sex

Quick, Quick, Slow 2.0

Yesterday, I tackled two Formspring questions from a guy who fears that he orgasms too quickly. But, what if the guy takes too long?

Question 1: I'm in a relationship now with a man who can't orgasm easily. He can last well over an hour straight, and we've lasted the two-hour mark several times. He says it feels great, but doesn't come. What can I do to make him come faster?

Answer: A few things come to mind, but all involve open communication with your partner. Have you asked him directly if this is a normal occurrence for him? Some guys need to be in a certain position or need a certain type of stimulation (oral, anal, hand, etc.) to come. There are other guys who can't come easily after drinking or when they're stressed.

In thinking of reasons why he might not cum easily in a traditional setting, how often does he masturbate? Does he watch a lot of porn by himself? If so, he needs to cut down on both. You can also try to masturbate in front of each other so that you can see how he enjoys pleasing himself. That would also show you how long it takes him to cum on his own.

It’s worth letting your boyfriend know that you don't need a long, drawn-out session to be satisfied. (He might be under the misperception that you do.) You can also ask him what, if anything, you can do to increase the chances that he will orgasm. If you use condoms, you might try a new brand that is thinner or allows for more sensations. Other ideas are to add the warmth of the shower or some arousel gel into the mix.

For most females, one or two-hour sessions can get tiring at a minimum and painful at a maximum. Be sure to take breaks if you need to. You can switch from traditional sex to oral sex or a hand job. You also can get up to grab some water or go to the bathroom. (If you have a propensity for urinary tract infections, you should make a point to go to the bathroom after you orgasm or when it’s reached the hour mark. There's no need to jeopardize your health, and most guys don't have a problem with holding that thought while you're gone.) Upon your return to the bedroom, have some lubricant handy to make reentry more comfortable.

Let me know what works. xoxo

Readers, any other suggestions?

Round Two

Her hair is gone now. In only four days, she has lost half of her long, thick red mane. She donates the rest to Locks of Love and shaves her head. She thinks that losing her hair will make her incomprehensibly sad, and yet, it doesn't. She finds a way to rock the G.I. Jane cut and realizes that she doesn't need her hair to be sexy.

Prior to her second round of chemotherapy, she calls her oncologist and has her internist do the same. She is not going to go through such a horrible round of chemo – complete with three days of vomiting and IVs – again.

Her oncologist finally takes her seriously and appreciates that her health history makes her a unique patient. He orders three days of IVs after chemotherapy, but decides to administer those IVs proactively (before she gets sick), rather than reactively. He also gives her five new drugs to take during chemo week.

She hopes that the second round will be better, but it's just different. Side effects from the drugs cause her to be irritable and suffer from temporary amnesia. For five days, she walks around like a moody, forgetful zombie. She has little, if any, memory of conversations she had or emails she sent during those days. The Type-A lawyer who is used to being in control is anything but that.

Her body responds to chemotherapy in the opposite manner of most people. The average patient is exhausted. She can’t sleep for more than six hours a night and isn't able to nap much. The typical female never gets her period again following chemo. She starts to hemorrhage. Most people lose weight from chemotherapy. She gains weight. In 20 days, she has only one day without a chemo-related side effect. Her body is drained.

On October 26^th, she loses her friend to colon cancer. He was her partner in the fight against this disease. In three days, she cries more than she’s cried in months. Her heart is heavy.

Four more rounds of chemotherapy and six weeks of radiation await her. And, she knows that nothing about the next four months will be easy.

This experience is the toughest thing that she has endured physically. But then, she reminds herself that:

She

Tougher.

She will get through this, and she is so very lucky that this was caught at Stage One.

Since early detection is what is saving her, she feels compelled to encourage her friends and readers to check the American Cancer Society’s Early Detection Guidelines.

If you notice an abnormal growth on or under your skin, get yourself to a doctor!

For the female readers:

Breast self-exams every month starting at age 20. If you’re not sure how to do a self-exam, watch this three-minute video;

A clinical breast exam at your annual gynecologist appointment. You should be screened for cervical cancer via a Pap smear three years after you first have sex or by the age of 21 (whichever comes first); and

Annual mammograms starting at age 35 if there’s a history of breast cancer in your family and at age 40 if there’s not.

She cares.

Quick, Quick, Slow

I receive quite a few sex and relationship questions via Formspring, but it’s been a while since I’ve posted my answers to them. (Damn chemo!) I figured that I would get back to doing so in between my posts about Mr. Exec. I also have a great giveaway that I’ll be sharing with you all this evening.

Question 1a: With my ex-girlfriend, I could have sex for as long as I wanted. With my current girlfriend, I can't last as long. Insights on why that's so?

Answer: What's different with the equation? The foreplay? The positions? How wet or orgasmic your partner is? How often you have sex?

Has your current girlfriend indicated that this is a problem? (I've dated guys who take a long time and guys who cum very quickly. As long as I'm satisfied, I'm okay with either mode.)

Question 1b: Nothing has really changed. Same positions usually. Wetness same. She hasn't voiced a concern; this is more for making it better (not that it was bad). I just don't know why anything is different.

Answer: Have you tried a sexual enhancement gel or herb? (If you or your partner has sensitive skin or allergies, it’s best to stick to herbs over gels. With respect to herbal products, herbs have yet to be approved by the FDA, although they are commonly used in Eastern medicine.)

You could also add a cock ring to increase pressure to the base of your cock and keep your erection for longer. They stimulate the clitoris during sex, making it much easier for the female to orgasm.

You also might try switching positions often to break the rhythm that you're in so that you can last longer. (Some women love changing positions a lot. Some don't. The effectiveness of that strategy might depend on your partner.)

Good luck!

So, readers, did I miss anything? Do you have any other suggestions for this guy?

Quite A Day

After my breast biopsies, I returned home to rest. Mr. Exec called me when he was out of his meetings to check on me.

Mr. Exec: Do you need anything?

Me: I’m okay for now. Mind coming over when you’re done with work?

Mr. Exec: Not at all. I’ll be there in a few hours.

Later that day, when Mr. Exec arrived at my place, he did something that he hadn’t done since we first dated:

He took care of me!

I was surprised and touched. We ordered some food and relaxed on the couch in front of the television. After all the volatility of the past month, it felt like Mr. Exec and I were in a calm place. We didn’t talk about the past or the future. He wasn’t drunk, narcissistic or belligerent. It was easy and fun to be around him. I was reminded of our early dates and why I had been attracted to him in the first place.

My phone vibrated with a few blog comments to a recent post that I had written, and we got on the topic of my blog.

Mr. Exec: Are you making money off of the blog yet?

Me: A little. One of the companies whose rep I met at the conference asked me to do some freelance articles for them. And, another company has started giving me toys to review every week and offered to help get me into workshops and radio.

Mr. Exec: We should brainstorm one evening about ideas to see how you can really make some money off of this. I’m sure that there are ways I can help you.

Me: Sure. That sounds good.

I was thankful that I was sitting next to Mr. Exec, rather across from him, so he couldn’t see my knowing smile. Philly Matt and I had called it that once Mr. Exec realized that I had started blogging about him, he would finally take the time to actually sit down and read my posts.

I didn’t need to ask Mr. Exec whether he enjoyed my blog. His offer of assistance was all the answer I needed! I knew Mr. Exec well enough to know that his idea of help would involve a 10% cut of any deal, but I found that more amusing than insulting. I was intrigued about what he would say when we had our brainstorming session, but didn’t want to discuss business then.

After Mr. Exec and I finished watching a movie, we went into the bedroom. I was in some pain and had to keep my bra on with ice packs over the areas that were biopsied. But, I still wanted to have sex with Mr. Exec.

Mr. Exec and I had to be a bit creative when we had sex since I needed to stay on my back or right side, but we made it work. And, it worked a lot that evening.

What had started out as a very rough day turned into a great night! Sometimes, life is funny like that. *smile*

Cleaning — It’s A Must!

I’ve written a lot about sex toys, but I haven’t written much about caring for your sex toys. (And, by “caring,” I’m referring to cleaning.) Proper cleaning of your toys should be viewed as a necessity, not an option!

It’s recommended that you clean your toys before the first use and after each subsequent use. Cleaning is essential for removing bacteria from the products and for prolonging their longevity. If the toy takes batteries, remove the batteries before cleaning and during storage. For toys that you are using by yourself, you can clean them with: Hypoallergenic or mild soap and water; or a toy cleaner spray or wipes such as Mighty Tidy or Play Safe.

Mighty Tidy and Play Safe are designed specifically for cleaning adult toys of any material. Mighty Tidy is a light cleanser that’s free of any harsh detergents. It does contain a fragrance for those of you who like a light scent. If you have a perfume allergy, you might want to choose Play Safe instead. Play Safe is 100% natural and alcohol free, and also wards off certain bacterial infections.

If you are using toys with one or multiple partners, you MUST clean your toys thoroughly after every use with a strong cleaner. (In this case, “strong” doesn’t mean toxic, but rather, a product that is designed to protect against bacteria and infections, including HIV and Hepatitis B.)

A DC-area hospital recently had an outbreak of STD cases that were linked to sharing toys. If you aren’t in a monogamous relationship with your partner and you are using toys together, make sure that you clean the toy between individual uses! It’s worth breaking the mood for two minutes to clean the toy before you use it on yourself or your partner, especially as compared to the alternatives! A great cleaner for this purpose is Pjur Med Clean.

This gentle spray lotion is alcohol and perfume free. (I’m not a fan of anything in the bedroom that smells like fruit or the perfume counter at a mall so that’s a plus for me.) Pjur Med is also dermatologist-tested and safe for use on your body. And, most importantly, the cleaner is anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and anti-viral. That means that Pjur Med is powerful enough to guard against STDs and HIV. Toy cleaners are available in sprays or wipes.

There seem to be more sprays on the market, but I prefer the wipes since there’s no need to get a tissue or towel to dry the toy off afterward. Pjur Med comes in both a spray bottle and wipes for $15.95. That price is higher than most of the other cleaners out there, but if you are using toys in a non-monogamous relationship, a few dollars more is a small price to pay for peace of mind!

It’s important to note that not all cleaners are intended for internal use or as a substitute for a personal wipe. Unless the cleaner explicitly states that it’s body-safe and intended for internal use, don’t use that product on anything other than your toys!

Remember to store your toys in a dry location. If the toy came in a box or with a travel satchel, you might want to keep the box or satchel for storage purposes. That will save you from having to clean your toys before each use to get rid of any dust.

If you’re in need of a personal cleanser for before or after sex, choose a product that’s free of any potential allergens like parabens. If you have a perfume allergy or find alcohol-based products too harsh for your skin, look for wipes that are higher quality, fragrance-free and natural.

Lotus Blooms' bestselling products in this arena are the discrete and disposable Pleasure Wipes and the Femme Fresh Wipes. Pleasure Wipes are alcohol-free with a soft, clean scent and can be used before or after sex. For those of you who are in need of a wipe before sex, Femme Fresh Wipes will serve your purpose well. They also have the added benefit of root-based libido enhancers for a little extra oomph in the bedroom.

Pjur Med is a clear winner since it is highly effective as a toy and body cleaner. It’s gentle enough for sensitive skin, yet strong enough to protect against HIV. This product gets my full Five Squeals of Approval. It might not be the norm to squeal about cleaners or safety, but pleasure shouldn’t trump hygiene and health!

Keep having fun, but don’t forget to clean those toys, too! xoxo

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the aforementioned products free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment.

Intimate Terms

I exhaled deeply before picking up the phone to answer Mr. Exec’s call.

Me: Hey. [Pause.] What's up?

Mr. Exec: Hello. How are you?

Me: Good.

We continued to awkwardly exchange pleasantries for a few minutes before Mr. Exec told me why he was calling:

I saw your post on Facebook.

Me: Uh huh. [I wasn’t exactly sure about which part of the update he was referring to, and I didn’t want to give him an inch.]

Mr. Exec: I’m worried about that guy harassing you in your neighborhood. If you’d like me to arrange to have a police car there while you’re walking Nutter to make sure you’re safe, just let me know.

Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that. I hope I don’t need to do that, though. I just spoke with a police officer about Creepy Apology Man.

We spoke more about that before Mr. Exec updated me on his work projects and asked about my appointments with the doctors.

Me: Well, the neurosurgeon will be speaking with my other doctors about whether I’m a good candidate for surgery. And, I have to get two biopsies next week for the breast issues.

Mr. Exec: Is anyone going with you next week?

Me: Yes, Julie should be.

Mr. Exec: Please let me know how it goes and if you need anything. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers and hoping that everything is okay.

Me: Thanks.

He seemed protective and caring, which I hadn't felt in a while. When he mentioned us getting together that weekend, I said, "Sure." As I hung up the phone, a thought crossed my mind:

There were quite a few times over the past few months when Mr. Exec hadn't be there for me or we hadn't seemed as though we were on the same page. But, he wasn't without his endearing side. He cared in his own way. I just needed to figure out if that was enough for me.

Mr. Exec did come over that weekend, and there was a different vibe to our interaction. We kissed and cuddled for an hour much like we had in the beginning, and our conversation seemed sincere since he hadn’t been drinking.

Not surprisingly, the sex was amazing and intense. Thankfully, though, it was also uncharacteristically loving.

The way he looked me in the eyes and said that I would always be his;

The way he held me so close as he kissed me; and

The way he whispered that he wanted me to be okay because I had been through so much health stuff already and he didn't want me to be in any more pain.

Mr. Exec was a character and I knew that his selfish and narcissistic ways would rear their ugly heads again. But, I found myself hoping that the kind Mr. Exec would stay around for a while before that happened.

While he was over, neither of us brought up our previous discussion about my blogging about our time together. It seemed that we were past that without any further conversation.

It was the perfect night. I liked that he referred to "us" as a couple and talked about things we would do together over the summer. I was elated…up until the point when he brought up the "terms" of our relationship.

To be continued…

PS I’m writing this post while receiving my second round of chemotherapy. I might not be able to promptly reply to your Tweets, comments and updates, but please know how much your support, thoughts and prayers mean to me! xoxo

Keepin’ It Wrapped

In an earlier post, I wrote about how to broach condom use without ruining the mood. Now, let’s get to the nuts and bolts (pun intended) of shopping for condoms!

What should you consider when buying condoms?

A latex rubber condom provides protection against pregnancy, HIV/AIDS and STDs. Choose latex, unless you have a rubber allergy. A lubricated condom is often preferable to heighten the experience. If you pick an unlubricated condom for a tighter fit and need to add your own lubricant over the condom, steer clear of oil-based liquids since oil weakens the effectiveness of condoms.

For those of you with latex allergies, there are polyurethane and animal skin condoms. (No, lambskin condoms are not actually made with animal skin.) Those types of condoms are thinner and allow for more warmth and sensation than latex condoms, but they do NOT prevent against HIV/AIDS and STDs. As a result, it’s not recommended to use these condoms unless you’re in a monogamous relationship.

What condoms should you purchase?

If you’re making your first condom purchase, you might care to try a Variety Pack from Trojan to sample several different types. For those of you who are able to visit Lotus Blooms or order condoms online, it’s worth picking up one of the store's bestsellers: RFSU and One.

RFSU condoms are made by the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education and are found throughout Europe. RFSU is about more than just condoms, though, as the organization focuses on sex information, advocacy and education on an international scale. RFSU’s condoms are made of soft and silky, yet durable, latex with silicone lubricant. The condoms come in a rectangular package that’s about half the size of a traditional square condom.

Next, we broke out the Classic Select condom from One. One products are manufactured by Global Protection Corporation, a company committed to outreach and making condom use socially accepted. One condoms combine high-quality latex with innovative packaging (the wrappers are round, not square). In addition, a portion of all of the company’s condom sales goes to HIV prevention and treatment in Africa.

The Classic Select condom provided a fit that was rather snug for my man. Average-sized cocks should find the tight fit beneficial, but if you’re larger than average, choose One’s The Legend or Pleasure Dome brands. (The former is larger in all regards, while the latter is larger around the top of the shaft.)

Despite the snug fit, the Classic Select is thin. The condom is also purer and has been safely treated so it doesn’t contain any of that unpleasant latex odor. My man enjoyed the experience, even commenting that he could feel how wet and warm my pussy was while wearing the condom. I wasn’t as fond of the Classic Select, though, since I wasn’t able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

If it’s easier for you to purchase condoms at your local drugstore than online or at Lotus Blooms, I also recommend the Trojan Ecstasy. I received samples of the Ultra-Ribbed Ecstasy at a conference for sex educators earlier this summer. I loved the condom so much that I gave several to a friend.

What’s so great about the Ecstasy? The amazing G-Spot stimulating ridges on the outside! I have never cum so much with a condom and without clitoral stimulation than when my man has worn the Ecstasy. The latex feels sheer and smooth in a way that’s not the norm for condoms. The condom is also shaped with a rounder head (rather than the tapered tip) and tighter base. Since it’s looser on the shaft, it provides a less constricting experience for the man.

I don’t feel right ranking condoms because I would hate for a reader to refuse to use a condom because of my review of a particular brand. So, I’ll give out my Condom Superlatives instead.

Best for G-Spot Stimulation: The Trojan Ecstasy

Best for a Natural Fit: The Trojan Ecstasy

Best for Feeling Heat and Wetness: One Classic Select

Thinnest: RFSU’s Birds and Bees

Try one. Try all. Just be safe.

What's your favorite condom and why?

* Pursuant to FTC Guidelines, I received the products free of charge in exchange for my honest reviews.

Tomorrow

I was up in Friendship Heights last week, when I received the call from my oncologist's office. The physician's assistant tried as kindly as she could to break the news to me:

So…the lab finally got back to us with the results. You're HER2 positive. [HER2 is one of the most aggressive forms of breast cancer.]

Me: I had a feeling.

We decided that I would have a mediport installed on Friday, September 17th. [A mediport is a device that's implanted under the skin and allows easy access to your veins.] And then, she scheduled me for my first of six chemotherapy sessions on Tuesday, September 21st.

When I hung up the phone, I leaned against the window of an empty storefront and sobbed for a few minutes. You know those cries where your whole body shakes? Yeah, it was that kind of cry.

Two people walked by me. I sensed that they wanted to stop, but didn't know what to say. I guess that I didn't know what to say either. (Well, besides the word, "fuck.")

I haven't cried that much since Friday, but I feel unsettled. I'm starting chemo tomorrow. There are days in which I love watching the clock move forward hour-by-hour. But, I'm watching the hours pass today as though I'm waiting for the bell to toll.

I don't want chemo. At all.

I don't want to worry about how my already weakened immune system will react to chemotherapy. I don't want to be more nauseous than I already am on a given week. I don't want to wonder if I'll fall within the 15% of people who lose their hair on this type of treatment.

Did I mention that I don't want it?

On the night after I got the port put in, my man came over to my place. The port surprisingly hurts a lot, and he's never seen me in this much pain. I was in so much pain that I didn't even want to orgasm or have sex. Me!

Me: You realize that this is going to get a lot worse, right?

Him: Yes, and I'll be here for you.

Me: I just feel really vulnerable now. Like I don't want cancer to be the reason why we don't work out.

Him: That's not going to happen.

Me: If I'm bald?

Him: I'll help you find a hot wig. Some look that you've always wanted to try. You are going to look sexy no matter what!

Me [smiling as I bury my head in his chest]: Maybe…what if I lose my sex drive?

Him: That's not going to happen with you.

Me [laughing out loud]: Misty joked that if I lose my sex drive I would still have a normal person's drive.

Him: Exactly. And, if you lose your drive, then it just means that I have to work harder.

I kissed him, as I fought back tears. It must be karma or God's way of balancing my life out that in the midst of fighting cancer, my relationship with my man and my blog are better than ever!

As I think about the months that lie ahead, I can't help but feel grateful for early diagnosis and great medical care. I realize that there could have been a much different ending to this story. I also appreciate that the treatment that I will undergo in the coming months is to ensure that I'll be around for decades to come. I owe it to myself, my loved ones and the child I will adopt to be as strong as I can and do whatever possible to live a very long life.

Yesterday, I was interviewed for a breast cancer documentary. The producers asked me how breast cancer affected me and three words came to mind:

Vanity; Advocacy and Humanity.

I feel blessed to have such an outpouring of support from friends and readers. On the advocacy front, I know that I will be doing more with the issue of toxic ingredients in sex toys. I'm a sex blogger with breast cancer and a penchant for helping others. I anticipate speaking out about the use of cancer-causing phthalates in adult toys…under my real name.

But first, I need to kick this cancer thing. And, vanity requires me to do that with my own long red locks.

xoxo

Even more to the story

Mr. Exec and I had dated for a month. And then, we stopped talking to each other for a month. Now, Mr. Exec was back in my bed, referring to us a couple and telling me not to blog about our relationship. I didn't know what shocked me more!

Me: I'm sorry I can't promise not to blog about you. That's what I do.

Mr. Exec: I'm a very private person, and I need to know that what I say and do around you won't show up in your blog.

Me: I respect that you are a private person, but have you ever actually read my blog?

Mr. Exec: No.

Me: I'm a storyteller. I'm all about the details. You're asking me to change what I do right at the point when my blog might be turning into something bigger? You went to my Blog Party. You knew what I was doing!

Mr. Exec: And, I'm happy for you. But, I just don't want you writing about me.

Me: But, you want to date me and be in my bed? Writing about that stuff is what I do!

We spoke more about my blog and my readers, and then Mr. Exec asked me to leave a specific matter out of the blog.

Me: I'm fine with leaving that out.

Mr. Exec: Good. But, I don't want stuff that happens in our bed to be a topic for your blog. That's private…between us.

Me: What's with the 'our bed' talk? So, we're doing this? We're really getting back together and going to be a couple?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me [Long Pause]: Then, I might be willing to write about our bedroom activities without as much detail as I normally do. I'm not sure. I'll need to see how things with us go and how it works to change my style a bit. I'll definitely leave out what we discussed, though. I get that. And, I can also send you posts before I put them up so you can see what I wrote. Does that sound okay for now and then we can talk more about this when I get closer to blogging about our earlier dates?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

We kissed again, and it felt different. We always had passion together, but now, it felt sweeter and more solid.

He moved down the bed so that his head was between my legs and starting going down on me.

Mr. Exec [coming up for air]: Did you miss this?

Me: Definitely. You know I love when you do that, baby!

Twenty minutes and several orgasms later, it was my turn to reciprocate. In between kisses and oral, Mr. Exec said:

I hated that you said I wasn't there for you.

Me: But, you weren't.

Mr. Exec: I never want to be that guy with anyone, especially you.

Me: I know you don't. And, I know that you won't be like that again.

Mr. Exec: You made me so mad when you said that I was there for my friends, but not for you.

Me: I know I did. But, I know that's not how you are fundamentally. If I thought that was who you were, you wouldn't be in my bed right now.

Mr. Exec: I'm always there for the people I care about! Always!

Me: I know. You weren't for me that one time, and I know that it will never happen again.

Mr. Exec: It won't.

The topic changed to upcoming events, and he asked:

How are you going to be at events with all these women approaching me?

Me: Will they know that we're a couple?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: Then, I'll be fine. As long as we're on the same page and they know that we're together, I won't freak out or need to be all up on you. I'd only get that way if they didn't know about us.

Mr. Exec: You know if I'm flirting with older women that it's just business. I'll never lie to you and I'll never let you down.

Me: Yes, baby, I know. Business is just business. And, I will always support you professionally. We both have very expensive tastes! [We laugh.] Are you going to be fine with me flirting with other guys?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

Me: That's good because it's not like I'm a wallflower. So…we're doing this? We're going public as a couple? You're okay letting your many fans know that we're together?

Mr. Exec: Yes.

He kissed me, and then we let the discussions about the relationship and blog go. I hadn't had sex with anyone since "Buckeyes" Boy because I wasn't ready to do so. Until now.

A night to remember – Part II

What do you get when you mix one City Girl, one Best Boy and his best friend and a guy that I dated for a month, Mr. Exec, at the same bar? Read on…

Best Boy arrived at Ceiba, and our party expanded to four. The jokes, drinks and good conversation kept flowing. Twenty minutes later, Mr. Exec's friend, Melinda, headed off to Chinatown to meet her cousin so Best Boy took her seat.

The three of us ordered food, and when the meals came, both Mr. Exec and Best Boy shared their dishes with me. It felt like I was on a date…with both of them! But, somewhat surprisingly, it wasn't weird. It felt completely natural!

Mr. Exec was cocky and controlling, but in a way that I found sexy. (I do have a type!) Best Boy had a calm and kind presence that drew in everyone around him, including me. As I looked from one to the other, I thought to myself that if you combined these two guys, you would have the perfect man! (If only it could be that simple, right?)

As I nibbled on my fish tacos, I couldn't resist stirring the pot a little.

Me: So…have you guys ever had a threesome?

Best Boy didn't know how much of a racy side I had so he blushed and didn't say a word. Mr. Exec smiled a mischievous grin and tilted his head to give Best Boy the opportunity to respond. Best Boy looked hesitant to speak.

Me [to Best Boy]: It's not that big a deal. But, if you don't tell me, Mr. Exec will. [I giggle.]

Best Boy [after a lengthy pause]: Yes.

Me: DP [Double Penetration]? Pig roast [in which a girl is giving a blow job to one guy, while the other has sex with her doggy-style]?

Best Boy: Yes.

Me: Both?

Best Boy: Yes.

Me [smiling]: Interesting.

My friend, Autumn, was in the neighborhood so she stopped by Ceiba for a drink. The laughter, fun and pig roast references continued. I made some comment that wasn't related to anything sexual, but ended with the word, "back." Autumn responded with a smile and giggle.

Best Boy looked a bit confused since he didn't realize how easy it was for us to turn almost anything into a double entendre. Part of what made Best Boy so endearing was the fact that he seemed sweeter and shier than Mr. Exec. Best Boy was clearly the better man, but I couldn't deny the fact that Mr. Exec possessed something intangible that I found incredibly sexy. I had thought about the possibility that Mr. Exec and I could be friends, but now, I wasn't sure what I was feeling or what I wanted.

Melinda, her cousins and several friends came back to the bar. As there were now eight of us in the group, there were several different conversations going on at once. It also gave me some time to talk to each person one-on-one. Mr. Exec asked about my health, indicating that he hoped that I had been feeling better. Best Boy offered to drive me home, apologizing for the fact that I had been caught in the rain on my trip to Ceiba. And, Autumn whispered to me that she thought that both Mr. Exec and Best Boy liked me.

Me [to Autumn]: Really?!? You think so?

Autumn [nodding]: Totally.

An hour later, the other girls had left, and it was just me Best Boy and Mr. Exec again. We had one last drink before asking for the check. Best Boy and I both pulled out our credit cards, but Mr. Exec insisted on paying for the bill. It felt like a bit of a pissing contest, and it shouldn't shock anyone that Mr. Exec won. Best Boy and I thanked him, and we headed out of the restaurant.

Mr. Exec's car was right out front. He said goodbye to Best Boy first, and then I went to hug him goodbye.

Mr. Exec: May I give you a ride home?

Me: Umm…Best Boy already offered to.

Mr. Exec: Oh. He did? [Turns to face Best Boy.] You're giving her a ride home? [Best Boy nods. Awkward pause.]

Have a good night then.

Me: Thanks.

Best Boy drove me home and kissed me at the door. I kissed back for a minute, but then I stopped. He was handsome and nice, but I didn't know if I felt a spark with him.

Me: Thanks for a fun night!

Best Boy: Well, I would like to take you out to dinner just the two of us one night.

Me [smiling]: I'd like that. Will you text me to let me know that you got home okay?

Best Boy: Of course. Good night.

Best Boy turned and walked toward his car. I walked inside my building. Before I had even gotten to the elevator, I sent a text to Mr. Exec.