Georgetown Boy and I were an almost-lethal combination. He was destined to be a rebound guy from the start. I was still in love with my ex, who happened to be one of Georgetown Boy's friends. I also was pressuring Georgetown Boy to get serious at a time when he was interviewing for teaching positions outside of DC. (Yes, I know that this screams, "dysfunctional." In my defense, the year was 1995, and I didn't make the best choices back then.)
Sexually, we were especially lethal. When we were together, we destroyed everything in our midst. What fell prey to our path of destruction? His futon. His brass bed. A lamp. It got so bad (and obvious) that his Catholic mother bought him a cross to put over his bed. Can't blame her for trying, but if she was looking for a chaste couple, she needed to look elsewhere.
A couple months into our relationship, we weren't getting along that well. He neglected to mention that he would be out of town for a job interview over my birthday. So, my birthday came and went without any acknowledgment from him. I was beyond pissed, but somehow managed to overlook that when I saw him at our bar (RIP Nathan's). I rarely drink, and this night was no exception. Georgetown Boy, by contrast, was quite drunk. We bickered for a little, and then he apologized for missing my birthday. I accepted, and we went back to his apartment.
It took about five minutes for us to end up in bed together. (Sure you didn't see that one coming, huh?) I was on top, facing him, with my hands behind him on the headboard. I was getting in the zone, as he leans up to kiss me. That would have been great, except for the fact that his head hit my nose at such a high velocity. I was brought back down to reality by the excruciating pain and the fact that there was blood everywhere.
"OWWWW!" I screamed.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I think you broke my nose," I replied.
"Umm…can we finish?" he implored. (Yes, he REALLY said that.)
"Are you kidding me?" I said. Now, I'm usually all for winning one for the team, but this was not the time for that. I knew that I needed to get to the ER.
We went to the ER, and being the gentleman that he is, he refused to go inside the hospital with me. So there I am, bawling with a broken nose and a guy who is adding insult to injury. I was embarrassed about what had happened so I only told one doctor in the ER the full story. He wrote on my chart that I had "hit my head." That seemed like the right thing to do at the time, until the nurses started wondering if I was the victim of a domestic assault. Seven different hospital employees asked me if I was in an abusive relationship, which just made me cry more.
My septum was badly deviated, and I was sent home with painkillers and told to take it easy for a few days. Georgetown Boy drove me home and then went back to the bar…to drink more! Nice!!! I called Orioles Boy, another guy who I had been seeing on-and-off for a few months. (Yes, I wanted to be in a committed relationship with Georgetown Boy, even though I was hooking up with another guy on the side and in love with a third guy. Can I use the fact that I was only 21 as my justification for that behavior?) Orioles Boy ended up taking care of me all weekend, which won him huge points.
Now, I can laugh at what happened. It is pretty funny that I broke my nose having sex. When I finally went to see an ENT and plastic surgeon about my septum, they said that my story was the most original answer to their routine question of "How did you break your nose?"
When I'm in a bad relationship, it sometimes takes me a while to get out of it. But, the nose break was just the slap in the face — literally and figuratively — that I needed to get out of a relationship that was doomed from the start.
PS Georgetown Boy and I are friends again — without benefits. He's not a bad guy; we were just young, stupid and not a good match for each other. At least I got a great story and a cute new nose out of it :)!