August 24, 2009

When my emotions become too deeply entrenched in a relationship, logic goes right out the window. Up until that point, though, I’m able to approach dating pragmatically.

After five weeks, I was still thinking logically with respect to JAG Man. I liked him enough that I was willing to let things between us simmer. I was able to envision us getting more serious as easily as I pictured us fizzling out so why push either option? It made more sense to let our relationship progress organically. Nonetheless, the logical side of my brain started forming a list of his pros and cons:

Pros:

JAG Man was so accomplished and motivated that he made me look like an underachiever. He stimulated my intellect and my ambition.

He was well rounded. He loved sports and was a New York Giants fan like me, frequented the Kennedy Center, went to church, and volunteered with numerous charities.

He was a great kisser and got me off with his hands on the first try.

Cons:

On a light week, JAG Man worked 90 hours. (He was up for partner at his firm and had to do the time.) To compound the situation, his alumni association activities took about 20 hours a week. With that kind of schedule, there just wasn’t much time left for anyone or anything else.

He claimed that he wanted marriage and kids, and that he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship. (Think you need to have one to get the other, right?) My friend, Z, is a social worker, and she asked if JAG Man has intimacy issues. She speculated that the reason that JAG Man works so hard and takes on so many extra projects so that he doesn’t have the time to form emotional attachments to people. She might be on to something!

I wasn’t sure if he was a selfish lover or not. We had yet to have sex (thankfully), but when we messed around, he didn’t respect me on one occasion and didn’t finish the job on another. Not the best track record, to say the least!

So…my cost-benefit analysis was in the back of my head as I went outside to meet JAG Man on Monday night. The night before over the phone, I had told him that I needed more face time with him, and ‘lo and behold, he was offering me just that! Maybe there was some potential here? [Visualize scales tipping slightly in his favor.]

I walked downstairs and saw JAG Man standing outside in one of his impeccably tailored suits. I sighed, thinking of yet another, completely superficial quality that I liked about him: he’s really handsome!

We kissed hello and stayed outside talking for 45 minutes. A work call came in, and he answered it, writing notes with one hand as his other hand rubbed my back. I felt content.

Me: I’m really glad that you called me.

JAG Man: Well, I sensed from our conversation last night that I needed to see you soon. I wish that my job had more traditional hours, but I’m going to try to make more time for you.

Me: Thanks! That means a lot. I like you, JAG Man, and I’d like to keep getting to know you better. But, this is me. [Draw an imaginary door with my index fingers.] And, this is you. [Draw another imaginary door with my fingers.] And, this is me to you. [Pretend to knock on his door several times.] And, my arm is starting to get tired.

JAG Man: [He smiles.] Got it!

Me: [I smile back at him.] Good!

We talked a bit about the case on which he was working before he went back upstairs to his office. I felt like we had made some progress. There was enough that I liked about JAG Man that I wanted to see if our casual dating would lead to anything more serious.

With an open mind and a big smile, I headed back to my apartment.

Where would this go next? Tune in tomorrow…