Best Boy had just told me that he loved me. Did the fact that he said it for the first time ever while we were having sex negate the sentiment behind the words? Was he drunk and this was a case in which I should blame it on the alcohol? Did he really love me? Did he just love having sex with me? Or both?
Between the steroids, the chemo-induced menopause and the late hour, I wasn’t thinking clearly before Best Boy came over. I really didn’t know what to think now.
We flipped over so that I was on top of him.
Me [smiling]: You said you loved me.
Best Boy smiled back at me. We looked each other in the eyes before kissing again. After we finished having sex, I laid on top of him for a few minutes. We fell asleep for a bit before I woke up and moved back to the bedroom. (Best Boy and I never slept on the sofa bed together when one of my girlfriends was already asleep in my bedroom. I'm not exactly sure how that had become our mode, but it worked.)
I heard Best Boy wake up in the morning and went back out in the living room to join him. We cuddled and talked on the sofa bed about work and treatment. When there was a pause in the conversation, I asked:
So…what was up with the ‘I love you’ last night?
Best Boy: I knew you weren’t going to let that slide. [We laugh.]
Me [smiling at him]: Correct.
Best Boy: Well, I didn’t put it in context.
Best Boy: I have a lot of feelings for you, but I didn’t mean it like I’m IN love with you. I meant that I care about you and HAVE love for you.
Me [smiling]: Okay. I understand. [Short pause.] And, in that case, I love you, too.
He smiled back at me, as his hand touched my cheek.
Best Boy: I knew you were going to bring this up! And, this conversation is going to be a blog post, isn't it? [He says with a grin.]
Me: Yes, it is.
We laughed before I leaned in to kiss him. I decided to take his words at face value. At a minimum, we did care about and have love for each other. We could figure the rest out in due time.
When I heard my friend wake up, I left Best Boy in the living room and headed toward the bathroom.
Me: Just wanted you to know that Best Boy is here so you don’t come out without any pants.
Friend: Best Boy is here?
Friend: I had no idea!
Me [with a mischievous giggle]: Well, thankfully, you’re a heavy sleeper.
Friend [pausing]: Did you have sex with him?
Me [smiling]: Yep.
Me: Yep. And it felt right. Oh, and he said he loved me, but he might not have meant it like that. [She stares at me with wide eyes.] I’ll tell you all about it on the way to brunch…