Over the years, quite a few friends have asked me about anal sex. What does it feel like? What are my tips for trying it out? I am obviously very open about my sexuality, and I view myself as an Anal Ambassador of sorts. So, I developed an Anal 101 Spiel for my friends. Several friends ended up trying it out based on my tips, and some even found out that they really enjoyed it!
The topic of “anal sex” is often wrongly perceived as dirty, taboo, painful and deviant. It doesn’t have to be any of those things, though. When a friend asked me yesterday for some anal play advice, I mentioned the idea of a post to him. He encouraged me to write it because there’s not much out there that is really designed to help a heterosexual couple navigate love through “The Back Door.”
I see this as the most intimate act possible and not something that should be done precipitously. I don’t engage in casual butt play, and I need to have a level of trust with my partner so that I feel comfortable going there. I hope that you would, too, especially if you’ve never had anal sex before. (But, you’ll get no judgment from me if anal in a bathroom at a bar at 2am with some person you barely know is your thing.)
Here are my tips for the straight girl who is up for having anal for the first time or the guy who wants to join in on the fun:
1. Start with some anal play for a few nights before having anal sex. While your man is going down on you and you are clearly excited, have him stick a finger or two in the front and then another in the back. Or, introduce a small butt plug or anal beads into the mix. Again, use fingers or toys in addition to or after other activities so the back door activity isn’t too much of a shock to your system.
2. Get a good lube. Try out several water-based, silicone and petroleum-based lubricants to determine which feels the best for you and your partner. Keep in mind that: a) petroleum lubricants are not safe for use with condoms; b) lubricants that are flavored or have a warming component make cause a reaction in some users; and c) most lubricants contain parabens, which have been linked to breast cancer.
3. Do not eat a lot before you will be having anal. You can if you want, but it might make you nauseous. I’m not saying starve yourself or stick to a liquid diet. Just don’t eat a lot. Back when Tucker Max had a website, he wrote about his first time having anal sex. As he described in graphic detail, eating a huge meal prior to a night o’ anal fun can also have another undesired effect for those women with umm…how should I say it?…sensitive digestive systems.
4. Make sure you get off at least one clitorally or vaginally before you start having anal sex. It helps to be relaxed. If your man cannot get you off on his own, break out your favorite toy and have him use it on you. Or, have him rub himself, while you touch yourself as you are both making out. Something so that all of the muscles south of the border are calm and open.
5. Put on a lot of lube. I’m not suggesting that you use half of the bottle of lube. Rather, use enough of it so that his cock and your ass are wet without being dripping wet.
6. Try it doggie-style first. Every guy is different in terms of height, weight, cock size and flexibility. Doggie-style feels the least shocking (as in “Holy Shit!” shocking) of all the positions.
7. Given that he will have the best view, he should guide the tip of his cock inside your ass. Just. The. Tip. The natural guy’s reaction at this point would be to keep thrusting. Before you start and/or while you’re in the moment, tell him that once he’s inside of you, he shouldn’t thrust. He should try to be like a deer in headlights and freeze. You need to take him all in at your own pace. If there also happens to be a few of his fingers (or yours if it’s easier) massaging your clit while this is going on, even better!
8. When you feel comfortable enough to take his cock all the way in, do so. Then, be still for a few seconds before you start to move around. He should still not be thrusting at all.
9. By this point, one of two things should happen. It hurts, but you are excited enough to keep going. If that’s the case, work it! Or, it hurts and you want to stop. If this happens, unclench so that his cock will slide out of you. Wait a minute. Or two. Go to the bathroom if you need to (it is an odd sensation to have lube and something hard inside of you). After a little break, try it again. It will hurt 95% less the second time that it goes in. Once it hurts less, then your man can start to move his cock around inside your ass. Ask him to go slowly at first and then build up in intensity.
10. Lather, rinse, repeat.
PS If you enjoy mixing up positions, it’s not OK to go from the back door (anal) to the front door (pussy), unless you wipe the cock off in between. I would hate for someone to be experimenting and end up with an infection.
Anal isn’t for everyone, but if you are thinking of trying it out, I hope that at least some of my tips are helpful.
Homework is optional, but highly recommended! Class Dismissed :)!