Tabasco — so what do you put it on?


Sometimes I don't have the best filter. That can be both a strength and a weakness, depending on the occasion, the company and the comment. At least I was with friends when the following conversation transpired at a restaurant:

"Do you like Tabasco?" a friend asked me, as he doused his eggs with the hot sauce.

"Not when it's in my crotch," I replied.

[Complete silence at the table, until everyone starts cracking up and asking me to explain.]

Yes, folks, in case you were wondering, it really, really stings if you get Tabasco in your privates. I found out the hard way when I was at my apartment with UConn Boy. I was doing some work as he was eating wings with hot sauce on the edge of my bed.

UConn Boy finished dinner and was in the mood for some dessert. He moved right in for the Promised Land, which was great for the first few seconds, until my eyes started to water from the burning pain.

I let out a high-pitched scream, leaped out of bed and ran to the shower. We eventually picked up where we left off, but only after it was clear there was not a drop of Tabasco anywhere on him.

The next day he told one of his friends about what had happened, and I told one of mine. One friend was a regular at our favorite bar and the other was a bartender. By the time we got to the bar the following evening, most of the regulars and staff had heard the story. No comments were made as we sat down, but one person…then another…and then another…came by and dropped a bottle of Tabasco in front of us. We must have had a dozen bottles by our seats, and we couldn't help but laugh.

Around this time, Tabasco had launched a new ad campaign. The slogan was "So what do you put it on?" The commercials featured different celebrities and their favorite use for Tabasco. UConn Boy probably had the best answer to that question, although I don't recommend trying that out at home.

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