How to (maybe) orgasm during sex

A female friend recently sent me an email, asking for my recommendations for the best sexual position to achieve an orgasm. That baffled me a bit because there's no simple answer to that question.

"Why is that?" you might be wondering.

Well, one's woman multiples is another woman's "isn't the G-Spot a myth?" No two women are alike in this regard, and with that in mind, here are my thoughts:

1. Have you had a G-Spot* orgasm before?

If yes, then proceed to #2.

If no, then proceed to #3. (I so wish WordPress had a flow chart feature.)

* There was a recent journal study that claimed the G-Spot doesn't exist. It does – trust me – although a woman's ability to access it varies.

2. What positions facilitate having an orgasm during sex?

if you can orgasm vaginally on your own, then you need to figure out what positions work best given your body and your partner's body. A lot of this is trial and error, but I recommend these positions for getting the best angles for a G-Spot orgasm during intercourse:

a. You on top with your back facing your man's chest (reverse catcher's mitt).

This allows for the curve of your man's cock to rub against the G-Spot. It also gives you more flexibility to angle your body and move your hips how you like. In this position, you can easily massage your clit, or depending on your partner's size, insert a finger to rub your G-Spot as you're having sex.

b. Doggy-Style.

This position allows for clitoral stimulation with hands and a good angle for the cock to penetrate the G-Spot. However, depending on the height difference between both partners, men and women might prefer different angles.

c. You on top facing your man.

This position provides a good angle for the cock to stimulate the G-Spot. It's also an easy reach for either you or your partner to massage your clit. If you need an emotional connection with your partner to orgasm, you can kiss and look into your man's eyes during the act. And, if you and your man like to use a cock ring or the We-Vibe, this position enables the toy to stay in place and hit just the right spots.

(If you are a man reading this, err on the side of caution here! When you are having sex, just start gently massaging your girl's clit with two fingers in small circles. She may or may not orgasm, but I doubt she will protest your efforts. Also, guys, missionary might be the easiest position for you, but it's usually not a winner for G-Spot stimulation. Again, I recommend that you let your fingers do the talking here.)

3. Try to find your G-Spot.

If you haven't yet had a G-Spot orgasm, then take some time on your own to explore before trying to orgasm with your partner.

A 2005 study reports that only 14% of women always orgasm during intercourse. And, somewhere between 16% and one-third of women can never orgasm during traditional sex. Women, don't feel bad or guilty if you can't orgasm during intercourse! There's no right or wrong here, and one study says that genetics play a role in your ability to orgasm. Just spend some quality time with yourself and see what happens.

If you are a man and you don't know whether your woman is able to have a G-Spot orgasm, then there's a need to communicate with her. I recommend bringing this up when you have the time to talk and sex isn't expected. It's important to take the pressure off of the end result and focus on the intimacy of connecting as a couple!

If you've found a position that works well for you and your partner, please comment. In this regard, sharing is definitely caring!

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