It’s time to answer a reader’s question!
Question: I’m three months pregnant and ever since I told my boyfriend, he won’t have sex with me. He says he feels weird knowing our baby is in there and doesn’t want to hurt me. How can I convince him it’s fine?
Answer: Assuming that you have a healthy pregnancy without medical complications, sex is not only okay, but it’s encouraged! Many women report that their sex drive increases significantly during the second trimester and that they are able to orgasm with greater ease and intensity.
How much have you and your boyfriend communicated about his specific concerns? What exactly does he feel weird about? If he hears from your doctor or another reliable source that having sex with you won’t hurt the baby, will that assuage his fears? I would ask him to join you at your next doctor’s appointment or sonogram so that a medical professional can inform him that having sex during a healthy pregnancy is completely fine.
Before the baby arrives, talk to him about what you both are feeling. Pregnancy obviously affects men and women differently, and having a child will dramatically change the dynamics of your relationship. (Your life will go from all about each other to all about the baby like that *snap*, as well it should.) How will you try to make time for each other and be affectionate toward each other? How can he best support you during the pregnancy? How will you both prioritize the other person after the baby comes?
Despite the fact that many couples have to deal with the issue of sex during pregnancy, it’s not a common topic of conversation. Rest assured that both you and your boyfriend have perfectly normal and legitimate concerns. At an AASECT conference, I spoke with renowned sex educator Lou Paget about her book, Hot Mamas. Lou wrote this book “for moms-to-be who want to nurture their sex lives along with their growing bellies,” in recognition of the fact that many women don’t know what to expect.
Arm yourself with information through books like Hot Mamas, respected online sources and DVDs on Sex & Pregnancy to supplement your conversation with the doctor. Get ideas for comfortable positions to try during different stages of your pregnancy. Use the months before the baby arrives to try something new (a toy, perhaps?) or plan a romantic getaway. Spend a lazy day in bed, enjoying each other and the ability to sleep as often as you like!
To the Hot Mamas out there and the partners who love them, what recommendations do you have for this reader?