On to another question from Formspring:
Question: The one thing I’m most confused about is why all of these people write to you for relationship advice, yet you don’t seem to have been a part of many healthy, functioning relationships. I question why you continually bounce from one man to the next. Is it an attention thing? A lack of confidence? Who knows? Best of luck finding what you seem to be searching for.
Answer: I would say I have what I’m searching for in the dating arena. I enjoy my life and am open to whatever love and life have in store. (I would have never imagined that I would leave one career I loved to embark on another exciting professional adventure. And, on the relationship front, I am one of those women who actually likes dating and getting to know other people. I'm not a fan of boring relationships either and seek passion and excitement from guys. Right now, I have a great companion to fulfill that role, which is just what I’m interested in at this point in my life.)
I don't believe that I'm seeking attention, although I admit that as a blogger, I'm seeking an audience and people interested in my stories. I can write that I don't lack for confidence personally or professionally, but that's a question better fielded by people who know me in real life.
I don't view bouncing from one guy to another, as you put it, as a bad thing. I have a fun dating life, and I've learned a lot about myself and relationships from every ex-boyfriend. I’ve been very clear about my goal to adopt as a single mother. I’m not looking for the traditional dating scenario that leads to marriage and children in that order. That might not be something that the average person can identify with, but I hope that my readers will support my choices as I support theirs.
I learned to be accepting of other women and their choices from my mom. Many of mom's friends would call her for personal and professional advice. Mom taught me to prioritize my friendships with females, always be there for the people in your life, and be a good listener and a sounding board.
Friends started coming to me in college for relationship and sex advice. (I also went to a women's college so there weren't many topics about which we didn't discuss ad nauseam.) Now, thanks to my blog, I have a larger audience. I’m the first to admit that I don’t always heed my own advice, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t recognize the same red flags in my dates that my readers do. I also try to look for the best in people. Maybe that makes me naïve or causes me to stay too long in relationships, but that is how I was raised and is not something that I’m likely to change.
I have been told that I give good advice and that my suggestions have helped friends and readers. I think that people also feel like they can be honest about their flaws/problems/weaknesses/concerns because I’m so honest about mine. I don’t claim to have all the answers, and I'm the first to admit that I haven't made the best decisions when it comes to the men I date. But, I do care and will do my best to talk and brainstorm with friends and readers to resolve a problem. (I just did so this morning, in fact.)
When I give advice, I hope to be viewed as a credible source who has done her research on the topic at hand. I'm the In-House Passionista and Reviewer for Lotus Blooms (@DaschaBoutique on Twitter), and I've written freelance articles for Fascinations at Fun Love.
In addition, I’m a Supporting Member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). In June, I attended AASECT’s annual conference and completed an intensive two-day class in Sexual Attitude Readjustment Training. After I’m finished with chemotherapy and radiation, I plan to teach workshops on sex techniques, purchasing body-friendly toys, and spicing up your relationships. I will apply for certification as a Sex Educator through AASECT and expect that continuing adult sex education will be a part of my life for years to come.
The beauty about my blog is that a person doesn’t need to read my posts if he or she doesn’t want to do so. Likewise, it’s optional for people to email me with questions or seek advice from me on Formspring. As my friends and readers know, if and when they need me, I'm here.
What are your thoughts about the reader's questions? For those of you friends and readers who have come to me seeking advice, why have you done so? xoxo