Improv Boy had just informed me that he didn’t want to come upstairs with me because he didn’t think we had a future together. I stood outside my building with a confused expression on my face. I kept waiting for the punch line.
Me: Did I miss something?
Improv Boy: Well, I really support your decision to adopt, but I don’t want to be a father again.
Me: Ooookay. Where is this coming from? [I had told him about my plans to adopt two weeks ago.]
Improv Boy: I’m the type of person who just has to let you know what I’m feeling.
Me: Is this a joke?
Improv Boy: No. I also don’t know that we have the best chemistry.
Me: I won’t disagree, but I was of the mindset to let things evolve naturally. [Pause.] Wait a minute, if you thought all these things, why did you rush into getting tested [for HIV/STDs]? And, why did you cancel your date with that other girl on Wednesday?
Improv Boy: Well, you know I’m a relationship guy so I like to focus on the girl that I’m dating. And, it was easy enough for me to get tested.
Me: Umm…k. You were the one who made a big deal about getting tested now, though, despite the fact that I wanted to wait to get to know each other better. If you felt this way, why didn’t you just tell me this earlier? We didn’t need to go to the game together. [Pause.] I introduced you to my friends tonight! This is embarrassing!
Improv Boy: This isn’t about them. No one needs to know anything. Oh, except you’ll blog about everything.
Me: I just wish you had told me sooner.
Improv Boy: When would you have rather I told you?
Me: Before you decided to buy tickets…when you came over for lunch today…at the game…
Improv Boy [interrupting]: You would have rather I told you at the game?
Me: Yeah, I would have. I would have just hung out with my friends then. [I neglect to mention that two other guys had texted me during the game.]
Improv Boy: You wouldn’t have liked that. That would have made it more embarrassing for you, I’m sure. Besides, I didn’t realize until we were heading home.
Me: In the cab? This makes no sense!
Improv Boy: I’m being honest with you and asking you to respect my feelings. I had hoped that you would be able to do that.
Throughout our conversation, several neighbors walked past us, saying hello and stopping so that I could pet their dogs.
Me: Can we just talk about this upstairs?
Improv Boy: I don’t feel comfortable going upstairs with you.
Me: Are you kidding me? [This came from a guy who stayed over my place after our first date.]
Improv Boy: No. I can’t fake my feelings and it wouldn’t be right.
Me: Even just to talk? Not have sex.
Improv Boy: No.
Me: So, we’re just going to keep doing this outside my building as my neighbors keep walking by?
Improv Boy: Yes. No one is paying attention.
Me: It’s definitely distracting, though. I still don’t understand how you won’t even come upstairs. I wish you had told me this at a different time.
Improv Boy: I’m asking you to respect me and what I’m saying.
Me: I respect what you’re saying. I just don’t respect when you decided to say it. It just doesn’t make sense.
Improv Boy: When would you have rather I told you?
Me: Either before we went to the game or tomorrow morning.
Improv Boy: You would have rather I told you after spending the night at your place? I don’t believe that!
Me: Yes, I would’ve. I’m like a guy in that regard. We had a plan, and I would’ve preferred if you had followed through with the plan.
Improv Boy: I’m not like that. I could never be disrespectful like that.
Me: But, you’re disrespectful enough to break up with me in front of my building as my neighbors keep walking by?
The conversation continued like that for another five minutes. The more he talked, the more confused I was. I wasn’t sad as much as I was shocked. When it was clear that nothing was to be gained from talking more, we parted ways.
That didn’t mean that the story was over, though. Whose blog did you think you were reading ;)? xoxo