As we travel down the road toward Lubrication River yet again, let's talk about two more issues regarding personal lubricants.

In Imerika's comment to my last post, she mentioned that some of her friends thought that K-Y's Warming Gel lubricant burned. The need or desire for lubrication is a personal one, but her words got me thinking…

If it's your first time purchasing lube, you don't have to go for the bells and whistles. Avoid the scented, flavored, tingling lubricants, and just try plain old lube. As I mentioned in the last post, Better Sex Essentials wins with respect to how it feels, how long it lasts and how much it costs. But, K-Y liquid and Astroglide are basic lubricants. Safe or boring might not work in some arenas, but when it comes to lube, don't view basic as a bad thing.

If you are ready to explore scented, flavored or tingling/warming lubrications, go for it! Just remember to apply sparingly at first. You can always add more lube later, but if you put too much on too quickly, it might cause discomfort or a burning sensation. Some women can also develop a reaction or irritation to scented or flavored lubricants so less is more.

Communication and listening to your body also play a role in experimenting with lube. If anything feels uncomfortable, stings or is painful, stop immediately! Get up and rinse the product off of you. Don't feel embarrassed in the slightest. If anything, you can turn it into something fun,

"I don't like this lube. Let's go in the shower so we can rinse off before I [blow you, fuck you, bring you back to the bedroom, etc.]."

With respect to lubes for anal sex, lubrication is critical to the process so explore what's out there as your man explores what's in there. Experiment to see which one is most comfortable for you and which is most pleasurable for you and your partner. I also encourage you to read online reviews or ask for input at your neighborhood sex shop. We all naturally have our own preferences so it can help to get more information at the beginning to make the most informed decision.

Water-Based: If you are looking for a lighter, natural lubricant that also has the advantage of being condom-safe, then stick with water-based. K-Y works, but it might make more sense to invest in a better-quality lubricant that lasts longer and is more cost-effective. Better Sex Essentials fits this bill. You may have to reapply depending on how long you are having sex, but you or your partner can do that with more lube or a few drops of water.

If you'd like something that's a little thicker, but still water-based, go for ForPlay Gel or Sex Grease. ForPlay feels more natural, but Sex Grease last longer. Different strokes…

Any of these brands are odorless and non-staining. There's no need for the whole world (or a family member or cleaning woman) to know that you are using a lubricant.

Petroleum-Based: These lubricants feel less natural, which makes for a more intense experience. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your perspective and your comfort with anal sex. If you are a newbie to back door lovin', then you might want to avoid petroleum products for a while. Petroleum is oil-based and heightens the sensations more than water-based so be prepared for the kind of sex that you feel from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. Petroleum lube may bring such intensity that the sex becomes painful. If that's the case, speak up and stop! Or, petroleum lubricants might make the experience more erotic. If that's the case, speak up and continue!

Doc Johnson's Anal Lube is a big seller in the petroleum arena. The pump dispenser is convenient, and you get a lot of bang for your buck. Keep in mind that petroleum lubricants are not condom-safe.

Silicone-Based: Silicone-based lubricants are thicker than water-based, but not as thick as petroleum-based. They last longer than water-based lubricants so there's less of a need to reapply during sex, but they are greasier/slicker. Sensations are a little more vivid than water lubes, but less intense than petroleum. Apparently, they are the best for sensitive skin and cause the least irritation of all types of lubricants. And, they are condom-safe.

Wet Platinum and Swiss Navy are popular brands. According to the saleswoman at The Pleasure Place, there isn't a difference in the ingredients in silicone lube. People tend to make purchases based on packaging, size and cost. Swiss Navy beats out the other brands for its smooth consistency and convenient pump dispenser. It's all about trial and error, though, to find what's most pleasurable and comfortable for you and your partner.

If price is an issue, sex shops typically charge $5-$10 more per bottle of lubricant than online drug or specialty shops. Happy Shopping!

So, I'm not a medical professional, but I am a sex blogger who is comfortable talking to her friends about sex and writing about it for a larger audience. Over the past few months, the topic of lube has come up on several occasions. With the disclaimer that I'm no lube-ologist, here are some musings about using lubrication:

1. The majority of my female friends and readers are in their mid-20s to early 40s. There's a thought that only menopausal women (and not those in our demographic) need lubricant. But, women in our age groups might need a little help getting wet in times of stress, when they are on medication, or after giving birth. I think there's a misperception that a need for lube means that your pussy has dried up or that there's something wrong. Let's try to reframe that, shall we?

If you are too dry south of the border, then sex isn't fun (or easy) for either you or your partner. But, that doesn't mean you need to stress over it. Treat it the way that you would if you and your guy are getting ready to have sex and his cock isn't cooperating.

Getting the attention you deserve often requires communication. Ask your man to touch you or go down on you. Suggest breaking out a small toy. Or, start jerking him off as you touch yourself. If none of those methods are doing the trick, break out a bottle of lube.

Now, you don't need to make a big production out of it. (A guy doesn't tend to show disappointment if he can't get hard right away or if he cums too quickly or takes too long to cum.) No apologizes or excuses. Just get some lube, look your man in the eye and say,

"I just want to make sure things are nice and wet."

Paraphrase as you will, but there's a way to be honest and still be sexy.

If you are a guy, don't look down on a woman bringing lube into the mix. The need for added lubrication is physiological, not a reflection of your skill or lack thereof at turning her on. The goal here is to make you both as ready for sex as possible. If a little extra lube can get her there, that shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing!

2. What lube should you choose? If you are just looking for some added lubrication, go for a water-based lubricant. A water-based lube is condom-safe, silky smooth and closest to a woman's own juices. K-Y is the most popular brand and easiest to purchase because you can get it at any drugstore or grocery store.

But, Better Sex Essentials Liquid Lubricant beats other brands hands-down. It's not as sticky as K-Y or similar drugstore brands, and you get much more bang for your buck since a huge bottle is $12.95. Better Sex also doesn't feel as thick as most lubricants, which can provide a more natural sensation.

3. What about the new K-Y Yours+Mine products?

Last year, K-Y introduced a set of lubricants. One bottle is designed for men, and the other bottle for women. When you combine the two products, there's supposed to be a warming sensation that brings maximum pleasure for both parties. Now, these products can help a woman get wet and a man hard, but they also work if a couple is already excited.

Three couples in my group tried the products with three different results. (That serves as yet another reminder that what might be right for you may not be right for some. And, yes, I just quoted the theme song from "Diff'rent Strokes" in a sex blog post.)

Couple #1: He liked it, but she loved it. A lot. She found sex to be even more pleasurable so she and her partner kept using it. And using it. She used it so much that she developed a bit of a reaction to the product. The bottles are currently collecting dust in her bathroom closet.

Couple #2: He liked it, but she was too sensitive for it. She is able to have multiple orgasms, and the added sensation caused her clit to throb before his cock was even near her pussy. He put his hand on her clit without moving her fingers, and she came. The product heightened the experience so much so that it was distraction from the actual act. Two minutes later, she washed the product off of her. She gave the bottles to her friend.

Couple #3: She liked it, and he loved it. They experienced the warming sensation on the first try and continue to use the products on a regular basis. They enjoy the Yours+Mine set so much that they should be spokespeople for K-Y!

In response to my posts on reconnecting with your partner, one of my friends suggested the option of "trying a threesome." I think a threesome might not make sense if the ultimate goal is to get closer with your significant other, but I appreciate that there are different strokes for different folks (pun intended). A few thoughts, for what they're worth:

1. For a straight couple, a threesome tends to be a fantasy for the guy and not the girl. If your girl is bisexual or truly comfortable with exploring her sexuality, then bringing another woman into the bedroom might be a fun activity to raise the sexual bar in your relationship. But, I would do a lot of communication before to ensure that there aren't a slew of problems afterward.

Is your girl really as into this as you are? Make sure that she is not just doing this to please you, and let her know that you will not leave her or cheat on her if she doesn't feel comfortable with having a threesome.

If she is genuinely open to this, what are her ground rules? Be specific. What can you do to the other woman? What can the other woman do to her? If any participant wants to stop, what is the "out" word or phrase? ("I don't feel comfortable with this" should get the point across, but it's okay to use a code word if that makes you feel better.) Will the other two people respect the third person's wishes and walk out of the bedroom?

Is it better to pull in a female friend of hers or someone that neither of you know? That's very couple specific. If you have a threesome with someone you are close to, there are pros and cons. On the one hand, everyone might feel more inclined to relax around each other because of the shared history. On the other, you all might feel more awkward or nervous since you know this girl — either at the time or after the fact.

If you ask someone you don't know that well to join you in a threesome, how or where will you meet such a willing participant? Can you trust that she will respect the ground rules? Will you ask her about her health history beforehand or not? Will all of you feel relaxed enough around each other?

Where will this go down? Is a hotel more discreet than your home? Is it better not to have this happen in the bedroom you share with your partner? Or, do you prefer to have home field advantage?

2. Conduct a cost/benefit analysis in advance! I recommend talking with your partner beforehand about the goals of this evening. Are there other, better ways to reconnect with each other? Could you go to a strip club together and then go back to your bedroom? Bring a porno movie or toy into the mix? Take a class together with a sex educator? Go to a resort for couples? Are there other fantasies that you both have that could be fulfilled?

My concern with a threesome is that once you go there, you can't unring that bell. If it doesn't work for any reason at all, what will happen to your relationship? Is it worth losing your partner?

So, the moral of this post: proceed with caution! I'm not saying that a threesome isn't a way to reconnect with your partner, but I would make sure that the benefits clearly outweigh the risks and that everyone is on the same page!

Another contender for my Best Worst Boyfriend would be The Diminutive Russian. The year was 1993. I had recently arrived in DC for my college internship and was heading to Habana Village in Adams Morgan to meet some friends. Little did I know at the time how much impact the bartender at that salsa club would have on my life.

I went to order a drink and spoke to the bartender in Spanish. He got very defensive and said, “I’m not Spanish. I’m Russian.” OK. My mistake. We started talking and he asked me to stay around after my group left. I wondered how I would get home, but he said that his friend would give me a lift. (Oh, to be 20 and not even think that I would be getting in a car with a psycho.)

He was interesting and had a bit of mystery to him. The Diminutive Russian was dark and handsome, but very short for me, and I towered over him by at least five inches in my platform sandals. His friend showed up, and as we were getting ready to leave, a girl walked in to the bar and kissed The Diminutive Russian. Huh? I was confused, but didn’t say anything. He told me that this girl surprised him from out-of-town so he was going to hang out with her that night.

“Is she your girlfriend?” I inquired.

“No. We’re just friends,” he replied.

I gave him my number, and his friends drove me home. He called the following night and we went out. I should’ve recognized the warning signs, but I didn’t. Over the next several months, The Diminutive Russian continued to claim that the girl, Kristen, wasn’t his girlfriend because she was married. I believed him — partly because I wanted to and partly because I was 20 and didn’t know better.

Within a week after we met, he started making comments about my weight.

“You’re so heavy.” I was a size 8-10.

“How much do you eat?”

“You really need to start watching your diet!”

If some guy said that to me now, I would laugh in his face and tell him to lose my number. But, at that age, I reacted much differently. I lost 25 pounds in 8 weeks on The Diminutive Russian Diet Plan. He was like my own unhealthy Jenny Craig!

Despite how he treated me and how much he made me cry, I fell hard for him. We spent a lot of time at Habana and The Vault after-hours, drinking, kissing and dancing. I remember many a night when we would have sex until the sun rose. The Diminutive Russian also had an intellectual side, and we would get into deep conversations about international relations and Oscar Wilde’s works.

Most of his friends were Russian and too intense for me. A lot of them were interested in things (cocaine, threesomes, etc.) that were not of interest to me. At The Diminutive Russian’s birthday party, no one informed me that I was supposed to be part of his present and hook up with a girl right in front of him and his best friend. The fact that the host of the party turned on a lesbian porn movie, and his girl, Olga, started rubbing my legs should have tipped me off. But, I didn’t initially realize that something was amiss because I had been drinking. Once I figured out what was going on, I told The Diminutive Russian that I wanted to leave, and he seemed (thankfully) as offended as I was by his best friend’s plan.

One would hope that type of thing would have been an isolated incident, but it wasn’t. On my last night in DC, we went to Trax with an old friend that was visiting from Russia. When we headed back to The Diminutive Russian’s studio, I assumed that his friend would let us have fun on the floor while he slept in the bed. He did not, and I suddenly felt another set of hands on me. I yelled at the friend to get off of me, and the two of them started screaming in Russian at each other. I’m happy to report that the friend went back to bed without further protest and this didn’t turn into a bad Lifetime movie, but it was still another odd night with The Diminutive Russian.

When I returned to college for my senior year, we stayed in touch and saw each other when we could. In one call, he said how much he missed me and that he was sending a plane ticket for me to come down to DC the day after Christmas for a party that he was hosting. He asked me to stay with him through New Year’s, and I agreed, provided that Kristen (the ambiguous girlfriend) wasn’t going to be at either event. He insisted that she wasn’t.

In my infinite wisdom (note sarcasm), I told my parents that I couldn’t bear to be apart from The Diminutive Russian for another semester and arranged to take my last four classes at GWU. My parents thought that was very unwise (understatement), but supported me nonetheless.

On December 26, 1993, I arrived at the Diminutive Russian’s doorstep with my luggage. The Russian party was a huge success, and I worked coat check as he managed the floor. It felt like we were finally a couple, and I was even beginning to stand up for myself around him.

“You need to eat more. You are too skinny,” he commented after the party.

“Really? I doubt that you’ll ever stop criticizing me no matter how much I weigh. You just want to control me, and that needs to stop!” I replied.

On New Year’s Eve, I arrived at Habana in a tiara and red dress. At midnight, The Diminutive Russian kissed me, and everything seemed perfect. My bliss was short-lived, though, as Kristen showed up at the bar at 2am. She walked up to The Diminutive Russian and they started making out right in front of me! I did my best to hide my tears until I left Habana. I had nowhere to go other than his apartment so I went back there and called my parents, sobbing hysterically.

I wasn’t sure if the evening could get more bizarre, but it did. At 5am, The Diminutive Russian returned to his place – alone – and acted as though nothing had happened. I stayed with him in his apartment, and I was glad that I did because I learned a lot that night.

The Diminutive Russian had lied to me about his relationship with Kristen. Yes, she was married, but much to my surprise, so was The Diminutive Russian! He was in a green-card marriage with an old girlfriend. Kristen was in a marriage with an older man for security. And, Kristen and The Diminutive Russian loved each other, but I was his girlfriend who he really liked. (If you are confused at this point, imagine how I felt at the time!)

I left The Diminutive Russian’s place the next day. He and I talked a few times after that, but we never dated again.

In 1996, we ran into each other at the original Ozio. Out of boredom and nostalgia, The Diminutive Russian and I ended up spending the night together. I just remember being there with him and wondering why I ever was so attracted to him in the first place. Three years later, I was in a much different place, whereas he was doing exactly the same thing with his life.

The following night, I had a date with another guy. When I got home at the end of the evening, I had 23 voicemail messages from The Diminutive Russian! Yes, 23! I broke out into a huge smile, knowing that if only for one night, The Diminutive Russian felt about me the way that I had felt about him in 1993. I wasn’t sure what the Russian’s next move would be, but for once, I didn’t care. You never know when you are over someone until you just are. I finally was and sure slept soundly that night!