The vibrators are in the toy drawer. You know your woman can reach orgasm. You are looking to change up your normal routine. Tonight is the night for…pleasing your woman with only your hands. Going to third base might feel like it's old school, but you are armed and ready with the wisdom of adulthood. How can you put your best…wait for it…finger forward?
First of all, there's no rush. Sometimes the build-up is half the fun! Take your time to make sure she is as hot as possible. When I wrote my post on The Art of Staying Down — my oral sex musings, a few readers commented that I should have set the stage more. Well, ask and ye shall receive!
To get the disclaimer out of the way: no body is the same, and each woman has her own preferences. These are just general guidelines, not a formula with a money-back guarantee. Listen, look and feel for clues to learn what your woman likes the best. Use some of the techniques from my previous two posts to improve your communication and her pleasure. With that said, let's round the bases and slide on into third…
If you want to win points before you even kiss her, get the room ready in a way that shows you know her and love her (chocolates, bubble bath, music, flowers, candles, etc.). Thoughtfulness and romance go a long way with the ladies!
As you navigate your first move, I recommend starting with a kiss. Now, there is kissing and there is kissing! Go for the latter, and just make-out like you are a teenager in the back of the movie theater. Remember when life wasn't so hectic, and you could kiss for hours straight. I'm not saying you have to kiss for hours (although don't let me stop you if you want to), but focus on the art of kissing. Hold her face tightly. Kiss her neck. Suck on her earlobes. Kiss with such passion that you know that she is as wet as you are hard.
Ease on down the boobs. Are your woman's breasts sensitive? How does she respond when you kiss her from her neck all the way to her nipples? Swirl your tongue in a circular motion around her nipples. Then move your tongue side to side across her nipples for several strokes before taking her nipples in your mouth and sucking on them. Watch for her reactions (breath, touch, trembling) to see if she is one of those women who enjoys "Titty-Time." If she doesn't seem particularly excited, don't linger at second base for much longer and head 'round to third. If she does enjoy boob play, then alternate between that and kissing to really get her hot!
Now, it's time to take your hands south of the border — below her waist. Fingering a woman usually gets lost in the shuffle between oral sex and traditional sex. If you are truly interested in pleasuring your woman using only your hands, then you need to keep your cock in your pants (or at least your drawers). That's not to say that she won't get turned on by the feel of your hard cock against her, but if you want to take this experience to the next level in her mind, make it just about her!
Start with teasing the pussy. Take your index and middle finger and gently caress the outside of her pussy lips and the nook between her inner thighs. Go slowly and continue to kiss her mouth or nipples are you do this.
As tempting as it will be to bring your mouth down to her pussy, the focus here is your hands! Tickle the outside of her pussy lips with your fingers, moving them up and down or in a circular motion. Don't put them inside yet. Is she wet? If so, then you can proceed without lubrication. If not, then either grab a little bit (about a teaspoon) of lubricant or wet your fingers with your own saliva.
Bring your two fingers from the bottom of her pussy all the way up to the top and back down, pausing at the top and again at the bottom. If her clit has popped out, then pause an extra few seconds on her clit before going back down. The first part is about teasing her pussy. Try to use the other hand to hold her tight or touch her breasts, and kiss her lovingly as often as you can. Intimacy is the ultimate goal here!
Then, move your two fingers slowly and gently inside her pussy. I've found that a lot of guys try to use their fingers to replicate a cock, but I don't think that's the most effective method. Movements with your cock should be deep and at times, firm or rough. Fingers, by contrast, should be smoother. Think fluid motions. Caress your two fingers against the wall of her pussy. Move your fingers inside in a circular motion. Curve your fingers in a 'C' shape inside her and head toward her G-spot in the front. Increase your pace if she asks for it, but don't feel like you have to jam your fingers in the hole. (The pussy isn't a game at Dave and Buster's, okay?)
I expect that you will use your more dominant hand (as in, are you left-handed or right handed?) inside her pussy first. Then, you can switch hands and keep those same motions going, as you move your dominant index finger — with or without your middle finger — to her clit. Start to massage her clit gently in a counter-clockwise motion. Utilize Ralphie May's visual of teeny-tiny circles on a little turntable, and play that record! (Yes, you can use those teeny-tiny circles to take her all the way to The Promised Land!)
It takes a lot of women time to orgasm (20 minutes, on average). Don't rush anything, and don't feel like you need a lot of moves to bring your woman pleasure. Listen to her and read her cues. Take your time with every part of foreplay, and head toward the big finish (the clit) at the end.
After she has reached an orgasm, embrace her and kiss her lovingly. Give her a minute or two to collect herself, and then read her cues. Some women might be ready for more oral or hand stimulation. Some women might be ready to please you or have sex. And, some women might just want to be held. If the night is truly about her, then cater to her needs from start to finish.
Hope these tips were helpful, and keep your questions coming!