The Art of Staying Down (aka my oral sex musings)

A dear friend of mine recently hinted that I should hurry up and write my post about Oral Sex. Ask and ye shall receive…

I'm writing this from the woman's perspective with some thoughts about what a guy should know about heading south of the border. (And, no, I'm not talking about a trip to Mexico here.) For my male readers and the women who love them, I will write a companion piece about my thoughts on blow jobs at a later date, but I think that the cock is far easier to master than the pussy.

When I recall my best lovers, I realize that what separates the very good from the great is oral sex performance. If a guy doesn't go down on me at all, there is only so long that I will remain interested in him. There are also those guys who have gone down on me like their lives depended on it early in our relationship, but then stopped doing so. I don't know whether their lack of follow-up oral stemmed from complacency, selfishness or disinterest. But, I do know that I would never last for very long with a guy who exhibited any of those traits in or out of the bedroom.

Chris Rock and Ralphie May both have bits in their comedy acts about giving blowjobs. They emphasize that the act shouldn't be quick or like licking a lollipop. Guess what, guys? We women feel the same about men going down on us. Oral sex doesn't need to be foreplay, and if it is, foreplay had better be lasting a long time!

With that said, I propose that we change the language. The act of oral sex should no longer be called, "Going Down." It should be called, "Staying Down!"

Now, I don't claim to be a definitive expert on the matter. These are just a few things that make my toes curl…or my…you get the picture ;):

There are 6000-8000 nerves in the clit. So, when you get down there, that's what you should focus on. Am I saying to ignore the pussy? No. But, view the clit as the main event. This is also important given the fact that only about 1/3 of women can come from traditional sex. Remember that and focus grasshopper because it's more likely than not that your woman won't be getting off without some clit-ivity!

What should you do when you give your woman oral sex? Well, some of that is girl-specific, but I would practice Mr. Miyagi's moves from The Karate Kid with your tongue. "Paint the fence, show me side to side and wax on, wax off" with your tongue moving in every possible direction. Now, I'm not saying that your tongue should have ADHD on her clit. (This ADHD approach to oral sex reminds me of what a few guys would do in college and my early 20s, when they would write the alphabet with their tongue on my clit. I guess I won't turn down any oral time, but if you are lifting your tongue as often as you would lift your pen, I won't be puddy in your hands.)

So what am I suggesting? Pick a motion and then try it for a minute or two. If you're moving your tongue up and down the clit like you are painting the fence, listen and look to hear and see how your woman is reacting. Is her breath getting shorter? Is she moaning? Is her pussy getting wetter? Are her hands touching her hair or her body? Is she licking her lips? If so, then hang out there for a bit, try a different technique to mix it up, and then return to the move that got her hot until she cums. If not, then try something new, making sure that you use your fingers to push the clit out and forward and that the tip of your tongue is directly on it.

And ladies, be vocal! I'm not saying that you need to sound like a porn star or moan like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, but let your man know that you like what he is doing! "Right there," "more" and "don't stop" should suffice to get the point across. Guys, when you hear those terms, smile to yourself for knowing what you are doing and then keep doing it!

Now, by this point, the pussy might be feeling a bit lonely. Stick a finger or two inside. You don't need to pretend that your fingers are your cock. (In fact, I hope they are very different in size and abilities). This isn't about jamming your fingers or your tongue as far up there as you can. Strategic placement is key.

If you are going for the G-spot, then shortly after the entrance to the pussy, curve the top of your fingers and bring them up and forward toward the pelvic bone, tapping or stroking in that area. If you are just looking to heighten the experience of oral, mix up your moves with your tongue on the clit and fingers inside the pussy and then vice-versa. Or, just put two fingers inside about an inch or two and gently turn them clock-wise and counter clock-wise.

A few other ideas: move your tongue gently over her pussy lips and inside and then take her hand and place it on her clit. See what she does to arouse herself and then replicate those moves with your tongue or your hand. Or, introduce a small toy into the mix and place the toy inside her vagina, while you focus on her clit. Oh, and ladies, if you use a vibrator a lot, take a hiatus from using a toy on your clit to let your man figure out what works for you with your nerves at their most sensitive!

My friend, Poet Boy, recently wrote the following:

"Oral sex is a ballet, not a 3 minute single."

Truer — and more eloquent — words have not been written! Go for the ballet or at least a solid 20 minutes and don't be a 3-minute man! Remember, it's called Staying Down for a reason ;).

PS If your man needs help setting the stage and warming things up before staying down, check out this post.

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