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The Winter Girlfriend
Hope you enjoy this guest post from my good friend, The Winter Girlfriend!
On February 2, 2012, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow declaring six more weeks of winter. The Boy, my friend of two years and boyfriend of a few months, apparently didn't get the memo. He broke up with me via email on February 14, 2012, weeks before the actual winter girlfriend expiration date. Yes, you read that right: Valentine's Day. As a teacher, I see technology breakups everyday, amongst my young students. But, I didn't know that one would happen to me at 30, let alone on Valentine's Day.
But this isn't about him or the breakup---it's about me. I am the proverbial winter girlfriend. I have been the winter girlfriend not once, not twice, but four times. I have a pattern of starting to date a guy in the fall, only to have them end the relationship come spring.
The first time I was a junior in college. The Physicist and I met the year before while studying abroad in Holland. Although we were flirtatious, he had a girlfriend back home. When we returned to our university in the States the next fall, I found myself as his Resident Advisor and he was girl-friendless. We flirted more and more throughout the fall until we were a couple before winter break. He was my first boyfriend and my first time. I think we spent a straight month in his California King surrounded by a weird amalgamation of house plants. (Yes, I know. How does all that end up in a dorm room?) Then the beginning of May came and with it his graduation. This meant the end of our relationship.
The second time was my first love. I was in my second year of teaching, and I met The Dreamer on MySpace. We hit it off from the first lick during our ice cream date in October. It was love, until February. Then he pulled the trigger and shot me in the heart. We eventually got back together, moved into together--only to have him move out the following February. At the time, I thought that February wasn't his month. But now, years later I realize maybe it was something I was doing. Something in the type of guys I was choosing.
This same thing happened with the next one, The Hipster, and of course, most recently this week with The Boy. I continually put myself in the position of the winter girlfriend.
What makes a great Winter Girlfriend? How do I exemplify the archetype?
1. Good at cuddling. In winter, body heat keeps you warm and endorphines keep the spirits high. At 5'4", I am the perfect little spoon.
2. Make great soup and can bake a chicken. Winter is about home, and I am just a little homemaker. I'll even wear an apron for you.
3. Be cute, not sexy. I am the girl who looks adorable with my bangs and a cozy sweater sitting under a blanket on the couch. Since I don't tan, but burn, I have never been able to pull off that sexy summer sizzle.
4. Can curate the perfect Sunday morning breakfast. This is important for snowed in, lazy Sunday movie days when you don't have anywhere else to be. Lately, I always have makings of soft boiled eggs, toasted bagels, salami, and cheese on hand.
5. Live in a well-appointed cozy apartment. When The Boy entered my house, he said he had never seen a more curated space and that he felt at home. And as a real adult, I always have clean towels and a toothbrush on hand for overnight guests.
6. Have some quirky, whimsical attributes which attract said boys and make them think you are just a little off enough to make this winter a little interesting. For me this winter, it was a little toy dinosaur that sits on my bedside table and talks to my lover when I animate him.
Basically, you end up being a dude's mom---with sex. You cook food for him. You play with toys. You keep him warm. You are his dream girl, if only for a season.
I am done being the winter girlfriend. From now on, you either start dating me before August, or you are just going to have to wait until after May. I am done picking men who are willing to take a child-like position in the relationship. I am ready to be the adult, with an adult. So don't expect me to bust out my homemaker skills until you have earned them with your own. I am ready to be the anytime girlfriend.
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