Month: January 2010

Anal play for the straight guy – Part II

If you haven't read Part I of the Anal Play for the Straight Guy series, click here.

An Arlington Boy Guest Post:

Okay, so now your new plaything has come in the mail. And much to your relief, the packaging didn't read: CONTENTS: ONE ASS BLASTER 6000. WARNING! RECIPIENT IS MOST LIKELY SOME KINDA PERVERT AND BELIEVES IN SOCIALIZED MEDICINE.

Your normal masturbation sessions may involve your hand playing the role of the village bicycle. Get up, get off, get out. But tonight you're not going to be with the village bicycle. You're going to treat your ass like someone who plays hard to get: be convincing; take it slow; and be gentle. You get the idea. Your hand is the town slut. Your ass is that rich, stuck up chick whom you finally convinced to give you the time of day.

First, make sure you're alone. Unless you're an exhibitionist, in which case knock yourself out. But do lock the door, shut the blinds, and turn off your phone.

Try pouring yourself a drink to relax a bit. Grab a towel and get comfortable, either on the floor or on your bed. Find a really hot porno, and either pop it into your DVD player or fire it up on your laptop. Since you're doing something you've never done before and are most likely going to be nervous, make sure it's one that has at least one scene that gets you off.

Next, take some time and do whatever it is that makes you feel good. Don't rush. You want to spend some time really getting yourself turned on. When you're starting to feel really hot and bothered, work your hands down to your perineum (the soft, fleshy area between your anus and your balls) and start massaging it and warming it up.

When you're feeling nice and relaxed (and turned on!), take a small dab of lube and apply it to one of your fingers. Then, start circling your anus slowly and gently. Just give it a soft massage in a circular motion. You want to make sure that part of your body is nice and relaxed. When you're feeling confident, slowly insert your finger in juuuuuuust a bit, and rotate it around and massage the entrance to your anus. Give it a good little massage, but again, take your time! And enjoy yourself!

Okay, so now's where the rubber meets the road! Take your plug, and coat it with a generous amount of lube, spreading it out all along the length of the plug (leave the base dry). Wipe off any remaining lube from your fingers, and take a nice, slow deep breath in and out.

Insert it gently and slowly. While "MORE FORCE" might be great for DIY projects such as that screen door that just won't close right, this isn't something you want to rush or use any amount of force on. You might try wiggling it around in a circular motion (gently) while you're (again, gently) pushing on it. Take it slow, and take lots of deep breaths. There's no hurry!

Fact: you actually have two sphincters in your anus. I'm willing to bet the plug started to go in nice and easy. That's your outer sphincter. Hey, this doesn't feel bad! And then you worked it up a bit more and OMG I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! Congratulations, you just found your inner sphincter. Think of your outer sphincter as the TSA: it'll let anyone come in. Think of your inner sphincter as an elite bodyguard (bootyguard?): none shall pass!

Don't worry… just keep your plug inside you as far as it'll go comfortably. It's perfectly normal for you to feel like you need to move your bowels the further up your plug goes. Keep on watching your movie, pleasuring yourself, and have another sip of your drink. Relax. Your ass will start to get used to the plug, and eventually (particularly as you start to get more turned on—whether from the movie, the plug, or your own self-pleasuring) it should go in the rest of the way. And if it doesn't? No worries. Try it again later.

You've probably read the words "relax," "slowly," and "gently" enough to piss you off by now. Good, because that means I'm driving the point home. Anal play (especially your first time) needs to be taken at a relaxed pace. Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't worry if it takes you a while (even over the course of several sessions) to feel comfortable enough to put your toy all the way in.

Now what? Well, a plug isn't designed for in-and-out action. It's designed to stay in and give you a sense of fullness. So take a few deep breaths, enjoy the feeling of your plug inside you, and gradually bring yourself to climax.

As you start to get to the point of no return, you're going to find something really interesting going on. Your plug is *really* going to start feeling good inside! In fact, your anal muscles are probably going to start milking the plug. This is why your toy has a flared base. To prevent all that slipping and sliding and milking from making your toy rocket up inside you! You might notice the reverse: as you start to ejaculate, your plug actually shoots out of your ass!

Congratulations! You've just taken the first steps to a whole new world of pleasure! Don't be in a hurry to clean yourself up. You did something that a *lot* of people aren't comfortable with. You may have a whole host of feelings going through your mind and your body right now. Relax and enjoy yourself for a bit.

As you continue with your experimentation over the coming days and weeks, you may find you want to get a new toy that's a bit bigger. From personal experience, as good as my Little Flirt toy feels, you'll get only so much mileage out of it before you want to use something larger. Again, take your time, get a plug (or another toy) that's a little bit bigger, and start the whole process over again.

I hope my post has helped demystify anal play and has shown you that there's a whole new world of pleasure that's just waiting for you to explore. If nothing else, I hope you keep this in mind:

If you tried it and enjoyed it, there's nothing wrong with you, and you're perfectly normal!

If you tried it and didn't enjoy it, there's nothing wrong with you, and you're perfectly normal!

Anal play for the straight guy

An Arlington Boy Guest Post:

Months ago, I emailed City Girl with a burning question. I read some of her comments about anal sex and, as a result, was honestly curious about anal self-pleasuring and wanted some good advice on going about trying it out for myself. She gave me some absolutely incredible tips, and I’ve been enjoying anal play for some time now.

A few weeks ago, she asked me if I’d be willing to write a guest blog post about it, and I was more than happy to oblige.

You see, I’m a straight guy. Depressingly so. And a lot of straight guys have a lot of preconceived notions about anal play. Mostly that it’s either for gays, or if you derive pleasure from anal stimulation, you must somehow be gay.

Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Well, I’m here to say that I’ve been enjoying anal play for some time now, and I can assure you that I still have the raging heterosexuality of an NFL offensive line. Sexual orientation doesn’t change based on pleasure zones. And did you know that a lot of gay couples don’t engage in anal play? Ever?

There’s nothing about your anus, or any other of your erogenous zones, that’s unique to your sexual orientation. I’m going to guess if you’re a straight male that you probably like blow jobs, right? Well, so do most gay men. So using the logic of anal sex = gay, blowjob = gay, hmm?

“Waaaaaaaaaaitaminute!,” you might scream. “I like blow jobs, and I’m 100% straight.”

Oh, really? Gay guys like blow jobs too, so by *conventional* wisdom, if you like blow jobs, you clearly *must* be g…

See where I’m going? Pleasure spots aren’t something that’s solely determinate on whether or not you like girls or guys. And your anus has *lots* of pleasure spots.

So what I’d like to do, if nothing else, is to demystify anal self-pleasure for straight guys. That’s not to sound exclusionary to anyone else curious about anal sex. In fact, I hope anyone who reads this post gets something out of it! But there’s an awful lot of psychological baggage involved with straight men and anal play, and it’s to this particular demographic that I’d like to prove to that butt play can indeed be fun and, dare I say it, enjoyable?

So let’s get started!

I personally recommend starting anal experimentation by using a small butt plug. Go to any sex toy website and you’ll see an absolutely bewildering array of anal toys. Different sizes, different materials, different prices. How on Earth are you supposed to choose the *right* toy for your needs?

I’m not gonna lie… you may be in for some trial and error. And truth be told, some websites are better than others in helping you select your first toy. A website I particularly like is Eden Fantasys. They have product reviews, some of which are done by John/Jane Q. Public, while others are done by more frequent reviewers who are vetted by Eden Fantasys. So the likelihood of being influenced by industry shills who are *cough* plugging their own company’s goods are considerably reduced.

I checked toy reviews (on more than one site) and I happened to luck out and get what I consider to be the perfect first-time toy, and I’m going to recommend it to you because I think it’s the perfect starter model: the Little Flirt by Tantus.

The Little Flirt is a butt plug, which is perfect for anal newbies. Upon opening the box, you’ll notice it’s hardly intimidating. Even if you opt for something else, do yourself a favor and ensure that it’s clearly marketed towards novices. You can always “size up” later, but you really want to start out small. Your ass isn’t going anywhere!

The only other recommendation I have for a first-time plug is this: your plug (and pretty much any anal toy, really) needs to have a flared base at the end. This is to avoid embarrassing trips to the ER and awkward conversation along the lines of “Gee, Doc, I was reading this blog post a few hours ago and…”

A flared base prevents your new goodie from having so much fun with your ass that it doesn’t want to leave (think of this as the sex toy equivalent of your derelict in-law that moves in one day and never takes the hint to move out. Only your butt plug is more likely to pay the rent than Cousin Bob). And you may think you can drive, text, smoke, and eat a Whopper at the same time, so why should something as simple as keeping a sex toy from sliding up your ass pose any more of a challenge? I’ll explain it further on in this post. But trust me on this one. And keep your eyes on the damn road already!

In fact, let me explain why you don’t want to cut any corners, and why you need to select a toy that’s safe (and thus generally more on the expensive side). I remember reading in some men’s health magazine years ago (probably… wait for it… Men’s Health) that you should treat your penis like a new Mercedes.

You probably didn’t need to be told that.

But what you *do* need to be told is that, if your dick is a new Mercedes, your ass is your dad’s liquor cabinet, and DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MAH LIQUOR BOY, CAUSE I GOT A SHOTGUN AND A SHOVEL AND AIN’T NO ONE GONNA MISS YOUR ASS.

I jest, but you really, really do not want to (ahem…) fuck around with the health of your ass. And that means don’t cheap out on your new toy. You want safe. You want the sex toy equivalent of a Volvo, not a Porsche.

You’re also going to want a good quality lube. There are special lubes made just for anal sex that are nice and thick and gloppy. I honestly don’t have a preference for lube. A good one City Girl recommended to me is ForPlay. I use the Gel Plus version, and it’s a great lube for anal play.

Note: some gels contain desensitizers. You may also see separate anal desensitizers. I haven’t used them personally, but from what I hear, you should stay far, far away from them. The logic being that they desensitize a very sensitive, delicate part of your anatomy. To the point where you may end up using more force than is necessary (or wise), when you go to play, only to be in pain (or worse!) later. To put it this way: would you take a painkiller and ask someone to proceed to rack you in the nuts? Damn right you wouldn’t! So don’t do anything equally silly.

What should you do once you get your toy? We’ll get to that in our next post.