I finished radiation yesterday. I thought that I would be elated, but I’m honestly in too much pain and too exhausted to rejoice right now. I hope that this post helps to clarify why I haven’t been blogging as often as I normally do, and why the end of treatment isn't all jubilation for me.

Since I started radiation six weeks ago, I wake up and just lie in bed for at least an hour a day because my body aches so much.

But, I’m done.

My white blood count and neutrophils are the lowest that they’ve been since I started treatment. If I’m exposed to a cold before my counts go up, there’s a risk of a serious infection.

But, I’m done.

Radiation tightens tissues. So, my right breast looks as though I've had a lift, while my left breast hangs low. Trust me when I say that it's not a good look.

But, I'm done.

I’m still 14 pounds over from my pre-treatment weight. (At my highest, I was 23 pounds over my normal weight. Lucky me to have the cancer and treatment that cause one to put on the pounds!)

But, I’m done.

I have more hot flashes in a day than I can count on two hands. (When I heard older women talk about hot flashes, I tended to react dismissively. I don’t anymore. I have such admiration for women in high visibility positions who experience this every day and function like nothing is happening. My face turns beat red so everyone around me knows that I’m having one.)

But, I’m done.

I've lost 15% of feeling in my hands and feet because radiation has triggered my neurological symptoms.

But, I'm done.

I nap in the afternoon and still have trouble keeping my eyes open after dinner.

But, I’m done.

I’m so weak that my physical therapist won’t even let me exercise with the lightest resistance band.

But, I’m done.

Over the past two weeks, I've lost parts of my eyebrows and almost all of my bottom eyelashes. (Apparently, it’s normal to lose them after you’re done with chemotherapy, as the hair on the rest of your body starts to grow back.)

But, I’m done.

My back is concave, my rib cage is out of alignment, and I’m in pain every time I sit up.

But, I’m done.

I still need one IV every three weeks through September to decrease the risk of recurrence of the aggressive strain of cancer that I had. I also need to be on hormone therapy for five years.

But, I’m done with chemotherapy and radiation.

I feel more drained than sad about all of the things that are going on with my body right now. The past nine months have clearly taken their toll on my health, and it will take several more months at a minimum before my health and my life return to normal. I know that there will be a day, though, in the not-so-distant future when I’m able to go about my daily routine free of symptoms. And, I can't wait for that day to come!

Thankfully, I AM DONE!!!