dating

In like a lion

Last October, I attended a charity event on the Hill. When I walked into the venue, I immediately noticed Mr. Exec, a very successful business consultant. He's 6'1" with an athletic build and light black complexion. His most striking feature: his blue-green eyes that sparkled like the water off of Seven Mile Beach. A close second: his impeccably tailored designer suit.

At the event, Mr. Exec took me under his wing. If I wanted a drink, he made sure that I had it in less than a minute. If there were A-listers in the vicinity, he introduced us and told them about my blog. If the photographer was nearby, he made sure that she took several pictures of me.

Mr. Exec: Are you going to the after-party?

Me: No, unfortunately, I have to go home.

Mr. Exec: Would you like to go out for tea sometime?

Me: Sure! That would be great!

Mr. Exec sent me an e-mail after the event. I indicated that I was open for grabbing tea, but he never threw out a specific day or time. I didn't pursue it since I was busy with my thesis and was living with my then-boyfriend, "Buckeyes" Boy.

A month later, the charity held another event in Georgetown. Mr. Exec and I texted each other beforehand to confirm that we both would be attending. Mr. Exec showed up at the event with his friend, Jenna, yet he still paid a lot of attention to me. He reiterated his offer to have tea together and also mentioned grabbing a meal at National Harbor.

Mr. Exec, Jenna and I spent much of the event talking to each other. For some of the conversation, Mr. Exec had his arm around my waist. But then, he moved it to my ass. That caught me off guard. I had always felt a friendly vibe between us, but my judgment might have been clouded by the fact that I was in a serious relationship. I waited for the next appropriate moment to mention that I had a boyfriend, hoping that would eliminate any further ass grabbing.

After that event, Mr. Exec texted me about getting together on Sunday. We were trying to coordinate plans, when he made a comment about wanting to give me kisses.

Me: Hugs – yes. Kisses – no.

Mr. Exec: Why not hugs and kisses?

Me: Because I'm living with my boyfriend and that wouldn't be right.

Mr. Exec: Oh, I didn't know that.

Me: Yeah, but I would love to go out for tea with you as friends :).

Mr. Exec suddenly became much less available for tea, but I couldn't blame him. I didn't hear from him again for over a month, when he texted me to wish me a Happy New Year.

We then began to text more regularly, but it was tough to find a time to get together. (I was in thesis mode in January, and DC was covered with snow for most of February.) When Mr. Exec heard about my Blog Party in March, he told me that he would love to come to support me. That made me smile.

In the same text conversation, he also asked me out for tea on the Friday after the party. I said yes without hesitation. As the week progressed, I got more and more excited. I wasn't able to be more than Mr. Exec's friend five months ago, but maybe our timing was better now?

When Mr. Exec walked into Black Finn for my party, a huge smile came over my face. I was able to look at him now and feel an attraction. We talked for a few minutes before I went to mingle.

When it came time for me to make a speech, I talked about why I started blogging and how my relationship with "Buckeyes" Boy ended. As I told the group, I was going to pursue my goal to adopt a child, but I also had a lot more dating — and more blogging — to do!

When I saw Mr. Exec later on in the night, I jokingly asked him:

So are we still on for Friday night?

Mr. Exec: Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be?

Me: I didn't know if I scared you off with anything I said.

Mr. Exec [smiling]: Not all all.

Me [smiling]: Good.

I was ready to date again and was looking forward to getting to know Mr. Exec better. March was definitely roaring in like a lion, and that was a good thing!

Are You Ready To Lose It?

I received the following question on Formspring last week:

Hey City Girl!! I wanted your advice on losing one's virginity. How do you know when the time is right? I have an amazing bf but am still worried about my first time and don't want it to be a bad experience. Any advice?

Here are my thoughts:

The short answer to your question is that I can't tell you whether to lose your virginity or not. That's a decision for you and your boyfriend to make. (I've said the same thing when readers ask me about trying anal, a threesome or having sex shortly after ending a serious relationship.)

With that disclaimer, there are definitely factors to consider as you make your decision. Here are a few that come to my mind:

1. Why have you waited up until this point? If your interest in losing your virginity is based on pressure that you feel from your boyfriend or friends who have already had sex, then you might want to wait to be sure that the decision is yours and yours alone. If you've waited until your relationship has reached a certain milestone (three months of dating or an engagement ring, for example), then have you reached that milestone? If so, do you still feel the same?

2. What expectations do you have about your first time? I loved my high school boyfriend, Boston Christian, with all my heart. I've never regretted losing my virginity to him for a second, but the act was also incredibly painful. Sharing that experience together was wonderful because we loved each other as much as two teenagers can, but the sex wasn't.

Are you close enough as a couple that you could make it past a bad experience? Would you be okay if it doesn't turn out perfectly? What are your expectations of losing your virginity? Are you both on the same page in terms of how you feel about each other so that adding sex to the mix won't complicate things?

3. Have you discussed all the possible ramifications of pregnancy, STDs and AIDS with your boyfriend? If you don't feel comfortable talking about these topics with him, then I would question whether you are ready to have sex. Are these issues easy to bring up? No. But, they are necessary. Are you both going to be in a sexually-monogamous relationship? Will he be wearing a condom? Are you on birth control? Has he been with anyone before you? If so, do you want him to get tested first?

I addressed some similar issues in last month's post about: How soon is too soon to have sex with a new guy? Determining relationship expectations and discussing birth control and STD/HIV testing need to happen whether it's your first sexual partner or your 50th.

Please take this post as friendly advice, rather than encouragement or discouragement. If you read through this and decide that you're ready, then you are! But, if the post raises more questions for you than answers, then you might prefer to wait. You can always decide at a later point that you're ready. There's no right or wrong so just follow your heart, use your head and be safe! xoxo

Readers: What would you recommend? How was your first time?

Why didn’t I blog in real time?

A friend, Lisa, approached me and said the following:

A lot of people don't get your blog.

Misty: What's not to get? [I nod my head.]

Lisa: You don't blog in real time.

Me [with a confused expression on my face]: So?

Misty: She's a storyteller.

Lisa: Well, I get it, which is why I read it so you don't have to convince me….But, 8 people — in PR and Marketing — have come up to me recently and talked about how you don't blog in real time. They don't understand it.

Me: What is there really to understand? It's not that cryptic.

Lisa: You have to have noticed that some of your commenters have been frustrated with the same thing and how you write about things that happened a few months ago.

Me: Yes, I've noticed. But, I just kept telling the story, and it seems by the numbers of hits that I've received that people keep reading.

Lisa: But, I bet that you could quadruple your hits if you blogged in real time.

Me: Really? With the amount of hits I've gotten recently? I doubt that.

Lisa: But, you need to blog in real time if you want to be a successful blogger.

Misty: But, she doesn't want to be a successful blogger.

[I nod my head in agreement. And, yes, folks, Misty is right. If I can turn my blog into something more professionally in the next year, I will. If not, I'll go back to representing my clients since I miss my clients.]

Lisa: You are a blogger now, though. And, you've used social media to promote your blog. You've said that. [I nod.] Social media and Twitter are about getting information in real-time, and you're not blogging in that manner.

A longer discussion ensued, but it got me thinking about what I do and how I do it.

Why don't I blog in real-time?

1. I didn't start blogging in real-time.

My friends have been telling me for years to write down my guy stories. When I broke up with Lawyer Boy at the end of 2008, I had the time and the inclination to finally do that. I wasn't in a relationship at the time so I started writing about past events. Word-of-mouth about my blog grew, and I just kept on writing;

2. I'm a storyteller.

I see myself as a storyteller, rather than one who blogs about her day. Some events warrant several posts, while other quieter weeks don't warrant a mention. Misty commented that some days I would just be writing, "Didn't go out on a date. Didn't have sex." I love my life, but the rest of my life doesn't always make for a good read;

3. Would I be able to date in a small city like DC if I did blog in real time?

I don't think so, and Lisa and Misty both agreed with me on this point. Why is that? DC is small. Lilliputian small. If guys knew that whatever happened that night would appear in a post the following day, I doubt that many guys would want to date me. By not blogging in real time, I also can see if a relationship evolves.

For instance, last Thursday night, I met four guys. I'm currently exchanging e-mails with three of them. I don't know if I'll end up dating any of them, though, so is it really worth describing our first encounters or e-mails on my blog? There might not be a story there since I don't know if any of them will amount to more than just a guy I met at a event. Who knows if a casual encounter is blog-worthy?

That also raises another issue. I just admitted that I'm in contact with four guys from last week. All of them have access to my blog. What if by the sheer fact that I met other guys that night, I lose the chance to go out with the guy with whom I'm the most compatible?

In a similar vein, in the past week, I've been in contact with Philly Matt, The Baron, JAG Man (yes, he's back, too), and Mr. Executive. Out of that group, I could see seriously dating two of them. (No, I'm not saying which two right now.) If I put every detail in real time about my interactions with them and feelings about them, then I might miss out on the opportunity to spend time with each of them individually and see what happens next.

If you know me, you realize that I don't engage in casual sex. (I've had a single one-night stand in a decade.) But, I do believe that a double standard exists in the dating arena. I'm trying to explore my options respectfully. Real-time blogging wouldn't allow me to do that without feeling like all the guys on deck were watching over my shoulders. Writing my stories down the next day might also spark jealousy and resentment or cause a guy to act uncharacteristically.

4. Do you really want real-time?

I have this vision of my man behind me and my laptop in front of me. In that scenario, I'd be blogging as my man is having sex with me. The title of that post would be: Is This Enough Real-Time For You?

Sex and love don't always follow a story arc, and my stories are detailed and explore things from every angle. As "real" as I am in my blog, I think that "real time" would detract from my posts.

Mr. Executive also made a good point that if I was to blog in real-time, then I would need to have an itinerary before every post. He joked:

So…are we going to have sex, watch a movie or get in a fight tonight? I need to figure out what I'm going to write about next.

I prefer to let whatever happens happen organically and then write about it after I've had time to digest it. And, yes, I realize that I was blogging about the end of my relationship with "Buckeyes" Boy three months after we had split up. But, I have to believe that my readers (and not just my friends) care about me as a person. I don't know emotionally if I would have been able to handle writing about everything as I was going through it with "Buckeyes" Boy. I also wouldn't have done well with all the criticism in the moment. Isn't it better that my relationship with "Buckeyes" Boy ended as it was meant to, rather than by a huge fight over the comments that he read or something I put in a post?

5. What else should I do?

I initially started to write down my stories just for me. But, now, I'm writing for a larger audience. I feel guilty when I don't blog for a few days in a row. My readers are invested in my stories, and I don't want to disappoint. Many of you have shown me by your comments, Tweets and e-mails that you care about me. I feel that, and I want to give the same back at you!

Isn't the purpose of social media to exchange information to a broader audience through the Internet? And, isn't that what I'm doing? Yes, social media provides news and information in real time, but whether or not I have sex with a guy isn't news; it's entertainment for my friends and readers.

Social media has grown in every sense of the word because it isn't formulaic, and it's constantly being used in new and visionary ways. It's ironic to me that I've received criticism (albeit through a third-party) that I have used social media in a way that it wasn't intended to be used. Who defines the norm in an ever-changing market to infinite consumers? More accurately, does there need to be a norm? Isn't the beauty of social media that we all have the power to create and exchange personal and professional information over the Internet in whatever manner we choose?

I'm not cooking one recipe a day to blog about it. Likewise, I'm not sleeping with or dating one guy a day to prove a point. That's not my love life as an adult, and it's not my writing style.

I've always done it my way (that was the title of my autobiography back in 6th grade), and I blog like I fuck (out of the box). I'm a storyteller and an advice-giver, and I'm just going to keep on writing. xoxo

So…what are your thoughts? How do you define "successful blogger?"

The reveal

It was New Year’s Eve. My hair was done, and I had my party dress on. I had Tweeted that I was heading to Georgetown for dinner and then drinks at L2 Lounge. All that was left was to feed my dog, Nutter, and I was off to ring in 2010. My phone vibrated, and I thought it was another BBM from Misty, but it was an e-mail…from “Buckeyes” Boy.

I was simultaneously infuriated that he was writing me after I had asked him not to contact me and curious as to what he had to say at this point. He wrote:

I know you asked that I not contact you and I will certainly not do so beyond this email. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for any way in which I’ve hurt you or mislead you. You deserved more and because of me got much less.

Thank you for being you and the wonderfully sweet, thoughtful, caring, and all around amazing person you are. I hate using such a dated cliche, but it wasn’t you, it was me. I noticed the way I was responding to what you needed or by the way you phrased certain questions. It hit me that I wasn’t really able to handle the relationship that you needed. Whether that be because of the new job or time or whatever, it wasn’t enough for you and I could feel that.

In the end, it should have been communicated to you differently and more respectfully than the way it ultimately played out. Whether you believe me or not, I did not pack my things with the knowledge that I was not coming back.

On the eve of a new year, let me again say I’m sorry and I wish you nothing but happiness and success in all things you do in 2010 and beyond. You deserve nothing less….

Me

***

I sat on my kitchen floor with tears in my eyes and called Misty.

Me: Why the hell would he do this to me on New Year’s Eve?

Misty: Because he’s a manipulator.

Me: Why is he still signing our e-mails as “Me?” It’s so not cute anymore.

Misty: Maybe he does that in all his e-mails? [We laugh.] Just let it go. We’re going to have fun tonight. Don’t let him spoil that for you.

Me: You’re right. Thanks. Can we meet in like 30 so I can regroup a little?

Misty: Of course.

I hung up with Misty and called my friend, Z.

Me: Why the hell would he do this to me on New Year’s Eve?

Z: He’s scared. He knows that you’re up to something since you haven’t indicated on Twitter or your blog that you’ve broken up and that you’re writing about this big news. He knows that you’re going to bust him.

Me: Yeah, that makes sense.

Z: He has a guilty conscience, too, and is probably realizing that he lost the best girlfriend he will ever have.

Me: Yeah, he did. [We laugh.]

And, then, Z and I started discussing about how insincere the e-mail was. If “Buckeyes” Boy really wanted to make amends, wouldn’t he have sent that note with a check for the parking tickets or an offer to come to an event at the Convention Center? But, he didn’t. He just wrote more of the same bull-shit.

My ex and close friend, Philly Matt, had a different take to why I heard from “Buckeyes” Boy on New Year’s Eve.

Philly Matt: Because he’s alone and doesn’t want to be.

It took me less than 30 minutes to realize that “Buckeyes” Boy’s e-mail changed NOTHING! He was a pathological liar and a guy who knowingly took advantage of my generosity. So, what did I do in response?

Just what he deserved…nothing!

So, yes, folks, my boyfriend really did break up with me on Twitter. He played me, and after the initial shock subsided, I decided to play the story. I was a 36-year-old who met her boyfriend through Twitter and got broken up with on Twitter. This was blog gold!

In writing up my little speech for my Blog Party at Black Finn last night, I realized that I ended up with a different kind of Twitter relationship story out of this experience, though. If it wasn’t for “Buckeyes” Boy, I never would have become active on the site…I never would have gone to my first Twitter Happy Hour…and I never would have met many of you whom I now call friends.

I can’t regret dating “Buckeyes” Boy because it led me here. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful friends through the Twitter and the blogging communities — both virtually and in real life. And, it looks like my blog might (fingers crossed) lead me in a new professional direction so I’m not returning to the law this year.

My relationship with “Buckeyes” Boy also taught me that I needed to put my goals first. This City Girl hopes to be a City Mom in a few years. I attended my first informational meeting about adoption earlier this year and plan to start the process in the spring. To say that I’m excited about adopting a little girl would be an understatement.

Thank you again to everyone who came to my party last night and all of you out there in the blogosphere who expressed your concern about my well-being! I appreciate your support more than words can adequately express! xoxo

Prioritizing

The patterns of late in my relationship with Buckeyes Boy were unhealthy. Somehow we went from dominant and submissive in the bedroom to dominant and submissive outside of the bedroom. I was getting tired of being so deferential to him all the time…of catering to his every need when my basic needs were barely being met…of paying for everything when he had been at work for over a month now.

Then, just when I felt like I was going to lose it around him and go off on all that had been weighing on me, he would say something that would make me feel like maybe we could get past this.

Buckeyes Boy [after finding all these things I had gotten him]: I’ve never met anyone as thoughtful as you. I make some comments in passing about how my razor bumps are irritating and that I use hand sanitizer at work, and the next thing I know, you get me a whole facial cleansing system and a packet of hand sanitizers.

Me: You’re welcome, baby. That’s what I do for the people I love.

Buckeyes Boy: But, I don’t think you realize how few people do that. Thank you for being so patient with me with all the changes from the new job. I know this hasn’t been easy on you, but I really appreciate everything. [We kiss.]

Our relationship was (thankfully) not abusive, but I started to recognize the honeymoon stage that followed our fights. One night, he was saying that I was jealous and controlling, and the next night he would tell me how wonderful I was. A part of me wondered if the pendulum would stop swinging back and forth and if we could just…be.

In late November 2009, I was talking to my friend, AP, about the latest round of ups and downs with Buckeyes Boy.

Me: I give us a 50/50 chance of making it through New Year’s.

AP: Really? He adores you. I think you guys will work it out. He just needs to get into a routine at work first. But, at least you know you are ready!

Me: For what? [Pause.] Marriage?

AP: Yeah.

Me [laughing out loud]: I don’t know. I’m willing to stick it out with Buckeyes Boy because I love him and because of how good we were in the beginning. But, if you tell me I’m single again, I don’t think I’m going to be in a rush to get into another relationship. You know me…when did I ever talk about getting married before Buckeyes Boy?

AP [laughing]: Umm…never! When you told us that you guys were planning your wedding, I almost got whiplash! I thought the aliens had gotten you. [We both crack up.]

Me: Exactly. I know I want to be a mom. I don’t know that I want to be a wife. I’ll ride things out with Buckeyes Boy, but if we break up, I’m not sure if I see just looking for one guy to be with forever. I don’t know if that’s my thing.

Buckeyes Boy came home that evening and was up sick most of the night. I tried to do what I could to make him feel more comfortable, but some things just need to run their course. He had off the following day and gave me the heads up that two friends were having parties. As was the norm, he didn’t invite me to join him so I decided to make my own plans.

I figured that he would sleep in since he was sick most of the night, but he headed out in the morning to meet his sister for coffee. When he returned, the Ohio State-Michigan game was on, but he went back to bed since he wasn’t feeling well. (The fact that he wasn’t interested in the game as a former Buckeyes football player confused me, though.) I got him some ginger ale and some over-the-counter stuff and tucked him in.

As Buckeyes Boy and I were talking in bed, the topic of porn came up. He knew the actresses that I enjoyed, but I didn’t know whom he liked.

Me: When you are by yourself, who do you fantasize about?

Buckeyes Boy: Well, no one really.

Me: There’s not a porn star or an actress that you think about or like to watch when you are getting off?

Buckeyes Boy: I just don’t really do that.

Me: You don’t masturbate? [He nods.] I’m calling bull shit on that one.

Buckeyes Boy: Why would I do that when I can just go to a club and leave with a girl?

Me [biting my tongue from asking him why he was an almost 32-year-old man acting like he was still in college]: Really? Well, I thought you had said that you were a relationship guy.

Buckeyes Boy: I am. But when I’m not in a relationship, I’m gonna go out to take care of that. What guy wouldn’t do it that way?

Me: So…after you left Toronto [and the girl he was dating up there] and before we met, that’s what you did?

Buckeyes Boy: Yeah.

Me [as my eyes get really wide]: You sooo didn’t tell me that! You made it sound like you were all about relationships! Dare I ask if you used condoms with these women?

Buckeyes Boy: Of course.

Me: All the time? [He nods.] You definitely spun the whole, “I’m a relationship guy,” to your advantage. You made it sound like you hadn’t been with anyone since you left Toronto.

Buckeyes Boy: What if I go on your blog and read about the guys that you were with before we started dating?

Me: Go on it! You were the only person I slept with since I broke up with Lawyer Boy last Thanksgiving! I’ve had one one-night stand in a decade! I just wish you had told me this back in September.

Buckeyes Boy: What did you expect? Any guy who is good-looking enough to go into a bar and get a girl is going to do exactly the same thing!

As we rolled over to take a nap, I felt unsettled. I didn’t even bring up how he told me he had been tested for HIV when he arrived in DC and whether or not that was a lie. I just knew I needed to get tested again.

I woke up before Buckeyes Boy did, and there ended up being a change in my plans for the evening. I wasn’t going to Virginia, but rather, having dinner with my friend, Tina, in Adams Morgan. As it turned out, Buckeyes Boy’s parties that night were in Adams Morgan and U Street. Even though he had been sick a lot over the past 24 hours, he was still going to try to go out.

Me: Well, your stuff should be starting around the time that my stuff ends. If you want to grab a drink or meet up since we’ll both be in the same area, let me know. I could just come by for the first hour or so and then I’d leave you all so I can work on my thesis. Or, if you decide not to go out and you need anything, just call me. I should be home by 10 at the latest, but I can leave early if you need me to.

Buckeyes Boy: Okay. I’ll let you know.

I hadn’t heard from Buckeyes Boy when I was out with Tina so I headed home just before 10. I assumed that he had decided not to go out or else I would’ve heard from him. My assumptions were proven wrong, though, when I got off the elevator on my floor. The air was filled with the aroma of Buckeyes Boy’s cologne.

“I just missed him!” I thought to myself. “That fucker didn’t even call me!”

Sure enough, I went inside, and he was gone. I called Tina with tears streaming down my eyes.

“This is ridiculous! I take care of his ass all night and now he’s out with friends who don’t know that I even exist and he doesn’t even let me come along for a drink?!?”

“You need to sit down and talk to him,” Tina said.

I agreed with her, but I also wondered if talking to him would even register. He always belittled my attempts to talk about our relationship problems, or he would deflect the conversation to make me feel like I was in the wrong, jealous and insecure.

As the clock went from 10pm to 2am, I got progressively more upset. I thought about telling him to pack his stuff up, call his sister, and get out of my place. I thought about leaving his stuff outside my apartment door. But, I realized that he would be coming home after a night of drinking and that wasn’t the right time to get into a relationship discussion or end things so abruptly.

When Buckeyes Boy got back, he was buzzed and clearly had no idea that I might be mad at him. I just kissed him hello and went back to bed. In the morning, he was Mr. Friendly as he got ready for work, thanking me for taking care of him and telling me how much fun he had the previous evening.

Buckeyes Boy: I don’t think I can go out tonight since the event will be a late one, but maybe Monday night? [I nod my head.] I know that you wanted to go out before I leave for Georgia, and I definitely want to do that.

Me: Okay.

We walked out of the apartment building, and after I kissed him and went on my way with Nutter, I found myself rolling my eyes. In contrast with the past month, I wasn’t sad anymore. As I continued around Rock Creek Parkway, I tried to figure out why. My call with AP had me thinking:

I’ve been putting my goal on hold for Buckeyes Boy. And, I had to ask myself if he was worth doing that for.

“What goal?” you might be asking.

Being a Mom. I had told myself in 2008 that if two things happened in 2009 (I moved into a 2-bedroom apartment, and my health was stable), I would start the process to adopt an older child in 2010. Both of those important pieces were in place, but now, with Buckeyes Boy on the scene, I was putting his needs and goals before mine.

I decided to ride it out with Buckeyes Boy for six more weeks to see if he stepped up. If things didn’t markedly change by the time 2010 rolled around (and yes, I knew that I needed to play a role in standing up for myself), then the Ball in Times Square wasn’t the only thing that would be dropped.

It’s Friday and I’m in love

Friday, September 18, 2009

Buckeyes Boy and I were going to be moving in together! I was jumping up and down in my apartment and couldn't stop smiling. One of my girlfriends called as Buckeyes Boy and I were snuggling on the couch.

Me [with an incredibly giddy smile]: Is this official? Can I tell her?

Buckeyes Boy [with a huge smile on his face, too]: Sure.

Buckeyes Boy headed to his Dad's place in Maryland, and I talked to a few girlfriends to share my news with them. I decided to take a nap since I was so exhausted from the past week. We were off to a birthday dinner for my girl, AP, that evening, so I wanted to feel my best.

I was starting to wake up when my phone vibrated. A text from Buckeyes Boy:

I've looked everywhere but can't find my credit or ATM card. I don't want to be a burden this weekend so if it's easier, we can just get together to watch football on Sun.

I didn't hesitate and wrote him the following response:

We're a team! I want you with me this weekend and can't wait for you to meet everyone. Come home so we can hook up again before we go out! xoxo

As I was lying in bed, it crossed my mind that since we started dating, we actually hadn't gone out to dinner. We cleared out everything in my fridge before going back to bed. Oh, and one night, we went to my friends' house. I know that some girls wouldn't want to pay for dinner for their boyfriends — ever, but I figured that it would all balance out. Buckeyes Boy was lining up interviews and would be paying rent once he got a job in DC and cleared out his storage unit in Toronto.

A few hours later, he returned from Maryland and we headed out to Sterling, a suburb 40 minutes away from DC. We were the last couple to arrive, and it seemed like Buckeyes Boy fit in easily with my group. And, we just fit together.

I didn't think I could fall for Buckeyes Boy more and then I saw him with my godson. I haven't written about my godson on my blog before, but this little guy had my heart wrapped around his tiny finger the moment that I held him in my arms. I would do anything for this boy and his mom.

Anyway, my godson was 15 months at the time of the dinner, and he looked at Buckeyes Boy as though he was a huge teddy bear (which he kind of is). My godson kept sharing his food with him, and smiling and laughing as Buckeyes Boy played with him. I looked across the table and felt so much joy watching my favorite big man play with my favorite little man that I almost shed tears right then and there.

By the time that appetizers were served, everyone at the table knew the big news about us living together. My friends were really excited for us, but surprised that I was so calm about everything. They kept waiting for me to freak out or get scared, but when they looked it my eyes and watched us together, they knew.

Barla: When it's right, it's right.

Me: I know! I soooo wasn't looking for this.

Barla: That's when it happens!

[Then, AP, Barla and I all get teary-eyed and have a group hug. We are a sappy bunch, huh? Unless we're in Philadelphia…]

I wore a long-sleeve shirt, but that didn't cover all of the ugly bruises on my arms. AP and Barla asked about them.

Me [pointing to Buckeyes Boy]: He did it!

Buckeyes Boy: You asked for it!

[We all crack up.]

AP, her husband and I took turns taking my godson outside so he didn't get bored at the table. I was out with him for about 20 minutes when AP came out to find us.

AP: Buckeyes Boy is great!

Me: Isn't he?

AP: He said some really sweet stuff in there.

Me: He did? Like what?

AP: Well, he asked us if you brought a lot of guys around to meet The Crew. And we looked at him and said, "No! Never!" He seemed surprised, but he smiled, too. He was like a giddy schoolboy, as he told us that this might seem crazy and too fast to everyone else, but that it feels right to you both. He said how great you are and that he's never felt anything like this before.

Me: Really? That's awesome! [Blushing and giggling.] What did you ask him that prompted him to say that?

AP: Nothing! We wouldn't say anything without you there. He just told us all that on his own.

Me: Wow! [I beam as AP hugs me.]

We headed back to the table and asked the server for our check. I looked in my Longchamp backpack and realized that I couldn't find my wallet. Now normally this would be something that I would get livid over, but I couldn't stop laughing.

Me: What are the odds that we met, fell in love and both lost our wallets — all in eight days? Let's go to Safeway [where we were before dinner] and see if I left it there.

Buckeyes Boy: Sounds good. [He kisses me.]

I was in love with the most amazing guy. I could figure out the wallet stuff later.

A 2nd great date

September 2009

My first date with Buckeyes Boy was amazing! I knew that I was attracted to him physically from the moment that I laid eyes on him, but I didn't expect that we would have such a strong emotional connection!

After he left my place to meet his sister, I heard from him later in the afternoon. He said that he was stuck in a heated family discussion at his family's place in Maryland, but that he would come back to DC as soon as he could. I texted him that if he wanted to stay over, we could head out to Northern Virginia to watch football at my friends' house the next day. He said that he would love to! *Sigh*

(Oh, and if you know me in real life or through my blog, you realize that my friends are my family. I rarely – as in, three relationships in 21 years – let guys I'm dating interact with my friends. My friends were thus shocked when I asked if I could bring a guy over to their house. I sensed their surprise, and just said that Buckeyes Boy was different…and special.)

Buckeyes Boy made it to my apartment at 9:30pm. I smiled when he walked through the door, but my big cheesy grin didn't do justice to how I felt. My toes tingled, my heart beat fast, and I had to restrain myself from not jumping up and down! Yes, I was that happy to see him!

Since it was late, we decided not to go out to dinner. I heated up some food that I had in the fridge, and we did almost the same thing that we did the night before. We talked. We laughed. We watched some college football. We connected. Oh, and, we kissed until our lips were sore ;). (I never realized how much I was into biting until Buckeyes Boy came along.)

He told me about the family issues that were going on, and they reminded me a lot of the problems that I've had with my Dad since my Mom died. This was only our second date, and yet I felt like we could — and were — talking about anything and everything with each other. This was unique for me!

Buckeyes Boy and I joked about what we would say when people asked how we met, and that meeting on an online dating site might garner more approval than the truth. I practiced saying, "We met at a Twitter charity event," a few times without laughing, but to no avail.

We both commented how thankful we were that: 1) he had come from Toronto to DC to spend time with his family and decided to volunteer at the event; and 2) I didn't end up going out with my friends that night and instead chose to go to the event to support Miriam's Kitchen and promote my blog. And, being the dork that I am, I let Buckeyes Boy know that he had me at Twestival!

After 1am, we headed into the bedroom. I wanted to have sex with him, but I knew that it was better to wait at least a little bit. And, thankfully, Buckeyes Boy respected that. It was an added bonus that all of that making out was hot enough to tide us over for a while.

The next morning, we stayed in bed late, kissing, snuggling and talking. This all just felt so right, and I felt so much for him so quickly. It seemed surreal, and yet, it wasn't. We were here…together! And, all those trite expressions:

You just haven't met the right one yet;

Love will find you when you least expect it/aren't looking for it; and

When it's right, you'll know…

Suddenly. Made. Sense!

He’s great on paper, but…

July 2009

I was still on a high from meeting JAG Man. We had a lot in common, and we were both in similar places in our lives.

We met on a Thursday, and he asked me out for the following evening. (He won points for not playing the "wait three days" game. I was never one for those dating rules.) JAG Man invited me out for a dog walk and coffee. I was looking forward to that, but my sick pooch put a wrench in those plans. I figured that JAG Man would suggest that we grab coffee without my dog, but he surprised me by asking if I wanted to have dinner…at Westend Bistro by Eric Ripert. The wanna-be foodie in me gave him extra points for that wonderful suggestion.

I thoroughly enjoyed our dinner, but I liked JAG Man's company even more than the food. He's incredibly intelligent, and I felt inspired by his accomplishments. He also has a kind heart, and his face lit up when he talked about spending time with his nieces.

After dinner, we walked back to my place. I invited JAG Man inside, and he helped me prepare sangria for my Girls' Night the following evening. I kept waiting for him to try to make a move, but he never did. Three hours later, he said that he needed to leave before he "lost control." I wasn't sure if that would have been a good thing or a bad thing, but I respected the fact that he wanted to take his time getting to know each other. (I had jumped into bed way too soon with far too many guys. At this stage of my life, though, I was interested in a relationship, not just casual sex.)

JAG Man and I made plans to see each other on Sunday night. I had so many leftovers from my party that we just had dinner at my place. After we ate, we sat on my balcony and talked for a couple of hours. When we went back inside my apartment, he moved toward me and kissed me. Really kissed me.

His lips and tongue felt perfect against mine. He kissed with just the right blend of softness and strength. We stayed on the couch and made out for two hours like we were in high school. I was wet, and he was hard, but neither of us talked about sex. I had a feeling that there would be time for that in the future.

As JAG Man was leaving, I realized that I had a little crush on him. I hadn't had a crush on a guy in a very long time, and it felt good. A half-hour later, JAG Man called to let me know that he had gotten home okay.

JAG Man: I had a great time tonight.

Me: So did I.

JAG Man: I wanted to let you know that I'm not really sure what I'm looking for right now.I don't know where I see this going.

Me: Well, we're just getting to know each other so we don't need to talk about that yet, do we?

JAG Man: Well, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend two years ago, and that was really hard. I'm still processing my feelings. Since she and I broke up, I have a tendency to fall really fast for girls and then, when we start to get close, I stop calling them.

Me: [Holy Shit! Where is this even coming from? We just met three days ago! We barely know each other. Plus, who throws out all his issues on the second date?] So…are you telling me this because you want me to stop you if you do that with me or because you just want me to know why you won't be calling me back down the road?

JAG Man: The latter.

Me: [Long pause.] Okay. [Another pause.] It just seems a bit odd to bring this all up now.

JAG Man: Well, I dated a girl earlier this year, and when she confronted me as to why I became distant, I told her that I wasn't ready for anything serious. She had said that she wished she knew that from the beginning, and I didn't want to make the same mistake with you.

Me: Okay. Thanks then.

He and talked for another half hour or so about other topics, but in the back of my head, I kept wondering…

Was Mr. Great on Paper really not that great when it came to relationships?

It’s always sunny with Philly Matt

June 2005

I left NYC a day early to stop off in Philadelphia to go out with Philly Matt. We hadn't seen each other since my Girls' Weekend in Philadelphia in late April. I got off the train and took the escalator up to the main level of the station. There Matt was…looking as fine as ever in his jean jacket and French Connection t-shirt. We gave each other a long, close hug, and I sighed to myself. It felt good to (finally) choose a nice guy!

Philly Matt had less than 24 hours to plan our date, but he still put some thought into it. We drove off to a restaurant in Olde City. There was a fireplace inside with a lot of warm wood and European beers on tap. The restaurant was casual, but romantic. We grabbed a drink at the bar, while we waited for a table. He turned to me and said,

"It's already 8. I'm happy to bring you back to the station after dinner so you can get a train back to DC tonight. But, on the chance that you wanted to stay over, I reserved a room for you at the Westin. I don't mean to be presumptuous, and I'm happy to go home tonight or sleep on the couch in the hotel room. I just wanted to spend as much time with you as I could, and I didn't want to worry about you on the train at midnight."

I looked at him and smiled, "That was really thoughtful, Matt. I would love to stay over. I'm sure the couch will work, too."

In less than an hour, Philly Matt had exhibited several qualities that I wasn't used to seeing in the guy that I was dating. (Thoughtful and communicative guys might be the norm for some girls, but not me.) I could tell that I was ready for a nicer guy because his comments and actions didn't scare me off in the slightest.

Matt sat at the bar for over an hour, talking about his children, my job and how we met. When we finally got to a table, I realized that I hadn't stopped smiling since he picked me up from the station. Philly Matt made me laugh and feel safe all at the same time.

I could tell that I liked him when I showed him my dorky side. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, and I took one of my business cards out of my purse and wrote a little note on the back about how fine he was. When he returned to our table, he saw the card on his chair, read it and laughed out loud.

After dinner, we went over to Club 27 where we met. We danced a bit. And, then, that part of me that can over-think relationships with men kicked into gear. For over two years, my world revolved around Basketball Boy. Even when I was seeing other guys, I just viewed them as temporary companionship and would drop everything for Basketball Boy. Now, I was looking at Philly Matt and only thinking about him. Did he have boyfriend potential?

We didn't stay long at the club since it was packed. We headed back to the Westin, and I set some ground rules: I didn't want to do anything south of the border. If he was okay with that, I was fine with him sleeping in the bed with me.

Philly Matt wasn't just fine with that, but he thought that it was smart to take things slow and get to know each other. Wow! Now, that was refreshing!

Our time together in the hotel room reminded me of the second night that we spent together in April. His mouth was so warm. His tongue was engaging and passionate without being sloppy. When he kissed me, I felt weak in the knees – no matter whether we were standing up or lying down.

In the morning, we woke up and just picked up where we left off. We made out for over an hour like we were in high school. At noon, he realized that he didn't know when checkout time was. He picked up the phone and called the front desk.

"Yes, I was wondering what time checkout is? [Pause.] Noon, huh? [Pause.] As in, right now? [Pause. He laughs.] Well, would it be possible to have a later checkout? [Pause.] Thank you!"

We had another two hours. Oh, in case you're wondering how we spent that time, we used 15 minutes to get ready and the rest of the time to kiss each other some more. I know that we had brunch afterward, but couldn't tell you where or what we talked about. I just remember boarding the train that afternoon to DC and thinking that I would be spending much more time in Philadelphia. *Sigh*

What’s good for the goose…

This afternoon, I posted the following Tweet: Thinking about double standards between men and women. Would I have to blog about relationships and sex anonymously if I was a guy? (To clarify, I'm assuming that the guy in this scenario is straight since the issue of sexual orientation would add another huge obstacle to the equation.)

Since I attended the DC Twestival last week, I've been thinking a lot about this. I don't know if I can be a selectively-anonymous sex blogger, but I'm going to try. The majority of my friends on Facebook have known about my blog since its inception. If I meet people who I think would enjoy my posts, I openly share my blog link with them. Most of my ex-boyfriends also know about this site.

However, I have kept my name and face off of my blog so that I have some control over who finds out about my relationship history. My hesitancy to reveal my identity to every reader stems from the fact that I don't want to be judged about my sexual proclivities in the workplace.

There are a lot of lawyers out there who dislike the profession in general or their jobs in particular. I just don't happen to be one of them. I've wanted to be an attorney since I was 14-years-old and love the law! But, I fear that as a female attorney in a conservative city like DC that I'm not allowed to openly love sex, too!

With respect to my career and the blog, I feel like a male attorney could joke about his dating escapades after work with his colleagues over cigars at Morton's without serious repercussions. I'm not intimating that there wouldn't be any professional ramifications if a man's sex blog became public, but I doubt that a guy would receive much more than a scolding:

Might not want to talk about your personal life around the office, Mike. Some of the ladies might not understand. [Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.]

When I finish my master's program in a few months and return to practicing law, I don't think that I'll be afforded the same freedoms as my male counterparts. My blog and my sexuality will have to be kept a secret from my co-workers. I'm not suggesting that an office is the appropriate place to engage in sexual banter. But, there is still a double standard when it comes to sex and the sexes, and that angers me on so many levels.

In all but one office where I've worked, senior male employees have made inappropriate comments about my body. I've learned to stand up for myself, but I know that I couldn't make similar comments about how a male partner's suit hugs his curves just so. I also couldn't be taken as seriously if my colleagues knew that I was City Girl. (I could write several more paragraphs about Puritanical values, what men can get away with in the workplace versus women, and how I expect more out of our society in 2009, but I'll spare you.)

So, what's your opinion to my original question? Do you agree or disagree that a man can blog more easily about sex and relationships than a woman?

I'm going to continue to do my best to be "selectively out" as a sex blogger. Only time will tell if that one foot in and one foot out approach will work.