In my last post, I talked about how vibrators can desensitize a woman's clitoral nerves, making it more difficult for her to orgasm without toys. I also wrote about how using a toy with your partner could enhance a serious relationship. Now, let's move on to some other jilling-related topics.
Fingering during sex:
Since many women can't or haven't had a vaginal (also known as G-Spot) orgasm, it's important to make sure that the clit receives the attention that it deserves — or demands. During sex, the guy can take his index and middle finger and rubs his partner's clit in a counter-clockwise motion. Each woman's preferences will vary, but that's a safe bet. The clit should be easier to find when she's already wet enough to be having sex. Your touch doesn't need to be particularly firm. Just try for a light, but steady, motion.
During his stand-up act, Ralphie May instructs guys to move their fingers on the clit in teeny-tiny circles like the clit is a little turntable. Good image, Ralphie!
If your woman doesn't seem responsive to you when you try to get her off with your hands, ask your partner to please herself and watch what she does. Remember, though, that not all women feel comfortable masturbating in front of their significant others so it might help to talk about this first.
The idea might seem more palatable to a shy female if she knows that it would: 1) turn you on; 2) help you give her pleasure; and/or 3) be reciprocated so she could learn exactly what you like. I've noticed that I'm more likely to touch myself when I trust a guy completely or know that I'll never see him again. Since I sometimes have sex like a male and that's not the norm for most females, I would err on the side that your partner needs to know that she's safe with you and that she can trust you with her most private desires.
For those of you who aren't in a new relationship, I still think that mutual masturbation can be sexy and a way to spice up your normal routine.
What if you are a female who has never had an orgasm — clitorally or vaginally? Or, if you are in a sexual relationship with someone and you don't know if she has ever experienced an orgasm?
For self-exploration, I recommend that a woman spends some quality time with herself and by herself. Ladies, you can start with a small toy and place it just on your clit — not inside. If you need to be relaxed first, do whatever gets you in the mood (music, candles, chocolate). It's your time to cater to you! For starter toys, I recommend a bullet or small Lelo vibrator. You don't need to go full force and buy a Hitachi wand for your first time.
It's okay to set the stage or do anything to yourself that feels good. Rub your nipples, point your showerhead toward your pussy, lie on your bed and rub your pussy lips with your fingers. Open the top of the lips and place a finger or two directly on your clit. Use Ralphie's teeny-tiny circle approach. Continue to do whatever turns you on. It might take some time (15, 20 or even 30 minutes), but you don't have to use a toy to experience an orgasm.
Another option is when your clit is hard, place the tip of the bullet or small vibrator on your clit. If you like the comfort or warmth of a shower or bath, you can look for a waterproof bullet to bring in the shower with you. Once you've experienced an orgasm, you will know better how to guide your partner to help you achieve one. Another benefit of exploring yourself on your own first is that you won't be afraid of or confused by the sensation. The mystery will be gone, and the pleasure will be all yours!
This is particularly true with a G-Spot or vaginal orgasm. The G-Spot, also known as the clitoral legs, is elusive. From a guy's perspective, it's better to have his cock as deep inside your pussy as it can go. That feels great, but for a woman to orgasm, the G-Spot (only an inch or two in the vagina and forward) needs to be stimulated. I've found it works best for me when I'm on top – either facing him or with my back toward him — or he's doing me from behind, doggy-style.
If you aren't sure if your partner has experienced an orgasm — whether with you or ever, communication is important. This isn't the time to be blunt, though. Try to be sensitive with your tone and word choice, as you talk about wanting to make sex more pleasurable for her. You can also expedite the process by purchasing a small toy for her and filling her bedroom with a few of the things that she likes. Then, you can leave the bedroom, explaining that she deserves a few hours all to herself. (If she has children and/or a stressful job, you will win triple bonus points for that idea!)
When you get home or see her next, wait for her to bring up the topic. If she doesn't, give it a few days and then ask if she enjoyed her quality time with herself the other night. If she seems open to discussing things, inquire as to what in particular she liked. If she's uncomfortable discussing sex or masturbation with you, mention that she can always write you a note or send you an e-mail about her experience. Remind her that you are her partner…that you love her…and that you want sex to be as fulfilling for her as it is for you.
I hope that I've laid the foundation for my next post in which I'll directly answer my friend's question about how to finger a woman sans toys.