The intimacy of anal

I have been frequenting L2 Lounge quite a bit recently. When people ask what I do (which is usually the first question that people in DC ask of each other), I mention that I'm an attorney and a blogger. The following is representative of the conversation that ensues:

Q: What do you blog about?
A: Relationships and sex.

Q: Really?
A: Yes. It's like a racier Sex and the City.

Q: Really?
A: Yes.

Q: So…what's the raciest thing you've written about?
A: I have a lot of posts on anal sex.

[Long pause.]

Other questions follow, but women tend to inquire as to what I love about anal.

A: Well, it's the most intimate sexual act in my opinion.

Q: How is it intimate? You can't even kiss during it.
A: Yes, you can [with a look of disbelief in my eyes].

If I had only heard that question once, then I might not have blogged about it. But, I've been asked that several times in recent weeks. To clarify, any position that works for regular sex can work for anal sex. However, much like traditional sex, body types, flexibility and the size of the man's cock must be factored into the equation. (I explore this in more detail in my Anal 2.0 post.)

During anal, the female can be on top, facing her partner. You can kiss in that position, while adding clitoral or vaginal stimulation, if you'd like. If there's a noticeable height difference between you and your partner, you can have anal doggy-style or while lying down on your stomach. The latter allows for some clitoral stimulation via friction and you can turn your head around to kiss your partner. Another option finds your partner on top facing you with one leg wrapped around his waist or shoulder.

Anal sex involves trial and error, and communication with your partner. Anal sex is also not typically an act that straight women do precipitously. Might you find some woman who is willing to do that? Sure. But, how many women are interested in trying anal? (According to a CDC report, 35% of women between 25 and 44 admitted to having anal sex.) How many of that group actually enjoy it? And, how many are willing to engage in anal play outside of a serious relationship?

Anal sex requires an added level of comfort, communication and trust. I recommend only trying the act whe you feel safe and know that your partner will be patient and stop if anything hurts you.

If anal (or any other act) is something you value, you can always find ways to make the act more intimate. Focus on setting the stage before you begin to have sex with your partner. (Candles, music, flowers, chocolate or whatever else you like can help to set the mood.) Take your time with foreplay, making sure that the woman gets off at least once clitorally, and the act itself. Let your partner know how you feel about them. (There's time for, "I want you in my ass right now," but there's also time for "I love you.") Kiss each other passionately. At the end of anal, don't feel ashamed about any necessary clean-up, and grab a washcloth lovingly or take a shower together.

I can't tell you whether or not you'll enjoy anal or have any interest in trying it. I can only tell you that if it appeals to you and your partner, it might be worth talking more about it and trying it out with my Anal 101 tips in mind. And, I'll keep doing my part as an Anal Ambassador of sorts!

One comment

  1. I can’t wait to try this with my husband. I know we must go slow and take our time with lots of lube and loving attention

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