Mounds of frustration

I left Buckeyes Boy on December 1, 2009, with his set of keys to our my place in my hands. I waited for tears to form in my eyes, but they didn’t. I drove off to Muleh on 14th Street to meet Misty at the fashion show after party.

While I was there talking to Misty, a woman approached us and said:

Tall redhead. I could use you.

I didn’t know to what she was referring so I introduced myself. Misty recognized my confused expression and commented:

That’s my agent.

The woman then told me that she owns a very successful modeling agency in DC. I was giddy that she thought I could do runway shows for several reasons (I’m 36, curvy and the girl who got made fun of growing up for being so unattractive).

At the end of the night, Misty and I headed back to my place.

Me: Do you really think she [the agent] wants to talk to me about modeling? [Misty nods.] You know who I really want to share the news with? [Pause.] Buckeyes Boy. I wonder if it’s possible to be friends on some level. And, I wonder if he would stay over tomorrow night. We don’t want the same things relationship-wise, but can’t we at least get some great break-up sex out of it? [For all that was wrong with our relationship, the sex was always very right.]

Misty and I discussed a few ideas as to what I could say to him and I decided to send him this e-mail:

Hope you enjoyed the rest of your night and that your cold is long gone by the time you wake up!

Good call to talk after work tomorrow night. Regardless of what we discuss, you’re welcome to spend the night if you want.

Hit me up tomorrow.


I didn’t hear from him during the day, but I used that time to work on thesis. I also spoke with three girlfriends and made a “Cheat Sheet” of topics to bring up during my conversation with Buckeyes Boy. I didn’t mind sleeping with him (in fact, I really wanted him in my ass), but I knew that he could be very manipulative. I didn’t want to fall prey to that yet again. What did I want out of our conversation?

1. To get the money for the parking tickets;

2. To have him un-block me from Twitter. If it was really a glitch, then that shouldn’t be a problem;

3. To figure out whether or not that 867 number was his cell phone;

4. To have him send me the many naked photos he had taken of me and us (I didn’t mind that he had the pictures since my face wasn’t in any of them, but I didn’t like the idea that he had them and I didn’t. Hey, we all have our things); and

5. To let him know how disrespected I felt. It seemed clear that he used me when it was convenient for him and then kicked me to the curb once he was more settled in DC. For someone who stressed communication, he should have looked me in the face and just ended it before he headed to Georgia. Instead, he pretended that he was coming back, which added insult to injury.

I didn’t know if he would ever grasp how poorly he treated me when we dated, but I thought it was possible that I could convey to him how poorly he handled the past week. I had asked him on several occasions if his feelings had changed and if I was a relationship of convenience like his old girlfriend from Charlotte. He should have just said yes and saved us both the time and energy.

At almost 8pm on the 2nd, I finally heard from Buckeyes Boy:

Sorry I didn’t catch up with you until now. I have no idea where the day went. Thank you for the kind gesture of staying there tonight. I actually have to grab my sister tonight after she finishes work. I was hoping you could meet me closer my way in an hour if that’s possible? Let me know your thoughts.



For the next 30 minutes, we exchanged several e-mails about exactly where we should meet at 9pm. I suggested Brasserie Beck since it was a close walk from the Convention Center, I could easily find parking, and we both could hear ourselves talk there. I was sitting on my couch waiting for him to confirm that the plan worked for him, when this message appeared in my in box at 8:45pm:

My eyes are closing as we speak. I’m really sorry. I’m just really out of it. I wanted to talk to you tonight instead of yesterday for obvious reasons. I just don’t want to be rude and not be attentive. I hate to say another night….


I screamed at my laptop, “You are fucking kidding me?!?”

I sent him the following e-mails within two minutes:

Please don’t do this to me again via e-mail. I have my coat on and am ready to go.

Sorry — sent too soon. I appreciate that work is crazy and you are fighting a cold, but please show me some respect here and at least call.


I was livid! He was doing this to me – again! Who treats someone this way? I felt like he stomped on my heart, spit in my face, and now was kicking me in the gut. I texted several friends, and the gist of their responses was that Buckeyes Boy was a loser/fucker/pussy/chump. No one seemed surprised that he didn’t follow through with our plans.

I picked up the phone to call Julie to vent:

I just want this over with! Dragging this out is just making it worse!

She reminded me that I couldn’t force him to meet and that it might be a more productive conversation if we met another time. While we were on the phone, I received another e-mail from Buckeyes Boy:

You know what… I’m not even at my desk and while I had a moment running around getting wi-fi, I was trying to make plans. Respect the fact that I’m at work and I’m even trying…

I also thought you were still at home replying to emails, trying to make plans. Not standing there ready to go.


Seriously?!? Yet again, it was always all about him! And, I was supposed to respect that he was trying to make plans while at work? Ooh – what’s next? Giving him points for his creative crayon drawing! He was almost 32-years-old and managed hundreds of people at the Convention Center; he should be able to multi-task! I still did want to give him a piece of my mind and get my money, though. I responded:

Get that you are at work and that it’s tough to e-mail/call. But, please also try to see this from perspective. You had said 9pm and I didn’t want to hold either of us up so at 8:40, I made sure I was ready to go so I could jump in the car when you said where.

If you aren’t up for talking tonight, I’m obviously not going to force you to do so. But, I would have made other plans if we weren’t going out. (I’ve really tried not to stay home alone this week since it’s been tough for me.)


Buckeyes Boy wrote back a few minutes later:

I mean, I understand it’s not easy and this is not what I hoped to do tonight. However, I’d hate for you to make your way out and me fade in and out in front of you. I apologize for disrupting any other plans you might have made.


I sent him an e-mail with a few suggestions as to other times for us to meet later in the week. To say I was frustrated with him and the situation would be an understatement.

Yesterday, I had wanted to sleep with him one last time. Now, I just wanted to take my money and run.


So…I have a lot of juicy stuff to write about before my blog party at Black Finn DC this Tuesday, March 9th. If you are in DC, please come. I’m also using the evening to raise money for Global Giving’s Save the Children’s project in Haiti so please donate if you can.

I’m trying to decide if I should do small posts throughout the day tomorrow or just one really long jammed-packed post. What would you prefer? Comment, text or Tweet. xoxo

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