Month: July 2009

The perfect guy…almost

Google revealed that Safeway Guy was married. But, what if the bio that I had found online was out-of-date? He and I had such an amazing connection when we first met that I wondered (or was it hoped?) if he was single — or at least separated.

I wanted to find out so I decided to meet Safeway Guy for coffee yesterday as planned. I tried to remind myself that even if he was off the dating market, he was definitely a great professional contact.

I met him for coffee in the complex where I live and he works (at least until his company moves offices at the end of the week). He had said that it was okay if I brought my dog so I did. Safeway Guy and I had a perfect coffee date, but if he's married, was it a date?

He insisted on paying and getting me a little something to eat in case I was hungry. He was wonderful with my very shy rescue dog. It was so easy to talk to Safeway Guy about my thesis and former clients since he works in a related field. And, he confided in me about a delicate professional matter with which he was dealing. If we could have stayed at the coffee shop all day, we probably would have!

I kept waiting for him to bring up something about his family, but he didn't. I guess I can't blame him, but he was so seemingly perfect that I found myself hoping that the bio I had found online was wrong.

As we walked back to his office, he mentioned that he wished his offices weren't moving because he loves Foggy Bottom. The only bright size to the move is that his commute will be shorter from his home in Potomac.

"So, do you live with your family in Potomac?" I inquired, trying to be smooth.

"Yeah…I need to go to the bank. Do you want to walk up that way with me? I don't think they will allow your dog to come inside," he commented.

Wow! He dodged that question like it was a bullet! We hugged and kissed on the cheek goodbye, as he booked it into the bank. I guess he answered the question…sort of. But, I had hoped for a definitive,

"Yes, I live with my wife and two kids in Potomac. She and I are happily married, and you and I can be professional contacts or platonic friends, but that's it."

I continued walking with my dog, arriving back to my apartment 20 minutes later. In that short time, Safeway Guy had already sent me an e-mail! In the e-mail, he wrote that seeing me was the best part of his hectic day and that he looks forward to taking me out for a more relaxed lunch. And, if I'm being honest with myself, I'm looking forward to having lunch with him, too. Throughout the afternoon, we sent each other several more e-mails before his Internet service was disconnected.

A part of me wanted to believe that Safeway Guy wasn't still with his wife since he didn't fully answer my question. He and I aren't friends on Facebook, but he has a profile. The bio that I had found online the day before noted his wife's first name. I scrolled through his friends' list and found his wife's profile. Her profile pic features a photograph of their smiling family. So, I have my answer.

Am I tempting fate just by being friends with him? Is the fact that we have so much in common personally and professionally an asset as we try to build a friendship or just too risky? Is it possible to have a healthy friendship with a married guy?

Next time, I'm going to Trader Joe's. Shopping there is much less complicated.

Google to the Rescue!

Yesterday afternoon, I headed to the nearest Safeway to pick up some goodies for my Housewarming Party on Saturday. My cart was loaded up with cases of soda, water, juice and fixings for sangria. And, when I say, "loaded," I mean that all of my items barely fit in the cart.

As I was trying to steer the heavy cart to the checkout line, a handsome Latino in a beautiful dress shirt and tie exclaimed,

"Wow! You must be really thirsty!"

I laughed and replied, "I'm stocking up for a party."

He got in line behind me, and we chatted about my party. I wasn't thinking of him in a flirtatious way, especially since I had just come from the pool and was wearing yoga shorts and a t-shirt. But, he was really cute!

I said goodbye and walked out of the store. Two minutes later, he saw me in front of the grocery store, switching items from my shopping cart to one of those travel/laundry carts.

"Can I help you with that?" Safeway Guy asked.

"I'm fine. Thanks, though," I responded with a smile.

He came around the gate to where I was with the carts and insisted on helping me transfer things from one cart to the other. Almost 30 minutes later, we were still outside talking. You know when you instantly connect with someone? That was how I felt with Safeway Guy.

We work in similar fields. We speak the same languages. Neither of us drinks alcohol by choice. His family is from a country near the place about which I'm writing my esoteric thesis. We both have dogs and prefer soy milk to whole or skim. Oh, and did I mention how cute he is?

For the past four months, he has worked a block away from my apartment building, but we had never met. Our paths finally crossed yesterday, and much to my dismay, his company is moving offices on Friday to Friendship Heights (several miles uptown). Safeway Guy gave me his card, and suggested that I e-mail him that afternoon before the move interrupts his Internet service.

As we said goodbye, he asked if I needed any more help and wondered if I had people who could help me the rest of the way up to my place.

"Like minions? Yeah, that would be nice. I'll start looking for an assistant for thesis writing and errands," I joked.

"You should get some minions," Safeway Guy insisted. "I'll apply for one of the positions."

We smiled and finally parted. Shortly after I got upstairs, I e-mailed him, and he wrote right back. He commented that,

"I'm so sorry I'm moving now that there is such a wonderful potential friend in the near vicinity. Not often one connects with another so quickly and on so many levels."

I blushed when I read those words and was excited that he felt the same way that I did! Safeway Guy said that I could call him at work today or that we could get together for lunch after the move. I sent him back a second e-mail, and mentioned grabbing coffee today if he had time for a break in the midst of the move. He did, and we made plans for this morning. I could tell that I was looking forward to it by the size of my smile as I read his e-mail confirming the time and place.

I knew a bit about his company, but wanted to know more so I used Google to my advantage. Sure enough, I found a lot about how successful he was and all the great work that his organization did. But, as I scrolled through one of his biographies as a conference presenter, I saw the following:

"Safeway Guy lives with his wife and two kids in Potomac."

I am so not going down this road again.

Did I go out for coffee with him today or cancel our plans?

Nice, but not too nice = just right!

In the fall of 2004, I figured that I should start dipping my toes back in the dating pool to see what was out there. At that time, I was looking for someone with whom I could have a "normal" relationship. I wanted a lot of great sex (obviously), but also some love and companionship.

I went back on eHarmony's website, and a guy named Austin caught my eye. He was two years younger than me, 6'1", black, good looking and well-rounded. We e-mailed for a couple of weeks before scheduling a lunch date at the old Cafe Asia on 19th Street. We exchanged phone numbers in case something came up at the last minute. The day before our lunch, my phone rang.

"Hi, this is Austin. How are you?" he said.

"Good, thanks. Is there a problem with lunch tomorrow?"

"Umm…no," he replied hesitantly. "I was just calling to talk."

"Well, I'm in the middle of something right now. Is it okay if we just meet tomorrow as planned?"

"Yeah. Sure. I'm sorry to have bothered you," Austin commented.

"No worries. See you tomorrow!"

I didn't mean to be rude, but I'm a big believer in chemistry. Much like a dude, I know within five minutes of meeting a guy whether I'm interested in him or not. The eHarmony website already did some of the basic compatibility matching for us. The chemistry part would either be there…or it wouldn't. I didn't care to have a whole lot of conversation before that.

When I walked into Cafe Asia, Austin was already seated at a table. He was cuter than his photo (bonus!) and had a great smile. We hugged hello, and he said,

"Wow! I'm glad that you hugged me because I didn't know what to expect after you didn't want to speak with me on the phone yesterday. I was hoping that you would be as nice and cool as you seemed on your profile."

I laughed and told him that I'm better in person. Weekday lunch dates can be awkward, but this one wasn't. Austin was a really good guy who liked sports and music and was very protective of his three little sisters. It was easy to talk to him, and nice that he was a total gentleman, paying for lunch, even when I offered to split the bill.

Normally, guys who are too nice annoy me, but Austin was kind without being a wuss or overly complimentary. He didn't seem interested in fast-tracking things with me (no talk of marriage or children on the first date), and he was genuine. Before the date ended, he asked if he could see me the following week, and I said that would be great.

The following week, I had a minor surgical procedure scheduled. Austin suggested bringing dinner and a movie over the night before the procedure so I would have some company and not sit at home by myself worrying. His caring and initiative won huge points!

He came over, and it was very easy to have him in my condo. He wasn't intimidated by my place, and asked a fair amount of questions about my friends and my parents. Simply put, Austin made me smile…and want to get to know him better.

As we watched the movie, he held my hand and ran his fingers through my hair. When the movie ended, he gave me a big hug and a small kiss, and told me that he hoped that everything went well at the hospital.

I had wanted a kinder and gentler guy in my life. I had found him! All my needs were met, and I slept soundly before the procedure.

Did Austin have staying power?