In September of 2006, I was bored and signed up for Yahoo Personals for a month. I went out with two of the guys that I met through the site. Military Attorney Guy in the post on The Question Guys was one, and Bodybuilder Boy was the other.
From his photos, Bodybuilder Boy was definitely my type physically. Big? Check. Black? Check. We IM-ed for several weeks, and he seemed interesting. Some of the following questions should have been a heads-up that we might not have been a match, but I just chalked it up to the fact that IM isn't the best mode of communication.
"So, does my size intimidate you?" he inquired.
"Umm…no…why would it?" I replied.
"Well, some girls are scared of a guy who's so big."
[Laughing out loud at my laptop] "I've dated a few athletes over the years so I think I can handle it," I wrote.
For a week prior to us going out, he kept talking about how nervous he was and wondering if I was nervous, too. I tried to say this tactfully to him, but I don't get nervous over blind dates. I don't tend to get emotional over someone I've never met. He also asked me if it would be a problem that he was black.
"I contacted you, right? The fact that you are black is a plus for me. I usually have better chemistry with black guys," I explained.
When I finally met Bodybuilder Boy, he was a total gentleman (opening doors, walking on the outside down the street and paying for everything). He also seemed like a nice guy. But, as we went from dinner at Cafe Asia to drinks and dancing at Ozio, a few red flags emerged:
1. He told me early on that he uses performance enhancers to help him in competition. Who says that on a first date? As an attorney, I wasn't crazy about the fact that he was doing something illegal. As a person, it seemed wrong to use steroids to gain a competitive edge. A few guys that he knew at the bar came up to him and asked him for work-out tips. I thought it was kind of hypocritical to say, "eat a high protein diet and increase your reps," if he was cheating to get the definition that he had;
2. Bodybuilder Boy kept bringing up the fact that I was white and he was black. Really? I wouldn't have realized that if he hadn't pointed it out.
"What would your friends say if you told them you were dating a black guy?" he inquired.
"I think they would be more surprised if I was dating a white guy. Plus, who cares what race people are? My group is pretty diverse. We don't pick friends based on someone's race," I responded.
"Have you ever been in love with a black man before?"
"Yes. Three actually."
"Tell me about the first," he said.
I talked for a few minutes about UConn Boy. We started dating when I was 21 and things were good in the beginning. Then, I found out that he had been lying to me about having a coke problem, and we broke up. I hadn't seen UConn Boy in years, but hoped that he was in a better place now;
3. On my date with Bodybuilder Boy, I was wearing a fitted round-neck shirt and my Burberry mini-skirt. My legs are really long, and the skirt is short so I was showing more skin than I usually do.
"Do you wear clothes that are more revealing?" he questioned.
"Than this? No, not in public," I replied.
"Would you wear sexier clothes if I was your boyfriend and I asked you to?" he inquired.
"In public?" I wondered.
"If you were my boyfriend, I would hope that you would want me to feel comfortable," I commented.
"What if it made me happy? What if I bought you some clothes to show off what a great body you have?" he asked.
"That's kind of gross. What guy wants to dress his girl up like a stripper and parade her around in public?" I responded; and
4. Baby Mama Drama! I love babies, but I don't love hearing a guy speak badly about the mother of his children. That is not a turn-on, especially when the guy will have to deal with this woman every day for the rest of his life. Bodybuilder Boy had two children from two different women, and was back in court trying to get full custody of one of his kids. The lawyer and woman in me wondered if separating a girl from her mom (when there's no abuse or neglect) was fair to the child. I could tell that Bodybuilder Boy wasn't in the right place to listen to more equitable custody options so I let him vent for a bit and then changed the topic.
He kissed me a little inside Ozio. It was a nice kiss, but I knew by that point that I wasn't interested in going out with him again. He said that he would drive me home, and I sensed that he thought that he was going to get lucky that night. I knew that definitely wasn't going to happen.
I tried to figure out what I was going to say to him, as we walked the block from Ozio to his car. Bodybuilder Boy crossed in front of me to open the car door, and as I turned, there was UConn Boy! (Remember, folks, DC is a small town masquerading as a metropolis, and my world is particularly small!) I excused myself to say hello.
We hugged, and I could tell that UConn Boy was very, very drunk.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Not good, not that good. February 12, 2001," UConn Boy replied.
"The last time I saw you. I haven't been with anyone since we were last together," he informed me.
That date sounded about right, but it was a little intense that he brought that up within 10 seconds of running into me. I was also saddened that he still seemed so lost and lonely and worried about him since he was so out of it.
"Will you be here if I come back in 15-20 minutes?" I questioned.
"Maybe. Who knows? Don't go," he said.
I told UConn Boy to wait and went back to the car. This was not my finest hour, but UConn Boy and I had a lot of history. Oh, and when it comes to him, the enabler in me always comes out.
I got in the car and said to Bodybuilder Boy, "Hey. Thanks. Remember how you asked me about the first black guy I ever loved? That's him."
"Well, if you need to go, you can go," he replied.
"I know that you won't understand it and it will seem rude to you, but I do need to go and make sure he's okay. I worry about him when he's this out of it."
I kissed Bodybuilder Boy on the cheek, thanked him for understanding and said that I would call him. I got out of the car and walked back to UConn Boy.
The night was still young, I guess.