Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I left my friend at Starbucks with one thing on my mind:

Chicken Wings from TGI Friday’s.

I couldn’t remember the last time I ate chicken wings or went to Friday's. As I walked to 2000 Pennsylvania Avenue, I realized that I had been craving a lot of different foods over the past few weeks. I couldn’t get enough tofu, egg salad and chickpeas, and yet, I was passing on the beef dishes that I normally loved.

I wondered for a moment if I could be pregnant and reviewed the miniscule chances of that in my head:

• The average 39-year-old woman has approximately a 7% chance of getting pregnant in a given month.

• I was in full chemotherapy menopause for over a year. Even though my periods had returned, I was still experiencing some menopausal symptoms.

• Chemotherapy increases the risk of infertility and damages eggs, especially in women who are in their 30s and had high doses of chemotherapy.

I ordered my chicken wings from the carryout counter and went across the street to CVS.  It was easy enough to pick up a pregnancy test for the peace of mind.

Fifteen minutes later, I headed home with my chicken wing sampler and the test.

After eating two wings, I went into the bathroom. I began to count the requisite seconds and before I had even reached, "Five Mississippi," the test was positive.

I stared at the test and started to scream and sob hysterically.

“Noooooooo! Are you kidding me? What are you doing to me, Lord?!?” I looked up at the ceiling and yelled. “”Why are the odds of this? What kind of cruel lesson am I meant to learn here?”

Why, given my desire to be a mom, did I react this way?

Well, between my chronic migraines and highly toxic migraine medicine, the fact that I wasn’t even two years out of treatment for breast cancer, and my genetic health conditions, I couldn’t imagine that my doctors would give the green light for me to even try to carry to term.

As sad as I was, I did my best to dry my tears. I’d call my gynecologist first thing in the morning. I couldn’t do anything else at this late hour so I just tried to relax and get some sleep.

To be continued with a thankfully much happier tone…