August 2009

Despite the fact that JAG Man clearly didn’t understand how to deal with a multi-orgasmic girl like me, I wanted to give him (us?) a chance. JAG Man was great on paper, and we had so much in common. Our potential seemed to outweigh the negatives thus far.

I started to rethink my plan to ride things out, though, when JAG Man reverted back to his old pattern. After he came over, we e-mailed. Then we texted. And then, we e-mailed some more. But, I didn’t see him in person for another week.

In his e-mails, he alluded to spending more time with me when his schedule lightened up. That just didn’t seem realistic, though, as he had work trips or alumni association conferences 10 out of 14 upcoming weekends. The odds of him having time to spend with me just weren’t in my favor!

JAG Man’s e-mails were often lengthy diatribes with thought-provoking questions. Six weeks ago, I found his e-mails to be entertaining, but now, I just stared at my computer screen.

He had 15 minutes to write me a lengthy e-mail, but he couldn’t just meet me for a coffee downstairs? We would text some nights for hours, but he couldn’t spare a few minutes to say hi as he was leaving the office? What’s the use of home-field advantage if you never use it?

I liked JAG Man enough to want to get to know him better, but not like this. I had dated guys for their potential before (*cough* Baseball Boy *cough*), and I’d much rather be single than do that again.

On the last Sunday in August, JAG Man kept texting me. After another weekend that had come and gone without seeing him, I was done! (To clarify, I wasn’t mad or sad about the fact that I hadn’t seen him in ten days. But, I didn’t want to invest any more energy on a guy who clearly didn’t have the time for a relationship.)

I tend to call a spade a spade so I texted him back that he could call me if he wanted, but I wasn’t up for another night of text messaging. My phone rang in 30 minutes.

We caught up for a bit about our weekends, and then I just said what was on my mind,

“I appreciate how much you have on your plate with work and your other commitments, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me that you’ll send me a long e-mail rather than meet me downstairs to say hi or grab a coffee. I realize that your schedule isn’t your own, but if you want to keep hanging out with me, then you need to make some effort.”

He replied, “I want to spend more time with you, but my schedule is so crazy right now. When my day is over, I just want to get out of Foggy Bottom as quickly as I can. And, during the day, I try not to take any breaks so I can get home before 9pm. I used to go out for lunches in the neighborhood with friends, but I stopped doing that after I realized that I spent the entire meal on my Berry, rather than relaxing. It would be unfair to you if I asked you out during the workday and then ignored you.

If I just popped in on you, it would be the same thing. I couldn’t disconnect from work enough to focus on you. I’m sorry. I don’t want my schedule to be so hectic, and I’ll plan a date for us when things calm down a bit.”

Hmm…I had never thought about it from his perspective since I always viewed our close proximity as a good thing. We talked a bit more about how we understood the other’s point of view, and I felt better about the situation. As we said goodnight, he told me that he would make more of an effort, yet in the back of my head, I still wondered. Would it be enough?

The following evening, I had just finished dinner when a text came in from JAG Man:

Taking a break from a filing. Care to meet downstairs in 10 minutes?

Huh. Maybe the boy was finally stepping up?!? I got up from my couch to freshen up.

To be continued…