09.11.09
I’m a Sex Blogger
Last night, I attended the DC Twestival. It was a gathering of the DC community on Twitter to benefit Miriam’s Kitchen, an organization that provides meals and comprehensive case management services to DC’s homeless residents. The Twestival was a huge success, raising enough funds in three hours to purchase 1/5 of the meals for Miriam’s Kitchen in an entire calendar year. Twitter + activism + a $20 donation + the hard work of the organizers and sponsors = proof that social media can make a difference!
I joined Twitter a couple of months ago, after reading a post on WordPress.com that a Twitter account would lead to more hits on my blog. Sure enough, within a week of registering, I started to receive 30-40 more hits a day. I also like that Twitter provides another outlet for communicating with my friends and readers. I’m far from a Tweet-aholic, but I enjoy the site more than I thought I would.
My Twitter account — much like my blog — is done anonymously. I am City Girl with the same photo of the back of my head. I’m still hesitant about revealing my true identity, though. The legal community in DC is by and large very conservative. I don’t care to let government officials or other attorneys know what happens when I take off my Tahari suit since that would negatively impact their opinion of me professionally.
So, last night’s event was a first for me. I introduced myself to quite a few people using both my real first name and my blog link. When people asked what I blogged about, I said:
Relationships and Sex.
The response was overwhelmingly positive, and comments like the following made me smile:
Angie Goff: Oh! Like Sarah Jessica Parker. [Angie is a media personality with WUSA9, and a beautiful and sweet woman who gives much of her time to charities. If you don’t know her already, I’m betting that you will soon – no matter where in the US you live.]
Ike: Wow! You’re a sex blogger. Usually people who write about sex aren’t that attractive so you are a rarity. [Ike, you made me blush.]
Blogger Extraordinaire: I’m not surprised that you’ve been getting a good amount of traffic. Women who blog about sex will get a following. But, you can tell through your writing that your posts are real. That’s not always the case. [Thanks! You are the blogging master, though. I’m like Daniel to your Mr. Miyagi.]
I left the event with a smile on my face, as well as the realization that I’m a sex blogger. If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you probably are looking at your computer screen with a “Duh!” expression on your face. You might be thinking:
C’mon, City Girl, you’ve written online instruction manuals for a variety of sexual activities. You’ve talked about having sex in explicit detail with your ex-boyfriends. Of course you are a sex blogger!
Okay, I get it. The Twestival was just a unique experience for me since I was in a room with people, giving them my cards with my blog information. I wasn’t Attorney City Girl or Perpetual Student City Girl anymore. I was Sex Blogger City Girl. That’s new for me.
I’m also trying to figure out the dating scene if people know about my blog. I started blogging after I broke up with Lawyer Boy late last year. I also took some time away from guys to get over that relationship before getting back into the dating game. In the past several months, I’ve gone out on dates with a few guys, but haven’t shared my blog link with any of them.
Last night, though, was different. I met someone with whom I instantly felt a spark. I know enough about him to know that I want to know more – whether as friends or more than that. When I first introduced myself to him, I gave him my card. So, he has a dossier of my relationship past at his fingertips. That’s a bit scary to me for several reasons:
I’m 36. I clearly have a past. Anyone I’m going to date will have one, too. But, to see it all there in black and white on the computer might be too much for a new (or potentially new) guy in my life. I don’t want to know the intimate details about anyone I date either. But, if it was available to me at the click of a button, curiosity would get the best of me and I would click away.
There is also still a double standard with respect to sex and the sexes. Men might want their women to be sexy and have a naughty side, but how naughty is too naughty? Will I be judged by a guy for even having a blog with these types of posts? If he’s okay with it, will I have to keep my link to myself when we’re out or will he ask me not to blog about him at all?
I am reminded of that line from Usher’s song, “Yeah,” that says how he “wants a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed.” I’d like to think that I’m a lady on the street, but does the mere existence of my blog and my penchant for double entendres change that?
I was an avid Sex and the City fan (not too shocking, I know). But, Carrie Bradshaw could just tell guys she met that she had a column in the newspaper or was a sexual anthropologist, and the men accepted those facts. There was never an issue or storyline about a guy’s discomfort with what she did or his concern over whether she would write about him. I think that works for a fictional television show, but will that work in the real world?
I have a feeling Dr. Ruth never had to deal with this. What’s a sex blogger to do? Comments encouraged :).
imerika said,
September 11, 2009 at 7:26 pm
wow thats a toughie. no one in my real life knows that i have a blog for the very reason that i don’t want to be judged by what i write. since your career is on the conservative side, as well, it could really lead to damaging stuff. (im thinking of that orange county assemblyman and the videotape thats been all over the news–big story to me since i live in orange county).
personally, i feel like your treading on dangerous territory. Once your real name starts to be associated with your blog, it’s very easy for someone who may want to get some dirt on you. But then again, I don’t know if you’re willing to forgo your career to become the next real “Carrie Bradshaw” : )
citygirlblogs said,
September 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Good points, Erika! I’m trying to figure this all out, but I have a feeling that 2010 will be an interesting one for me professionally (whether via the law, a PhD or my blog).
PS You made me smile about being the next real “Carrie Bradshaw” – if only! If that happens, I am flying you out to DC to celebrate =)! xoxo
Scotus said,
September 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm
As a guy: Yes, I’d be uncomfortable with my girlfriend’s sexual escapades on the Internet for all to see, and yes, I’d be uncomfortable being added to those escapades. Obviously, some guys wouldn’t care. But I think most would. And even if I had the restraint not to look, I doubt the same could be said for my friends, family, co-workers, etc.
It seems to me that you need to make a choice between remaining anonymous or outing yourself as a blogger who discusses her sex life in great detail. (And I say this as an anonymous blogger who’s struggled with this issue. Well, the coming out part. Not the sex life discussion part.) Once you start putting yourself out there by attending blogger events or sharing your URL, you’re giving up control over your privacy, and can’t reasonably complain if/when it comes back to haunt you. So I don’t really see this “one foot in, one foot out” approach working. But if you can somehow pull it off, more power to you.
citygirlblogs said,
September 12, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Scotus! You’ve given me some food for thought. I’m not sure if I can be partly anonymous and partly out as a sex blogger. Hoping there’s a way, though…
Phil said,
September 14, 2009 at 1:16 am
Is “Ike” the guy? You admitted he made you blush!
citygirlblogs said,
September 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Ike is a fine man and amazing marketing and PR guy. And, yes, he did make me blush. But, he’s not the guy ;).
jpf said,
September 14, 2009 at 4:03 pm
yo City Girl… :-)
My 2 cents are in sync with what others have posted. I would say be careful about the decision to “out” yourself. There are a lot of judgmental people in the world and you certainly don’t want your personal life to negatively impact your professional. Also, as a guy…..it would be a bit strange to date someone who is so public about intimate experiences. It would cause me some hesitation to date someone knowing that our escapades could end up in the public domain. But that’s just me.
I think ultimately, you’ll have to decide one way or the other. Either you’re anonymous or not.
One foot in and one foot out « City Girl's Blog said,
September 15, 2009 at 7:56 pm
[...] the DC Twestival last week, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I don’t know if I can be a selectively-anonymous sex blogger, but I’m going to try. The majority of my friends on Facebook have known about my blog since its [...]
loveismyalterego said,
September 23, 2009 at 9:14 am
I was just thinking about whether I would continue to blog anonymously. I’m not really a sex blogger, I don’t really talk about all of my adventures but I still question whether I want people to know about my blog. So, I understand your hesitancy.
On another note, I love your blog. You are honest and witty and I think that for those people who “know” you, they should consider themselves honored that you invited them into this aspect of your life. :)
And another door opens « City Girl's Blog said,
November 9, 2009 at 11:58 am
[...] decided that I would go to the Twestival as City Girl, thereby choosing to out myself to people as a relationship and sex blogger for the first time. I thought I would build a little blog buzz, contribute money to a great cause, and make it home by [...]
And another door opens – Part II « City Girl's Blog said,
November 10, 2009 at 5:12 pm
[...] I walked around Midtown Loft during the DC Twestival, mixing and mingling as City Girl, Relationship and Sex Blogger. I met a few more people, but wanted to get back to my conversation with Buckeyes [...]
A great first date « City Girl's Blog said,
December 1, 2009 at 3:29 pm
[...] sat down at my laptop to write a blog post about how it felt to selectively come out to people as a relationship and sex blogger for the first [...]
Sex can be a pickle (and Flying Fox review) « City Girl's Blog said,
December 12, 2009 at 10:57 am
[...] part of me felt like I let myself and you all down. I’m a sex blogger after all! If I have chemistry with someone, I should and we should be great in bed every single [...]
Trouble brewing « City Girl's Blog said,
February 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm
[...] be, as long as the girl knew that we were together. We’re adults. You even said after you read my blog post after we met that we all have pasts. If you and I are solid as a couple, then what do I care if you hang out [...]