One of my favorite bloggers sent me a great question via comment in response to my Anal 3.0 post:
I am a man and have no interest in anal sex. Does this make me a prude? How should I discuss this with a woman who really enjoys it?
His question made me think about the women who read my posts who have absolutely no interest in trying anal. At all. Ever.
Here are my thoughts:
1. I have no interest in anal sex. Does this make me a prude?
Of course not! Your sexual boundaries are for you alone to set. If anyone calls you a prude and you aren't in junior high at the time, then he or she really isn't someone to whom you should be devoting much energy! (Paging Brooklyn Boy. Paging Brooklyn Boy.)
It doesn't make you a prude, shy or unwilling to explore if you don't care to have anal sex. What constitutes sexual exploration is completely subjective so setting boundaries doesn't just apply to anal sex. You should stick with bedroom activities that make you feel comfortable (and hopefully, aroused). I'm not saying that you shouldn't expand your horizons and try something new, but how far you go and what you do is for you to decide. There is no wrong here. Whatever feels right to you is what's right!
2. How should I discuss my disinterest in anal sex with a partner who really enjoys it?
Anal sex isn't something that you tend to have by accident. Given how tight the anus is and the need for ample lubrication, it's doubtful that your cock is going to slip into your partner's ass. If either partner wants to enjoy some back door lovin', then prior communication is key! (It's not for nothing that in every sex advice post, I stress communication with your partner!)
If you aren't interested in anal sex, be honest and tell your partner why. Then, ask your partner what she likes about anal sex. Those answers might give you some clues as to what she finds so appealing and get you both thinking about how you can replicate the sensation by other means.
Are you open to licking her ass (rimming)? Could you pleasure her anally with fingers or a toy? Could you have oral or traditional sex with her while she has a toy in her ass? Does she enjoy the naughty factor of anal since it's not something that everyone does? If so, is there something else (sex in public, bondage, etc.) that you could try to give her that heightened level of satisfaction?
If the man is interested in having anal and the woman isn't, what could provide a similar tight sensation for him? Would he be open to having traditional sex with a cock ring? Playing with a pussy pocket or Tenga while his girl licks his balls or kisses him passionately? Watching a porn of anal sex while having traditional sex in a position that puts his woman's ass in clear view? Is the female amenable to a finger or two in her ass during foreplay or sex and would that provide him with enough excitement? Would more blow jobs satisfy him?
I think it's also important to determine if anal is a deal breaker for either party or could lead to one partner cheating on the other.
I would hope that everyone would be that open with their partner, especially if they are in a monogamous relationship, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. In the end, it's about communicating with your partner, finding sexual activities that respect both of your comfort zones, and enjoying your sex life!