that is comfortable for you both, and make sure that you know the guy well enough to know that if you set boundaries, they will be respected. Beyond that, have fun!

Love: If you are looking for a relationship with a solid, emotionally-based connection, then I recommend waiting before adding sex into the equation. Give yourself time to make sure that you both are on the same page in terms of compatibility and what you are looking for out of the relationship. Focus on activities outside the bedroom to really get to know each other. Enjoy kissing and other non-sexual forms of affection and romantic expression. Make sure that you both are equally as invested in the relationship and that you are spending regular amounts of time together.

If you are always waiting for him to call and don't see each other with much frequency, then you might not be on the same page. If you feel anxious about when you will hear from a new guy or how to define your relationship before you have sex, that feeling will only magnify after you have sex. You can't expect that sex will change a guy's behavior so why not wait to see if you're both looking for a serious relationship before you jump into bed with him?

Discuss birth control, condoms, STD-testing and whether or not you both are in a monogamous relationship before you have sex. If you are waiting to have sex until you're in a long-term relationship, but you don't feel comfortable discussing any of those topics with your man, then you aren't on the same page. (I'm not saying that these topics are fun or easy to bring up, but they are necessary if you're in a monogamous relationship.)

Something between Sex and Love: If you aren't sure of what you're looking for or whether a new guy has long-term potential, then wait until you know or your relationship has been defined. Once you have sex, you can't go back to the beginning stage of the relationship and get to know the guy without sex being part of your normal routine. Remember that there's no harm in waiting.

2. How long should you wait?

I've noticed that I have more clarity about and peace regarding a relationship when I wait to have sex with a guy. I look back at several relationships and was glad to realize before I had sex with a guy that we weren't compatible. Likewise, I could tell which guys truly cared about me because they were interested in more than just sex.

I can't tell you if four dates or a month or Steve Harvey's 90-day probationary period is right for you. What can I recommend then? Take your time, trust your intuition, and do only what makes you feel comfortable. Make sure that you know  If you have concerns that you're having sex too soon in a relationship, then you probably are.

3. How can you tell if you're over your ex?

For my friend, this is integral to the issue of when she should have sex with the new guy. She was in a serious relationship, and her heart was broken. Understandably, she might need time to process that before having sex with the new guy.

When you bounce from one serious relationship to the next, you don't always look at the new partner as purely for sex. But, if you haven't healed from your previous relationship, the new partner ends up being a transitional guy by default.

How often do you think about your ex? Do you find yourself looking at old photos, cards, e-mails or his profiles online with any regularity? Are you still crying or angry about the relationship? If you knew that he would be at a certain place on a given night, would you feel the need to go there to confront him or would you avoid the place altogether because seeing him would be too painful? Are you waiting for him to call, text, IM or e-mail you just because? Are you preoccupied about that one small thing of yours that is still over his place?

An attachment to your ex or a lack thereof might depend on who initiated the breakup, why you broke up, and/or how difficult the latter part of your relationship was. I can't tell you if you're over someone or not, but if you aren't truly sure, then it might make sense to wait to move forward with your new relationship. You owe it to yourself and your new partner to make sure that you're approaching things honestly and openly. Otherwise, Mr. New Guy automatically becomes Mr. Rebound. If that's what you want, then fine. But, if you don't feel certain or you think that the new guy could become something serious, then err on the side of caution and just keep waiting.

Do you have any rules when it comes to having sex with a new partner? How long do you recommend waiting? How could you tell that you were over your ex?