So, I'm not a medical professional, but I am a sex blogger who is comfortable talking to her friends about sex and writing about it for a larger audience. Over the past few months, the topic of lube has come up on several occasions. With the disclaimer that I'm no lube-ologist, here are some musings about using lubrication:
1. The majority of my female friends and readers are in their mid-20s to early 40s. There's a thought that only menopausal women (and not those in our demographic) need lubricant. But, women in our age groups might need a little help getting wet in times of stress, when they are on medication, or after giving birth. I think there's a misperception that a need for lube means that your pussy has dried up or that there's something wrong. Let's try to reframe that, shall we?
If you are too dry south of the border, then sex isn't fun (or easy) for either you or your partner. But, that doesn't mean you need to stress over it. Treat it the way that you would if you and your guy are getting ready to have sex and his cock isn't cooperating.
Getting the attention you deserve often requires communication. Ask your man to touch you or go down on you. Suggest breaking out a small toy. Or, start jerking him off as you touch yourself. If none of those methods are doing the trick, break out a bottle of lube.
Now, you don't need to make a big production out of it. (A guy doesn't tend to show disappointment if he can't get hard right away or if he cums too quickly or takes too long to cum.) No apologizes or excuses. Just get some lube, look your man in the eye and say,
"I just want to make sure things are nice and wet."
Paraphrase as you will, but there's a way to be honest and still be sexy.
If you are a guy, don't look down on a woman bringing lube into the mix. The need for added lubrication is physiological, not a reflection of your skill or lack thereof at turning her on. The goal here is to make you both as ready for sex as possible. If a little extra lube can get her there, that shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing!
2. What lube should you choose? If you are just looking for some added lubrication, go for a water-based lubricant. A water-based lube is condom-safe, silky smooth and closest to a woman's own juices. K-Y is the most popular brand and easiest to purchase because you can get it at any drugstore or grocery store.
But, Better Sex Essentials Liquid Lubricant beats other brands hands-down. It's not as sticky as K-Y or similar drugstore brands, and you get much more bang for your buck since a huge bottle is $12.95. Better Sex also doesn't feel as thick as most lubricants, which can provide a more natural sensation.
3. What about the new K-Y Yours+Mine products?
Last year, K-Y introduced a set of lubricants. One bottle is designed for men, and the other bottle for women. When you combine the two products, there's supposed to be a warming sensation that brings maximum pleasure for both parties. Now, these products can help a woman get wet and a man hard, but they also work if a couple is already excited.
Three couples in my group tried the products with three different results. (That serves as yet another reminder that what might be right for you may not be right for some. And, yes, I just quoted the theme song from "Diff'rent Strokes" in a sex blog post.)
Couple #1: He liked it, but she loved it. A lot. She found sex to be even more pleasurable so she and her partner kept using it. And using it. She used it so much that she developed a bit of a reaction to the product. The bottles are currently collecting dust in her bathroom closet.
Couple #2: He liked it, but she was too sensitive for it. She is able to have multiple orgasms, and the added sensation caused her clit to throb before his cock was even near her pussy. He put his hand on her clit without moving her fingers, and she came. The product heightened the experience so much so that it was distraction from the actual act. Two minutes later, she washed the product off of her. She gave the bottles to her friend.
Couple #3: She liked it, and he loved it. They experienced the warming sensation on the first try and continue to use the products on a regular basis. They enjoy the Yours+Mine set so much that they should be spokespeople for K-Y!