When I went to the Infusion Room last month, the nurses all looked at me with surprise and excitement.
Nurse: Your hair is growing so fast!
Me: I know.
Manager: It looks great.
Me: Thanks! But, I’d rather be bald than have short hair.
And, I honestly would. I appreciate that an overwhelming majority of women feel differently from me on this issue, but I’m always going to be upfront about my views.
I’ve received compliments on my hair from friends and strangers. To my friends, I respond:
Thanks! I hate it, though.
Friends: You do? I think it highlights your face and looks sexy! Why don’t you like it?
Me: It’s not me. When I was bald, no one assumed that I chose that look. With short hair, people think I did. I like short hair on other people, but I don't like it on me. Never have. My long hair is part of my identity.
When strangers ask me where I get my hair cut, I reply:
Umm…this is from chemo.
They look at me with worry in their eyes, and I assure them that I wasn’t offended in the slightest by their comment.
Me: No worries! I appreciate the compliment. (Hey, I've never denied being vain.)
But, I still don’t look in the mirror or at photographs of myself and see me. It might be my mind’s way of coping with a change over which I've had no control, or it might be that I don’t consider my recuperation finished until my old long locks are back.
The goal is this:
Photo Credit: Guest of a Guest at Hudson Restaurant
But, I promise to stop rolling my eyes and whining when my hair reaches my shoulders. For those of you who know me, do you really see me with a modern pixie or a soccer mom bob? Really? It's going to be a rough two years between my current Sheena Easton 'do and long hair!
Since this post is all about what I’m missing, I’ll also add eyelashes and fingernails into the mix. My eyelashes had finally started growing back, but I lost half of them last week taking my mascara off. And, just this week – more than SIX months after my last round of chemotherapy, my last dead fingernail fell off. I never imagined that losing fingernails would be so painful, but it still hurts a bit to type or text.
There are many things that I will never take for granted again. Ponytails, frizz, long lashes and healthy nails are all high on that list!
Thanks for indulging me during my Cancer-versary Week! I’ll get back to dating stories, product reviews and sex advice posts tomorrow. xoxo