UTIs and You (or Your Partner)

Nothing says Hump Day like answering a Formspring question about UTIs (urinary tract infections)! Now, before my male readers close this window, if you date women, you might find this information worthwhile, too.

With the disclaimer that I’m not a medical professional and that a woman should go to her gynecologist if she might have an infection, here goes:

Question: I’ve been in a serious relationship for six months. I recently got my first UTI in two years. When I told my boyfriend, he made me feel bad about it because he doesn’t realize that it was caused by sex. How can I talk to him about it?

Answer: I hope that you have already gone to your gynecologist to confirm that you have a urinary tract infection and obtain a prescription for antibiotics. You should also drink lots of water and cranberry juice to help your bladder clear out and prevent bacteria from sticking to the bladder wall. Most doctors recommend abstaining from sex during treatment for a UTI, but you should confirm that with your health care practitioner.

As the Mayo Clinic describes, it’s very common for women to get UTIs, and many will get more than one in their lifetime. In addition, sexually active women are at higher risk for developing urinary tract infections.

Even though it might not be the easiest conversation to have with your boyfriend, it’s important to do so. The situation is (unfortunately) likely to recur so not sayng anything now merely prolongs the inevitable.

Pick a time when you won’t be rushed and when sex isn’t expected. Open with how you realize this isn’t a particularly fun topic to talk about and how your previous conversation made you feel. Impress upon your boyfriend that this is a common occurrence for many women and how it can happen when you don’t urinate after you have sex. Let him know that you are on antibiotics to treat the infection and that it’s not contagious. Offer to email him information from any of the sites linked herein if he wants to read more about UTIs. And, then ask him for his thoughts.

You should come up with something in your own words, but as an idea:

I felt hurt when I told you what was going on with my infection, and you intimated that it was my fault/were dismissive. I had hoped that you would be more understanding. Many women get UTIs, and sex is often the cause. I'll try to be better about going the bathroom right after we have sex so this doesn’t happen again. It’s not contagious or anything like that, but my doctor recommended waiting until I’m done with my antibiotics before having sex again so things can heal. If you want me to send you some links to sites about this, I can. So, what are you thoughts about this?

The average healthy guy doesn’t have to deal with UTIs so it’s not an issue that is going to be on his radar. If I’m with a partner who wants to snuggle or talk for a while after sex, I let him know that I need to head to the bathroom quickly and why. I don’t spell it out explicitly, but I’ll say something like:

I really want to continue this conversation/stay in bed, but let me quickly head to the bathroom so I’m not hurting tomorrow.

Most guys aren’t going to ask what I mean by that, and that’s fine. It’s more important to me that I excuse myself for a few minutes and don’t have to worry about getting a UTI.

So, readers, what are your thoughts on this issue? Did I miss anything? xoxo

How Is Chemo Like Sex?

I find myself being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m halfway through chemotherapy. Halfway. Three down and three to go. The end is in sight.

How did my third round go? It was…different. I learned that my iron and red blood counts were low from hemorrhaging after my second round. I needed five days of iron IVs, in addition to my normal three days of post-chemotherapy IVs, to try to bring my counts up before my next treatment. Between the added IVs and the fact that my pressure was dangerously low at 63/44, my oncologist advised me to do a whole lot of nothing for ten days. The hope is that all those IVs and taking it easy will help my counts increase. If they don't go up by November 22^nd, my next treatment will be postponed. Positive thoughts and prayers are currently being accepted since I don’t want my treatment to be delayed.

I’ve been thinking lately that chemotherapy and sex have a lot in common. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

Let me count the ways:

1. Everybody and every body are different. I try to include disclaimers with every Sex Advice post that what works for one person in the bedroom might not work for another. It’s important to know your body and listen to your partner’s body to ensure the best possible experience.

When it comes to chemo, oncologists prescribe different combinations of chemotherapy drugs, depending on the type of cancer, the severity or stage, and the patient’s health. The same cancer can be treated in a variety of ways, and every patient responds uniquely;

2. You never know how long it’s going to last. With sex, you don’t always know going in if it will be a quickie or a two-hour, multi-position marathon. With chemo, some low-dose regimes are given every day in a row for only two or three weeks. Stronger chemotherapy drugs are typically administered once every two or three weeks for a minimum of four rounds;

3. Hair matters. In the bedroom, personal grooming south of the border is important. Paging Model Boy… With respect to chemo, it’s an unfortunate rite of passage if you are given a powerful form of chemotherapy that causes hair loss;

4. You might not be able to predict how you’ll feel afterward. There’s no rhyme or reason as to why one person can feel perfectly content after a one-night stand or sex with an ex-partner, while another feels more negative emotions. Biologically, women experience an endorphin rush after reaching orgasm, while men experience a reverse sensation and feel like sleeping. How many times have you finished having sex and come out of the experience with a distinctly different take or energy level than your partner?

Having chemo is very similar in this regard. Two people can respond to the same treatment in very disparate ways. One person can just feel tired after chemotherapy, and another person has every possible side effect;

5. The purpose varies. Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes sex is an expression of love. Sometimes sex is a way to say, “goodbye,” at the end of a relationship. And, sometimes, sex is like a drug.

Chemotherapy serves a variety of purposes, too. For some, it provides hope, while for others, it’s used to prepare the body for transplants. And, in the roughest of cases, it’s administered as a last resort; and

6. The Finish Line! Hey, I’m not knocking the enjoyment to be had during the process, but don’t we all hope to cum by the time we’re done having sex? It’s not called climax for nothing! With chemotherapy, the finish line is also the goal. All that matters is getting there.

How is chemo not like sex?

One is my favorite thing to do, and one is my least favorite thing to do. But, I think that’s stating the obvious. xoxo

No Masks Required

I found myself at the Masquerade Party without a mask or the proper attire, but that didn’t stop me from having a fabulous night! I was all smiles after meeting Model Boy, and I looked forward to getting to know him better as the evening progressed.

Given the crowd, it crossed my mind that Best Boy, Mr. Exec’s best friend, might enjoy the after-party. (Now, normally birds of a feather flock together, but Best Boy is as kind as Mr. Exec is selfish. Best Boy and I had never gone out on a date since our dinner at Ceiba with Mr. Exec, but we had kept in touch. While I was still seeing Mr. Exec, Best Boy and I continued to text each other and even met up for drinks one night. Best Boy stayed out of the drama with Mr. Exec, and I regarded him as a friend.)

Me [to Autumn]: What’s Best Boy up to tonight?

Autumn: I’m not sure.

Me: I wonder if he’s at another event near here. Should we text him to see if he wants to swing by for the after-party?

Autumn texted Best Boy, and then we returned to our conversation with Sally and some other girlfriends. (You might recall that Sally was on the receiving end of one of Mr. Exec’s drunk and belligerent tirades at the bar.) I always enjoyed running into Sally at events since she was very nice and we had worked in similar fields. I figured she knew that Mr. Exec and I had dated, but we never directly discussed that. So, I tried not to let it catch me off guard when she said:

I texted Mr. Exec and told him that he should come.

Me [trying to keep a calm tone to my voice since I really didn’t want to see Mr. Exec so soon after our last evening together]: Oh. Is he on his way?

Sally: No. Once he heard some of the political bigwigs who were here, he didn’t want to. You know how he gets if he’s not the center of attention.

Autumn and I just nodded our heads in agreement. When Sally got up off the couch, Autumn and I laughed out loud. Sally had summed up Mr. Exec perfectly!

A few minutes later, I noticed a man, standing near our group. He was 6’2” with a medium black complexion and a build that was thick without being too thick. His beautiful smile lit up not just his face, but also the room. As I watched him, I realized how many people came up to him to say hello. He looked familiar, and yet, I knew that we had never formally met. When he smiled at me and walked over to the couch, I rose and introduced myself. He replied:

It’s nice to meet you. I’m Mr. Agency.

I tried to piece together who he was, and then it hit me! He worked for the Administration and was a regular fixture on the charity and political circuits in town. We talked for several minutes about the event, how I wasn’t wearing the proper attire, and how we felt like we had a lot of mutual friends in common. (Facebook would later reveal that number of friends as 70!)

Mr. Agency: You don’t seem like the typical person to come to an event like this.

Me: Because I’m not a political groupie?

Mr. Agency [smiling]: Exactly.

Me: Well, I like politics, but I’m not here with an agenda.

Mr. Agency: I can tell. [A woman approaches him and asks if he’ll take a picture with her. He excuses himself and does that before returning to me.] We should get a photo together. Mind asking your friend to take one?

Me: Not at all. [I hand Autumn the camera, as Mr. Agency puts his arm around me.] It’s our first couple’s shot! [We laugh, and the camera captures our cheesy smiles.]

We talked for a few more minutes before Mr. Agency handed me his card, telling me to stay in touch. I definitely planned on doing so!

I headed into the back room and found Model Boy with several of my friends. (As it turned out, he and Sally already knew each other.)

While we were all talking, Best Boy arrived. Autumn and I caught up with Best Boy before he and Model Boy began to chat. It didn’t surprise me that the two guys hit it off famously, as they have very similar personalities.

Autumn: Did they [Model Boy and Best Boy] just exchange cards?

Me: I think so.

Autumn: What’s Mr. Exec going to say if he hears that you were hanging out with Model Boy?

Me: I don’t know. But, he had his chance and blew it. That’s not my problem.

Autumn: True.

When the clock hit two in the morning, it was late, and I was tired so I was ready to head home. But, would the night end there?

The Next Stage

The middle of July found me wondering if Mr. Exec and I could work in any capacity. My uncertainty about what I wanted from Mr. Exec was put on the back burner, though, when I received a call from my breast surgeon.

A second area of cancer had been found. There wasn’t a question that I would beat this, but a Stage One diagnosis at age 37 typically requires chemotherapy. I also needed to have two more areas biopsied before surgery and treatment.

Although Mr. Exec and I texted for hours on end between my updated diagnosis and surgery, we never ended up seeing each other. He claimed he was focused on work, but I knew it was more than that. In his mind, I had insulted him by saying that we weren’t friends and that I didn’t value him outside of his abilities in bed. (And, yes, I appreciate how ironic it was that Mr. Exec felt insulted by my behavior.) I also tried to change our relationship mode, and a control freak like Mr. Exec will never comply with terms that he doesn’t set himself.

Somewhat surprisingly, I felt neither bad nor sad that I hadn’t seen him in a few weeks. Yes, I missed the rush from sex with Mr. Exec, but I didn’t miss the drama, the games or the disrespect.

My vulnerabilities did come into play on the day of my surgery, though. I found myself back at Sibley Hospital with three procedures before the actual surgery. As I sat in the waiting room, I recalled when Mr. Exec had left me a voicemail during my first set of biopsies, claiming that we would get through this all together. And, then, I received a text from Mr. Exec that he was praying for me and hoped my surgery went well.

As I moved from procedure to procedure, Mr. Exec and I continued to text each other. Our conversation provided a good diversion from the day's events, but it was also unsettling. Mr. Exec insisted that he would have been there for me at the hospital, but for the fact that I wouldn’t let him. Given how his words have never reconciled with his actions, that didn’t make sense. But, sitting in a hospital gown being poked and prodded, I wasn’t able to see the situation that clearly at the time.

Following the surgery, Mr. Exec texted me several times to see how I was doing. I definitely needed some help so I inquired as to whether I would be seeing him at all that week. His response: I hope so.

Three days after my surgery, he called to check on me. I had assumed that he would be going to an event downtown with some of our mutual friends, but he informed me that he had work to do that evening.

The following morning, I went on Facebook and saw that Mr. Exec’s work consisted of attending a friend’s birthday dinner and drinks. (I guess we all define “work” differently.) I proceeded to shake my head and roll my eyes at my laptop.

Mr. Exec texted me every day for the next three days to see how I was feeling. I didn’t respond since I had nothing to say. It simply wasn't worth trying to care about someone who didn't care about anyone but himself.

After not hearing back from me, Mr. Exec called me on August 9th.

Mr. Exec: Good morning. How are you?

Me: Okay. Thanks.

Mr. Exec: I’ve texted you several times to see how you were doing, but I never heard back from you. I’ve been worried about you.

Me: I’m good. Just recouping.

We repeated a similar conversation two more times since Mr. Exec was trying to figure out why I had ignored him.

Me: I honestly wasn’t sure how to respond to your texts. You had told me that you would try to stop by to check on me and that you weren’t going to the event last week because of work. And, then I see that you went to a friend’s birthday.

Mr. Exec: Umm…where did you see that?

Me: On Facebook.

Mr. Exec: But, you unfriended me…

Me: Yes, but we still have friends in common. [Pause.] It’s fine if you didn’t want to come by, but I’m not really sure why you just didn’t tell me the truth.

Mr. Exec [raising his voice slightly]: I called you to ask how you were doing. I didn’t call about this kind of ‘fluff.’

Me [chuckling]: So…you lying to me is fluff?

Mr. Exec [raising his voice a little more]: Yes, it is! I don’t need to explain myself or what I do to anyone!

Me [in a slightly sarcastic tone]: Oh, I know you don’t.

Mr. Exec: Are you being sarcastic?

Me: Yes, I am.

Mr. Exec: I called to find out how you were! I don’t need to be bothered with this.

Me: Well, you wanted to know why I didn't text back so I'm telling you.

Mr. Exec [raising his voice even more]: You didn't respond to me because of that? That's ridiculous!

Me: Not to me. I'm actually on my way to an appointment, though, so we might just need to agree to disagree. Hope you have a good day.

Mr. Exec [pausing]: You, too. [Pause.] Goodbye then.

Me: Bye.

That was the last time I spoke to Mr. Exec. There was nothing more to say, and it was time for me to devote my energy to kicking cancer’s ass! I had assumed that I would be doing that with my friends by my side and without a man in my life.

As luck would have it, though, only the first part of that sentence is true ;).

Why Do People Ask Me For Advice?

On to another question from Formspring:

Question: The one thing I’m most confused about is why all of these people write to you for relationship advice, yet you don’t seem to have been a part of many healthy, functioning relationships. I question why you continually bounce from one man to the next. Is it an attention thing? A lack of confidence? Who knows? Best of luck finding what you seem to be searching for.

Answer: I would say I have what I’m searching for in the dating arena. I enjoy my life and am open to whatever love and life have in store. (I would have never imagined that I would leave one career I loved to embark on another exciting professional adventure. And, on the relationship front, I am one of those women who actually likes dating and getting to know other people. I'm not a fan of boring relationships either and seek passion and excitement from guys. Right now, I have a great companion to fulfill that role, which is just what I’m interested in at this point in my life.)

I don't believe that I'm seeking attention, although I admit that as a blogger, I'm seeking an audience and people interested in my stories. I can write that I don't lack for confidence personally or professionally, but that's a question better fielded by people who know me in real life.

I don't view bouncing from one guy to another, as you put it, as a bad thing. I have a fun dating life, and I've learned a lot about myself and relationships from every ex-boyfriend. I’ve been very clear about my goal to adopt as a single mother. I’m not looking for the traditional dating scenario that leads to marriage and children in that order. That might not be something that the average person can identify with, but I hope that my readers will support my choices as I support theirs.

I learned to be accepting of other women and their choices from my mom. Many of mom's friends would call her for personal and professional advice. Mom taught me to prioritize my friendships with females, always be there for the people in your life, and be a good listener and a sounding board.

Friends started coming to me in college for relationship and sex advice. (I also went to a women's college so there weren't many topics about which we didn't discuss ad nauseam.) Now, thanks to my blog, I have a larger audience. I’m the first to admit that I don’t always heed my own advice, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize the same red flags in my dates that my readers do. I also try to look for the best in people. Maybe that makes me naïve or causes me to stay too long in relationships, but that is how I was raised and is not something that I’m likely to change.

I have been told that I give good advice and that my suggestions have helped friends and readers. I think that people also feel like they can be honest about their flaws/problems/weaknesses/concerns because I’m so honest about mine. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and I'm the first to admit that I haven't made the best decisions when it comes to the men I date. But, I do care and will do my best to talk and brainstorm with friends and readers to resolve a problem. (I just did so this morning, in fact.)

When I give advice, I hope to be viewed as a credible source who has done her research on the topic at hand. I'm the In-House Passionista and Reviewer for Lotus Blooms (@DaschaBoutique on Twitter), and I've written freelance articles for Fascinations at Fun Love.

In addition, I’m a Supporting Member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). In June, I attended AASECT’s annual conference and completed an intensive two-day class in Sexual Attitude Readjustment Training. After I’m finished with chemotherapy and radiation, I plan to teach workshops on sex techniques, purchasing body-friendly toys, and spicing up your relationships. I will apply for certification as a Sex Educator through AASECT and expect that continuing adult sex education will be a part of my life for years to come.

The beauty about my blog is that a person doesn’t need to read my posts if he or she doesn’t want to do so. Likewise, it’s optional for people to email me with questions or seek advice from me on Formspring. As my friends and readers know, if and when they need me, I'm here.

What are your thoughts about the reader's questions? For those of you friends and readers who have come to me seeking advice, why have you done so? xoxo

Round Two

Her hair is gone now. In only four days, she has lost half of her long, thick red mane. She donates the rest to Locks of Love and shaves her head. She thinks that losing her hair will make her incomprehensibly sad, and yet, it doesn't. She finds a way to rock the G.I. Jane cut and realizes that she doesn't need her hair to be sexy.

Prior to her second round of chemotherapy, she calls her oncologist and has her internist do the same. She is not going to go through such a horrible round of chemo – complete with three days of vomiting and IVs – again.

Her oncologist finally takes her seriously and appreciates that her health history makes her a unique patient. He orders three days of IVs after chemotherapy, but decides to administer those IVs proactively (before she gets sick), rather than reactively. He also gives her five new drugs to take during chemo week.

She hopes that the second round will be better, but it's just different. Side effects from the drugs cause her to be irritable and suffer from temporary amnesia. For five days, she walks around like a moody, forgetful zombie. She has little, if any, memory of conversations she had or emails she sent during those days. The Type-A lawyer who is used to being in control is anything but that.

Her body responds to chemotherapy in the opposite manner of most people. The average patient is exhausted. She can’t sleep for more than six hours a night and isn't able to nap much. The typical female never gets her period again following chemo. She starts to hemorrhage. Most people lose weight from chemotherapy. She gains weight. In 20 days, she has only one day without a chemo-related side effect. Her body is drained.

On October 26^th, she loses her friend to colon cancer. He was her partner in the fight against this disease. In three days, she cries more than she’s cried in months. Her heart is heavy.

Four more rounds of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation await her. And, she knows that nothing about the next four months will be easy.

This experience is the toughest thing that she has endured physically. But then, she reminds herself that:

She

Tougher.

She will get through this, and she is so very lucky that this was caught at Stage One.

Since early detection is what is saving her, she feels compelled to encourage her friends and readers to check the American Cancer Society’s Early Detection Guidelines.

If you notice an abnormal growth on or under your skin, get yourself to a doctor!

For the female readers:

Breast self-exams every month starting at age 20. If you’re not sure how to do a self-exam, watch this three-minute video;

A clinical breast exam at your annual gynecologist appointment. You should be screened for cervical cancer via a Pap smear three years after you first have sex or by the age of 21 (whichever comes first); and

Annual mammograms starting at age 35 if there’s a history of breast cancer in your family and at age 40 if there’s not.

She cares.

Quick, Quick, Slow 2.0

Yesterday, I tackled two Formspring questions from a guy who fears that he orgasms too quickly. But, what if the guy takes too long?

Question 1: I'm in a relationship now with a man who can't orgasm easily. He can last well over an hour straight, and we've lasted the two-hour mark several times. He says it feels great, but doesn't come. What can I do to make him come faster?

Answer: A few things come to mind, but all involve open communication with your partner. Have you asked him directly if this is a normal occurrence for him? Some guys need to be in a certain position or need a certain type of stimulation (oral, anal, hand, etc.) to come. There are other guys who can't come easily after drinking or when they're stressed.

In thinking of reasons why he might not cum easily in a traditional setting, how often does he masturbate? Does he watch a lot of porn by himself? If so, he needs to cut down on both. You can also try to masturbate in front of each other so that you can see how he enjoys pleasing himself. That would also show you how long it takes him to cum on his own.

It’s worth letting your boyfriend know that you don't need a long, drawn-out session to be satisfied. (He might be under the misperception that you do.) You can also ask him what, if anything, you can do to increase the chances that he will orgasm. If you use condoms, you might try a new brand that is thinner or allows for more sensations. Other ideas are to add the warmth of the shower or some arousel gel into the mix.

For most females, one or two-hour sessions can get tiring at a minimum and painful at a maximum. Be sure to take breaks if you need to. You can switch from traditional sex to oral sex or a hand job. You also can get up to grab some water or go to the bathroom. (If you have a propensity for urinary tract infections, you should make a point to go to the bathroom after you orgasm or when it’s reached the hour mark. There's no need to jeopardize your health, and most guys don't have a problem with holding that thought while you're gone.) Upon your return to the bedroom, have some lubricant handy to make reentry more comfortable.

Let me know what works. xoxo

Readers, any other suggestions?

Quick, Quick, Slow

I receive quite a few sex and relationship questions via Formspring, but it’s been a while since I’ve posted my answers to them. (Damn chemo!) I figured that I would get back to doing so in between my posts about Mr. Exec. I also have a great giveaway that I’ll be sharing with you all this evening.

Question 1a: With my ex-girlfriend, I could have sex for as long as I wanted. With my current girlfriend, I can't last as long. Insights on why that's so?

Answer: What's different with the equation? The foreplay? The positions? How wet or orgasmic your partner is? How often you have sex?

Has your current girlfriend indicated that this is a problem? (I've dated guys who take a long time and guys who cum very quickly. As long as I'm satisfied, I'm okay with either mode.)

Question 1b: Nothing has really changed. Same positions usually. Wetness same. She hasn't voiced a concern; this is more for making it better (not that it was bad). I just don't know why anything is different.

Answer: Have you tried a sexual enhancement gel or herb? (If you or your partner has sensitive skin or allergies, it’s best to stick to herbs over gels. With respect to herbal products, herbs have yet to be approved by the FDA, although they are commonly used in Eastern medicine.)

You could also add a cock ring to increase pressure to the base of your cock and keep your erection for longer. They stimulate the clitoris during sex, making it much easier for the female to orgasm.

You also might try switching positions often to break the rhythm that you're in so that you can last longer. (Some women love changing positions a lot. Some don't. The effectiveness of that strategy might depend on your partner.)

Good luck!

So, readers, did I miss anything? Do you have any other suggestions for this guy?

Diagnosis Night — Part 3

I had thought that June 22, 2010 would be a memorable day in my life because that was the day I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, I wondered if I would also remember it as the most bizarre day I had ever spent with Mr. Exec.

I had just watched him grab another woman's ass repeatedly right in front of me. Then, I listened to him explain that he did that for "business reasons." I found his actions completely disrespectful, but I didn't have the energy to get into a fight with him. I knew that we would eventually need to discuss all of this, but now was not the time.

I decided to focus on other, more innocuous matters, when I asked Mr. Exec:

So how did The Baron end up here tonight? [The Baron and I went to law school together, and we dated briefly earlier this year. Mr. Exec knew The Baron professionally and despised him because of his allegedly shady business practices.]

Mr. Exec: I know! I didn't expect to see him here!

Me: I’m sure you had to restrain yourself from kicking his ass! [We laugh.]

Mr. Exec: I didn’t realize that you had dated him. You said that you just knew him from law school!

Me: I told you that we had gone out to dinner a few times. That's all.

Mr. Exec: Did you fuck him? [I look at him with a confused expression on my face.] Did you?

Me: No. Never. We went out a few times before I realized that he was coke addict. [As we're talking, I put two and two together that Mr. Exec has been reading my blog.] Everything that happened is in my blog.

Mr. Exec: Good. I hate the thought of you with him.

Me: I don't like the thought of it either. Trust me!

We got into his SUV to head to the other restaurant. Three of his friends piled in the back seat. I was feeling quite dizzy because I needed food. I also was exhausted and had absolutely no patience for how drunk everyone else in the car was.

When we arrived at the bar, the bartender informed us that the kitchen was closed. Thankfully, my friend, Misty, happened to be dining there and gave me the rest of her food.

I sat with Misty, as Mr. Exec and his friends took the tables around us. One girl asked where everyone was heading afterwards, and another girl suggested Camelot, a strip club in the neighborhood. I heard Mr. Exec indicate that he wanted to do that, even mentioning that he and Best Boy should try to get their usual table. [Insert eye roll here.]

A few minutes later, Mr. Exec asked me if I wanted to go to Camelot. I politely declined without stating the obvious:

I have breast cancer. I don't know my treatment plan yet and if I can keep my own breasts. The LAST thing I want to do tonight is go to a strip club and look at other girls' tits.

Mr. Exec: I’ll go for a little and then come back to the house.

Me: Okay.

Mr. Exec: I’m so proud of you for coming out tonight! [He kisses me on the lips.] See…look what you have me doing? I'm kissing you in public in front of my friends. [Mr. Exec hates public displays of affection so that was actually a big deal for him.]

He insisted on putting me in a cab and gave the driver double the fare.

Mr. Exec [to the driver]: Make sure you drive very slowly and don’t stop short. [With my Post-Concussion Syndrome, I get very bad motion sickness.] Take very good care of her and make sure she gets home safely.

By the time I arrived home, I felt too drained to ponder or cry about the incredibly odd end to an already tough day. (Seriously, folks, what kind of guy goes to a strip club on the night that his girl is diagnosed with cancer? Oh, and don't even get me started on how Mr. Exec grabs asses for professional reasons!)

I walked my dog and went to bed. An hour later, Mr. Exec texted to say that he was on his way to my place.

To be continued…

Diagnosis Night — Part 2

I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer several hours ago. Now, I was at an event with Mr. Exec, watching him grab another woman’s ass not once, but FIVE, times.

I said nothing to Mr. Exec since it wasn’t worth it. I went up to his best friend, Best Boy, to tell him that I was leaving.

Best Boy: Don’t go. We’re going to get some food.

Me: I thought we were going to do that, too. I just can’t sit here and watch this tonight of all nights. Did he [Mr. Exec] tell you what’s going on? [Best Boy nods.] Yeah, I’m out. [I kiss Best Boy on the cheek goodbye.]

I walked out of the restaurant and called my friend, Autumn. I had just finished telling her what happened when another call came in. It was Mr. Exec. I put Autumn on hold and answered the phone.

Mr. Exec: Come back to the restaurant.

Me: Not if I’m going to have you watch you grab some girl’s ass all night!

Mr. Exec: We’re a team. This is business. I don’t want to have to worry about you walking out on me again. Come back here.

Me: Business?!? Are you fucking kidding me?

Mr. Exec: It's business. I’ll explain it to you when you come back here.

I was hungry, tired and so drained from the day’s events. I didn’t want to get into a fight tonight.

Me: Fine.

I hung up with Mr. Exec and finished my call with Autumn. By the time I returned to the restaurant, Mr. Exec and the older woman were wrapping up their conversation. After the woman left, Mr. Exec came over to me and said:

Mr. Exec: I’m glad you came back. Don’t ever leave me like that again!

Me: I realize that we have a unique relationship, but don’t ever do something like that again in front of me. That was completely disrespectful!

Mr. Exec: Did you see her? Would I ever be with someone who looked like that?

Me: Okay. Then why did you grab her ass five times?

Mr. Exec: It’s business! She was one of the sponsors tonight. I need her to think that I’ll fuck her so that she keeps helping us out. She invites me to her house and on trips with her all the time, but I never go. I’m with you, and we’re a team. You need to understand that I’m just playing the game.

I didn't think that was fair to the woman or the organization with which Mr. Exec volunteered. But, I decided to let it go because my need for food trumped my need to belabor this issue.

As Mr. Exec settled up his tab, he turned to me, Best Boy and Best Boy’s friend, Melanie* and said:

On Saturday night, why don’t you two come over the house? We’ll get some wine and order some food from…[He turns to me.] What’s that place that we like with the good pizza?

Me: Luigi’s?

Mr. Exec: Yes. We’ll order food, maybe get a DVD and talk some business. [I realize at that point that “the house” is in fact “my house.”]

Me: What business?

Mr. Exec: Well, Melanie does something similar to your blog, and when I heard that, I thought it would be good if we all talked to see if there were things that we all could do together.

Me: Professionally?

Mr. Exec: Yes, of course. You know it’s all about making money for me.

Me [laughing out loud]: Yes, I do. But, I’m not sure if you’ll like how I plan to give 10% of whatever I earn from my blog to female-focused charities.

Mr. Exec: Well, you can give 10% of your portion away. We don’t have to do that.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure how I felt about involving Mr. Exec in the business aspects of my blog. I also was uncertain how Melanie and Best Boy fit into the picture, especially since I didn't know what Melanie did professionally. But, I didn’t need to figure that out tonight.

I thought that we would all grab a quick bite and then Mr. Exec and I would head back to my place. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out as planned.