What a girl wants

I accepted the fact that Mr. Agency wasn't interested in being in a committed relationship with me and focused on what would make me happy.  I sent Best Boy the following text:

What are your plans tonight? I’d love to see you…and not just for snuggling ;).

Best Boy responded in less than a minute:


Me: Yes. I thought about it and realized that I want you.

Best Boy: 🙂

I didn’t expand or define what “wanting” him meant, though. In the midst of treatment, all I knew was that I wanted to be with a guy who cared about me and cared for me. Best Boy had proven that he was there for me time and time again, but I hadn’t given any thought about whether or not we should be exclusive. That just wasn't a priority for me right now.

Best Boy came over that evening and again over the weekend. I was still hemorrhaging a bit and very weak. Not surprisingly, he was incredibly sensitive to my needs. (I would later learn that my iron and red blood counts were low and that I needed five days of iron IVs.)

Without me having to explain everything, Best Boy just understood and knew what to do. I had a limited amount of energy to exert, and I wanted to exert that energy with him in bed. He would walk my dog or help me get things around the house so I wouldn’t push it more than I should. He made me feel safe and special, letting me nap with my head in his lap as he softly rubbed my head with his hand.

In bed, he was gentle and loving. We spent a lot of time having sex on our sides – in the spoon position. In the midst of all the changes that I was experiencing, my physical connection with Best Boy remained a constant.

We didn’t talk extensively about our relationship, but I did tell him that I hadn’t yet spoken to Mr. Agency.

Me: I thought about it, and it doesn’t seem necessary right now. Whatever his take on our relationship is, it doesn't change the fact that I want to be with you.

Later that night as we watched television and talked about sports, Best Boy turned the conversation toward his relationship with Melanie*. Apparently, he told Melanie that they should just be friends and colleagues, and no longer sleep together. I hadn’t asked him to do that, but I must admit that the news made me smile.  I replied with a simple:

Oh.  That's good to know.

Mr. Agency continued to text me on a daily basis, and I sent casual responses in return. I tried to seem blasé, as though it didn’t matter if and when I saw him again. But, in my heart, I felt differently. I hadn’t loved Mr. Agency, but I definitely cared about him. And, I didn't know if reconnecting with Best Boy and seeing Mr. Agency on occasion were mutually exclusive.

As my website redesign and blog fundraiser neared, I wasn’t sure if any of the men in my life would be attending. Philly Matt and I had talked about him coming down to help me out during an upcoming chemotherapy week, but he had asked about the party in our last conversation. Best Boy had told Autumn that he might be able to attend. And, when I first posted about the event on Facebook, Mr. Agency commented that he would try to be there.

When it comes to Facebook party invitations, I realize that a reply of “maybe” typically translates into a “no.” I also recognized that Philly Matt lived out of town and Best Boy and Mr. Agency had hectic work schedules. I thus assumed that none of the three guys would end up making it to the lounge in late October.

As luck would have it, though, one guy did attend. And, it was the guy who I least expected to see.

To be continued…

* I gave Best Boy's girl the nickname of "Melanie." In retrospect, that might have been confusing since my web designer's real name is Melanie. They are not one in the same.

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